![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 17:32:28
I did a couple classes over the weekend. Was a little surprised that I enjoyed it. I'm always the first person out of the sauna / hot pool. Always the first person to ask for the fan to be turned on / the air con to be turned up in and out of the gym. I don't think I sweated a great deal more than I usually do... Though I was perhaps flinging it around a little... It was kinda fun.
I do enjoy yoga. Depending on the teacher. If the teacher makes it about each person doing their own personal journey and making their own progress then things are fine. I liked how things were slower / there were more repetitions than standard group fitness classes. More time to explore each pose. It is good for my posture for me to find my length. I liked the breathing exercises at the start in particular... Lots of forward curving of the spine, too, which is actually good for me.
Tis expensive though, huh. I guess it costs a lot to heat the room (didn't seem outfitted with special insulation) and cleaning, too. And it is trendy right now, so...
I... I think ideally I would like to go to a place for a few times and then (just when people want to move things to the next level of sociality) go some place else. I don't quite get why... People refuse to allow me to be anonymous and just kinda do my thing in an anonymous way. Sigh. I suppose I could do this via introductory offers...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 17:39:13
In reply to Bikram / Hot Yoga, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 17:32:28
> I don't quite get why... People refuse to allow me to be anonymous and just kinda do my thing in an anonymous way. Sigh.
Though I am starting to get better with this.
I suppose it does depend a lot on who those people are. I did meet a cool bunch of people in this kickboxing / dancing / group fitness class once... It is just when people incessessently bitch moan and complain about how much they suck (when they don't work very hard / very regularly) and / or direct their envious hatred in my direction that they kill my buzz / I'd rather not be there.
Women can be...
People can be...
Why can't people just mind their business?
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
Things are better. Better for me. Most of the people I interact with these days don't have a default assumption that I'm an idiot. I guess because they don't typically deal with idiots. People listen a little more and go with pre-judgements a little less. Not entirely... But the bar has been raised.
Deep breaths, Alex.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 18:03:05
In reply to Re: Bikram / Hot Yoga, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 17:39:13
there are bits and peaces. thinking of motivational speeches. our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. no... our greatest fear is that if we express our power other people will feel envious and try and and kill us and we won't be powerful enough to stop them / swat them off.
if we shine we motivate others to shine too, if we hide we encourage them to do the same. no... if we shine we motivate others to turn their hatred on us. if we hide they won't notice us...
a lot of people... think they can sing. think they can dance. you've seen them. they go to try outs and they honestly think they are good. sometimes they lack the capacity to see greatness. they seem to lack the capacity to appreciate that others are much better than them. to take pleasure in that.
but then...when people go to the ballet or the opera... when people watch their favorite athletes... they usually enjoy the spectical. they aren't envious and pissy about their ability. but if those athletes or dancers or whatever were actually in their group fitness class... they would turn their hatred on them.
unless they stopped working on improving themself and they spent all their time basking in the popularity / trying to tell others what to do. of course.
if you want them to stay on the path you need to keep them the hell away.
why are people so disgusting?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 18:03:31
In reply to Re: Bikram / Hot Yoga, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 18:03:05
crabs crabs crabs in a bucket.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2013, at 23:21:57
In reply to Re: Bikram / Hot Yoga, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2013, at 18:03:31
i did keep on about it before. and now i'm in the city and there is bound to be some. bound to be at least a couple. so now might be the time. the time to stand up and do it.
i worry that i can't do it properly because i can't grip the ground properly because of my feet.
but wah wah wah one girl i know who does it trains with a guy who doesn't have any legs so there. and there goes my... excuse.
i have a bunch of money coming to me at the start of the year. perfect to spend that on things like this... setting up costs...
if i really am serious about medicine... they want to see... that i have a life. outside my study. i... currently don't. well... i like beer... but that isn't quite what they have in mind... i like the gym... but that sounds gay. powerlifting... olympic weightlifting... not many people understand... martial arts... people get that. i am afraid of standing balance (because i can't, really). i am afraid of throwing to the ground (because i tend to break). bjj is perfect... take-downs are considered to be advanced...
i need to fork out for a gi... because it is a lot like chess and the gi is important for leverage. unless i want to learn streetfighting mma... which, ur, i'll suck at... i'll look into it. or... maybe even boxing... something... something... yeah...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 6, 2013, at 23:38:37
In reply to Re: bjj, posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2013, at 23:21:57
finally.
this is it. where i'm living right now. this very room. this is my home. for the next however many years. and a very fine home it is, too. i mean... it is small, yes. but it is modern. clean. it gets the light in. it has a WICKED view. i mean, really. i got to see someone else's... i would have thought his view would be better with his aspect... maybe a little more sun, but not much. more harbour. no sky tower. i like the sky tower. it took him 3 years (just starting his masters this year) to work his way from the 3rd floor... the 7th floor... now (finally!) an upper level north facing. so... i feel a lot better about my lot in life. apparently the different floors do have different floor plans... the uppermost floors are full of 1 bedroom apartments at, like, 2x the price.
so it helped, meeting him. there is a freezer... i need to ask for a key. they just do that to cut down on theft. not many people use it, apparently. so... i'm getting handier with the microwave. can do rice... i'll get a lot better with the microwave. and i'll get a slow cooker, i think. maybe. i'll be okay. i have everything i need.
i went for a walk today. thought it might help to get into the spirit of writing. ended up at the medical campus. things are nearly dead right now. i did some writing. it did help to get out. i need to remember that. old study habits die hard (i used to smoke like a train and so needed to put myself somewhere convenient to pack up / leave my stuff for smoke breaks. i... i'm still learning to work after quitting smoking, i think.
did a little. i WILL do it. of course. i damned well want to get my PhD!!! damn well do!!! it is the only difference... i have invested a lot... also... well... keep coming back to how things will work out okay if i work okay. but everything turns to sh*t when i don't. when i bail. i need to finish this.
walked through the domain. big park. really nice walk, actually. really big park in the city. nice. there is a museum there. i will take a look one day.
i need to... get out with my laptop and work somewhere where there is social facilitation. i think that is it. when i'm not getting things done at home anyway. the city is nice. my room is nice... but there is heaps of stuff outside my room that is even nicer.
i see why people like this city. i am happy someone put the university in the city. between two parks. between the art gallery and the museum. between 2 very cool upmarket suburbs on either side (pretty as a picture). life is good.
:-)
a little too hot... but i guess that is what the pool is for. i feel... a lot of gratitude today.
conference starts tomorrow evening... hopefully it will help me get into work... i suspect it will. need to try and not be too much of a drunken lout. sigh. it is hard for me :-/
Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2013, at 17:29:07
In reply to i woke up. finally., posted by alexandra_k on December 6, 2013, at 23:38:37
intense. and only been to two sessions. packed full of people... some familiar faces but lots that aren't. i'm finding it really very full on indeed.
smoking really was a social answer for me. carved out a smaller subset of people and marked them as friends. i didn't have to do the stuff of walking around from this group to that group. trying to mingle. paying attention to tone of voice and trying not to be too intense. or getting trapped talking to intense dude about kant... etc etc. stuff that i... don't do well.
(stuff that i have never practiced)
but it is okay. among friends. mostly.
writing. oh yes i am. really into the swing of it now and we are away. i feel the sense of urgency. time pressure. every hour is precious. this is what conference reminds me of. undergrad studies are like that too - with a schedule. a timetable. this week will be very full on indeed... and it will give me momentum. a sense of community. that will last me through the summer. that will get me through for the next few months. making better acquaintance with the people who are based here, too. they are friendly faces. i think i need to actually get into the department more often. write a bit in the tea room etc. for the community...
supervisor ended up cancelling. and junior colleague. i wonder what is up... i suppose... in a way... it is a good thing for me. just finish up what i've got as best i can. now is not the time for new ideas for me. just finish up. i have the momentum of progressing the plot even though the sections might be a bit rough saying what i've got to then moving along... need to send a draft...
the autistic thing is hard... coming to terms... i think the last couple years have changed me. for the worst. but maybe i'm just more self-aware than i was before. i never was a particularly happy camper. always remember... masses of social anxiety preventing me from doing most things, actually. so... things are somewhat improved. anyway... forage some lunch and see if i can get in half an hour of writing before the next session...
life is good.
i am grateful.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2013, at 18:12:38
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2013, at 17:29:07
ahaha about no more new ideas.
yesterday i spent the day at PhD students talks. which was nice. good to support the graduate students. etc. see that... i should have finished already. some nice talks, though. nice projects.
today is phil bio day and intense... two really wonderful talks. one a new p-doc working with my supervisor. it was a lovely talk. all the more lovely because she is starting out working on his stuff... seeing how she is learning stuff... working it out... then a really nice talk from a bio-chemist. damn. looking forward to next year indeed. the evolution of... metabolic processes. f*ck, yeah.
women... when i first arrived there were the 'bio boys'. but now we seem to have the 'bio girls'. funny ha. i have very mixed feelings about this 'women in philosophy' kind of movement thing that means a lot to some women... perhaps because i don't like the idea of other people defining who i am as a woman etc...
but it is cool to have female role models, yeah.
and... there is more...
i'm starting to see that lots of people (inside philosophy, outside philosophy) well... you need to get yourself way from them. protect yourself somehow. i see that lots of people are scathing about my supervisor for this and that... mostly that he does this 'in group, out group' thing. that he does. but i'm coming to understand why he does it. he surrounds himself with friends. who are productive. who care about advancing knowledge (rather than appearing clever) and who come through on their promises to deliver work (which ensures funding / the continual success of the ongoing enterprise). he... is a good leader for his group. and if you want in... you just have to... persist. and try. and show him that you want it and will work.
it is soul destroying listening to people bitch and moan about why some people get jobs and others don't (publications and persistence) about about how it is all about 'who you know' (reputation to those with reputation) etc etc etc. how some environments are 'competitive' (either care about the work and do it or f*ck off)... people don't seem to get what it is about. hell... i feel i didn't for the longest time, either... but i did eventually work it out. i think. and i see how it is soul destroying to hang about with people who don't get it. and i see that you do have some sort of obligation as a post-doc (to help herd the phd students through) but that your obligation to do that should surely lessen the more senior you are (when you are instead chasing up mid-level professors for their work for your journal or book collection, for instance).
and i see... i just have to be rude and cut people off to get away... so i can go learn from that interesting person over there who actually knows what they are talking about... and so on... the social thing is hard for me, yeah. it is too easy to find yourself surrounded by people who will happily waste your time... so very much harder to to find yourself surrounded by people who are helpful to you... i need to get my thesis done. and see about getting to philosophy of science conferences... i need to produce. to try, at least. people will help me. i need to... get people sending me their drafts again... quid pro quo clarisse...
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 10, 2013, at 1:24:27
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2013, at 18:12:38
> quid pro quo clarisse...
lol
Posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 15:43:55
In reply to Re: damn, posted by Dr. Bob on December 10, 2013, at 1:24:27
:-)
The conference went really well. On the last day I learned about work a couple philosophy people are doing in NZ. One of them employed somewhere over in the medical school working on improving root cause analysis by importing some tools from philosophy of science to get more useful causes. Another of them collaborating with economists etc to develop a predictive tool for child abuse... He's working out some of the ethical implications (legal background, too) for a certain amount of false positive interventions etc. They are thinking something like... To try and get a person in there to check things are alright... To maybe talk to the kids. Stuff like that. I think it is great. Might have made a huge difference to someone like me.
They are going to give me a desk in the department - which will be great. I need to have a go at developing healthier work habits. Working on bed isn't ideal for my sleep hygine etc. I will try and develop routine. They said... It is good for the department to have me around. So... That is great. I do care about philosophy. I have also tried a lot this conference to think more positively while continuing on (what I take to be) something in the tradition of my supervisor. I mean... I think he is onto a lot when he practically makes us attend all papers in our field. That is important. But I think it helps people a lot when you talk regretfully about opportunity cost and show respect for the theorists / areas they are working on. The women are more supportive... It is nice to hear that people enjoyed the talk or that they thought you gave a nice paper etc. Doesn't take much time to get that out there - and makes a huge difference (see! I can be social!) Anyway... Positive... Is important.
Met someone who is just starting out her PhD something in ethics. Pediatric nurse background. Really nice lady. I wasn't sure what was up but turns out... She is really well connected with things... In the sense... She knows a guy who does medical aid work in Vanuatu (with an anesthetist). A little bit of checking / discussion... I think that expired medications are better than no medications at all. And that licensing etc well... Treatment or no treatment? I mean... I get why some operations would harm more than help. Patients interests... Anyway... She said he was always looking for volunteers. Not part of a formal organization. Not operating out of a hospital or anything like that. And I was a little surprised... Pre-med kids? 'One thing on their minds' apparently... 3 weeks...
I have looked into it a little more... I see... Living conditions are variable. Of course they look out for their precious children volunteers. Med students too. Which can be more trouble / harm than it is worth, depending... I guess the idea is to try and minimize their inevitable trauma / culture shock so they are more likely to return down the track. And... I've come to learn how it can be tricky to get people capable of following simple instructions. And... I can. And I'm a fast learner about some things. And I would rather try and come up to speed with a small team than hand out tins of food or whatever with a bunch of do-good-y 18 year olds on their first OE outside the affluent suburb of Ponsonby (or whatever). I... Will look into it a bit more and see. I guess my biggest concern in the whole thing is my need for personal space. I don't know if I could have anything like a lockable room. Long work hours of course, I'd understand that. Things would be different because I wouldn't be trying to read / write / work on my thesis. I think... I think I would like to try this. And then I'll have a better idea whether medicine is something I want to do. Whether I can develop the stomach for things. And so on.
Vanuatu... Really low levels of education. Seems like there are a bunch of languages but everyone speaks something that is a bit of a pidgeon english / french with mostly english words. so... not much chatting. Which could help, really, becuase I think my main problem before was that I assumed they understood because they seemed to have English. And then you have these massive cruise ships come on in full of tourists for luxury resorts... And you have these locals... Subsistence fishing and a little farming. Maleria. Damn. I really don't know much of anything at all about the pacific islands. Except that it makes sense that you yell at each other all the time since you can't have visual contact with the thick vegetation. I think... I would like to do this. If I get things moving... Maybe I could go next summer? I need to see how much it will cost etc etc... I think I would like to go when the tourists aren't there... Only... I don't suppose that matters. Go when I can. Hopefully... I'll get to go back.
I see we aren't allowed to do placements in the pacific islands. I see why now. Great place to practice clinical skills... Not a great place to become enculturated into the western medical community. I see. I don't suppose the drug reps are over there handing out their free lunches.
I had my initial appointment with the new mental health people. A doc, a training p-doc, a nurse. It went really well. Lady doc. Sounded a bit welsh. Nice. They will have an inter-disciplinary team meeting and email me. They were just like 'okay, yeah' when I asked them to please email me and that I wasn't so good with phone. So that was nice. They listened... I felt heard, anyway. Pretty exhausted after the conference... But things seemed to go pretty well, yeah. I... Well, I just realized... That I felt like she heard me. And that is a big deal, yeah. She asked about the jumping thing, too. And I got the chance to think about it properly and I did jump, yeah. But there was a serious miscommunication about my being discharged so ubruptly. I... Hope I'm better at communicating now. Anyway. I tried to be even handed. I'm not angry. Even though root cause analysis under any system seems to have no room for incompetent people... I don't think it was about that... I think it was more that the doc was in a hurry and out by the end of the morning to give more time to arrange beds for the afternoon... Anyway... Unless there is a pattern of such incidents involving him (and to be fair I don't suppose that is a job for root cause analysis to find?) it probably is a systemic issue that could more effectively be prevented in future by altering aspects of the discharge process. Especially since my mate Howard actually did kill himself (as he said he would) after he got discharged back to a house that (he discovered on day leave) had been nearly wrecked by vandals.
There is autism research being done around here... It seems to be nice in the sense of being... More respectful of difference. Rather than 'deficit we will fix'. There seem to be a few interesting people, too. Consumers, I mean. High functioning. There are social groups.. Maybe I'll look into it a little at some point. I was asked about my plans for next year etc. They didn't laugh. They did ask if I was sure I wanted to be a doc. I said I'd just found out about the pacific island thing and was thinking on it... I said I probably would be autism-screened out. That that must have gone wrong with the Otago interview. She said something about... Well... What I'm taking now is that I wasn't exactly honest with Otago. I... Didn't know how to tell them I was thinking Orthopedic Surgeon (thought they would laugh I guess and I didn't want to talk about my feet injuries in case they asked how they happened and I didn't want to lie). Anyway... I guess it is obvious I wouldn't make a good GP or psychiatrist (they were fairly taken aback at my talking about better internet access as a solution to rural mental health). Anyway... Maybe it was about fit. And they didn't think I was a good one.
We had a fire drill. I managed to get myself down 13 flights of stairs no trouble. Must have taken a good 5 minutes trying to talk myself out of the need to though, heh. Carpets getting cleaned... I'm settling into the space okay. I do like my privacy but... Unwinding. Decompressing. I think I'm not too obsessively weird or anything about it and that I'll come right. I mean... I appreciate the notice on people entering the property... But, well, that is why there are laws about that to protect the tenants.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 16:13:25
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 15:43:55
alarms. help you focus. because they prevent the thought-interrupting devices (people yapping). most people freeze / startle. (unless they panic and reactively flight). the person who initiates decisive action is probably worth following / paying attention to.
i think this is a wonderful case of things going right. of technology and our purposes coming into alignment.
i find alarms to be... peaceful. a calm part of me wakes up. i can think.
pain does a similar thing. pushing through heavy squats focuses the mind, rather. over-tiredness... i think one can learn. i need to better utilize / manage myself... objectively i function best when i feel subjectively a little sleep deprived. i... need a way of better pinpointing the degree of sleep deprivation (aka how many hours of sleep is best for me). i get lost in the subjectivity. sigh. oversleep feel depression / sluggish as a base...
gym today. didn't go this week. longest time since... i first joined, like, 5 years ago. endorphins yeah!
couple hours work this afternoon... and i'd like a walk through the domain early evening... life is good, yeah.
my supervisor didn't come to conference because he is sick, apparently. hasn't been in the department, either. i... can't ever remember him not coming into the department because he was sick. of missing anything. of being sick.
it just occurred to me last night: maybe he is seriously sick. like. dead or something. really sick. ouch. i am worried... i... please don't die. not yet.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 19:39:09
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 16:13:25
i said something about how things didn't work out for me on the north shore because they didn't really listen to what i had to say...
that this might be different somehow.
then i garbled on for a bit.
i think the issue is that they didn't really listen to what i had to say about what it was that i needed. and i didn't have the power to get what i needed. i was dependent on them to look out for me how they thought best. like how they kept trying to arrange me to be around people i would interact with whereas what i kept trying to tell them was that i needed a refuge from interaction.
another part of the issue was that i didn't really have anything to say to them. because i wasn't trying to help them. i was paying rent for accommodation and i wanted to... live my life. i just wanted a quiet place to do my thesis.
if they paid me to tutor them... hell... it isn't even about the money. if they viewed me / saw me *as* a tutor. so... my voice wasn't just another yappy voice in the general yap of mostly ignorant opinion and nonsense about (sort of about) how one was able to study etc... that was again what i meant by 'nobody would listen to me'. like how i was saying about how just one corner of a place on the whole freaking property that was set aside for silence. how *anybody* could use it so long as they used it for silent activity... this was supposed to be too f*ck*ng hard.
i'm going to catch up with someone i used to live with... i feel more connected to her than the others. because she is more introverted / sensitive. calm. i went for a walk with her a couple times. on one occasion she showed me where she went for quiet. i will walk with her through the domain. she is wonderfully artistic. painting. but also amazing with weaving flax and all kinds of things. and she spent a bit of time in australia...
she could have used the quiet space for her.
sigh.
i have just remembered the book "Heart of Darkness" . Studied it my first year of uni, even. didn't much like it at the time... don't think i finished it, actually, which was rare for me. In this last batch of grading someone worked on an argument about power corrupting and absolute power corrupting absolutely... i need to think on this. what is important. saying 'f*ck' (and not 'f*ck you' but more like 'f*ck*ng yeah!' offended and upset the people over on the north shore health campus). my supervisor used to upset people by saying he thought they were working on stuff that was a f*ck*ng waste of time etc etc etc. i think sometimes people missed that if you asked him WHY he thought that... he had pretty good ideas actually about participating in a social project instead of doing... well... what i did for a while there. uh. go off and be a bit autistic all by youself. i guess. work on some problem nobody around you is working on. don't connect and contribute to the work of others.
i see... i am moving into the next phase of life. or something like that. starting... starting to be able to see the judgements / comments of others aren't personal so much as their sort of crying out for help with reframing. i remember that... needing that... sigh. yesterday i was walking home and someone was standing on the street... this indian (guess) girl was walking a few paces ahead of me. the person standing on the street... our eyes connected and she lost it. went ranting (apparently at me) how 'you should f*ck*ng go home to where you came from!'. i just kept walking. didn't think until i was nearly home... i should have said 'but i like auckland much more than hamilton - where are you from?'. i was feeling too guilty for my current place. because... she was probably homeless... i see...
i see how grades pale compared to actual clinical skills... i see that there are only so many hours in the day...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 19:55:50
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 19:39:09
i always wondered 'why am i here'? 'why did i have to have been born'? 'why does it hurt so much / why it is like anything at all to be me'? type questions.
'where did we (us, people or even all the living things or even the natural world more generally or the whole universe) come from'?
never occurred to me.
which makes it harder (perhaps) to connect with science.
but now i'm thinking... different people... how people look after people (or fail to). needs of people. thinking stuff like this.
and neuroscience will only get us so far. what is f*ck*ng strikingly amazing is how people can be born with sort of half a brain or really not very much brain at all... and what is f*ck*ng strikingly amazing is just how f*ck*ng normal they grow up to be.
and genetics will only get us so far. what is f*ck*ng strikingly amazing is how little genetic difference there is between me, say, and a lettuce. or a chimp. and genetic differences between people... anyway you like to group them... well... for a lot of intents and purposes of explanation people are more similar to people than important differences.
but then consider cultural variation. from subsistence fishing communities to IT specialists. from the cistene chapel to cave paintings. from ballet to narrative dances. all the viable different life-ways. if i grew up in that community i'd be... well...
maybe what upsets me about people yapping is how they yap about what brand of clothes they like most or where to get their hair cut... walking around ponsonby the other day... small children and dogs... dressing up and stepping out... feels like an alien lifeway for me. i guess because... it is. my childhood was not like theirs. i... am not like that. something upsets me about the tourist ships. i suspect it is because it brings scavangers (it makes begging on the periphery a viable lifeway). which brings...
maybe what the problem is is thinking that one lifeway is better than another. or losing focus on what is important for people. or... i don't know.
i never thought of nz as being a particularly rich country. but now i see. maybe... all this 'wastage' in the health system. ur... maybe that is required for things to get to leak... i don't know.
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 14, 2013, at 1:38:33
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 13, 2013, at 15:43:55
> (they were fairly taken aback at my talking about better internet access as a solution to rural mental health).
It might just be that you're ahead of the curve. :-)
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 2:31:31
In reply to Re: damn, posted by Dr. Bob on December 14, 2013, at 1:38:33
haha. well, i was behind you. seriously, though, i couldn't believe the problems i had trying to get the people over on the north shore to email me. and they all have email ffs. and phones capable of checking email etc etc etc so who knows what the f*ck*ng problem is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMACsi8j3us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qQZC19lOew
pinnacle... hierarchy... progress...
ah. this is what some maaori want. i see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtnLl1Jp0K0
the last one. honestly...
who is helping who, again?
i suppose... these are the kinds of places where pharma is looking for their next magic molecule to synthesise, too...
hmm...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 3:28:39
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 2:31:31
Posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 17:54:54
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 3:28:39
it really is so hard to truly believe that other lifeways aren't worse than our own. our way always just seems better... because it is our own.
what do you mean 'organized religion'? do the socio-cultural practices of societies without written language count?
i wonder about traditional medicine... medical anthropology... hrm...
this pinnacle / hierarchy idea is deeply entrenched. we used to think that humans were the pinnacle / peak of all the species. of course angels and god were above us. but humans were above all the other animals.
even post-darwin there was this idea of evolutionary progress. this idea that some species are more evolved than others. even in quite sophisticated accounts... seeing the eukaryote as being more 'advanced' or 'progressive' than the prokaryote. more 'complex'. ur... 'better'.
metabolism... flow of electrons... efficiency.
sober: it is possible for evolutionary processes to, by a successive progression of relative fitness increase, drive through a trait that is worse for the population. that is more metabolically costly. that could drive a population into exinction. e.g., increase in clutch size.
so behavioural economics, then?
ur... no...
systemic. maybe that is the thing. and to understand how things are related (like pharma, high cost meds / patients, wastage, donation, western / traditional medicine interaction, scientific discovery of new molecules, pharma investment) or whatever... understand dynamic process... (rather than 'freeze time! - now lets put little labels on things 'most adaptive!' 'dysfunctional!' 'member of x species' or whatever.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 16:57:31
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 14, 2013, at 17:54:54
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezjL5xPmsnc
well...
surely this wasn't what nz meant when they talked about the 'shortage of general practitioners in rural communities'?
i was thinking that what they had in mind was more the model of the traditional english gp. who lived in some rural town in nz. who played club rugby. etc.
this is more...
i don't suppose that little pieces of paper (how many degrees you have) makes a damn of difference. i mean... i don't suppose that accumulating little pieces of paper is particularly important to making a difference. i feel a lot better now about maybe not getting a place in medicine. oh well. so i don't have to deal with the social interaction of mostly 18 year old rich kids who want to be doctor for the kudos. oh, poor, deprived, me. of course it is probably this latter thing they are trying to select against... and it was more that image that i thought they would have been selecting for... who the f*ck knows. anyway... i see now... i have to try and do this, yeah. next summer, i think. because it is going to cost a lot in flights. and possibly accommodation... depending... i can save up some of the money i get at the start of the year... they do say stuff about how you don't need to book... the particular island... things are flexible. it might be more of a situation of taking one or two days out per week. having a shower and padlocking the door for a decompress...
things that are easy for other people are often hard for me. and... vice versa. i couldn't learn to take the sports kids blood pressure... but i'm sure i'll learn quick smart if it actually mattered for anything... i feel good about this. f*ck hobbies and martial arts... i won't go quite so far as to say 'hello crossfit' but i think i'll just do a more generalist thing...
what am i thinking? i suppose... the first visit... the idea is to learn about the way things are. not try and change things. maybe that is always the idea. try and let things affect me without being so traumatised so that i can't see / do the stuff that actually does help. that was what traumatised me most over on the north shore: people couldn't see my need / respond to it (leave me alone). for their own various hang-ups and reasons... figure out a niche. will take time. i guess that is why it is better to take money and be able to have more regular isolation. especially if the locals are yelling all over the island so there really is no such thing as privacy / peace and quiet...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 17:29:39
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 16:57:31
it is pretty smart to come with a little kid. especially as a guy. bet they don't teach that as part of the module on 'building rapport'
Posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 17:32:53
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 17:29:39
sorry - it is pretty smart to come with an obviously *contented* and *well looked after* little kid.
quid pro quo...
mutual benefit can be a happy alignment.
honey on the feet is pretty smart, too. you probably don't want to walk around with sticky feet, and even the ants know where you have been...
what intrinsic benefit does he get, i wonder?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 16, 2013, at 0:54:19
In reply to Re: damn, posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2013, at 17:32:53
ah. back to before... who is helping who again? connection with the things that are most important in life. refuge from all the f*ck*rs who are 'living the dream' still f*ck*d up. maybe if they exposed themselves to something...
not too much...
but something...
maybe that really is the answer.
maybe that was one of the things they tried to teach me in dbt - but that i never quite got. about thinking on those worse off... and feeling better about myself. i never got that. no... you have to do something. and not just something that makes me feel better but something that objectively helps.
not them. that would be disrespectful.
helps the world. helps the world be better. that is all any of us can ever do, really.
appropriate humility. ability to signal actual competence. recognition of dependence. puzzle pieces...
(i must be a philosopher... everything will align perfectly right before dementia and / or death)
This is the end of the thread.
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