Posted by mary on April 17, 1999, at 16:53:35
In reply to Re: Anxiety vs Dissociation - mary, posted by Elaine on April 14, 1999, at 23:25:12
hi Elaine,
I only experience the attacks/depersonalization when
I'm either in the midst of a depressive episode or on
the brink of having one. I don't experience general
anxiety, so I only use the klonopin when I need to.
For me, I see the depersonalization as a symptom of
bipolar disorder. I don't separate the two. If I start
"disconnecting" I know something is not right with me
and I need to figure it out before it takes over.
As for "professional explanations", I've been dealing
with this for over 10 years- my whole adult life,
(I was diagnosed/hospitalized at 17 and I'm 28 now),
and if there's one thing I've realized, it's that even
with great doctors that specialize in the field, there
comes a point where it's basically a crap shoot for
them. They can offer definitions, classifications- theory.
Don't get me wrong, I am not down on doctors. I
probably wouldn't be here if not for doctors. BUT,
ultimately, that which I truly KNOW about this illness
I have learned from my body. It took a long time
for me to get to this point where I trust what my body
is telling me over what a doctor or book is telling me.
In other words, I'm over trying to fit myself into
some bipolar box- what type, what sub-type, typical,
atypical, seasonal, major- WHATEVER. It's all bullsh*t
to me bcuz I NEVER fit exactly into any one box and then
I'd find myself obsessing over "what exactly am I?".
Wow, I didn't mean to go off like this- anyway...
I'll tell you where I'm at now. I take 800mg of
carbamazapine before bed. It works great for me.
Definitely better than lithium- and NO weight gain.
My biggest problem by far is dealing with the "anger"
you mentioned in your post- especially the week before
I get my period. I get like PSYCHOTIC pms now. My doctor
had me try a very mild dose of prozac (10mg. daily or
every other day) and it DID lessen it, but it
simultaneously aggravated some other things so I
decided to stop it. I'm still trying to figure this
one out. It seems to have really become intolerable
since I had a baby a year ago. Which reminds me- I
seem to be more prone to depersonalize during pms,
but since I am now aware of this, I don't freak out
about it bcuz I know that I'm not getting sick "for real".
I just take the K. if I need to and wait for it to pass.
I also had some scary times right after I had the baby
which for me is just more evidence of a hormonal
connection.
Anyway- didn't mean to talk your eyes off. Just got
on a roll. I don't know if any of this rambling can
help you in any way. I hope so.
-Mary
poster:mary
thread:4377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990401/msgs/4992.html