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Re: Mother acceptance » Dinah

Posted by Ilene on May 21, 2004, at 22:04:23

In reply to Re: Mother acceptance » Ilene, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 21:40:07

> I know. Except that hers only crops up in response to someone wanting something else. And there are other similar things that have nothing to do with hoarding.
>
> I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with her. There obviously is. But part of what's wrong with her isn't that simple.

Are you saying part of what's wrong with her isn't as simple as saying, "She's got OCD"? I think I might be missing something here...

Some Moms are just irritating, but not pathological. They may know how to push our buttons, or we may allow ourselves to get kinked up over what they do. Others are clearly over the edge, e.g. by exhibiting hoarding behavior, in which case I don't think gettting disturbed is an over-reaction. Other moms are somewhere in between, like mine.

I don't know how I would behave toward my mother if if she were still alive, but I think I've gained some insight into her behavior by developing more severe GAD since my father got sick and died. It's easy for me to see how "nutty" my feelings are, and how they can make me say and do counterproductive and even irrational things. I don't think my mother had that insight--I don't think she had much insight at all--but now I see how her anxieties rode her. (I guess it takes one to know one.)

One of the ways I responded to my family's pathology was by distancing myself physically and emotionally as soon as I left for college. I was of course tainted by their maladaptive behaviors, but I eventually learned healthier ways of interacting.


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