Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 911346

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therapy issues again

Posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 14:19:16

hi there,

i had a dream last night that i destroyed my therapists office. i called her to tell her about it she said she understands lots is going on and that we can talk about it more when i see her.

at the same time, a few friends of mine have commented that after 2 years of 3x per week therapy with this woman, i am not any better than i was before it started and in fact that i seem much more aggressive.

im not sure. i thought it was working and i thought i was feeling better. and when i had that dream, the amount of rage that came up scared the ever living crap out of me. i woke up and almost went to the ER bec. i thought i was having a heart attack.

so i tell my friends this story and they all say "see, this therapist is making you worse." and i tell the therapist and she tells me she understands.

i dont know who to trust or what to do. everytime i go for a consult, i get get told that it sounds like my therapist is very good.

im baffled here.

 

Re: therapy issues again deerock

Posted by fleeting flutterby on August 10, 2009, at 15:11:50

In reply to therapy issues again, posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 14:19:16

> hi there,
>
> i had a dream last night that i destroyed my therapists office. i called her to tell her about it she said she understands lots is going on and that we can talk about it more when i see her.<<

---flutterby: yikes, that does sound upsetting... maybe you can explore why you are so angry, what is it about seeing this therapist that makes you upset?

>
> at the same time, a few friends of mine have commented that after 2 years of 3x per week therapy with this woman, i am not any better than i was before it started and in fact that i seem much more aggressive.
>
> im not sure. i thought it was working and i thought i was feeling better. and when i had that dream, the amount of rage that came up scared the ever living crap out of me. i woke up and almost went to the ER bec. i thought i was having a heart attack.
>
> so i tell my friends this story and they all say "see, this therapist is making you worse." and i tell the therapist and she tells me she understands.
>
> i dont know who to trust or what to do. everytime i go for a consult, i get get told that it sounds like my therapist is very good.
>
> im baffled here.<<

---flutterby: maybe taking a step outside yourself-- looking how the rest of your life is going.... you could ask yourself-- are you coping better with things, like your home, your job(if applicable), your family/relationships and such..... have the reasons you started therapy gone away or gotten better? If you had goals-- have you reached them or find them reachable?
I think therapy is a very individual path and each person goes through the process in their own way.
I can sure understand your confusion-- I go back and forth myself, as to whether therapy is truly helpful for me or not......(It took me over 3 years before this one, to figure I was with the wrong therapist-- now this current one I'm with is much better but I'm still not totally sure of it all......)

best to you,

flutterby-mandy

 

Re: therapy issues again fleeting flutterby

Posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 15:12:48

In reply to Re: therapy issues again deerock, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 10, 2009, at 15:11:50

how did you figure out you were with the wrong therapist?

 

Re: therapy issues again fleeting flutterby

Posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 15:13:09

In reply to Re: therapy issues again deerock, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 10, 2009, at 15:11:50

how did you figure out you were with the wrong therapist?

and thanks for your respond btw :) i appreciate it.

 

Re: therapy issues again deerock

Posted by antigua3 on August 10, 2009, at 18:41:02

In reply to therapy issues again, posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 14:19:16

Now, I would say that's an excellent dream and it should give you a lot to work on with your therapist. You seem to have a great deal of anger, and it's great you were able to express it in your dream. It may be misdirected at your T, but that may mean you feel safe enough with her to express that anger.

Just a thought.

And about your friends--sometimes it has to get a lot worse before it gets better. As it was already said, everyone's therapy is different--the pace, the intensity, dependency issues, etc. are all different and you are doing what is best for you, so try not to let your friends get in the way. Look inside yourself and ask those questions that flutterby suggested. You are the only one who can answer them.

Good luck,
antigua

 

Re: therapy issues again

Posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 10:05:54

In reply to Re: therapy issues again fleeting flutterby, posted by deerock on August 10, 2009, at 15:13:09

> how did you figure out you were with the wrong therapist?
>
> and thanks for your respond btw :) i appreciate it.

----flutterby: You are welcome. :o)

As to how I figured out that that T. was wrong for me....... it was a long process..... and one that, keep in mind, is quite individual.(IMO)
Now-- even though some of this may be what you're experiencing, that doens't mean your T. is wrong for you. My feelings of anger grew and grew, I found myself expressing in my head over and over how much I hated him.(the therapist) My self-esteem was going even lower than it already was, after some time in therapy. I felt I was less able to cope with things than I could before I started seeing him and yet I wasn't given any coping strategies - like I am now with this current therapist. I was just encouraged to talk about my feelings and the past but wasn't given coping skills and ways to change my old disruptive thinking modes. I felt confused and lost most of the time. I now realize I was needing to learn new ways of thinking(other than "everyone/thing is against me") and functional coping skills(other than just fleeing every time I felt nervous). I'm slowly learning things now and can notice the difference.... not to say I don't have some setbacks *sigh*... like at the moment I've been struggling horribly.... but I think some of my "flashbacks" don't disruptive my life as long of a duration as they used to.... some anyway..... I still am way far from where I'd like to be but I can finally feel some progress.

anyway-- I feel for your frustrations. it's so so hard to know what is best for ourselves sometimes.... when we have been in such mental chaos for so long.... it's very difficult.
I think, if you can, a look deep inside your "head" might be of some help, asking yourself-- "Is this really helping me", "am I getting out of this things I will look back on in 5 years and be thankful for, such things that will make my life better?"

and you can always keep posting here, we're here and will help/support whenever we can.

best to you,
flutterby-mandy

 

Re: therapy issues again

Posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 10:12:12

In reply to Re: therapy issues again, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 10:05:54

i understand what youre saying. im not sure if that is what is happening to me.

did your T, at the time, side with you, saying it was time to leave? or did the T try to encourage you to stay?

also,my main concern, this issue of hating the T, has come and gone for 14 months now. its not like its been a few weeks or a few months. thats what makes me think its a real issue. but i really dont know.
additionally, the T tells me that she recommends i not leave but its my decision. so i try to override the desire to leave.

 

Re: therapy issues again deerock

Posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 11:11:18

In reply to Re: therapy issues again, posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 10:12:12

> did your T, at the time, side with you, saying it was time to leave? or did the T try to encourage you to stay?<<

----flutterby: One time I told him it was difficult to be there and that I feel like leaving-- to which he said-- "then leave" so, I did, after only being there for 10 minutes.... but he always used the term - "resistance" to my not feeling right about this particular therapy. He tried to talk me into staying all the time. but I had to finally make a change as I felt there was just too much chaos/angst in my head.

I have yet to feel this "angst" with my current T., and what a relief it is!


>
> also,my main concern, this issue of hating the T, has come and gone for 14 months now.<<

---flutterby: I was like that. A few weeks would be good and I'd think--"why was I questioning and hating him?"... then back the hate would come and the confusion.... yuk... so uncomfortable-- was like this for over 2 years.

> additionally, the T tells me that she recommends i not leave but its my decision. so i try to override the desire to leave.<<

---flutterby: oh boy do I feel for you-- it's such a tough place to be in. I think most T.s will try and convince a client to not leave(mine did) coz they truly do want to help-- but some, even with all the best efforts, just aren't the right fit. It doesn't mean they aren't good T.s, they're just not right for that particular person- at that particular time.

---- I have a side thought here..... this may not be your case, just thought I'd share.... I have issues with men and I realized that having a male T. was more disruptive at this time for me.(even though I did have a female T. years ago, for a short time, that I also ended up quitting with as I got defensive with her too) ... having issues with males though and then having a stoic, stern male therapist just furthered some of my struggles. It just wasn't the right time for me to see a male. Maybe in time, with this current T., I would be able to see a male T. and get healing out of it, but for now there is just too much mental chaos in me to get much good out of that. does that make sense? could this be partly it for you too, but with a female?

Im not trying to talk you out of going to her-- just trying to help you to have things to think about. If you feel she is helping you then it might be good to stick out this "anger" mode and maybe she can help you get beyond it and see what's on the other side.

anyway-- wishing you the best in figuring this all out-- it's difficult, I so understand.

flutterby-mandy

 

Re: therapy issues again

Posted by emilyp on August 11, 2009, at 12:41:00

In reply to Re: therapy issues again, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 10:05:54

Just out of curiosity, what kind of therapist were you seeing - were you seeing someone who practices cognitive behavioral therapy? I ask because your comments about needing coping skills and how to think differently would indicate that CBT was needed more than anything. Yet if you were seeing someone who takes a different approach it is understandable that you would be frustrated. Part of the success/failure of therapy depends on patients knowing what they need and identifying the right type of therapist.

 

Re: therapy issues again emilyp

Posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 12:49:20

In reply to Re: therapy issues again, posted by emilyp on August 11, 2009, at 12:41:00

you make a good point. i dont think you were asking me. but i will answer anyhow. lol.

my therapist is psychodynamic and psychanalytical and she is actually in training now to be a psychoanlyst.

how does a patient know what kind of therapy they need? i know what CBT is. i know what analysis is. and analysis seems to be making me flip my lid. and CBT seems like its something i can do for myself. maybe im wrong on that one.

perhaps analysis is in fact making me more confused and i need something more straight forward, like CBT.

 

Re: therapy issues again)) Deerock

Posted by emilyp on August 11, 2009, at 12:59:27

In reply to Re: therapy issues again emilyp, posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 12:49:20

You are right - I was responding to Fleeting Flutterby, but I appreciate your response. I guess I would disagree with you - yes, it might seem like CBT is something you can do on your own. At the same time, I think it is a lot harder than most people think. If it was so easy, wouldn't most people have coping skills? And therapists have developed processes and approaches to help ensure success. I don't think they are so easy to replicate. More broadly, I believe patients of any kind need to think about what they want to get out of therapy before they just start seeing a therapist. Now there are times when you start seeing a therapist and over time, it is determined that something else is needed - like CBT. But to the degree possible, patients need to think about this before entering into therapy.

 

Re: therapy issues again)) Deerock emilyp

Posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 13:05:19

In reply to Re: therapy issues again)) Deerock, posted by emilyp on August 11, 2009, at 12:59:27

yeah. i hear what youre saying. its interesting.
i asked my current analyst many times to provide me with structure. she would say if a referral to a CBT therapist is necessary, we can decide that.

but therapists, it seems, from my experience, rarely let a client go, unless the client is clearly suffering from the type of therapy.

i am the one that needs to decide if i need cbt. and given that i have become dependent on her, i feel like i cant make that decision. and i rely on her to make it. and she wont make it. so i end up in this loop. and i end up becoming enraged.

so from what youre saying the goal of CBT is coping skills. whats the goal of analysis?

and what kind of therapy is the best place to work out trust and intimacy issues?

 

Re: therapy issues again antigua3

Posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 13:58:19

In reply to Re: therapy issues again deerock, posted by antigua3 on August 10, 2009, at 18:41:02

thanks antigua. we'll see how it goes.

 

Re: therapy issues again emilyp

Posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 14:14:30

In reply to Re: therapy issues again, posted by emilyp on August 11, 2009, at 12:41:00

> Just out of curiosity, what kind of therapist were you seeing - were you seeing someone who practices cognitive behavioral therapy?<<

---flutterby: Actually I had no idea there was different types of therapy until I started going... I had no idea what kind I needed... my mind was not anywhere near being able to figure that out- in the depths of my major depression and disorders-- I just wanted to die and figured that was not a good thing. Other people urged me to get into therapy, so I did.

>>I ask because your comments about needing coping skills and how to think differently would indicate that CBT was needed more than anything. Yet if you were seeing someone who takes a different approach it is understandable that you would be frustrated.<<

---flutterby: Exactly! I discovered I was in psychodynamic or psychoanalytical.. not sure which, but yea it was NOT the right fit for me. Was so so frustrated, confused and triggered!! argh!! (anxiety overload and angst!!) I learned I hadn't good coping skills and so many cognitive distortions. I didn't know this before I started therapy, I had no idea, I just knew I wasn't functioning well. How can one know what they need in such detail if they've not ever been around "therapy" or that subject at all? it's like saying-- do you prefer sweet/sour chicken or chicken chow mein-- when you've never had Chinese food before-- how could one know which they prefer?? It's a learning process- in the process. (IMO)

>>Part of the success/failure of therapy depends on patients knowing what they need and identifying the right type of therapist.<<

----flutterby: now I think I know what I need, but in the beginning, I was such a mess I hadn't any clue and was hoping and counting on the therapist to know what I needed..... which I now see is not possible since they can't be in my head.

thanks for conversing emily..... and Deerock, hope you can figure out what works best for you. I'm cheering for you!

flutterby-mandy

 

Re: therapy issues again fleeting flutterby

Posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 14:26:46

In reply to Re: therapy issues again emilyp, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 11, 2009, at 14:14:30

thanks!!! ill keep ya posted.

 

Re: therapy issues again deerock

Posted by emilyp on August 12, 2009, at 20:26:17

In reply to Re: therapy issues again)) Deerock emilyp, posted by deerock on August 11, 2009, at 13:05:19

CBT is mainly for trying to change patterns - both actions and thinking. The idea is that your brain automatically reacts to certain thinking. So, if you think a lot about your failures in life, it triggers certain emotions and actions, which are likely lead to a poor mood. CBT tries to change this almost automated feelings and actions. While it is not always easy to figure out why you may be depressed, if you think that you have consistent feelings or outlook in life are affecting you, then it is likely CBT is for you.

Analysis or more traditional therapy spends more time investigating your feelings and sometimes your past. It was looks a lot at relationships and how you interact with others. It helps to understand where your feelings originate; it can help to understand your hot buttons - what things in your life just push you toward depression.

Part of the problems (at least in my experience) is that even if you are successful in therapy and learning about what caused your depression/mood issues, it can be hard, on one's own, to learn how to change that automatic thinking. That is where CBT comes in - therapists that practice CBT help you learn how you to disconnect the feelings with certain actions.


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