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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 3:04:08
More of Jay's on-line dating tales...and more of other things..this is long...but please read...thank you
Well...I don't know...I am no 'Hunk O' Burnin Love', but very few if any woman want to talk to me...never mind take some sort of dating interest. Ya, I know..Lar said I am trying too hard. I've responded to somewhere between 50-100 ad's from women, all with personalized letters and such. Usually they just don't responded, or I get the "I'm not your type" *after* seeing my pic. All that effort in writting personalized, very nice and appropriate intros, and nadda! Never mind this past few weeks, a 15 year long friend of mine (so-called) phoned me up to tell me he never wanted to see me again because I made him "stressed and depressed". My brother cut off all communications with me...no Xmas, New Years. Now I find out my Dad might be dying of kidney disease. Geeezzz...I just want some comfort and a bit of tlc...I could really, really, really use it now...but that's asking of too many woman who seem hung up on finding Prince Charming. My doctor said if things get too rough for me, he will put me on a few powerful medications to get through. I don't want more pills though..I'd just like a soul mate..someone to take comfort with, hugging and kissing and holding. My Dad IS my best friend...and I spent an half hour crying with my Mom today...we don't know what we are going to do. Once my parents go....I have a 'plan b' if needed if I am still alone. And no, that will only be years down the road. S*hit...why the f*ck does this hurt and kill so badly inside of me? God f*king dam...These are the biggest issues in life....and it's all falling apart on me. For once, I really feel sorry for myself..it sounds selfish...but death, no love, no life, emptiness. I lost my first best friend at 19 to suicide. He blew his f*king head off in his bedroom. Now I have to lose someone who is the same soul, blood, love as me. He is the most wonderful man in the world. "The way out is the way in." From a poem, which is so true. Through death, and knowing it, we learn love and how we must apply it because we are only here for a limited time. Okay...I've said enough. Sorry...it just all flowed into one. Oh ya..one more quickie....the reason why I want a relationship, and possibly marriage, is because I am my both parents only child. (They have one each from other marriages.) And I know my Dad and Mom want to see me holding my little baby...giving it all the love in the world. It will be the next generation of a part of their marriage. I *HOPE* the song is right.."Someday"...
Posted by nikkit2 on January 18, 2005, at 7:00:12
In reply to (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 3:04:08
Why don't you give us an example of an email you have sent (all names removed ofcourse!)? We might be able to give you advice then.
I find it really hard to believe that they would have all turned you down based soley on looks.. us women really aren't that shallow, honest!!!
Good luck in your quest though.. and you have many many many years in which to father children remember.. men don't get that cut off date that women do!!
Nikki
Posted by Snoozin on January 18, 2005, at 10:46:46
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » jay, posted by nikkit2 on January 18, 2005, at 7:00:12
> Why don't you give us an example of an email you have sent (all names removed ofcourse!)? We might be able to give you advice then.
>
> I find it really hard to believe that they would have all turned you down based soley on looks.. us women really aren't that shallow, honest!!!<<I agree with Nikki. Most women don't put that much value on looks alone. And I'd love to see one of your letters, too. I've been doing the online dating thing for over a year now, and the first impression made by a letter is very important to me. Maybe it's just a question of your personality not really reflected properly in the letter. Easy enough to fix! :-)
And good luck! I finally met someone I really enjoy spending time with. I'm sure you will too. :-)
Susan
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 11:14:56
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » jay, posted by nikkit2 on January 18, 2005, at 7:00:12
> Why don't you give us an example of an email you have sent (all names removed ofcourse!)? We might be able to give you advice then.
>
> I find it really hard to believe that they would have all turned you down based soley on looks.. us women really aren't that shallow, honest!!!
>
> Good luck in your quest though.. and you have many many many years in which to father children remember.. men don't get that cut off date that women do!!
>
> NikkiAbout your last point...like I said my Dad is dying..I want him to be alive to see my child. It would mean the world to him and me.
Here is where you can find my pic:
http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/jay_ghostrider
Ya...I look like a deer caught in headlights..lol. I'll try to find some of my letters from my 'sent' box, but many where from my Yahoo! account, and it doesn't save 'sent' letters. (for max space.) I'll see what I can find. Thanx,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 11:31:30
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe, posted by Snoozin on January 18, 2005, at 10:46:46
> > Why don't you give us an example of an email you have sent (all names removed ofcourse!)? We might be able to give you advice then.
> >
> > I find it really hard to believe that they would have all turned you down based soley on looks.. us women really aren't that shallow, honest!!!
>
> <<I agree with Nikki. Most women don't put that much value on looks alone. And I'd love to see one of your letters, too. I've been doing the online dating thing for over a year now, and the first impression made by a letter is very important to me. Maybe it's just a question of your personality not really reflected properly in the letter. Easy enough to fix! :-)
>
> And good luck! I finally met someone I really enjoy spending time with. I'm sure you will too. :-)
>
> Susan
>
>Susan I have been reading your posts...a bit envious I am, I must say. I thank you for the kind and positive tone. :-) I was up most of last night thinking about my 35 years with my Dad, looking through photo albums..long lost memories, so many good ones, because I had likely one of the best childhoods ever in the world. Ohhh man it was bad, I used up a box of tissues, and then this morning, like right now, I am on the 'edge'. Anyhow...my pic is up above in Nikki's post...and as I said...I will try to find some type of letter I wrote..or I will post one or a few of my "ad's" from an online dating club. We'll see. Thank you,
James
Posted by Snoozin on January 18, 2005, at 12:17:34
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » Snoozin, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 11:31:30
> Susan I have been reading your posts...a bit envious I am, I must say.
<<Nah, don't be envious. Take it as a sign that you *will* find someone compatible. :-) I did the internet personals thing very intensely for over a year. Which means, by the way, about 200 failures by e-mail, and about 20 failures in person. :-) I was getting so frustrated, that instead of sending a letter to a guy, I just sent one of those flirts because I didn't think we were that compatible and didn't think he'd answer. *That's* the guy I'm dating.
For what it's worth: One thing I did find out is that my personality type of Myers Briggs is apparently very rare, and worse, there are apparently very few people out there that I actually click with. This guy happens to be one of them (and he had taken the MB test, too). It might be that you've got one of those rare personality types that doesn't click so easily with others. That actually made me feel *better* because my secretary had been telling me I was too picky.
Some tips from my experience (these happened):
Don't post pictures of a computer you cobbled together from scratch. *This* does not impress most people.
Don't, for goodness' sake, name that computer after your mother. Actually, it's best to not even mention your mother. :-)
Don't post a picture of yourself that's 20 years old.
*Do* say you are looking for a LTR or marriage, if you are. Be 100% genuine. There are women out there looking for the same thing you are.
Don't get sexual in your ad or in any letters right off the bat. One guy said he'd been into the *swinging* lifestyle for almost 20 years, but would be willing to give it up for the right woman. Yeah. Right.
Don't say you are desperate to marry a woman because your last wife left you because she's gay.
E-mail/contact women with similar interests and similar level of attractiveness. I am no beauty queen, trust me, so I certainly didn't go after hunks.
Don't be negative at all in your ad or letters. Don't write *I've almost given up hope.* I personally don't like *tired of the games* or *no drama queens please* type posts. It means they've had a long history of being involved with drama queens and probably like conflict in their lives. Don't say you are lonely. Emphasise the good things you are looking for/can offer. Don't even mention the bad. That's for later when you and the person get to know one another.
And my personal pet peeve. Don't be super-specific with the type of woman you want. i.e., "seeking a girl 5'4" to 5'8", slim build, long hair, manicured nails, loves skirts and backrubs, small button nose and double-pierced ears." EVEN if I fit the description to a T, the guy's particular-ness (word?) is a real turn-off. Rather meet an open minded guy....
And, last but not least, be open-minded about a girl whose picture isn't the most attractive *you've* seen, either. I think people are almost always better looking in person. :-)
Good luck!
Susan
Posted by Larry Hoover on January 18, 2005, at 12:33:06
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » nikkit2, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 11:14:56
> Here is where you can find my pic:
> http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/jay_ghostrider
> Ya...I look like a deer caught in headlights..lol.Is that the picture you send out? How about one where you're having fun? That one looks posed/the lighting's bad. Another thing, it looks like you're hooked up to something through your right ear.
Just thoughts.....
Lar
Posted by Tabitha on January 18, 2005, at 13:09:53
In reply to (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 3:04:08
Jay, three thoughts:
1) Have you considered dating men? No insult intended-- I'm just thinking out of the box here.
2) I agree with Lar-- your picture is not flattering. It's out of focus and somehow makes you look scary. I can tell you're not a bad-looking guy, but that pic doesn't show it. Back up from the camera, relax, and smile. I have a cheap web cam and I always have to take a few dozen shots with it to get one that's decent.
3) I can also second Snoozin's list of turn-offs in an introductory letter. Particularly the part about anything sexual or anything negative. I'd toss those letters right in the recycle bin. I'd also prefer a fairly brief intro. Too much information in a 1st letter would sound desperate to me.
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 13:15:28
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » jay, posted by Larry Hoover on January 18, 2005, at 12:33:06
> > Here is where you can find my pic:
> > http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/jay_ghostrider
> > Ya...I look like a deer caught in headlights..lol.
>
> Is that the picture you send out? How about one where you're having fun? That one looks posed/the lighting's bad. Another thing, it looks like you're hooked up to something through your right ear.
>
> Just thoughts.....
>
> LarLar, (so ya think I am sexy..lol....j/k ;) it's the only one I got from a PC cam at my old job. I just may have to invest in one...they aren't expensive, I just don't know if it is compatible with my computer.
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 13:32:01
In reply to Jay -- Long » jay, posted by Snoozin on January 18, 2005, at 12:17:34
> > Susan I have been reading your posts...a bit envious I am, I must say.
>
> <<Nah, don't be envious. Take it as a sign that you *will* find someone compatible. :-) I did the internet personals thing very intensely for over a year. Which means, by the way, about 200 failures by e-mail, and about 20 failures in person. :-) I was getting so frustrated, that instead of sending a letter to a guy, I just sent one of those flirts because I didn't think we were that compatible and didn't think he'd answer. *That's* the guy I'm dating.
>
> For what it's worth: One thing I did find out is that my personality type of Myers Briggs is apparently very rare, and worse, there are apparently very few people out there that I actually click with. This guy happens to be one of them (and he had taken the MB test, too). It might be that you've got one of those rare personality types that doesn't click so easily with others. That actually made me feel *better* because my secretary had been telling me I was too picky.
>
> Some tips from my experience (these happened):
>
> Don't post pictures of a computer you cobbled together from scratch. *This* does not impress most people.
>
I hate computers....so no prob there. :)
> Don't, for goodness' sake, name that computer after your mother. Actually, it's best to not even mention your mother. :-)
>
Ya, I am not into that Freudian thing..lol.> Don't post a picture of yourself that's 20 years old.
>
Good GAWD! I'd be 15...and acne busting out all over my face!> *Do* say you are looking for a LTR or marriage, if you are. Be 100% genuine. There are women out there looking for the same thing you are.
>
Yep, I do that> Don't get sexual in your ad or in any letters right off the bat. One guy said he'd been into the *swinging* lifestyle for almost 20 years, but would be willing to give it up for the right woman. Yeah. Right.
>
No, that is off-limits....> Don't say you are desperate to marry a woman because your last wife left you because she's gay.
>
Ha! Never been married...so no prob there! lol> E-mail/contact women with similar interests and similar level of attractiveness. I am no beauty queen, trust me, so I certainly didn't go after hunks.
>
Oh ya...well I can tell many of the REALLY veign-and-vanity types when they place "Looks: Highest Importance" "Intelligence: Lowest Importance". HAH!!!!!!!!!> Don't be negative at all in your ad or letters. Don't write *I've almost given up hope.* I personally don't like *tired of the games* or *no drama queens please* type posts. It means they've had a long history of being involved with drama queens and probably like conflict in their lives. Don't say you are lonely. Emphasise the good things you are looking for/can offer. Don't even mention the bad. That's for later when you and the person get to know one another.
>Oh ya...I am always quite up and such. Maybe too much sometimes...as I am very positive in my communication. It's only here I can come crying for help from my friends. :-)
> And my personal pet peeve. Don't be super-specific with the type of woman you want. i.e., "seeking a girl 5'4" to 5'8", slim build, long hair, manicured nails, loves skirts and backrubs, small button nose and double-pierced ears." EVEN if I fit the description to a T, the guy's particular-ness (word?) is a real turn-off. Rather meet an open minded guy....
>
Ughhhh...again, never, ever would do that. I always say "I don't believe in perfection."
> And, last but not least, be open-minded about a girl whose picture isn't the most attractive *you've* seen, either. I think people are almost always better looking in person. :-)
>
> Good luck!Hey, thanks! Ya, I write to anyone who has a somewhat intelligent profile (minus the looks stuff)...but again I can even compromise there!
Hmmmmm...Did you find someone from your own living area..like city or whatever? Or somewhere close by? Or was it long-distance?Thanks,
Jay
Posted by Snoozin on January 18, 2005, at 13:39:46
In reply to Re: Jay -- Long » Snoozin, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 13:32:01
> Hmmmmm...Did you find someone from your own living area..like city or whatever? Or somewhere close by? Or was it long-distance?
>
> Thanks,
> Jay
<<Well, I was looking in my area. Done the long-distance thing and don't like it so much. Met several guys who were really nice, but we just didn't click. I felt like there was something wrong with me (too picky) cuz I didn't go goo goo over these really nice guys. Well, it finally *did* click with a guy from Massachusetts (I'm near DC), so I did try that because I really liked him. Ended in disaster the weekend we met in real life. Now this new guy lives about 45 minutes away from me.So I guess I truly clicked with 2 out of 200. Rough odds, but attainable ones. :-)
Susan
P.S. One of the limiting things I was doing was looking for guys without kids. Don't have any myself and didn't know how to *date* or deal with a guy who did. This new guy has several, and it's not a problem (yet). It's easier than I thought. So I relaxed my *standards* a little bit, and found a really cool guy.
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 13:50:47
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe » Larry Hoover, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 13:15:28
I agree with Tabitha Jay, you can tell you're not a bad looking guy, but that picture does somehow make you look scary, I don't mean scary ugly, I mean scary. I think first and foremost you need to get a new picture. And after that, why don't you post your picture up front, that way there won't be any surprises.
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 13:59:59
In reply to Re: (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe, posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 13:50:47
I hope that didn't sound mean, It was meant to be reassuring, in that it's not *you* it's the picture, and that can be easily remedied. I wanted to make sure you knew that.
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 14:59:13
In reply to Jay, posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 13:59:59
I know...thank you for the thought. :-)
Jay
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 15:06:38
In reply to (Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 3:04:08
Ok...still maybe not the best, best, but I have few pictures of myself. (Like, I don't pack my photo albums with pics of me...lol.) I've got a baseball cap on...that may hurt me for some points, but it's also a part of who I am..I like casual, etc. The face is *right up close*..like I said..best I could find. I will look at getting one of those webcams, though. Please check it out and let me know:
http://ca.profiles.yahoo.com/jay_ghostriderThank you ALL for your support, suggestions, encouragement....really...I mean it...
Sincerely,
Jay
Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2005, at 16:45:50
In reply to Added new pic!, posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 15:06:38
And you were worried about your looks!
You look nice, friendly, comfortable, cute, and huggable.
Aw Jay, you will find someone one day!
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 17:10:45
In reply to Re: Added new pic! » jay, posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2005, at 16:45:50
> And you were worried about your looks!
>
> You look nice, friendly, comfortable, cute, and huggable.
>
> Aw Jay, you will find someone one day!Doesn't he though? Much much better Jay,
Good luck.
Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 17:26:43
In reply to Re: Added new pic!, posted by Gabbix2 on January 18, 2005, at 17:10:45
Thank you so much Alexandra and Gabbix...:-) (And everyone!) Awww shucks..(blush) you guys have been super nice. Thanx...my day is a lot better because of it. Wishing the best for you...
Jay
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