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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
i almost have 2 days sober pulled together and i cant stop crying..
what am i going to replace alcohol with?
i was so determinded yesterday..
today i cant imagine tomorrow without it..
the demons are creeping around every corner trying to make me follow..
how come the love for my kids is not strong enough to stop myself..
years ago i was a total mess but did not see.
today i am messy and i cant clean up.i feel so terrible
Posted by Susan J on June 1, 2004, at 11:25:02
In reply to crying and confused..., posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
> i almost have 2 days sober pulled together and i cant stop crying..
<<That is WONDERFUL!!! (The sober part, I'm terribly sorry for the crying part).> what am i going to replace alcohol with?
<<I dunno about this really, but could it be that you feel tons worse right after being sober a couple of days, and if you hang in there a few more days, the sadness will diminish?
> the demons are creeping around every corner trying to make me follow..
<<Try getting really pissed at them and tell them you're not going to cave in.> how come the love for my kids is not strong enough to stop myself..
<<You *are* stopping yourself. It may not be happening as fast as we'd like it to, but every little step you make is a HUGE success. Even if you have setbacks. These *are* successes. I promise.> years ago i was a total mess but did not see.
> today i am messy and i cant clean up.
<<The *seeing* part is phenomenal. As long as you can see the problem, there is hope.>
> i feel so terrible
<<I wish I could take some of your pain away. If it helps, I think you are very brave and very strong. Thinking of you....
Posted by partlycloudy on June 1, 2004, at 12:20:35
In reply to crying and confused..., posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
2 days sober is fantastic! I wouldn't be surprised if part of your crying is some withdrawl, and it is a real emotional triumph. What you've achieved is no small victory. Drinking fills a large void (at least for me) - we have to learn what to replace it with. I'm thinking I need a babysitter for those times when I'm vulnerable. I'm 5 days sober but I have no belief in myself that I'll be able to sustain it. We do what we can do. For now, for this moment, I'm not drinking. It really helps me to take it that slowly.
Crying is also a release - there are many times when I can't stop crying, but please don't keep it in. Grab a pillow and pull it to your chest for a surrogate hug.
You're too sweet to suffer, you who help others so much. You're an incredible person, jyl.
Posted by Emme on June 1, 2004, at 12:38:37
In reply to crying and confused..., posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
> i almost have 2 days sober pulled together and i cant stop crying..
> what am i going to replace alcohol with?
> i was so determinded yesterday..
> today i cant imagine tomorrow without it..Two days! That's two more than zero! If you can't imagine tomorrow without it, then try not to imagine tomorrow. Imagine the next few hours and the few hours after that, and so on.... Step by step, the longest march can be won.
> how come the love for my kids is not strong enough to stop myself..
> years ago i was a total mess but did not see.
> today i am messy and i cant clean up.You're up against a tough demon. Give yourself credit for fighting it. You have self-awareness, and that is very important. I'm sorry you feel so awful. You are a sweet person. I hope tomorrow will be a little better.
Emme
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 13:10:03
In reply to Re: crying and confused... » justyourlaugh, posted by Emme on June 1, 2004, at 12:38:37
i thought bob might move my post..
i was in a crisis and needed to vent and get some feed back..
thankyou everyone for the quick and compassionate support..
i read each post many times through the blurry tears .
sorry i cant post more to each of you but i feel like i am going "off the wall"
i will walk and not break my stuff..
i did not cut or harm...
i am a good girl.
j
Posted by Susan J on June 1, 2004, at 13:13:18
In reply to vacuumed and angry..*trigger*, posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 13:10:03
Anything we can do for you? Vent away....any time, many times, whatever helps.
((((((JYL)))))))
I never know if I'm doing those hugs things right, but know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Susan
Posted by partlycloudy on June 1, 2004, at 13:27:09
In reply to vacuumed and angry..*trigger*, posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 13:10:03
Not just a good girl - a brave person who can reach out to others - for help and to help them You're priceless.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 2, 2004, at 10:33:11
In reply to crying and confused..., posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
Two days is amazing, if you are doing it by yourself. I've got 13 months myself, and still remember what it was like at first.
I actually went in to the hospital for "detox." It did a lot of good, not because of the detox itself, but because it broke the cycle. Drinking to excess for me was part physical dependence, more psychological dependence, with a good chunk of habit thrown in.
The bits about "one day at a time" that they spout is true later. In the early stages it is usually "five minutes at a time."
I have also learned through this that a relapse is not a major failure. It's a minor setback. Most people don't get it right the first time. If you remember this, then it's possible not to beat yourself up over it and get right back to giving it another shot.
Dr Phil (grin) says that you never break a habit, you replace it with another, healthier habit. In this case what you replace it with is up to you. When you get the urge, do something different. Take a walk? Soak in the tub? Meditate? There isn't a right answer.
Volunteering to be your "cyber sponsor" though be forwarned that my room with the computer in it has been taken over by my son.
Keep trying.
Mel
Posted by AuntieMel on June 2, 2004, at 10:36:12
In reply to crying and confused..., posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 11:02:00
Sugar helps with withdrawal. I used Lindt 85% cocoa chocolate bars. Others drink orange juice.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 2, 2004, at 14:12:29
In reply to Re: crying and confused... » justyourlaugh, posted by AuntieMel on June 2, 2004, at 10:33:11
mel,
thankyou for your posts..
i did the hospital "detox" back when i was a wee elf..
i thought i was killing off the "demons" with alcohol but i guess i was just getting them hammered..and they were still around afterwards begging me to lay on the cold bathroom floor..i do appreciate your kind words mel..and thankyou for sharing with me.
i am better today.
going for another walk (2 days in a row.)jyl
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2004, at 19:42:28
In reply to Re: crying and confused... » AuntieMel, posted by justyourlaugh on June 2, 2004, at 14:12:29
Hugs to you, JYL. I am proud of your two days. One day at a time. One moment at a time.
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2004, at 19:43:04
In reply to One more thing » justyourlaugh, posted by AuntieMel on June 2, 2004, at 10:36:12
The Lindt bars sound much more appealing than the orange juice!
Posted by gardenergirl on June 2, 2004, at 21:25:26
In reply to vacuumed and angry..*trigger*, posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 13:10:03
> i will walk and not break my stuff..
> i did not cut or harm...
> i am a good girl.
> jj,
You are a good girl whether you do those things or not. You are beautiful and special. I'm sorry you are struggling right now, but your worth and gifts are not contingent on your behavior.And Susan's (I think) suggestion to take on the demons and get angry with them is good, I think. It worked for someone with severe panic and agoraphobia. That has some physiological symptoms associated with it that can interfere with dealing with it as well.
Keep doing what you need to, and give yourself credit for any sucess. We do. We do not fault you when you struggle.
Take care,
gg
Posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 22:11:59
In reply to Re: crying and confused... » AuntieMel, posted by justyourlaugh on June 2, 2004, at 14:12:29
Hang in there....the demons get further apart and the days do get easier I promise. I have been sober for 5 years and I thought I wouldn't make it either...it seems unreal still to this day.
The first while is an emotional rollar coaster but you will level out...try and be good to yourself...I spent a lot of time in the bath :)
Good luck (((justyourlaugh)))
Posted by TexasChic on June 3, 2004, at 14:17:37
In reply to vacuumed and angry..*trigger*, posted by justyourlaugh on June 1, 2004, at 13:10:03
You are indeed a special person. That you can be going through this and still respond to my post is amazing. You are always so caring and considerate. I hope you suceed in your goals. But remember, your struggle will never take away your innate special qualities – they are always there. Take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.
Posted by Jai Narayan on June 3, 2004, at 16:26:11
In reply to justyourlaugh, posted by TexasChic on June 3, 2004, at 14:17:37
I know what you are doing is hard. I did it once already.
I know a day will come again when I will give the stuff up again.
I am so inspired by your strength and vulnerability.
You are a wonderful person.
Very special.
You are in my thoughts and heart during this hardtime.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 4, 2004, at 12:52:08
In reply to Re: One more thing » AuntieMel, posted by Noa on June 2, 2004, at 19:43:04
They are, they really are. I was never a fan of chocolate until I had some not! made in the US. The darker the better.
These I buy by the case. Sad thing - the only place I can find them is at my local liquor store. I take a chaperone.
This is the end of the thread.
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