Posted by Deneb on August 24, 2009, at 21:42:23
I think I have a societal affliction and it is called "wannanorexia". I wish I were anorexic thin. I wish I had the will and determination to starve myself, but I don't. You can't choose anorexia.
I am pretty healthy for the most part, but I wish I were extremely thin. I wish I could see my ribs and my spine. I wish I could see my hip bones.
I will try to starve myself but it never works. My body rebels and I start binging. I had a brief bout of bulimia and it was hell on earth. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. It was a total lack of control, just the opposite of what I wanted. I think I still have a lot of bulimic behaviours. I take diet pills, even nicotine gum, in order to try to lose weight. I find myself going to overseas pharmacies online to look up prescription strength diet pills. If I had speed, I would take it. I'm willing to sacrifice my health to lose weight.
I binge sometimes and I would get rid of the evidence. I hide my eating sometimes. The only difference is I don't purge anymore, thank goodness! If I did purge my binging would be much worse.
Why can't I just want to be normal healthy and average build like I am meant to be?
I have a fantasy of dying from anorexia, just dropping dead one day out of a heart attack. What is wrong with me? I am so confused. I thought I wanted to live to be 120.
poster:Deneb
thread:913924
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090802/msgs/913924.html