Posted by DaisyM on May 19, 2004, at 19:51:35
In reply to Body acceptance, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 10:14:34
Dinah,
I want to check in about what we talked about last night. I clearly want to say that my views on how you present yourself were not meant to imply that what you are currently doing is "wrong." It's just that you seem to want to change it...but are struggling with what that says about the "real you". I'll go back to what I was saying last night, what you put on the outside of you conveys a message about how you feel about the inside of you. If you like comfortable or quirky or stylish, or whatever... it is about YOUR selections and choices. You are respecting your inside by taking care of your outside.
Sometimes I think we can use your outside as a barrier for keeping people at arms length. Of not being approachable. I do this with my suit and heels. I *look* like I'm in charge, so people *let* me be in charge. Which makes me unapproachable at times. It all depends on the message I'm trying to send.
I guess you could think of it in terms of the gift conversation too. A well chosen gift means you've thought about what the other person would like and what they need. I would argue that the same goes for appearance, in some sense. You conform to whatever social norms are apparent in an attempt to put others at ease and let them get to know you. It doesn't mean changing your whole style or sense of self. It shows that you care about the other people in your circle and are willing to "work" a little to make them happy or comfortable.
Gosh, this is so hard. Does that mean I think appearance is all that counts. NO! I'm overweight and there a million things about me I'd like to change. I have these fantasies of being more "hippyish" with long flowing dresses and beads and no make up. But my personal comfort level pushes me to skirts, blouses, stockings and heels. It says a lot about the inner me to people.
I hope this makes at least a little sense. It is such a touchy subject. Maybe because I've gotten to know you without seeing you I want other people to get that chance too. And it makes me sad that you don't like how you look.
I, btw, look EXACTLY like my mother. Which is unnerving even though I like how she looks, mostly. But we value such different things, I have to remind myself that looking and dressing are very different than acting.
poster:DaisyM
thread:348135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/348705.html