Posted by Amanda on March 20, 1999, at 12:07:17
In reply to Suicide Act as a DESPERATE Call for Help, posted by cait on March 19, 1999, at 21:26:04
> I have read all of the posts to one person's call for help. I have cried out for help so many times--but my calls in the 1970s were in the form of slitting my wrists, overdosing on street drug (resulted in 2-wk coma), overdosing on valium (stomach pumped) and finally--almost 20-years later-- sitting in my kitchen for HOURS holding my revolver. What stopped me that time? Guilt.
>
> So, yes, getting through a day, then a week, a month, a year CAN give one strength to push aside the Darkness. Yet I know in my heart that if I don't find "MY CURE" I will again enter that Dark Place.
>
> Who out there will try to help me? I cannot go for inpatient treatment, I am addicted to both a stimulant and lorazepam, and I am responsible for the fulltime care of my brain damaged parent.
>
> I am afraid this time around because I HAVE to be the 'caregiver.' But, who cares for me?
Cait, listen to me, all my life has been one damn struggle after another, and on top of it I'm afflicted with panic disorder and depression. I've been down the road you seem to have, and continue to travel down. Many times I lost all hope and have done some pretty fucked up shit to myself. Thinking that I was only hurting myself and not taking into acount the feelings of my loved ones. Being "better" now, and thinking with a clearer head, I realize that killing myself would be the most selfish thing I could do. I would be absolutly DEVISTATED if one of my family members or one of the few people I love killed or hurt themselves----ESPECIALLY because I know the horror of what it's like to go though life without hope, and feeling that the only way to stop the hurting is to stop living. I've been though the masochistic cycle of abusing myself, (I'll spare you the details). I really don't have the answer for you, and I can garuntee you that the only person that can stop the hurting is you. By posting that thread, I know that's a call for help. I think it's a fucking disgrace that this land we life in can't, or won't provide the essential care that people like ourselves NEED. I think it was very wise of you to call for help this way. I came to a point in my life when I was responsible for the well being of other people too, and I did it. It actually gave me a feeling of self worth, and that's where it's at. You need to realize that every human life has worth, ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN LIFE. I'm not forcing my belives on you, but I can promise that I will pray for you, and if you need someone, I'll be here. You can talk to me. Until next time, please take care of yourself. You can do this.
Amanda
poster:Amanda
thread:3845
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/3860.html