![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 16 to 40 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:32:23
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
Posted by fayeroe on April 27, 2008, at 7:44:33
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
we are on the same page.
GEO is a huge private prison in the US. i worked there.
the easiest and cheapest way for the US to handle prisoners is to lock them up and throw away the key.
at GEO, there is one small industry for the women.
the men have two major industries and they make around $9.00 an hour. the Chatleff workers have more food in their cells than i have at home!
the woman just eke by..but, that is an entirely different fight that i could have with the US.
there is an 80% recidivism rate for men and only 30% for women.
my brother was reared in the same home that i lived in. yet, he has gone the way of being a bully, steals, lies.......whatever will advance his personal cause. he is 73 and he is still blaming our parents..
i don't know, but your brother may have to have his own lightbulb moment before he decides to change. sometimes a small jail sentence does it. and if he's smoking crack, there will be jail time.
i'm gone all day (big date!!) and will be back this evening to talk.
please do some self-care and i'll be back around.
xoxoxo faye
Posted by karen_kay on April 27, 2008, at 7:47:54
In reply to My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:05:57
please take care of yourself sweetie. you won't be able to help him or support him if you're not doing your best, you know?
i'm here if you need me dear. and things will work out, they always do.
kk
Posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 10:43:20
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by karen_kay on April 27, 2008, at 7:47:54
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on April 27, 2008, at 10:43:30
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
> > i wouldn't want anything above pot legalized. i think that opens too many pathways for addiction.
> >
>
> Those pathways are already wide open. I just don't believe making something 'illegal' is the answer to everything.
>
> > talking to the offenders at GEO, most of the young ones are in on drug charges. some for the fourth or fifth time. it costs GEO $40,000 a year to house a prisoner. in the end, we pay for it. Texas Department of Corrections is a state/federal agency and tax money supports all of it.
>
> I don't know what GEO is, but if 40,000 a yr is spent on prisoners, why not spend that instead on rehab?
>
> > as far as i know, there is one volunteer out there who "teaches" anger management. and the offenders told me that he needs help himself. that he is of no use to them. they have to spend one hour listening to his rants. so....they are screwed in so many ways. and we pay and pay.
>
> That is unfortunate, but what if many more people were considered for this position? Maybe we would get somebody who would actually be helpful?
>
> > alot of them go in fairly naive and come out meaner than a junkyard dog. it is a jungle in there and so hard for anyone to keep to himself.
> long sigh.....we're screwed.
>
> Like I said we need to rehabilitate rather than imprison. We may be screwed at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't work to change things. I believe this can be done.
>
> -T
>
> P.S I hope I don't sound obstinant or anything, I may be a bit enthused about things at the moment. Don't mind me.TC, I think you are very much on the right track. What you are talking about is basic criminology theory in university. It seems some people want to make everything illegal, or anything that doesn't affect their nice little white picket fenced house and 2.4 kids. Meanwhile, little Johnny is playing "Kill 'Em All" on his video game machine, learning how easy it is to blow somebody's head off and not think twice about it. In fact, he gets triple score for doing it!
Cocaine users get slaps on the wrist, but crack users get long hauls in jails, which is just another example of class warfare, the rich trying to exterminate the poor...the 'undesirables'...heck even 'middle class' are targets now. The rich want it ALL..and they ain't letting anybody else get a piece of the pie. So, lock 'em up, or execute them, or better yet, send them to the military, where they can go and die for Bush's Oil money. Make them all take second and third jobs at Wal-Mart, where they can buy their new 'piece' and ammunition too! Hey, buy some guns for all the family members! And if that next-door punk Joey walks on MY lawn when I tell him not to, well I'll shoot him in the *ss and he won't be doin' that! (650,000 WILL go down on the STREETS of AMERICA with a bullet in the next 20 YEARS...bitter tears!!!..ya..)
I'm sorry TC....I will pray for your brother, but the system is so f*ck*d. It makes me angry....it makes me sick to my stomach. All of this "watch out for your own back" crap....not caring about anybody else.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:47:52
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:20:03
> I think I'm most nervous because my brother said he'd call me back tonight. His calls when he's in trouble always upset me. I think he may have been able to tell I was crying this time though.
*****((((((((((((((((you))))))))))
So sorry this has happened TC. I'm reading the whole 'thread' but wanted to comment on the above. I can relate - my son's calls when he's in trouble upset me also. You know, I don't think there's ANYthing wrong with him knowing you were crying.
I think it's important for them to know that - HEY - YES - they ARE upsetting people who love them when they let them know these things.I send my love & good wishes & will now read the other posts.
love, Kath
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:51:07
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:29:00
TC - I never thought about it like that before! Very interesting way of looking at it.
Kath
> I agree about pot users, as I smoke myself sometimes and consider it no better or worse than alcohol. I strongly feel no drug use should be 'illegal'. Offenses people commit while under the influence is a different story. But drug use itself should be treated with rehab, not prison. Our prison system is so flawed, it teaches criminals to be better & more dangerous criminals rather than rehabilitate them. Its nothing more than prohibition. Certain drugs are allowed, ie caffeine, nicotine, and others aren't. Its just so crazy to me. I often wonder how stupid future generations will consider us.
>
> -T
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:59:56
In reply to I might should add..., posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:52:26
Dear TC -
I think that when someone is using something as destructive as meth or cocaine, like Fayeroe said, it actually affects their 'morality'.
We cannot do ANYthing to help them think more clearly, I don't think. I guess if we pray, we can pray. Hopefully if they go to rehab, they might really look at themselves & decide what valules to keep & what ones don't work for them.
I think the negative changes really have to do with the drugs' effects on the person. I see a difference in my son when he is NOT using cocaine. Then when he's started using cocaine, he changes back again. Then when he stops, he changes yet again! So there IS hope of your brother changing back, once he's succeeded in stopping using meth.
Probably one of the most important things you can do is to do whatever you can to take care of YOU. That way you'll be as strong as you can to deal with whatever you have to deal with. (As I'm saying this, I'm hearing it for myself also!!)
love, Kath
> ...we were raised in an intensely rigid religious environment. It was impossible to live up to the expectations. While my sister and I fell away from the church, we both seemed to keep our morals. But my brother seems to be questioning even that. I just don't know how to explain to him that even though all we were taught was extreme and over the top, there were some things about it that were right... being the good guy no matter how much it may seem the opposite is deserved... not hurting others... not seeking revenge...that we are in control of our own destinies...no matter what is thrown at us, we still have a choice. It seems like he no longer believes even the basics. I just don't know how to teach him otherwise, other than through example.
>
> -T
Posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 19:58:50
In reply to Re: I might should add... » TexasChic, posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:59:56
Thanks Kath. I know you speak from experience.
I hate to admit it, but I was drunk when I wrote most of that last night. I'm surprised its as coherent as it is.
After going crazy not being able to get a hold of my Mom or brother all day, I finally spoke to him. There were no beds available at the hospital, so he's going to do an outpatient thing. He's going to be staying with my Mom to get away from his apartments where he knows other drug users, plus he has been broken into repeatedly there.
So hopefully everything will work out. Keep yours prays and good vibes headed my way. Thanks for the support everyone.
-T
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 20:08:19
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 19:58:50
TC - good thoughts/vibes etc coming your way & to your brother & Mom.
It's good he's not going to be at his own place. Is he on a 'waiting list' for residential if one comes available?
Keep us up to date as to how you're doing TC.
love, Kath
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on April 27, 2008, at 23:24:12
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
TC, I am sorry for my little Tourettes induced rant. I hate that I put your name in the subject linebecause it is anything *but* directed at you. I hope my post below it makes up for it. :) Its not very attractive, I know, its just as I am sure you know, sometimes you just want to throw your hands in the air. Alls I am really saying.is I wish wed give Peace a chance..;)
Jay
Posted by ClearSkies on April 28, 2008, at 11:03:13
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 19:58:50
> Thanks Kath. I know you speak from experience.
>
> I hate to admit it, but I was drunk when I wrote most of that last night. I'm surprised its as coherent as it is.
>
> After going crazy not being able to get a hold of my Mom or brother all day, I finally spoke to him. There were no beds available at the hospital, so he's going to do an outpatient thing. He's going to be staying with my Mom to get away from his apartments where he knows other drug users, plus he has been broken into repeatedly there.
>
> So hopefully everything will work out. Keep yours prays and good vibes headed my way. Thanks for the support everyone.
>
> -TTC, I was away this weekend and so have only read this thread today. I know what a heartache it is to go through the process of dealing with addiction with a family member, too. I have talked at some length with my T about it and the best I can do is to keep myself as healthy as I can for my family member in trouble. (She is currently in a residential rehab program and is doing well, after trying many times to quit on her own.)
We want the best for them, we try to see what we might have done differently to have made the outcome better, but ultimately, they made their own choices in life to get where they are today; just as they have to make different choices ti change their paths too. It looks so bald and stark written out like that.
Thinking of you today,
CS
Posted by texaschic on April 28, 2008, at 12:13:00
In reply to Pardon my little rant above.... » TexasChic, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on April 27, 2008, at 23:24:12
Thats okay! I felt like mine was a rant too. A drunken rant! Guess it was just a rant thread. I took no offense to anything you said, I figured you were just supporting my rant.
-T
Posted by texaschic on April 28, 2008, at 12:28:50
In reply to Re: I might should add... » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on April 28, 2008, at 11:03:13
Thanks CS. Its good to hear from other people who have been in my position. Its so easy to beat yourself up for what you 'should have done differently'. But you're right, there's nothing I can do about his addiction, just as nobody can stop me from drinking too much. Those are just things you have to handle yourself.
I was really distraught when I first started the thread, but I'm feeling better about things now. I just have to accept that its out of my hands.
It just blows me away everytime I think of this particular person - my little brother - smoking crack! It just sounds insane, like a bad joke. You know how people say, "What are you crazy? You must be smoking crack!" As Jay said, crack is looked upon differently than cocaine, even though its basically the same thing. So I guess I'm guilty of that prejudice as well. I just always think of homeless people smoking crack. But I guess a drug is a drug. Its just scary to know that if he ever gets caught he will be treated much more roughly than if he was doing something else.
Well, that's my latest rant. Lunch is over and I've got to get back to work. Thanks for listening!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on April 28, 2008, at 18:39:24
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by texaschic on April 28, 2008, at 12:28:50
He's going to try to get in another hospital as an inpatient. He was frustrated because my Mom doesn't want to drive across a couple of counties to get him there, so she's calling a friend to drive them. I reminded him that she has a phobia about traffic (after multiple wrecks - I can't really blame her), and just because she won't admit to her anxiety, we should still respect it. He said she says she doesn't understand why he can't just do outpatient, and he was frustrated that she didn't understand. I reminded him she can't possibly understand addiction like that. She's never experienced it, except for maybe coffee. So hopefully I was able to get him to be a bit more understanding about the one person who is willing to help him. He just doesn't understand what she does for him. She buys him cigarettes! Back when I was younger she wouldn't even lend me a few dollars because I might buy cigarettes with them! But anyway, I guess its not the time to complain about life being unfair to ME! Its just... come on!
-T
Posted by Kath on April 28, 2008, at 20:08:24
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by texaschic on April 28, 2008, at 12:28:50
Hi TC - I can CERTAINLY relate the this:
> It just blows me away everytime I think of this particular person - my little brother - smoking crack! It just sounds insane, like a bad joke. You know how people say, "What are you crazy? You must be smoking crack!" As Jay said, crack is looked upon differently than cocaine, even though its basically the same thing. So I guess I'm guilty of that prejudice as well. I just always think of homeless people smoking crack. But I guess a drug is a drug. Its just scary to know that if he ever gets caught he will be treated much more roughly than if he was doing something else.
*********It's the same for me with my son. When I heard he was smoking crack, I simply couldn't believe it.
Kath
Posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2008, at 18:31:43
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by Kath on April 28, 2008, at 20:08:24
First I have to go in to work a few hours, then go pick up my Mom (1hr drive), drive to the hospital (another hour), drive them home (he's getting out, and yeah, another hour drive), then drive home (another hour). Please send prayers and/or good vibes that he makes it stick this time (maybe some for me too, for strength emotional and for all that driving!!!).
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 1, 2008, at 20:13:32
In reply to Tomorrow I go to a family session, posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2008, at 18:31:43
T and some gas money. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2008, at 20:54:47
In reply to Re: Tomorrow I go to a family session » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 1, 2008, at 20:13:32
I was trying not to think about that - neither of them has any money.
-T
Posted by Kath on May 1, 2008, at 21:10:57
In reply to Re: Tomorrow I go to a family session » Phillipa, posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2008, at 20:54:47
Hi TC,
Gee that's a lot of driving TC.
Is this the day-treatment place? Does your brother travel from your Mom's an hour each day & an hour back to her place?
TC you're in my thoughts & I send my love, light etc. xoxo Kath
Posted by Phillipa on May 1, 2008, at 21:16:00
In reply to Re: Tomorrow I go to a family session » Phillipa, posted by TexasChic on May 1, 2008, at 20:54:47
Oops sorry about that. Love Phillipa drive safely okay???
Posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 21:29:45
In reply to Re: Tomorrow I go to a family session » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 1, 2008, at 21:16:00
He was an in-patient for a week and it seemed to go really well. He was in good spirits when we left. The family session was okay, but kind of uncomfortable. The T had to tell my Mom she was doing too much for my bro, and tell my bro that he was letting her do too much. I finally spoke up and told the T that because my brother has been suicidal in the past, she's afraid saying no to helping him might trigger a downward spiral. The T did a good job explaining that she didn't have enough power to MAKE him do ANYTHING and that she has to let him suffer life's lessons in order to learn anything.
One thing that annoyed me though, the T kept asking what seemed like trick questions, and I had to ask him twice what exactly he was asking me. I was proud that I didn't let him intimidate me though, by insisting that he clarify himself. I also ALMOST called him out for cussing and even dropping the f-bomb in front of my Mom. I was like, come on, who talks like that in a professional conversation? But I guess he did intimidate me enough not to speak up about THAT. But don't get me wrong, he seemed like a good T. I'm sure you have to be that way with addicts.
My bro's supposed to contact Narcotics Annonomous, which I very much hope he does. He's also supposed to start seeing a T again on a regular basis, and they gave him some ideas for expanding his circle of friends so loneliness won't get the better of him. I could do with a bit of that myself!
All in all, it was a good, but tiring day. Thanks for the support everyone.
-T
Posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 21:48:54
In reply to It went well, posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 21:29:45
((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))
Sounds like you did really well. I bet the T talking like that had something to do with your brother. Maybe to not 'lose' him or something.I agree that using the 'F' word in those circumstances was a bit much!!
So does your brother come out now, or stay there? A week doesn't seem like much time.
I sorta cringed when I read the part about your Mom doing too much, etc. I find it really hard not to enable my son in various ways.
I'm glad it went well TC. luv & hugs, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 22:41:36
In reply to Re: It went well » TexasChic, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 21:48:54
The plan is for him to stay with my Mom, no more than 2 weeks according to her apartment lease, and move out of his apartments where there is readily available crack and fellow crack users who know where he lives. I asked the T if he had any advice about breaking the lease, and he made my brother say that his life is more important than breaking a lease, which was a damn good point.
Also, at least two people at his work know the whole story and are very adamant about giving him support. Me and Mom are supposed to support without enabling (i.e. giving him money). I'm also going to help him find a cheap apartment in a better part of town, as I am a bit of an expert at that after research for myself. The one he's in isn't even cheap, but has prostitutes and crack users wandering around. I told him he might have to go with something really really small, and he said the smaller the better as far as he is concerned.
He's also supposed to find a sponsor through NA, and expand his group of friends (clubs and stuff) so that he has something to direct his energies toward when he feels like giving in to the cravings.
He went in voluntarily and is asking for help, which I think is why he's being released so soon. And the doctor stressed that he had to have a plan (the stuff above) for when he WILL feel like relapsing.
I feel fairly good about it, but I know its ultimately all up to him. I see so much of my earlier self in him, its all so hard. I just hope he finds his inner strength, I think that's all that will save him in the end. That's what saved me. I had a lightbulb moment when I realized the only way I could fail was to give up. As long as I keep trying to get where I want to be, I'm still in the game. If I give up, that's the ONLY sure way to NEVER get there. I hope he can learn that.
-T
Posted by Kath on May 3, 2008, at 14:55:11
In reply to Re: It went well » Kath, posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 22:41:36
TC you have such wonderful wisdom! I hope you're proud of yourself, because you really have a LOT to be proud of.
Your brother sounds in a really good place. He's very fortunate to have you standing behing him & helping him (for ex about finding a place to live).
I send you my love TC. I think you're in a way better place than I am in really KNOWING that it's his thing & that you have no control & that ultimately it's up to him.
I'm still in the process of getting to know that. I know it somewhat on a very surface intellectual level. I do NOT want it to be true! I WANT to be able to do something to make him get better! Oh well, at least I know that I still have a ways to go!
I send you my love & support TC.
luv, Kath
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.