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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on August 24, 2009, at 21:42:23
I think I have a societal affliction and it is called "wannanorexia". I wish I were anorexic thin. I wish I had the will and determination to starve myself, but I don't. You can't choose anorexia.
I am pretty healthy for the most part, but I wish I were extremely thin. I wish I could see my ribs and my spine. I wish I could see my hip bones.
I will try to starve myself but it never works. My body rebels and I start binging. I had a brief bout of bulimia and it was hell on earth. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. It was a total lack of control, just the opposite of what I wanted. I think I still have a lot of bulimic behaviours. I take diet pills, even nicotine gum, in order to try to lose weight. I find myself going to overseas pharmacies online to look up prescription strength diet pills. If I had speed, I would take it. I'm willing to sacrifice my health to lose weight.
I binge sometimes and I would get rid of the evidence. I hide my eating sometimes. The only difference is I don't purge anymore, thank goodness! If I did purge my binging would be much worse.
Why can't I just want to be normal healthy and average build like I am meant to be?
I have a fantasy of dying from anorexia, just dropping dead one day out of a heart attack. What is wrong with me? I am so confused. I thought I wanted to live to be 120.
Posted by Phil on August 25, 2009, at 7:19:56
In reply to Wannanorexia, posted by Deneb on August 24, 2009, at 21:42:23
Deneb, Look at Karen Carpenters last days and tell me that's what you want.
It was the saddest day in music to me.
Try to forget this line of thinking, OK?
Phil
Posted by Larry Hoover on August 25, 2009, at 9:38:38
In reply to Wannanorexia, posted by Deneb on August 24, 2009, at 21:42:23
I think that so long as you focus your thoughts on the outcome, you will continue to struggle. IMHO, your attention should be on the process.
When you get the thought, the drive to binge, what is it that you are really experiencing? What need is it that you are trying to meet?
Feeling guilty afterwards solves nothing, and probably feeds back to whatever it is that triggers you in the first place. You need to learn to self-observe in those critical moments when the behaviour is triggered. You need to identify the sequence of thoughts and feelings. They may happen rapidly, but there is a sequence involved, one that repeats with each event. Once you identify some key element in that sequence upon which to focus, you can learn to divert your energy into something else, other than bingeing.
The emotional map has led you to bingeing, but the map goes other places, too. You have a habit of going to one place. You can find other places you like better.
Lar
Posted by Phil on August 25, 2009, at 10:13:01
In reply to Re: Wannanorexia » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on August 25, 2009, at 9:38:38
Posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 10:14:40
In reply to Re: Wannanorexia » Deneb, posted by Phil on August 25, 2009, at 7:19:56
I will try Phil. Usually I am OK, it's just that lately I've gained weight, probably from sitting around at home all the time now that I am unemployed. I just sit around and eat a lot of ice cream. When I gain weight I start thinking unhealthy thoughts about losing weight as fast as I can.
I know that weight watchers is the way to go for me. Nothing has ever been sustainable for me except Weight Watchers. I know I wish I were 90 pounds but in reality that is totally not sustainable or maybe even attainable for me. Weight Watchers suggested the goal weight of about 115 for me. I should aim for that. I know it is attainable.
I read about people with anorexia losing their hair, having dry skin, bruises, achyness, insomnia etc. and that is not what I want. Sometimes I wish I had long QT syndrome so that one day I might drop dead of a heart arrythmia. I'm probably not going to see the doctor to get tests so I can keep up the fantasy of sudden death.
I will be OK. Pdoc will be back soon and I will talk to her about all this.
Thanks for your concern Phil.
Posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 10:19:52
In reply to Re: Wannanorexia » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on August 25, 2009, at 9:38:38
Thanks for your thoughts Larry. I know I have to focus on the process and not the goal.
I did really well on Weight Watchers. I should go to meetings again. I think I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am bored, upset, etc.
I will try to identify the sequence of thoughts.
Usually I am OK, it's just something triggers me. I will figure out what it is.
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2009, at 10:47:40
In reply to Re: Wannanorexia » Larry Hoover, posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 10:19:52
Deneb you recently posted a picture of a very beautiful young woman yourself. And you are be proud. Love Phillipa
Posted by Angela2 on August 26, 2009, at 13:41:38
In reply to Re: Wannanorexia » Phil, posted by Deneb on August 25, 2009, at 10:14:40
hey Deneb. The brain is a strange and interesting thing indeed. Although I don't have the desire to be anorexic, I get other bizarre thoughts that disturb me and I don't know why. I think it's really good and positive that you are aware of what is going on with yourself and that you are going to bring it up with your doctor.
This is the end of the thread.
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