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(Most) Women must think I'mquiteugly(Trigger)maybe

Posted by jay on January 18, 2005, at 3:04:08

More of Jay's on-line dating tales...and more of other things..this is long...but please read...thank you

Well...I don't know...I am no 'Hunk O' Burnin Love', but very few if any woman want to talk to me...never mind take some sort of dating interest. Ya, I know..Lar said I am trying too hard. I've responded to somewhere between 50-100 ad's from women, all with personalized letters and such. Usually they just don't responded, or I get the "I'm not your type" *after* seeing my pic. All that effort in writting personalized, very nice and appropriate intros, and nadda! Never mind this past few weeks, a 15 year long friend of mine (so-called) phoned me up to tell me he never wanted to see me again because I made him "stressed and depressed". My brother cut off all communications with me...no Xmas, New Years. Now I find out my Dad might be dying of kidney disease. Geeezzz...I just want some comfort and a bit of tlc...I could really, really, really use it now...but that's asking of too many woman who seem hung up on finding Prince Charming. My doctor said if things get too rough for me, he will put me on a few powerful medications to get through. I don't want more pills though..I'd just like a soul mate..someone to take comfort with, hugging and kissing and holding. My Dad IS my best friend...and I spent an half hour crying with my Mom today...we don't know what we are going to do. Once my parents go....I have a 'plan b' if needed if I am still alone. And no, that will only be years down the road. S*hit...why the f*ck does this hurt and kill so badly inside of me? God f*king dam...These are the biggest issues in life....and it's all falling apart on me. For once, I really feel sorry for myself..it sounds selfish...but death, no love, no life, emptiness. I lost my first best friend at 19 to suicide. He blew his f*king head off in his bedroom. Now I have to lose someone who is the same soul, blood, love as me. He is the most wonderful man in the world. "The way out is the way in." From a poem, which is so true. Through death, and knowing it, we learn love and how we must apply it because we are only here for a limited time. Okay...I've said enough. Sorry...it just all flowed into one. Oh ya..one more quickie....the reason why I want a relationship, and possibly marriage, is because I am my both parents only child. (They have one each from other marriages.) And I know my Dad and Mom want to see me holding my little baby...giving it all the love in the world. It will be the next generation of a part of their marriage. I *HOPE* the song is right.."Someday"...


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poster:jay thread:443605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050116/msgs/443605.html