![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by Jai Narayan on May 21, 2006, at 9:45:53
In reply to Re: I met Bob!!! » Deneb, posted by Phil on May 21, 2006, at 6:11:19
wow this is such a cool thread.
I feel like I know some of you better just from reading this.I wouldn't have the guts to travel alone or stay in a group sleeping situation.
Sounds like a wonderful gathering.
Posted by fallsfall on May 21, 2006, at 20:15:10
In reply to Re: I'm in Toronto right now! ? Deneb, posted by annierose on May 20, 2006, at 15:41:52
We had ice cream on Saturday afternoon. And I had ice cream in a crepe for dessert tonight.
Wish you were here, Annierose.
Posted by Deneb on May 21, 2006, at 21:03:55
In reply to Re: I met Bob!!!, posted by Jai Narayan on May 21, 2006, at 9:45:53
Today Pseudoname, 10derHeart, Fallsfall, AuntieMel and Poet were supposed to eat breakfast together, but Fallsfall, Auntie and Poet were late and ended up not eating breakfast. The place was very busy and Pseudoname, 10derHeart and I got moved to a table for four. The people in the restaurant let Fallsfall, AuniteMel and Poet skip the lineup and join us, but the table wasn't big enough for all of us.
I had a waffle with strawberries, bananas and custard. It was very good. Finally, a restaurant I picked which is actually good! The dim sum place didn't impress me, nor did the ice cream place.
After breakfast, we went to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre to register for the APA meeting. We got bags with lots of stuff about the convention. AuntieMel, Fallsfall, Poet and I explored all the exhibits featuring different medications. We walked around and took pens, pins, candy, a little sleep hygiene bag of goodies and even a book on dreams. It was weird, it was like we didn't belong, like we were sneaking into a secret place. But, we were official, yep...we had those name tags with the barcode thingie and everything. :-) Hehehe, I probably didn't look like I belonged at all!
I was extremely quiet today. I didn't feel much like talking today, I don't know why. I talked at most a few sentences today.
We missed Dr. Bob today. He went to the shoe museum and we were not there. We were still at the convention centre. :-( I really wanted to see Dr. Bob today. I still love him. Yep, in real life too. The first time I saw him, I didn't feel the love, but later, when I thought about it some more, I felt the love again. I was smiling in bed last night, because I meet Dr. Bob. I couldn't sleep yet again, so I thought of Dr. Bob to keep me occupied. LOL
I should be extremely tired, but I'm not. I've probably slept about 4 hours these two days. Yesterday the noise wasn't so bad, but I still couldn't sleep. The bed is hard and my pillow is super flat, like no pillow at all. I think my brain is slowing down. At the exhibits, I watched videos about different drugs and how they work and I could not for the life of me concentrate and understand anything. My brain is tired.
I'm still very anxious about getting lost. I'm horrible with directions. I took the subway today with 10derHeart, Fallsfall, AuntieMel, Poet and Larry. We went to the shoe museum. I took tons of pictures. I'm going to have to delete some. In deleting some, I accidentally deleted a picture of my dinner yesterday. :-(
I was extremely quiet in the shoe museum. I didn't say much at all today. I'm not very good at this socializing thing. I have some problems with socializing. I'm worried about the workshop tomorrow. Will I be able to speak? I hardly spoke at all today.
I will go. I want to see Dr. Bob. Dr. Bob. I love Dr. Bob. :-) He's nice. He's a considerate person. He thinks of other people. At the restaurant yesterday, he asked the owners when they close. The owners then said they closed a while ago. I didn't even think of the people working there, but Bob did. He thought of them and considered them. Isn't that great?
I'm feeling social anxiety over some things I've done. Larry convinced me to try to make a toast last night and I did a very bad job. I don't think anyone even heard me and what I said was neither original nor particularly thoughtful. :-( I'm mortified. I feel like tearing my hair out. I can't stand it. I made such a fool of myself.
Strangely I don't feel embarassed about asking Dr. Bob strange questions and expressing my love for Bob.
I don't think I'm very good at making conversation. I can't think on my feet. It's horrible. Maybe I'm just really stupid or something. I can't come up with anything witty to say. I also don't know too much about popular culture, politics or anything really.
No one wants to talk about Dr. Bob all the time. I feel like such a freak. :-( Today I didn't really feel like I belonged, to tell you the truth. I don't know why exactly. Maybe I'm just too different. Maybe I'm not meant to socialize. I space out quite a bit and don't follow conversations well. I'm in my own little world a lot of the time, (like always LOL).
I want to see Bob more. Bob....Ah, Bob. I love Bob in real life too. I asked Dr. Bob if he minds that I love him. He said it was fine. At first I thought he said "fun". But later the others told me it was definitely "fine". That's good. I'm going to take it that Dr. Bob doesn't mind that I love him. Bob's probably not afraid of me.
I also apologized for all my e-mails with the threats to my life that I sent him a long time ago. He said it was okay in a very sincere way. I now believe that he definitely did recieve and read those e-mails. I think he even remembers them. Otherwise, I'm not sure that he would say that it's okay so sincerely. It was a serious "okay".
I think Dr. Bob believes me. I think he doesn't think I was playing games. I think he doesn't think I'm playing games now. I'm really Deneb in real life. I think people think I show my real self online.
I'm much more reserved in real life. I'm very very quiet. Just like I said. I think I'm abnormally quiet.
I think it was be okay after this trip and I don't get to see Dr. Bob in real life anymore. I can love him without seeing him.
I have to come up with a list of things to talk about tomorrow at the workshop. I'm going to organize my thoughts. I have to do that because my mind goes blank when I'm nervous or around people. It really goes blank. It's horrible. I can never really get "into" conversations because I'm too busy thinking of myself. I'm starting to think I'm not meant to have friends. I'm not meant to socialize.
Oh well.
Hmmm...more about Bob...
I asked Dr. Bob what his favourite colour is, and he said that he doesn't have one. I also asked Dr. Bob if he had any pets and he said no. It's so cool that Dr. Bob is answering my questions. :-) He was really socializing.
I really wonder what Dr. Bob thinks of my Bob love. Does he think it's strange? Does he think I'm nuts? LOL Hehehe. I might talk about my love for the administrator of Babble tomorrow. It's a big part of babble for me.
(((((Dr. Bob)))))
I wish I could hug him whenever I wanted. Virtual hugs are nice too. (((((Bob+Deneb)))))
Sorry about writing so much about Bob again. I'm obsessed, I know.
Deneb*
Posted by ClearSkies on May 22, 2006, at 7:32:08
In reply to Re: Sunday and more stuff about Bob, posted by Deneb on May 21, 2006, at 21:03:55
I think you're doing great, Deneb. It's hard to develop people skills, especially when you're among people who have come to know you just through your words - that's just 7% of how we communicate!
I can say that socializing gets easier with practice. I have a really hard time doing the small talk thing, but I take it as it comes. If I'm quiet, then it's because I'm not sure of what to say, or how to say it, or doubt if anyone wants to hear it... try to let yourself enjoy the experience and soak it all up!!
ClearSkies
Posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 12:15:35
In reply to Socializing » Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on May 22, 2006, at 7:32:08
I didn't do so well before and during the workshop. I just wanted to disappear. I started hiding. :-( People must have thought I was insane or something.
It was really weird, at one point I wasn't anxious at all, then asked a stupid question. I just blurted out and asked Dr. Bob, "What is splitting", I can't believe I did such a stupid thing. All the pdocs there probably already know what splitting is. Why must I be so strange? I just couldn't help myself, I wanted to ask Dr. Bob a question.
Anyways, I'd rather not talk about my actual contribution. I'm mortified. In the past, this would be the time where I would wish I were dead. I don't want to be dead anymore, no matter what embarassing thing happens.
I'm sooo tired. I think I'll go to sleep now. I'm just going to pretend it never happened.
I got Dr. Bob to give me another hug! I just thought a hug from Bob would make things all better. I think it helped. I hope I'm not taking advantage of Dr. Bob.
I'm just going to think about how I hugged Bob, instead of what happened. Bob's nice.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 22, 2006, at 13:13:13
In reply to Re:The workshop, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 12:15:35
> I didn't do so well before and during the workshop. I just wanted to disappear. I started hiding. :-( People must have thought I was insane or something.
>
> It was really weird, at one point I wasn't anxious at all, then asked a stupid question. I just blurted out and asked Dr. Bob, "What is splitting", I can't believe I did such a stupid thing. All the pdocs there probably already know what splitting is. Why must I be so strange? I just couldn't help myself, I wanted to ask Dr. Bob a question.It was a perfectly normal question, Deneb. It wasn't the least bit out of place.
> Anyways, I'd rather not talk about my actual contribution. I'm mortified.
Without seeing this yet, I started a thread on that down below, at the bottom of the Social board.
We spontaneously applauded after Deneb spoke. That is how we all felt. Psychiatrists and Babblers together, all of us applauded the sincerity and the courage of what you said, Deneb. My eyes are brimming with tears typing this.
Lar
Posted by gardenergirl on May 22, 2006, at 15:53:33
In reply to Re:The workshop » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on May 22, 2006, at 13:13:13
That sounds like quite a moment. How cool!
Wish I could have been there to see it.
gg
Posted by ClearSkies on May 22, 2006, at 16:23:05
In reply to Re:The workshop, posted by gardenergirl on May 22, 2006, at 15:53:33
> That sounds like quite a moment. How cool!
>
> Wish I could have been there to see it.
>
> gg
Me too!
Posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
In reply to Re:The workshop » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on May 22, 2006, at 13:13:13
Thanks Larry, for the hug and trying to make me feel better.
I was super tired after the presentation. I went to my hostel and slept. Then I just didn't feel like getting up. I was feeling kind of really blah. I just got up out of bed. I think I'll head home early. It's been very stressful for me, I'm not sure how much more I can take.
The workshop was horrible. I was only supposed to introduce myself, but then I went on and on reading my "essay". I just wanted to get it over with, with no regard for what is appropriate. Once I started reading, I didn't know what to do but continue. I was in my own little world again, pretending I was just reading it to no one.
I'm thinking, "I want to kill myself." I don't really want to kill myself, but I'm so mortified that maybe I wouldn't care if I died. Bob took pity on me and give me a hug when I asked for one.
I don't feel like I have the energy to take care of myself right now. I just want to do nothing, but I know I have to get something to eat and pack and walk over to the bus station. Those seem like huge tasks right now. I'm just drained.
I hope I am okay. I had passing bad thoughts yesterday on the subway platform. I can't descibe them without putting "trigger" on this post. You can probably guess what I was thinking. I would never do it of course, but it was strange that I thought about it.
Too many embarrassing things happened to me over the weekend. I just have to block them out.
I should hug Meow Meow. He has essence of Bob on him. I'm stressed out.
I think I'm just having a bad day or something. Maybe it's the lack of sleep and the stress of the trip catching up to me. I predicted this would happen.
I'm going to check the bus schedule.
It was really good to meet Babblers. I know I've been going on and on about Dr. Bob, but it is Babblers who make Babble special.
Everyone was great. Larry was just as I imagined him to be. He's just as helpful in real life. You can tell he really cares. Pseudoname is sweet and approachable. I thought he was really cute. :-) 10derHeart had lots to say, she always says the right thing at the right time. She made me laugh a lot. :-) Poet was really animated. She likes to speak her mind and was the decisive one of the group. She picked a great restaurant for us. Fallsfall was thoughful and reflective. She explained some things to me that let me understand some things.
Dr. Bob was really civil. LOL He doesn't start conversations much, he contributes a little, but I think he mostly listens. Bob is really sweet in real life. He didn't mind letting me hug him. In fact, he hugged me back! It was incredible.
I'm feeling better now. :-) Writing about it helps.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 22, 2006, at 16:50:43
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
> Thanks Larry, for the hug and trying to make me feel better.
I didn't try. You did feel better.
> Everyone was great. Larry was just as I imagined him to be. He's just as helpful in real life. You can tell he really cares.
Deneb, you didn't sit beside me by accident, at the workshop. You knew you'd be safe. That memory is always there for you. You just have to pick the memories. Choose the memory that makes it okay.
{{{{{{{{Deneb*}}}}}}}}
Lar
Posted by Phil on May 22, 2006, at 17:06:12
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
Deneb, you're a sweetheart. I don't have to go to Trawna to know that. Peace.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 22, 2006, at 17:08:44
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
Deneb,
I find events like that to be absolutely exhausting, too--especially on reduced sleep. And attending a conference is a bit like trying to drink from a firehose. There's so much coming at you, and you can only take in a little bit, despite wanting to take everything in.I am so proud of you for taking this risk to go, meet people in person, and to share your thoughts and feelings with them. You survived! Actually, it sounds like you thrived.
And now it's okay to take a well-deserved rest when you get back home.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Bobby on May 22, 2006, at 17:25:24
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
with asking what "splitting" is? I don't know what it is. Just remember----there are no stupid questions---only stupid answers.
Posted by llrrrpp on May 22, 2006, at 17:31:05
In reply to What's wrong, posted by Bobby on May 22, 2006, at 17:25:24
yes, I'm also curious about 'splitting'
I think it's good to ask questions of clarification, even if it interrupts the presentation for a moment. Otherwise one might miss an entire section, or end up really confused. A stitch in time saves nine.When Toronto folks get their sleep deficit mended, I'd love a definition. in the meanwhile, enjoy your naps and safe journeys back home!
llrrrpp
Posted by TexasChic on May 22, 2006, at 19:05:27
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
I get overwhelmed sometimes even at fun things. But it sounds like you handled it well. At least no one else seemed to notice, which means you had some awesome self control going on. I'd probably have started crying if I felt the way you described. Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a little credit. Its okay, really. You are a GOOD PERSON Deneb!!
Besides, have you even tripped and fell flat on your face in the middle of the mall? Or spilled your drink all over the guy you like? Or while out with friends, drunkenly tell your current crush that you love him? I've done all that and more. Talk about embarrassing.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 22, 2006, at 19:27:28
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
Deneb you did great!!!!I could have never done it. And when you are rested and feel better Could you explain to everyone what splitting is? Love Phillipa
Posted by madeline on May 22, 2006, at 19:57:40
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
Deneb,
I speak at a lot of these meetings, only in a different venue. I've spoken in San Fran, Orlando, Boston, Memphis, San Diego (twice), Durham, Philadelphia, Atlanta - god I could go on and on.
But I've spoken to strangers in a strange room more times than I can count and how you feel to completely normal. It is absolutely normal, nothing to be ashamed of or worried over. After a talk and a busy week at a meeting, I usually sit in my motel room and cry, out of despair, lonliness, and exhaustion. In fact, in memphis I actually post on babble how sad I was.
ANd you know what? Every single person I have ever spoken to about this does pretty much the same thing. They may not cry, but they become very very drained, sad and homesick. It's really okay.
From what I read here your essay took the day. We are all proud of you and when you get your energy back, you will be proud too.
Rest easy and dream only the best dreams. You've earned it.
Posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 20:57:42
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay » Deneb, posted by madeline on May 22, 2006, at 19:57:40
Madeline, I did cry, at the workshop. Lar hugged me while I cried.
I ruined Dr. Bob's workshop. I asked a stupid question that everyone knew and I totally ruined Dr. Bob's presentation. It was horrible. I was only supposed to introduce myself, but then for some strange reason, I just read and read from my stupid paper. It was like I wasn't there anymore. I didn't know what to say so I just read, but I wrote too much and it was too long. It was a total disaster. What I wrote was soooo embarrassing too. I wrote that last night like it was a post or something. Have I no shame?
Dr. Bob, I'm extremely sorry about ruining your presentation. I ruined your presentation didn't I? No, you wouldn't say I did because that might not be civil. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined your presentation. I don't know what came over me. I told you I was going to ruin your presentation. I was right. My worst fears have come true. I don't deserve to you know what. :-(
I don't know what came over me, I do the stupidest things. Why did I write such personal stuff? What was I thinking? Really...what in the hell was I thinking, to write the truth, the whole truth? I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you Dr. Bob. I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I did what I did. I'm in my own little world, I don't listen to what goes on around me. I'm sorry.
This would be a good time for me to switch lives, if that is how things work. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure what happens.
Dr. Bob, please tell me the truth. Did I ruin your presentation?
Aaahhh! I can't stand it! I'm mortified. I don't know what to do. I feel like saying all sorts of uncivil, triggering things. Aaaaahhh!
What do I do??? I feel horrible.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 22, 2006, at 21:41:14
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 20:57:42
> I didn't know what to say so I just read, but I wrote too much and it was too long.
I could read over your shoulder, and you did a masterful job of editing what you wrote, on the fly. You did not just read. I know better.
> It was a total disaster.
We applauded. Nobody else got any applause.
You have done a lot of work since you joined Babble. You did the work.
Lar
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2006, at 8:45:24
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger*, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 16:29:15
Hi Deneb,
Reading your essay was a smart thing to do. You were clear about your feelings about babble and it's perfectly okay about what you said about your feelings for Dr. Bob, too. If anything the pdocs listening left thinking- that online group support is a good idea.
And you did it without anti-anxiety meds. Be proud of yourself- you were scared, but you came through for us.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on May 23, 2006, at 15:47:01
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay, posted by Deneb on May 22, 2006, at 20:57:42
You could say to yourself "If I need to do something like this in the future, maybe I will be a little more reserved". Because you seem to be uncomfortable with how open you were. You can decide to do things differently in the future. You can learn from this.
BUT. Just because you feel uncomfortable, doesn't mean that you ruined Dr. Bob's presentation. And, frankly, you didn't. Remember the guy who was sitting behind you? As you were reading, he started smiling. He was a bit cranky before that, remember? But when you were finished he wasn't cranky anymore. Because then he understood.
So. You can decide to do things differently in the future because YOU don't feel comfortable with how things went. That is a fine thing. It is good to learn from our experiences.
But. Stop beating yourself up about Monday. I, for one, and everyone I've talked to, thought that you made a wonderful contribution to the presentation.
And. It is over now. It is time to put it behind you and go forward.
I hope you had a nice bus ride home.
Catch you later,
Falls
Posted by Deneb on May 23, 2006, at 17:07:55
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay » Deneb, posted by fallsfall on May 23, 2006, at 15:47:01
I'm back home now! Home sweet home. Home.
Thanks Fallsfall
I was uncomfortable. I did a lot of embarrassing things on the trip. I'm going to try to block them from my memory now. I don't know what came over me, it was like I was uninhibited at times and super inhibited other times. Maybe the merging of the online world with the real world has gotten me confused. It was really great to meet everyone in person, but I'm going to have to admit that I feel much more comfortable in the online world.
I'm just going to not think about all those embarrassing things. I'm just going to forget about them. I can't handle them. Strangely I'm not embarrassed with how I acted around Dr. Bob. I think a normal person would be embarrassed, but I'm not. Go figure.
Deneb*
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 17:33:17
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay Â, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2006, at 17:07:55
> I'm back home now! Home sweet home. Home.
I'm glad.
> Thanks Fallsfall
>
> I was uncomfortable. I did a lot of embarrassing things on the trip.May I interrupt, for a sec? I saw no embarassing things, whereas you felt a lot of embarassment. They are not identical perceptions.
> I'm going to try to block them from my memory now. I don't know what came over me, it was like I was uninhibited at times and super inhibited other times. Maybe the merging of the online world with the real world has gotten me confused. It was really great to meet everyone in person, but I'm going to have to admit that I feel much more comfortable in the online world.
>
> I'm just going to not think about all those embarrassing things. I'm just going to forget about them. I can't handle them. Strangely I'm not embarrassed with how I acted around Dr. Bob. I think a normal person would be embarrassed, but I'm not. Go figure.
>
> Deneb*I'm glad you're back in your comfort zone.
Lar
Posted by TexasChic on May 23, 2006, at 17:52:37
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay Â, posted by Deneb on May 23, 2006, at 17:07:55
You know, our babble relationships ARE different from 'real world' ones. You and the others had the unique experience of going from one to the other. I can see how you would feel more open and unihibited around the babble people - we share such personal stuff. And I can see how that could have gotten confusing. I've often wondered how I would react to meeting everyone in person.
Once you feel better you should go back and reread some of these posts, people said alot of good things about you. I know how it is when you're stressing - only certain things filter through.
You did good.
-T
Posted by Deneb on May 23, 2006, at 19:41:26
In reply to Re:The workshop *may trigger* your essay  » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on May 23, 2006, at 17:52:37
Thanks for making me feel a little better. I appreciate what you're trying to do. I'm feeling better about it now. It seems a bit more distant now that I'm home. It seems dreamlike.
After the APA workshop, I went to this other workshop about burnout among psychiatrists. It was pretty boring. A lot of people left in the middle of the lecture. It was mostly about priorities, and values. I learned that status is a big thing among psychiatrists, as is money. I thought they would touch on the high suicide rate among psychiatrists, but they didn't. I thought they would talk more the extent of the problem of burnout among psychiatrists, but they didn't.
Fallsfall, and AuntieMel went to a symposium on borderline personality disorder. I should have gone to that instead. However, now that I think about it, I think I would be too tired to sit through three hours of that. After that workshop on burnout, I went straight to my hostel and crashed. I was super tired.
I went to my room and discovered that my three roommates had APA bags too! It turns out that two of them are medical students and one is a doctor. They came from Finland to attend the APA meeting. They do research on schizophrenia and the doctor was presenting something on brain structures and schizophrenia. Isn't that just the strangest coincidence?
Anyways, I totally crashed into bed and slept until 4:30 p.m. I was feeling pretty bad because of what happened at the workshop too.
Then Fallsfall and AuntieMel gave me a call and asked me out to dinner. That brightened me up again. I met up with them at the convention centre and we took the subway. We ate at this Asian restaurant. I thought it was pretty good (for once, lol). They were busy, which was a good sign. I guess I'm pretty picky when it comes to foods.
Fallsfall and AuntieMel said dinner was on them. That was really sweet of them to do that. Thank-you Fallsfall and AuntieMel! I hope to return the favour someday.
Oh, I forgot to mention that on Saturday night, Larry took us to Swiss Chalet. I'd never eaten there before, even though there's one close by my home. You can tell I don't get out much. LOL. Larry gave us lucky coins he got from Chinatown. They're giant. Thank-you Larry!
Deneb*
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.