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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
(warning..pity party ahead.) So, tonight I actually *go out* with a friend from my grade school years. Nothing wrong with the guy...he is a great fellow. We are almost the same age....and here he doesn't even have a college diploma, yet owns a house, with all of the nice fixings. Here I am with a diploma in social work and a university grad. I live at home with my parents, and it feels like I just lost it all. Lost my health, finances, good job. I *may* have a somewhat good job (touch wood) coming up, yet if I try dating, women are going to think I am some kind of freak living at home with my folks at 34. None of it seems right....what the hell am I to do..just disappear I guess.
jay
Posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 31, 2003, at 1:29:40
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
Hey, remember me? I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I know what it's like to meet up with an old friend who is having more success. Especially when being saddled with an illness that is both invisible and persistent. There are a lot of people from my past I can't face because of that.
At least you have one up on me. I barely graduated High School. Whatever you do, don't disappear. If you want, hit me up at socialdeviantjeff@yahoo.com
Posted by Medusa on December 31, 2003, at 3:17:20
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
> here he doesn't even have a college diploma, yet owns a house,
>unfortunately there's more to it than college=job security. sometimes the kind of work one has to do to get a degree doesn't match up with the kind of work one has to do to get the house and trappings.
>yet if I try dating, women are going to think I am some kind of freak living at home with my folks at 34.
>Jay, how 'bout if you forget the dating thing for a while, and focus on working on your relationship with yourself and with your parents? If you do this, I guarantee you'll land a much nicer long-term lay.
Have you read _Family Evaluation_ by Michael Kerr and Murray Bowen? It seems to have been written for doctors, but since you're a sort of mental health professional I'm sure the technical bits won't stand in your way. Anyway, it cuts to the quick. Even though it's not titled "how to get hot dates drooling over you by working out your family-of-origin issues", it's the closest thing I've seen.
If you do get the Kerr/Bowen book (try a library, because it's not cheap), let me know. I'd definitely be interested in discussing it here.
Posted by jay on January 1, 2004, at 0:38:28
In reply to Re: Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 31, 2003, at 1:29:40
Hey bud...thanks for the inspiration, and I will be in touch with you via email. Hope you are feeling better as well..
Thanks :-),
Jay
Posted by jay on January 1, 2004, at 0:54:46
In reply to I hear you, man, posted by Medusa on December 31, 2003, at 3:17:20
> > here he doesn't even have a college diploma, yet owns a house,
> >
>
> unfortunately there's more to it than college=job security. sometimes the kind of work one has to do to get a degree doesn't match up with the kind of work one has to do to get the house and trappings.
>Ya, I definitely know what you mean, but I know his job, and I know about how much he likely makes. It surely ain't *that* much. After thinking it through, I am positive he had a load of money handed down to him....but that doesn't matter.
Not *that* much of a big deal...but just made me feel a bit lower on the pole. I think what bugs me the most is if weren't for this F**king illness (like everyone says), I had, and maybe do have (if I get my s**t together.), a chance at a nice well-paying job. It's just these little things that jump out of nowhere and jab you once in awhile.
> >yet if I try dating, women are going to think I am some kind of freak living at home with my folks at 34.
> >
>
> Jay, how 'bout if you forget the dating thing for a while, and focus on working on your relationship with yourself and with your parents? If you do this, I guarantee you'll land a much nicer long-term lay.
>
> Have you read _Family Evaluation_ by Michael Kerr and Murray Bowen? It seems to have been written for doctors, but since you're a sort of mental health professional I'm sure the technical bits won't stand in your way. Anyway, it cuts to the quick. Even though it's not titled "how to get hot dates drooling over you by working out your family-of-origin issues", it's the closest thing I've seen.
>
> If you do get the Kerr/Bowen book (try a >library, because it's not cheap), let me know. >I'd definitely be interested in discussing it >here.Ya..thanks..I'll look for the book. So...ya I'll just chill for the time being. My second interview for this job I desperately want should be shouldered up in the next two weeks. I am a little scared, obviously, but I have tons of experience and am good at what I do, and that really helps.
Anyhow...thanks for listening to my rant..:-)
Jay
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 1, 2004, at 10:41:30
In reply to Re: Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 31, 2003, at 1:29:40
money cant fix depression:(
going away does not either..so please dont "dissappear"
you have a lot more than you realize,
and what you have cant be bought..
good luck on that "good job" that is coming your way,,you deserve it.
knocking on the wood for you too
jyl
Posted by Susan J on January 1, 2004, at 13:41:50
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
Hi, Jay,
It's so hard to not *value* money and nice things because it seems to be the only thing our culture cares about. But honestly, it's all *so* superficial. Sorry for burdening you with an old country song: :-)
*Hard times* is a daddy and a mamma,
Living in a mansion and *hating* each other.
*Hard times* is the children too
Racking their brains about who loves who.Painful as our journeys are, here, with depression and whatever else we are fighting, we are forced to learn so much more about ourselves, and about mental and emotional health. Even in our pain, the joys we *do* have are so much more real than those people have who live for money.
>> Lost my health, finances, good job.
<<Trust me, I can empathize. I still feel that way. Sometimes I think depression is like weight lifting. In weightlifting, you tear down the muscle in order for it to grow back stronger. In depression, we hit our own personal pits of hell before we can become emotionally stronger, too. Maybe you are still tearing down those muscles and you're getting ready to build yourself up stronger (possible new job and all that, way to go!).>>yet if I try dating, women are going to think I am some kind of freak living at home with my folks at 34.
<<Don't be ashamed about living with your parents. Instead of putting out energy needed to get a house/apartment/car/whatever, you are putting that energy into getting better. I think that's admirable.Do you *have* to tell women right away you are living with your parents? When I first start dating a guy I don't grill him about his living arrangements, as long as he's not living with a wife or girlfriend. :-) I mean, is that something that can come up if/when you tell them about dealing with depression? Your living situation makes TONS of sense in that context.
No disappearing allowed. :-) Hang in there,
Susan
Posted by shar on January 1, 2004, at 14:18:07
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
Jay,
I am unemployed, gone through my retirement $ in order to live, etc. You know what I mean. It is hard to hear that money doesn't matter when the roof over my head may not be there much longer.Money doesn't buy happiness and won't make us well--as we know...but it does buy food, shelter, gas for the car and so on. I work hard to make money not matter, and have only limited success.
So, I am joining you in your rant, I totally relate to what you described, and I wish you well in the job department. Plus, living at home temporarily, imho, is nothing to be ashamed of at all. It's wonderful that you have that option, and anybody worth having as a friend will understand hard times.
Shar
P.S. I hate the term 'pity party.' I think it minimizes how bad we can legitimately feel about things sometimes, and it should be against the law to use that phrase. (a little extra rant for ya)
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 1, 2004, at 17:34:34
In reply to Re: Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-( » jay, posted by shar on January 1, 2004, at 14:18:07
jay,
i do not have your email address on this computer..i am afraid i fried mine..
i think i lost all my art work ..
i cant get past my wallpaper..i have tried everything..
i cant get my desktop to come up:(
everything i have done in the last 6 months are gone...
i never meant to suggest that money doesnt help...
oh never mind...
disregard
j
Posted by Elle2021 on January 2, 2004, at 8:26:17
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
> We are almost the same age....and here he doesn't even have a college diploma, yet owns a house, with all of the nice fixings.
A lot of times, people aren't as happy and well-adjusted as they seem. He has a house with fixings, but what about the rest of his life? On the other hand, he might be really blessed and be happy. Good for him. You have a lot of potential. I know it's hard, but try not to compare yourself to other people. You are doing the best you can right now, and I think things are going to get better for you. As for dating women. You aren't obligated to tell any of your dates what your financial/living arrangements are. If they like you, they will like YOU, not your house or money. Good luck on the upcoming interview!
Elle
Posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 12:00:24
In reply to Re: Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-( » jay, posted by Elle2021 on January 2, 2004, at 8:26:17
I've sat down before and cataloged the ways depression has cost me money. It's pretty mind boggling. Beyond the obvious stuff like not being able to work and all the money some of us spend on meds and therapy, there are the additional examples of things I can pretty well tie into my mood states:
1. Always paying higher rates for plane tickets because I can't get it together to do anything early enough for good discounts;
2. Late fees on bills or overdraft fees because sometimes I'm too overwelmed to keep up to date on stuff.
3. Not bothering to cancel out services I don't need anymore until I've paid for them way longer than I needed to.
4. Not getting it together to refinance my house mortgage until rates have gone down for months and then have started to go back up.
5. Being abysmally underpaid but not feeling confident enough to advocate for fairer pay.
6. Staying in an unrewarding low-paying position because i can't quite see my worth to another employer and certainly can't see selling myself to a prospective employer.
7. More than occasional impulse buying of things I don't really need and can't really afford.
I could go on and I'm sure other babblers can add to this list quite nicely.
Mair
Posted by shar on January 3, 2004, at 12:52:37
In reply to Hope this doesn't make things worse, posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 12:00:24
Mair,
I don't think it makes things worse at all. Your post very nicely summarizes some of the 'collateral' damage we live with, that most people (normals) wouldn't ever dream of. And, when you put all that on top of the mood disorder itself...wow! We must have psyches that could bench press 300 pounds, because we keep going on.I appreciate your addendum because it brings home the very real and practical aspects of what we live with, things that make life hard.
I would add that, in addition to many things on your list, I wait on car repairs. Recently, my "check engine soon" light came on. Of course, without money, the engine isn't gonna get checked. Then, the light went off after about a week. So, naturally, I assume the engine doesn't need checking after all.
Thanks for your post,
Shar
Posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 22:49:22
In reply to Re: Hope this doesn't make things worse » mair, posted by shar on January 3, 2004, at 12:52:37
Yeah, I've been ignoring my "maint. req." light for days. Your post also reminded me that my car's registration expired over a month ago, and that my husband's inspection sticker expired at the end of December. Would that I could ever remember this stuff during the normal work day - maybe there would be some hope that I might actually figure out how to address these car problems at least one at a time. On the other hand, I might also remember this stuff during the day; sit there to ponder them in a pretty non-productive way; feel instant anxiety and that general feeling of being overwelmed; and then just proceed to do nothing.
Mair
Posted by socks on January 4, 2004, at 8:02:12
In reply to Re: Hope this doesn't make things worse » shar, posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 22:49:22
Hi,
I can relate to the collateral damage aspect of this. I am a classic procrastinator and put things off hoping hey will disappear. It never happens of course and then I just feel guilty and worthless that I couldn't get it together. I used to feel so smart and now feel empty. If only I could face the fear of the piles that await me, I would feel so much better.
Keep the faith and try not to make the idea that the disease you live with is who you are. You are inside there and eventually you will emerge, at least that's what my pdoc says.
All the Best,
Socks
Posted by kara lynne on January 4, 2004, at 11:21:53
In reply to Re: Hope this doesn't make things worse » shar, posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 22:49:22
--On the other hand, I might also remember this stuff during the day; sit there to ponder them in a pretty non-productive way; feel instant anxiety and that general feeling of being overwelmed; and then just proceed to do nothing.--
I couldn't have said it better.
Posted by jay on January 4, 2004, at 13:42:49
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
Posted by leo33 on January 6, 2004, at 19:28:38
In reply to Economics of depression...feeling like s**t :-(, posted by jay on December 30, 2003, at 21:53:39
Oh my God Jay, I feel the same way as you but I'm 36 and at home with parents, several degrees and Computer Certifications but absolutely nothing to show, but a car and a lot of travel experience. I feel displaced and consider myself homeless, how would any women look at this and actually date me. Hope is low and fleeting.
This is the end of the thread.
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