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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on August 1, 2009, at 13:55:45
Hugs for you Dr. Bob!
((((((((((((((Dr. Bob)))))))))))))))
I luv you.
You're the best. So comfy. You're the comfy feeling in me.
Take care of yourself!
Love you!
Sigh :-) ((((((((Dr. Bob))))))))
Posted by Deneb on August 3, 2009, at 16:31:29
In reply to Dr. Bob (trigger for Glydin), posted by Deneb on August 1, 2009, at 13:55:45
Dr. Bob, I miss you. I miss you a lot. I wish you would post on Babble and Twitter everyday. I wish you would chat with us every week. I am selfish in wanting this though. It's probably not good for you to post here everyday. You're probably busy. I just miss you when you're not around. I love seeing you here. It makes me smile.
I love you. I hope you're happy and well. You looked happy and well in SF. ((((((Dr. Bob)))))))
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 3, 2009, at 17:54:57
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob (trigger for Glydin), posted by Deneb on August 3, 2009, at 16:31:29
I wish personal messages for Dr. Bob would be done via email, bmail or elsewhere off this community.
Posted by Glydin 00 on August 4, 2009, at 8:42:35
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob (trigger for Glydin), posted by Deneb on August 3, 2009, at 16:31:29
Posts of this type are and have been difficult for me given the reasons I've already posted.
There is no further need to specifically name my posting name to a trigger. With no forthcoming change in posting behavior and no forthcoming change in the views of adm. about these posts, I am excercising my choice to no longer be a participant here. I cannot be here knowing these types of posts are part of the landscape. Knowing when to quit is not easy for me but necessary at this point.
I have appreciated being able to voice my feelings and thinking you did take the time to read my posts about this situation...
I wish for you wellness and stablity in your future.
Posted by Deneb on August 4, 2009, at 14:41:17
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob (trigger for Glydin) » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 4, 2009, at 8:42:35
Glydin, I don't understand why you have to leave. You can just avoid my posts if they trigger you.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 4, 2009, at 16:15:21
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob (trigger) » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 3, 2009, at 17:54:57
Posted by Phil on August 4, 2009, at 16:46:26
In reply to I AGREE WITH GLYDIN (nm), posted by BayLeaf on August 4, 2009, at 16:15:21
Posted by Deneb on August 4, 2009, at 17:51:16
In reply to Glydin » Glydin 00, posted by Deneb on August 4, 2009, at 14:41:17
Maybe you guys don't realize how important Dr. Bob is in my life. I think about him everyday. I need to think about him to comfort myself. He is my coping mechanism.
Posted by Deneb on August 4, 2009, at 18:09:30
In reply to Maybe you guys don't realize, posted by Deneb on August 4, 2009, at 17:51:16
If Dr. Bob tells me it is OK to send him emails and he will read them, I will stop posting my love posts on Babble. I just need an outlet. It's just in the past I've sent Dr. Bob emails threatening suicide and now I am afraid of bothering him on email.
I already send him private Twitter messages once in a while, but Twitter is too short for what I need to say sometimes.
I don't want anyone to leave because of me. I am sad.
Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 4, 2009, at 18:18:48
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob (trigger) » Deneb, posted by Glydin 00 on August 3, 2009, at 17:54:57
> I wish personal messages for Dr. Bob would be done via email, bmail or elsewhere off this community.
Glydin
>I AGREE WITH GLYDIN
Bayleaf
>I AGREE WITH GLYDIN...DITTO.
Phil
Please be sensitive to the feelings of others and follow site guidelines by not pressuring them. Also, please use the Notification system if you wish to report posts that you believe violate the guidelines.
So far, the deputies have not commented on or made civility determinations on the idea/issue/suggestion brought to Dr. Bob's attention
in this post or in other places:http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/909254.html
This is because it was brought to Dr. Bob's attention about 1 week ago, and we understood he would address it personally. However, as he has been unable to do so as of yet, I am stepping in in a limited way. I feel disappointed to see additional posts agreeing that Deneb's posts on this topic ought not be here. Not because others don't have equal rights to their feelings, reactions or opinions, but because posting in this way is not in keeping with civility. I can imagine feeling hurt if several other Babblers posted that they wished some of my posts were not here. Particularly more than once. One request or comment might be one thing, but multiple times qualifies as pressuring, in my opinion.
Deneb has said she wishes to continue to post these posts. The posts are not accusing, put downs or insensitive. They are not negatively characterizing other posters or Dr. Bob. She is not violating any Babble guidelines whatsoever.
There have been and will be types of posting behavior on Babble that we each might wish we just didn't run across. We are all individuals with triggers, likes, dislikes, etc. But feeling annoyed, uncomfortable with or dislike toward various posting styles, types or habits does not necessarily make them uncivil. I ask all to please try to keep in mind we all have feelings, sensitivities and needs for different kinds of support and education.
Dr. Bob has seen many of Deneb's posts regarding her feelings toward him in the past and never posted anything indicating she should stop.
So, until such time as Dr. Bob reappears to state some sort of policy prohibiting it, I would really appreciate if posters would please not pressure Deneb to change her posting behavior.Thanks.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
-- 10derHeart, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Kath on August 4, 2009, at 18:35:48
In reply to Re: I AGREE WITH GLYDIN...DITTO (nm), posted by Phil on August 4, 2009, at 16:46:26
I'm always sorry to hear anyone deciding to leave.
Deneb, it seems to me that your needs regarding communicating to Dr. Bob could be met by email or Babblemail.That seems like it would be a win-win situation. I also don't feel really comfortable with posts to Dr. Bob that are obviously meant for HIM. There's no need for anyone else to read them. Since you're hearing some of us say that, I hope you'll consider contacting him in other ways than regular posts.
Hugs, Kath
Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 4, 2009, at 19:59:42
In reply to Thoughts, posted by Kath on August 4, 2009, at 18:35:48
> I also don't feel really comfortable with posts to Dr. Bob that are obviously meant for HIM. There's no need for anyone else to read them.
>I hope you'll consider contacting him in other ways than regular posts.Please don't pressure others. For more detail on this guideline, please see the warning I just posted to others in this thread. I am going to consider any further remarks directed at Deneb, suggesting, telling or recommending she not post in a certain way to Dr. Bob to be pressuring. I'm not assuming any intent to be mean or anything negative, but I firmly believe repeating this to Deneb, over and over, is an example of pressuring and could be, even unintentionally, hurtful and not sensitive to her feelings.
> Deneb, it seems to me that your needs regarding communicating to Dr. Bob could be met by email or Babblemail.
Could you imagine that maybe they can't, or at least that posting publicly allows a release that just won't feel the same if say, she were to send emails that Dr. Bob might likely never answer? Maybe there are benefits to others who do read them - in fact - and I can't recall who - but there was a poster who told Deneb s/he likes seeing these posts and that they they bring a smile.
I'm not sure any of us are really qualified to know how others' needs might be met. I don't mean to speak for Deneb, as I do know she has mentioned in another post here that, after she checks with Dr. Bob in the future, she'll consider private communications. But I'm wondering if it isn't possible posting about these feelings where others can comment, question, support (educate, in a way) could be immensely helpful. For me, for example, being able to freely post on the Psychology Board about with powerful feelings of every kind about my therapist means I don't have to feel alone or isolated with them. Not that this applies to Deneb, or is exactly same, but I do think there are other ways of looking at this.
Thanks.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
-- 10derHeart, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on August 4, 2009, at 22:54:04
In reply to Please follow site guidelines » Kath, posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 4, 2009, at 19:59:42
Whether or not it is against current or future guidelines to express a preference either to cease or to persist (in this case) is, of course, up to Bob.
Repeated expression of posters preferences (to cease, most notably) has sometimes led to changes in the posting rules. For instance, people repeatedly expressing that they would prefer it if Deneb not post her intention to harm herself led to an alteration in rules such that she was blocked for posting her intention to harm herself. Similarly, repeated expression of people preferring Lou to not post more than about three posts in a row led to an alteration in rules such that he was blocked for posting more than three in a row. I think something similar went on with respect to the `dark rider'.
I agree that we should be sensitive to the feelings of others... But I also agree that there should be freedom here to express ones personal preferences and that that can be immensely helpful. Trouble comes when preferences conflict. One thing is for sure: Bob's will will prevail lol. As always.
Posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 6:24:25
In reply to Please follow site guidelines»Glydin»Bayleaf»Phil, posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 4, 2009, at 18:18:48
It's not just about posters' selfish desires. It's about what's healthiest for Deneb....along the lines of (as alex suggested) trying to decrease other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
bay
Posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2009, at 7:32:55
In reply to Re: Please follow site guidelines » Deputy 10derHeart, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 6:24:25
> It's not just about posters' selfish desires. It's about what's healthiest for Deneb....along the lines of (as alex suggested) trying to decrease other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Well... I don't know that any of us have the authority to say what constitutes a `healthy' or `unhealthy' coping mechanism. I do know that what seems helpful to some can seem unhelpful to others and vice versa, however. I'm just waiting to see what God tells Bob (whether it be a yell from on high or a suggestion in a small clear voice). `Civility'TM is like that, you see.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2009, at 7:33:35
In reply to Re: Please follow site guidelines, posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2009, at 7:32:55
(That is, of course, what justifies a one year sanction)
Posted by 10derHeart on August 5, 2009, at 13:56:01
In reply to Re: Please follow site guidelines » Deputy 10derHeart, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 6:24:25
I hope I didn't say anything that gave the impression I think posters' desires are selfish - assuming "selfish" is seen as a negative thing. (I've learned there are several interpretations of that word.)
I certainly don't think that.
I have to believe people care about Deneb's needs *and* their own. However, I felt the posting behavior crossed over into pressuring, with 4 or 5 requests from at least 4 people on more than one board after she had said she wished to continue.
I am still having trouble seeing how civil and "innocent" (non-sexual, pressuring, demanding, etc.) so to speak, expressions of love for anyone, including Dr. Bob, are necessarily unhealthy behaviors. Maybe the discussion here will help:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/910342.html
Dinah said about every single thing I feel and believe - and as usual, said it so much better and clearer than I could have done. I realize others see things differently, though.
-- 10der
Posted by Kath on August 6, 2009, at 10:17:45
In reply to Dr. Bob (trigger for Glydin), posted by Deneb on August 1, 2009, at 13:55:45
I'm sorry if my post led to you feeling judged, pressured or any other uncomfortable or negative feelings.
That certainly wasn't my intent.
Kath
Posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 14:10:46
In reply to Deneb, posted by Kath on August 6, 2009, at 10:17:45
> I'm sorry if my post led to you feeling judged, pressured or any other uncomfortable or negative feelings.
>
> That certainly wasn't my intent.
>
> Kath
>I know Kath. ((((((((Kath))))))) You just wanted to help. :-)
Posted by Kath on August 6, 2009, at 18:34:02
In reply to Re: Deneb » Kath, posted by Deneb on August 6, 2009, at 14:10:46
(((((((you))))))
hugs back. :-)
I guess it's that old codependency kicking up its heels to fix everything up.
Take care, luv, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on August 6, 2009, at 21:16:22
In reply to I AGREE WITH GLYDIN (nm), posted by BayLeaf on August 4, 2009, at 16:15:21
I see no problem with you posting whatever you want to Bob.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on August 6, 2009, at 21:33:48
In reply to Re: Please follow site guidelines » Deputy 10derHeart, posted by BayLeaf on August 5, 2009, at 6:24:25
> It's not just about posters' selfish desires. It's about what's healthiest for Deneb....along the lines of (as alex suggested) trying to decrease other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
>
> bay
>
>Who are we, as fellow posters, to decide what is, or is not, healthiest for Deneb - or what are, or are not, unhealthy coping mechanisms? If she wants to post her eternal love for Bob, who are we to judge? Seriously, who feels that they are superior enough to pass judgment on others here? You want to offer advise? That's one thing. But to put down another poster for expressing themselves is not a positive way to help a person.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on August 7, 2009, at 20:19:03
In reply to Re: Please follow site guidelines » BayLeaf, posted by TexasChic on August 6, 2009, at 21:33:48
I still feel Deneb should have the right to post her feelings to Dr. Bob if she wants, but I shouldn't have put you down. That kind of defeats the purpose of my post.
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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