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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 26, 2005, at 23:57:29
I work midnights and am looking for someone to talk with during slow times here at work--i have been thru some rough times lately and just got out of the hospital back in december, but i am trying to deal with things and continue on here at work...I would welcome either talking to or listening to anyone ....let me know
Thanks for reading this....
Michelle
Posted by saw on January 27, 2005, at 1:30:10
In reply to anyone up in the wee hours of the day like i am???, posted by shellybelle911 on January 26, 2005, at 23:57:29
Hi Michelle
Well, it's not midnight here but 9.24am! Having my first cup of coffee.
Had a bad night and cried for hours. Can barely open my eyes this morning.I too am trying to deal with my life and not run myself down at every given moment. I was doing well until last night.
I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep for a week.
How about you? You haven't been out of hospital very long. Are you coping?
Sabrina
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 27, 2005, at 1:56:50
In reply to Re: anyone up in the wee hours of the day like i am??? » shellybelle911, posted by saw on January 27, 2005, at 1:30:10
> Hi Michelle
>
> Well, it's not midnight here but 9.24am! Having my first cup of coffee.
> Had a bad night and cried for hours. Can barely open my eyes this morning.
>
> I too am trying to deal with my life and not run myself down at every given moment. I was doing well until last night.
>
> I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep for a week.
>
> How about you? You haven't been out of hospital very long. Are you coping?
>
> SabrinaI am coping ok--i have alot going on in my life right now. Sometimes i don't know what to do first. I have recently divorced and then after i got out of hospital moved back in with ex hubby--so as not to be alone...i am living in state where i really have no family--so no support system and i work at 911 answering phones. I am also having relationship issues and issues just trying to deal with being told i am bipolar and probably have been so for a long time. I have gone thru sexual abuse as a child and rape as an adult also physical abuse and mental and verbal from both ex husbands. At the current time my self esteem is almost non existant-but some days are better than others. If you ever want to talk i am here--usually online at night while at work when we are not busy, but you can also email me at shellybelle911@yahoo.com if you like, the only place that i have access to computer is at work...I hope that you are doing better than you were last night, i am a good listener--i have a ways to go to get better but i am trying --i just need some support sometimes....
Thanks for responding...
Michelle
Posted by saw on January 27, 2005, at 2:34:17
In reply to Re: anyone up in the wee hours of the day like i am???, posted by shellybelle911 on January 27, 2005, at 1:56:50
Oh my goodness, you have been through a lot. And you have a potentially stressful job to boot. Doesn't it stress you even more if you get a traumatic call?
You know, I hear a great deal of strength in your post despite all that you have been through and are presently trying to deal with. (I have just dealt with my swollen eyes by eating a chocolate!)
I suffered a great deal of physical, mental and verbal abuse from my ex husband and much mental abuse from subsequent relationships. I am now married to a wonderful man who supports me but does not always understand. Just last night he was really mean and sarcastic about me and my suicidal tendencies.
All the abuse has most certainly left me shell shocked and there are many areas that are too painful to delve into and sort out. So I leave them buried for now. I hated believing that I deserved to be treated the way I did, that I was no good anyway. One of my bigger issues I guess.
And you have been through this with two husbands? Never mind all the other abuse. I feel for you Michelle. It could not have been easy coming to terms with all that (if one ever does), confronting it and trying to live with it.
I, too, post from work almost everyone is asleep when I'm active - so it would be good to have someone on line with me.
I am happy to support you. I listen good too! (I think)
Sabrina
Posted by shellybelle911 on January 27, 2005, at 3:29:34
In reply to Re: anyone up in the wee hours of the day like i am??? » shellybelle911, posted by saw on January 27, 2005, at 2:34:17
I am just dealing the best way that i can right now--trying to figure things out...
Yes, it stresses me out a great deal when i have traumatic calls, especially the rapes and domestic abuse calls.
I think what is making me so anxious right now is trying to figure out what i need to really deal with first and getting on the right meds (which i still am not).
I am happy to hear that you have found a man that supports you, to me that is very hard to find, I am sorry to hear that he was mean and sarcastic to you last night--sometimes people just don't realize how much they can hurt you with their words. Things that were said about me years ago still play in my head like tape recordings, its awful.
I had a really good relationship going with someone i met thru work but it was so very new--just after my divorce and then i started going into my depression and having all my troubles i think i scared him away or maybe it was my neediness for him. hmmmm still out on that one
We have started talking again and he has been very good about not bringing things up from the recent past with me or using it against me if we argue, but its almost like i am afraid to be myself around him. He likes me but he has issues too...he just lost a brother and father and a nephew recently commited suicide and his son went thru several hospitalization for attempting suicide...and i can't get an answer out of him as to where he wants to go with this, and i am the kind of person who likes to put lables on things and have everything out in the open but with him i can't...i don't want a commitment...i guess i don't know what i want...
I do know that i do want to be happy and like myself, that is my biggest problem. Everyone says that i am very attractive--but i just don't see it when i look in the mirror or in the inside of me--i don't know why but i don't feel like i am worth anything--to myself or anyone else...
I am trying so hard to work on this problem--but as i said before some days are worse than others...I have just recently started therapy and that is when I was finally able to talk about all the abuse--it has been too painful up until this point. But i think that i finally realized that if i don't i am going to keep going thru this pain and probably never truly love myself and i will most certainly keep blaming myself for what happened.
I just think that during this last hospitalization i realized that i am truly the only one i can count on to deal with all this mess. I moved down here to TN to marry second hubby and have no one down here now, my family is all up in ohio and the few friends i do still have after coming out of hospital work the opposite schedule from me--so sometimes i truly feel so alone. Well, enough of my babbling for now. But keep in mind that no one deserves the abuse that so many of us has been thru, we are worthwhile people ( i keep trying to tell myself that until one day i will finally wake up and believe it) lol
Feel free to babblemail me anytime
Hope you get to feeling better, and have some chocolate for me too next time you do....Michelle
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