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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by tabitha on May 19, 2004, at 0:24:36
In reply to Re: Acceptance » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 19:24:09
I read people of the lie. I'll bet he was thinking of one story about a couple that gave their depressed son the weapon his brother had used to suicide, and when Peck tried to point out to them the possible meaning, that it was like saying to their son to follow his brother's footsteps, they professed total ignorance.
Overall the book kind of bugged me-- since it was about diagnosing 'evil'. I felt pretty sorry for his patients who were unlucky enough to become his case histories.
Posted by tabitha on May 19, 2004, at 0:29:06
In reply to Re: mother acceptance » tabitha, posted by Emme on May 18, 2004, at 20:32:09
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 19, 2004, at 8:43:03
In reply to Re: mother acceptance, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 17:07:04
d,
i gave my daughter a doll for christmas, even though she expressed no interest.
i really bought it for me and i keep her bundled up by the fire place(not a great place for a baby!)..
maybe she wanted the toys.
maybe she didnt want to grow up.
jyl
Posted by Racer on May 19, 2004, at 10:47:10
In reply to Re: Acceptance » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 19:24:09
You know, it's funny -- I love my mother and I love spending time with her and I know she loves me. When I see her now, I can't believe she is the same woman I grew up with. The only way I can see it now is that she feels so guilty about a lot of it. I've tried to tell her that she doesn't have to feel guilty about it anymore -- that now it's up to me to do something about it for myself, and that I just want to enjoy the time I spend with her. And believe me -- I *do* enjoy that time we spend together.
Last night I was very sick -- even said yes when my husband suggested the emergency room, although after a few hours I gave up and told him either I'd live through the night more comfortably at home, or at least die comfortable (some people had been waiting for 10 hours, including one woman who was in and out of conciousness) so we came home. When we got home, I was finally starting to feel semi-coherent, and somehow started talking about some of what went on in my childhood, some of the things my mother used to say to me. She'd talk about my "ham hock arms", or say that I had "legs like a Jewish woman: fat calves and skinny ankles." Not to mention she always told me that she had a flat stomach -- while I have always had a pot belly. Um, wonder why I've got problems? Just the last few weeks I know my body perceptions have gotten much worse. Now I look in the mirror and see balloon-like hips and thighs, when I know that it can't be that bad. {{sigh}} Guess that might be a subject for therapy, in a perfect world, huh?
Anyway, while I agree that it's really too bad we both recognize the feelings, I know that it's possible to improve the situation, so maybe it will improve for you, too. You really struck a nerve for me when you said that the presents were a sign to you that your mother didn't *know* you, and I think that one was really key for me. Of course, our storage unit is full of things that my family has given us for Christmas that are so outside anything we'd ever use as to be laughable. On the one hand, it is the thought that counts. On the other hand, they're also a sign that someone DIDN'T think. {{sigh}} It would be nice to feel heard.
As for you, have you ever heard a singer called Alison Moyet? Her voice is really captivating, just soars right through me and lifts me along with her. Really amazing sort of rock-y blues voice. Guess what? She's fat. Guess what else? She's absolutely stunningly beautiful. The two are not mutually exclusive. Her eyes are about as beautiful as yours are. The sad thing to me is that she is so lovely, and there are hardly any photographs of her available. The one video I've seen of her tries so hard to hide her. That is sad. Doesn't matter her size, she's still lovely and I want a face to go with that transcendant voice. ('Sides, you gotta have space for those pipes -- skinny chicks can't get that vibrato.)
((Dinah))
Posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:51:35
In reply to Body acceptance, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 10:14:34
Dinah,
I want to check in about what we talked about last night. I clearly want to say that my views on how you present yourself were not meant to imply that what you are currently doing is "wrong." It's just that you seem to want to change it...but are struggling with what that says about the "real you". I'll go back to what I was saying last night, what you put on the outside of you conveys a message about how you feel about the inside of you. If you like comfortable or quirky or stylish, or whatever... it is about YOUR selections and choices. You are respecting your inside by taking care of your outside.
Sometimes I think we can use your outside as a barrier for keeping people at arms length. Of not being approachable. I do this with my suit and heels. I *look* like I'm in charge, so people *let* me be in charge. Which makes me unapproachable at times. It all depends on the message I'm trying to send.
I guess you could think of it in terms of the gift conversation too. A well chosen gift means you've thought about what the other person would like and what they need. I would argue that the same goes for appearance, in some sense. You conform to whatever social norms are apparent in an attempt to put others at ease and let them get to know you. It doesn't mean changing your whole style or sense of self. It shows that you care about the other people in your circle and are willing to "work" a little to make them happy or comfortable.
Gosh, this is so hard. Does that mean I think appearance is all that counts. NO! I'm overweight and there a million things about me I'd like to change. I have these fantasies of being more "hippyish" with long flowing dresses and beads and no make up. But my personal comfort level pushes me to skirts, blouses, stockings and heels. It says a lot about the inner me to people.
I hope this makes at least a little sense. It is such a touchy subject. Maybe because I've gotten to know you without seeing you I want other people to get that chance too. And it makes me sad that you don't like how you look.
I, btw, look EXACTLY like my mother. Which is unnerving even though I like how she looks, mostly. But we value such different things, I have to remind myself that looking and dressing are very different than acting.
Posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:56:40
In reply to Re: Acceptance » Dinah, posted by Racer on May 19, 2004, at 10:47:10
In the "doesn't know me at all gift department"
Last year we celebrated out 20 year wedding anniversary. My husband bought me a big screen TV. Now, I work 75+ hours a week and watch maybe 2 or 3 TV shows consistently. I do love movies and since hitting a depression low the previous April, I had been holed up in our bedroom watching movies alot. In the furthest corner of our house, in the furthest corner of my bed, escaping the world. He said, "I thought maybe you wouldn't spend so much time in the bedroom alone if you could watch movies out here...with us."
It was unbelievable sweet and such a bad choice. My kid, however, came home from a visit to the east coast, walked in and said, "THANKS DAD! The NFL Ticket AND a big screen. Can't wait for football!" LOL
Posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 16:04:27
In reply to Re: Body acceptance » Susan J, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2004, at 12:11:35
Woooooaaaaah. I have about 10 days' worth of clothing that I wear over and over again.
> until I became my present size, was very careful not to wear the same outfit more than once in a 6-week period.
Posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 16:24:27
In reply to Re: mother acceptance » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 11:23:25
It's kind of funny... Years ago, when I got to be the same size as my mother (who is by no means svelte), I was horrified. But now, I would kill to be the same size as my mother. I don't look very much like my mother at all; I look more like my father's side of the family (my relatives always say that I look just like my father's sister).
My mother at least has a decent sense of my taste in clothing. I hate most of the clothes she wears; she buys a lot of her clothes and jewelry from art fairs, while I wear almost exclusively plain, dark clothes. I absolutely hate shopping, and because of that, I have a very limited wardrobe. Sometimes, this annoys/embarrasses her so much that she goes out and buys me clothes :) For someone with such completely different taste in clothing, she does a remarkably good job finding clothes that I'll wear (and I'm actually very picky).
Oh wow... what's wrong with me? I just said something nice about my mother!!!
Posted by Ilene on May 20, 2004, at 19:46:21
In reply to Body acceptance, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 10:14:34
Gaaaahhhhh! My current ruminations revolve around turning 50 in less than one week, and feeling fat, ugly, unsexy, and like the world has passed me by.
Not only does it freak me out to be Turning Into My Mother, but she, too, used to present me with useless gifts. As if she paid no attention to me at all. She did try, at times, by giving me books or something similar, but she'd usually miss the mark by getting something too cheap--like a poor-quality edition of Audubon's Birds of America. I mean, what's the point?
(On the other hand, I always had a terrible time coming up with gifts for her.)
While my mother may have been able to acknowledge that the two of us were different people, when put to it, she could never acknowledge that my--or anyone else's--opinions or preferences had any validity. She treated my choices with disdain, to the point where stating, "I don't want an X" didn't stop me from getting an X if my mother thought I needed an X.
Sure hope my daughter doesn't ever think that of me. So far things are a lot better than they were between me and my mother when I was 17.
Posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 20:02:26
In reply to Re: Body acceptance, posted by Ilene on May 20, 2004, at 19:46:21
OMG! You just kinda described my mother, except that her gifts to me were usually more expensive than she could really afford. She tried, and I know now and even knew then that she did the best she could -- kinda -- so it's hard to validate my own hurt by them.
I hate to sound flippant, but it really seems like all our mothers here went to the same MomSchool, don't you think? Hm... Maybe some connection between all this and our being here?
My mother still kinda does it, too. It's not so much that she buys gifts that I've already said I don't want, though. And example: while we're very different in build, neither one of us has ever been able to wear Levi's jeans. My waist is nearer my armpits than to my hips, and the rise just cuts into my crotch. So, we both buy Eddie Bauer jeans, which do fit us both. The other day, needing a pair of jeans that fit, Mother said, "Well, since Eddie Bauer didn't have jeans you liked (read: my size), let's go to Mervyn's -- they have Levi's." Thanks, but if the problem is not having jeans that fit, how exactly does that help? She meant well, that I know and believe, but it is a bit clueless -- since I'm not 17 anymore...
Anyway, just a bit about it.
Posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 7:09:51
In reply to Re: Body acceptance » Ilene, posted by Racer on May 20, 2004, at 20:02:26
Maybe the problem lies in us more than our moms. Maybe all moms do this to a greater or lesser extent, it's just that we are ultra-sensitive to it. My sister just laughed off my mom's tactless remarks and other faux pas.
On the other hand, my husband couldn't stand my mother because of the way she treated me.
It doesn't bother me that much now that she's dead, because I don't have to deal with her.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:00:52
In reply to Re: motherhood mishandling » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on May 19, 2004, at 8:43:03
I think that's a fine thing to do. I enjoyed buying my son Thomas the Tank Engine toys when he was little because I liked to play with him. Now I just buy them for me. :)
I can't really explain how that's different than what my mother does. Maybe I'm all wrong about her.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:11:36
In reply to Re: Body acceptance, posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:51:35
I do understand, Daisy. It's what my therapist always tries to tell me too. And I trust him and trust his judgement (and I trust you and trust your judgement). At any rate I have all summer to mull it over and decide what to do. And to try to lose weight. I can't help thinking that the rest of it won't mean anything if I can't get down from my current 190.
I have decided that I'm not going adopt the "uniform" of the other moms. If there's one thing I learned about uniforms at Catholic girls school, it's that it's harder to fit in when you wear one than when you don't. There are hosts of unwritten rules about uniforms, and the people who wear them can spot a wannabe at a dozen yards without blinking.
I'm relatively certain there's a store or two they all shop, with khaki or black capris, simple shirts, and black or brown slides. I'm also relatively certain the store doesn't carry my size. I'm dead certain that it would be instantly visible if I tried to put together the look. And I'm reasonably certain that if I bought the exact same clothes from the exact same shops after losing enough weight to fit in them, that there would be a dozen minute details that would give away that I'm not one of them.
So if I lose enough weight (which is doubtful) I'll go back to my old tailored shirtdress, circle skirt sort of look that is the real me. If I don't lose enough weight (far more likely) I'll stick with the look I'm most comfortable with now, and consider less extreme nods to conventionality.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:17:46
In reply to Re: mother acceptance » Dinah, posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 16:24:27
And so you should! That's a wonderful thing to be able to say about your mother. It's really shows some sensitivity on her part.
I can say tons of nice things about my mother too. She taught me all I know about decency and honor and doing the right thing. Not that she always did those things, but she expected me to. :)
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:28:20
In reply to Re: Body acceptance, posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 7:09:51
It seems sort of petty in a way. And maybe I do overreact. But it's so much of who my mother is. We made the mistake of telling her after the Reagan Mondale election that now she could throw away the papers that had been stacking up as she got behind reading the editorials. She never threw away another paper in her life. They're stacked to the ceiling in all but one room of the house (my father's room).
We mentioned it was time to take down the Christmas tree, so it's still up four years later (yes, it was a real one).
Her neighbors asked her to please trim back the garden so they could walk to their backyard. Many acrimonious exchanges later it ended up with her screaming at personnel from the county, and vowing never to cut another of her plants ever. (Repetitive fines that my father refused to pay eventually helped her see the joys of having someone to help in the garden.)
The gifts are just another sign of willfulness going amuck. My father says he's afraid to challenge her about anything because she's sure to figure out something much much worse to do instead. No one else's desires matter to her, although she pretends that she does everything she does for the benefit of others.
But maybe I'm overreacting.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 12:50:33
In reply to Re: Body acceptance » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:11:36
Hmmm... Forget I posted that. I still have some middle school issues to work through. :)
Posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 21:14:33
In reply to Re: Mother acceptance - Racer » Ilene, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:28:20
Those are symptoms of hoarding behavior, which I believe is considered a variant of OCD.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 21:40:07
In reply to Re: Mother acceptance - Racer » Dinah, posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 21:14:33
I know. Except that hers only crops up in response to someone wanting something else. And there are other similar things that have nothing to do with hoarding.
I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with her. There obviously is. But part of what's wrong with her isn't that simple.
Posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 22:04:23
In reply to Re: Mother acceptance » Ilene, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 21:40:07
> I know. Except that hers only crops up in response to someone wanting something else. And there are other similar things that have nothing to do with hoarding.
>
> I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with her. There obviously is. But part of what's wrong with her isn't that simple.Are you saying part of what's wrong with her isn't as simple as saying, "She's got OCD"? I think I might be missing something here...
Some Moms are just irritating, but not pathological. They may know how to push our buttons, or we may allow ourselves to get kinked up over what they do. Others are clearly over the edge, e.g. by exhibiting hoarding behavior, in which case I don't think gettting disturbed is an over-reaction. Other moms are somewhere in between, like mine.
I don't know how I would behave toward my mother if if she were still alive, but I think I've gained some insight into her behavior by developing more severe GAD since my father got sick and died. It's easy for me to see how "nutty" my feelings are, and how they can make me say and do counterproductive and even irrational things. I don't think my mother had that insight--I don't think she had much insight at all--but now I see how her anxieties rode her. (I guess it takes one to know one.)
One of the ways I responded to my family's pathology was by distancing myself physically and emotionally as soon as I left for college. I was of course tainted by their maladaptive behaviors, but I eventually learned healthier ways of interacting.
Posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 15:37:34
In reply to Re: Mother acceptance - Racer » Ilene, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:28:20
Yeah, Dinah, from what you write, it's just you, all in your head. How could that behavior look anything but perfectly acceptable to anyone?
Honeybunny, I really, really wish that I could say or do anything to help relieve your distress about this. All I can say is this: Every time you find yourself starting to wonder 'what is wrong with me?' I want you to remember the answer:
"Whatever might be wrong with me, the fact that I'm working on fixing it is RIGHT with me."
And let me tell you, you and I must not be sisters. My mother is from another planet entirely, where the sky is pink and everyone lives in trees, but she is nothing to touch what you must have been through as a kid. I am so sorry.
Here is my epiphany for the day, by the way, because I think it's relevant to this, too:
If a child's subjective experience is one of great pain or distress, then it DOESN'T MATTER what the objective reality might have been. That child still experienced pain, which is the only relevant fact.
I was thinking about this in terms of therapy, that it probably wasn't totally my failure, but might have included some less than optimal moves on the other side. Of course, then I argue myself out of it, no, it's all my fault, and I shouldn't quit, and they're all right when they say that it shouldn't matter how much I distrust the staff, I still need to do the work so it doesn't matter at all whom I do it with, etc. Guess what? If the therapy which is supposed to provide a safe place and supporting relationship that allows me to do the work turns into an unsafe place with no available route to safety, maybe then it's not unreasonable to say no to it.
You can't say no to your mother and find a new one, as I can with a therapist, but at least you might be able to shake off some of the feelings that you're responsible for being hurt by her behavior. Being hurt is one thing. That was your experience, and it was real. You were hurt. NOT your responsibility. What is your responsibility, though, is processing that pain and learning to process the future discomfort you'll experience with your mother so that it doesn't create new problems. Make sense?
(Here's another Racer's Mom story, that happened 20 years ago and I'm proud of my response to:
I was at my mother's, being yelled at for being -- well, for being me. She yelled, "Your problem is that you let everyone walk all over you -- FROM THE DAY YOU WERE BORN, YOU LET ME WALK ALL OVER YOU!!!" I turned around and SAID -- not yelled -- "Did you hear what you just said, Mom? You said that you walked all over me from the day I was born. Do you think you may have trained me to be walked over?"
Sometimes reframing works a treat...)
Posted by Ilene on May 22, 2004, at 18:47:41
In reply to OMG!! » Dinah, posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 15:37:34
> If a child's subjective experience is one of great pain or distress, then it DOESN'T MATTER what the objective reality might have been. That child still experienced pain, which is the only relevant fact.
>I gotta say I agree entirely. Children are not in charge of what they feel. Even if the same events are experienced positively by another child (sister, brother, friend, Billy down the street) your experience is *real* and *true*.
> You can't say no to your mother and find a new one, as I can with a therapist, but at least you might be able to shake off some of the feelings that you're responsible for being hurt by her behavior. Being hurt is one thing. That was your experience, and it was real. You were hurt. NOT your responsibility. What is your responsibility, though, is processing that pain and learning to process the future discomfort you'll experience with your mother so that it doesn't create new problems. Make sense?
>Sometimes I wonder how much to expect from another person. I don't expect as much from a child as I do from an adult, but plenty of adults don't act responsibly. How much can we hold someone accountable if they are clearly not mentally healthy?
> (Here's another Racer's Mom story, that happened 20 years ago and I'm proud of my response to:
>
> I was at my mother's, being yelled at for being -- well, for being me. She yelled, "Your problem is that you let everyone walk all over you -- FROM THE DAY YOU WERE BORN, YOU LET ME WALK ALL OVER YOU!!!" I turned around and SAID -- not yelled -- "Did you hear what you just said, Mom? You said that you walked all over me from the day I was born. Do you think you may have trained me to be walked over?"
>
> Sometimes reframing works a treat...)Your mother may not have trained you. You may have been born with that kind of personality. The combination of you and your mother was not optimal, just like the combination of my mother and myself was not optimal. I can't blame my mother for doing what she did, because she was at the mercy of her own anxieties. My sister didn't find her as disturbing.
Posted by Dinah on May 22, 2004, at 23:08:37
In reply to OMG!! » Dinah, posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 15:37:34
Well, she does have many good points, too. We had a lot of fun when I was young. And when that will is used *for* you, you've really got an asset! Boy, I'd love to put my mother to work on your therapy/pdoc situation. :) Or car buying. My mother gets *great* deals.
And she really did support me in many of the things I wanted to do.
I have many fond memories mixed in with the bad ones.
Posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 23:53:03
In reply to Re: OMG!! » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2004, at 23:08:37
Ilene, your post made me laugh a bit. The thing that makes it most comfortable to be my mother's daughter is that EVERYONE has the same kinds of troubles with her that I do! The good news, of course, is that we have acheived a pretty good relationship -- it just took us a while...
As for the inborn personality thing, though, I'm pretty sure the answer to that is "no" -- when I am well and strong, I am not someone who allows others to walk over me. In fact, this subject has been on my mind recently, and while I can't say for sure anymore what I *am* like, I think I remember being a pretty strong person. The problem, of course, is that my current crisis has gone on for so very, very long now that I have a *very* hard time remembering anything except the negative events that resulted in so much psychological erosion and led to this current crisis. Guess what? We're days away from the one year anniversary of me melting down. Guess what else? Can you imagine spending an entire year in a state of such intense distress and emotional arousal? Not to mention having to face, rationally, the fact that there is no way to regain what you've lost? (I worked in an industry with long memories, lots of competition, and not a lot of tolerance for anything that could be considered "weakness." I've known of people who were blackballed for physical illnesses, so mental illness just ain't gonna be forgiven.) Not so surprising I don't feel able to tell you what my 'real' personality is, huh?
And Dinah, now you're sounding like me again. Sure, my mother and I still know all the steps of the Mother-Daughter dance, and we sometimes still follow them for old times sake, but she has such great qualities that I'm able to brush many of those moments off -- when I'm well, they hurt more in my current state -- and she has made a hell of an effort to understand what I'm going through and be supportive. (To be honest, that means that we don't talk about anything relating to my current condition, and she hasn't attacked me recently. Although she did finally screw up all her courage and mention my weight directly a while back -- an ENORMOUS accomplishment for her.)
Mothers, mothers, mothers. Isn't it wonderful that we all have them, so that we come equipped with a ready-made bonding issue here? And I'm sorry if I sound a bit flippant. I'm just wrung out -- this week has been really overwhelming, especially the physical scare mid-week.
And my AUNT sounds a lot more like Dinah's mother -- great to have as an ally, she'll take on all comers and they *will* be in big trouble, but don't ever expect to survive if she turns it on you. As a child, my mother's answer to everything was some variation of "don't let it show" -- and that's still one of my main coping strategies, for good and ill. The problem is that, once I got really good at it, it didn't always work with my aunt. Sometimes she couldn't see me, and turned it on someone else. Other times, though, she saw me sitting there looking calm and it made me the center of her attacks. Aside from two very famous spankings from my mother as a small child, my aunt was the only adult in my childhood to strike me, and it was very, very frightening. Of course, as an adult, I know that my mother didn't protect me because she was afraid of her sister, too, but at the time -- well, you already know, so I'll just say I'm glad that it was my aunt, rather than my mother.
By the way, send your mother on over to meet Dr EyeCandy. That really sounds like a good idea. She might want to pick out a change of clothes for him on the way, too. ('specially shoes. Never trust a man with dorky shoes. That's a rule. You can look it up.)
Posted by Dinah on May 23, 2004, at 1:09:24
In reply to Ilene and Dinah, posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 23:53:03
Get your tickets here!!!
Posted by Ilene on May 23, 2004, at 6:31:53
In reply to Ilene and Dinah, posted by Racer on May 22, 2004, at 23:53:03
> Ilene, your post made me laugh a bit. The thing that makes it most comfortable to be my mother's daughter is that EVERYONE has the same kinds of troubles with her that I do! The good news, of course, is that we have acheived a pretty good relationship -- it just took us a while...
>Laugh? Oh well. People laugh at things I say. I think I view the world at about 30 degrees from everyone else.
My BIL and husband couldn't stand my mother. Other people liked her, so I can't say that everyone had the same problems with her, but it was validating to me when my husband, in particular, reacted the same way to her (from feeling insulted to utter rage).
My mother and father fought all the time, but my father's need to be led by someone else prevented him from either seeing my mother's behavior for what it was, or doing anything constructive about it.
I never achieved a good relationship with her. It might be possible if she were still alive, because I think I've been experiencing the same level of anxiety that she had.
> As for the inborn personality thing, though, I'm pretty sure the answer to that is "no" -- when I am well and strong, I am not someone who allows others to walk over me. In fact, this subject has been on my mind recently, and while I can't say for sure anymore what I *am* like, I think I remember being a pretty strong person.
I am currently on the way to being well and strong, If you've read my diary you can see a transition from suicidal depression to taking the initiative and *doing things*. It's like having a personality transplant. I credit Cytomel (thyroid) augmentation of my meds, and maybe regular use of Klonopin.
However, I was depressed and anxious as a child. You can view that as my basic personality, or you can say that I am missing some essential substance (hormone, neurotransmitter, whatever) that "normal" people have. When I get the right meds I am a different person. So what's my real personality?
The problem, of course, is that my current crisis has gone on for so very, very long now that I have a *very* hard time remembering anything except the negative events that resulted in so much psychological erosion and led to this current crisis. Guess what? We're days away from the one year anniversary of me melting down. Guess what else? Can you imagine spending an entire year in a state of such intense distress and emotional arousal? Not to mention having to face, rationally, the fact that there is no way to regain what you've lost? (I worked in an industry with long memories, lots of competition, and not a lot of tolerance for anything that could be considered "weakness." I've known of people who were blackballed for physical illnesses, so mental illness just ain't gonna be forgiven.) Not so surprising I don't feel able to tell you what my 'real' personality is, huh?
>I don't have to imagine it. It happened to me. I feel like I've lost the past 9 years.
> Mothers, mothers, mothers. Isn't it wonderful that we all have them, so that we come equipped with a ready-made bonding issue here?Well...the issue gets more complex for those of us who *are* mothers, and have enough moral sense to want our children's lives to be different.
I.
This is the end of the thread.
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