Posted by DL on January 17, 1999, at 22:59:05
In reply to Response to Toby, posted by DL on January 11, 1999, at 21:06:30
Please don't linger on the posts arguing about your gender and intentions. I for one don't mind that you have chosen not to share personal aspects. The best of all worlds would of course to be able to access your skills as a professional in the non-cyber world. But outside of that I will take whatever you graciously offer to me. I don't think you will disagree when I say that I have not met up with the optimum in mental health care--and I didn't even know why I was so frustrated since I had nothing to compare to. Because of you I have been able to sleep for the last 2 months, and the frantic, crazy anxiety has melted. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted the way I was. The years had worn me down to the quick. The MD was charging for visits but not really doing anything--and he had given up long ago on trying to figure out what might help. Just " here, fill this prescription for klonopin and see me in 3 months"----
For all I know I could be in a much better place than I am now. I remember studying Maslow's levels (I think it was him). I have finally accomplished the survival level (which I think was the lowest). But I want to feel what it is like to really live--and your ideas: EMDR, cog-beh therapy, Cylert or similar, even the possibility a while back of sub-clinical thyroid issues, and I haven't forgotten Buspar. I remember all your suggestions. I just have no one to listen and work with me.
I for one want to thank you for being here. You have helped to give me hope and some direction--all the time with a caring and professional mannor. You also are not afraid to include non-drug ideas. I only wish I had a way to implement most of your suggestions.
THANKS FOR GIVING OF YOUR TIME AND KNOWLEDGE!!
And, please warn me if you decide to stop. You have been a guiding path for me--if you suddenly disappear it would be a shock to my system. You will never know how many times I have been in an awful place inside--and found your posting waiting to pull me back up. Once on a Sat. when I started Remeron, I was afraid of its effects and also dealing with some scary things at home. I was very lost. Even though I knew you didn't post on Saturdays, I had no where else to go so I checked, and you were there! That was what I needed to pull by self back.---Sorry for going on like this.
Questions:
1. Why is it so terribly hard for me to set up this EMDR/cog thing? Writing the letters was not hard, talking when they called wasn't so terribly bad, but for me to call and decide and set up an appt is unbelievable hard for me! I now have an insurance # finally. It was like pulling teeth, but on Friday I forced myself to call one office to set up an appt. And, they were out because of the snow and ice storm! Not in till Tue. Then I have to call from work and that's even harder. Why Why Why??2. This weight thing is driving me crazy and I hate my self for it. I look in the mirror dispise myself. I have found that some of the eating is a way to keep myself alert. I have more trouble later in the day and look for something cruncy or strong flavored. But I seem to gain the weight out of proportion to the intake also. If you think the Cylert of Fastin (?) would work, what are some persuasive arguements I can use?
3. I also notice that now that I don't have someone yelling and throwing things and I have a safe peaceful place to come home to, a kind of inertia takes over me when I don't have to go to work. I can do nothing for long periods of time--I even can spend hours in a large store just wandering -trying to decide about some small purchase. I don't have the energy or will power to do the things I should be doing. Along with the decrease in anxiety I am finding that I am not rushing around getting things done. I find it hard to get out of bed unless I have to. And, as I think about it now, I have been spending most of my non-work time by myself--at my quiet apartment. All of this is scary to me. What is your take on this?
I feel like I am becoming a blob sitting on a log. Almost like I am hibernating for the winter--
Sorry for this dragged out mess....Perhaps when you have a chance you can put all your ideas for me in one post and I can print it out and use it as a guide when I talk to the cog guys. Perhaps they can suggest a good MD to switch to....
poster:DL
thread:2037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990101/msgs/2473.html