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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 26. Go back in thread:
Posted by mair on November 26, 2003, at 9:05:06
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
It used to be that whenever I got depressed, I thought that that episode itself would never end, and if I felt one coming on, I'd panic with the thought that I was going to be in an abyss forever, or at least for a very long time. Now I've come to think of depressions like waves - they come on and they roll away and there isn't much I can do other than ride the wave when it's there. I guess I've just been through so many episodes, most of them now fairly short or at least not as severe, that I no longer feel as acutely the awful desparation that comes with thinking that however you feel today is how you'll feel tomorrow and every day thereafter.
This is probably scant consolation. I'm really sorry you're facing this - but if it helps at all, do try to remember that while you may always be dealing with depression on some level (my therapist has said as much about me), it won't always be as bad as it seems now. Depressions do come but they also do go away.
Mair
Posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 9:44:08
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by mair on November 26, 2003, at 9:05:06
Hi, Mair,
Thanks for the nice words. :-) I am having an almost opposite reaction to pending depression -- I'm in almost total denial. I don't *want* to think it's coming back, even though I know I'm susceptible to it this time of year -- I always get the holiday blues. I just don't want it to come back.
>>Now I've come to think of depressions like waves - they come on and they roll away and there isn't much I can do other than ride the wave when it's there.
<<Yeah, I agree. My therapist said I'd have recurring bouts of it myself, because this past one was like my 5th depressive episode, even though I've never really gotten treatment before. This past one was so bad though, I had no choice. And even on drugs, it lasted 2 years. I've only felt good about 2-3 months. I can't imagine being depressed for 2 years at a time, only to see a few months of relief. That would just kill me.>>I guess I've just been through so many episodes, most of them now fairly short or at least not as severe,
<<That's good. Gives me hope. I *can* deal with it, although it's not fun, if it doesn't get too bad like last time.>>it won't always be as bad as it seems now. Depressions do come but they also do go away.
<<I hope so. :-) My therapist said if left untreated, my depression would come and go, but stay longer and be worse, each and every time. I hope the fact I've had meds the past 2 years helps make this episode, if that's what it's gonna be, nowhere near as bad as before.Thanks again, and I hope you are feeling good yourself. :-)
S.
>
> Mair
Posted by Wildflower on November 26, 2003, at 9:49:38
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
(((((Susan)))))
I assure you that it will get better although I cannot give you a definite timeline.
Please know that we are here to help you through the rough spots. We've all been through them...
Hang in there.
Posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:02:09
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by Wildflower on November 26, 2003, at 9:49:38
Hi, Wildflower,
Thanks for the kind words. I hope it doesn't get too bad. I thought it was just sadness to certain things that had happened, but I'm starting to feel really bummed, and cranky. :-(
*Do* people really come out of it, always? Seems like so many people here have so much trouble ever getting out....If I knew there was a real end in sight, that's very helpful....
S.
Posted by Poet on November 26, 2003, at 10:03:36
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
Hi Susan,
I wish I could answer your question. Sorry.
Don't blame yourself for feeling depressed. You recognize you have a history of seasonal depression, which is in no way your fault. Remember that.
For me, trying to deny depression is more damaging than feeling it. Though either way it's painful even with meds and therapy.
Take care.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 10:12:09
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:02:09
We're a self selected bunch, Susan. Those who get all better move on from here. And there have been plenty who have. I'm always sorry to see people leave, but that's the best reason.
But there is the possibility it will come and go for you. The best way to deal with that is to realize it, and take care of it as soon as it comes up. Have you reduced your meds lately? Or your therapy?
Posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:16:51
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by Poet on November 26, 2003, at 10:03:36
Hi, Poet,
Thanks for responding. :-) I really appreciate it when people here look out for me. It *really* does help.
> For me, trying to deny depression is more damaging than feeling it. Though either way it's painful even with meds and therapy.
<<You are right. I denied getting more depressed last year around Christmas and it just got worse and worse and took longer to dig myself out again. I guess I'll make some appointments with the therapist and med doc.Thanks again!
Susan
Posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:17:40
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:16:51
Posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:21:10
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 10:12:09
Hi, Dinah,
> We're a self selected bunch, Susan. Those who get all better move on from here. And there have been plenty who have. I'm always sorry to see people leave, but that's the best reason.
<<Hah! I never thought of it like that... makes perfect sense. Thanks!>
> But there is the possibility it will come and go for you. The best way to deal with that is to realize it, and take care of it as soon as it comes up. Have you reduced your meds lately? Or your therapy?
<<You are right. I appreciate your response. You and Poet pointed out that if I don't deal with it now, it will get worse, which I know but don't want to think about. :-) But I will make an appointment with the docs now. Thanks. :-)I haven't reduced my meds at all, but I have been neglectful about getting to therapy. I'll go back. I started getting bummed right after my SIL moved out of my brother's house. My whole family had been so *up* in a very stressful, adrenaline filled manner, trying to get him through it, trying to help him keep the house, and all that. Now that she's out, I can see my brother feeling really depressed and I'm feeling the same way -- like a let down from all the stress. Thankfully, he's getting counseling.
I'll follow suit again.
Thanks again,
Susan
Posted by Waterlily on November 26, 2003, at 17:24:12
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
Gosh, Susan, I think you and I must be going through the same thing at the same time. I read your post on the other board that you're wondering if Wellbutrin has stopped working for you. I'm also on 300 mg of Wellbutrin and I'm just emerging from a depression that started abruptly about 8 weeks ago. It stunk and I was scared to death that I'd never get out of it. My husband, therapist, and pdoc tell me that I've always gotten over depressions, but there's always part of me that says, "Yeah, but that was then. This is now. It could happen." After six weeks I decided enough was enough and asked my pdoc to add Luvox to the Wellbutrin. The Luvox made things worse for about 9 days, but now I'm feeling much better. WHEW!!! Glad to have that nightmare over!
Hang in there. I'm not going to tell you that you're going to get over it. Just know that you are not alone.
Posted by shar on November 28, 2003, at 14:50:50
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
> Will this never end?
>Susan,
I KNOW for a fact that it DOES end for some people. Do not give up hope.I haven't read this whole thread, but I can assure you I know some people have come up and out of depression and stayed there a long time.
Shar
Posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 16:47:20
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by mair on November 26, 2003, at 9:05:06
Susan--I have Mair's experience, too. I learned to see them as waves and not to have that awful panic about the depression coming back. Thinking of it as something that comes and goes helped me to not sink so deeply into it--to learn to ride the wave out.
Mair-WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!! Reading your post makes me so happy!!! I am so glad you have achieved the ability to ride the waves!!! I know you have suffered long and hard and this seems a most hopeful development!!
Posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 16:53:17
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 10:12:09
Like Dinah said, when the depression goes, the posters don't post as much. But once in a while we come back.
Not that I am totally free from depression. I'm not. The major depression is in remission but I have the lingering dysthymia that fluctuates. Most of the time, I'm pretty good, but sometimes I have lousy days. And there are still ways that the dysthymia holds me back somewhat as I try to work toward my goals. But it is NOTHING like it used to be. NOTHING. I had severe recurrent, treatment resistant, double depression. I never thought it would get better. But somehow, it did. It took a long time. I lost important years of my life. But it did get better. And it continues to be a process I'm working on, but I am so much better than I was.
I hope my story helps you to keep the hope alive for yourself.
Posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 16:58:16
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Dinah, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 10:21:10
Counseling may help. I see a lot in the media about how caregivers suffer depression, like caregivers of family members with Alzheimers, etc. Wouldn't it be the same general principal here, too? It sounds like it's happening to you, trying to hold your brother and family together, like it would help to learn how to take better care of yourself and not get totally burned out by your brother's suffering.
Posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 17:04:32
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by shar on November 28, 2003, at 14:50:50
One more thought--I guess I used to think of it as "depressed" or "not depressed" in pretty much all or nothing terms. I tried to stay in the "not depressed" mode and push away the "depressed" mode as it crept up on me. This meant I would try so hard to deny it. Then, when I had already had so many episodes that it was hard to deny them, when I was in "not depressed" mode I would be anxious all the time about depression attacking me without notice, like a ferocious monster lurking around the corner.
Now I guess I have come to see it as something I won't ever truly 'get over' completely, but more like a chronic illness that has to be managed, but that I can really be in remission and do quite well. And a process that is ongoing.
Posted by Susan J on December 1, 2003, at 8:09:46
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again, posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 17:04:32
Thanks to all of you who've posted to me. :-)
I'm feeling a bit better, but not great. And then I got news again this weekend that a tumor has returned in my dog. She goes in for surgery Wednesday. They just took it out 4 months ago, and if they'd gotten all of it, it was supposed to be an optimistic outlook. So, who knows? I'm actually surprised I'm handling this better this time around than when she was first diagnosed. That just about flipped me out.
Think this is God's way of testing me? I said many times the only thing keeping me alive was my pup, because she depended on me....and now if she's gone.....how strong will I be if it gets really bad again?
Still, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Thanks again,
Susan
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2003, at 8:16:45
In reply to Thanks, Guys, posted by Susan J on December 1, 2003, at 8:09:46
I'm so sorry Susan. I'll be wishing the best for you and your pup.
Posted by sb417 on December 2, 2003, at 0:30:59
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
Hello, Susan. Do you, by any chance, have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? I purchased a bright light/"sunbox" (NOT to be confused with a sunlamp) several years ago. I think it is quite helpful, especially at this time of year. Research on light therapy is progessing. Keep in mind that after the Winter Solstice, on December 22nd, the days will start getting longer! Of course, I'm assuming we live in the same hemisphere.
Posted by Susan J on December 2, 2003, at 8:55:53
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » Susan J, posted by sb417 on December 2, 2003, at 0:30:59
Hello,
> Hello, Susan. Do you, by any chance, have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? I purchased a bright light/"sunbox" (NOT to be confused with a sunlamp) several years ago.
<<You know, that could be a possibility. One of the reasons I value these boards is that people have so much more experience than I do. I've had depressive episodes all my adult life, but have been able to pull out of them eventually. And *not* because I was smart and researched it or tried to learn about different types of depression. I think they just kind of ended on their own. So I don't have much knowledge at all in this area.But this last one was almost life-ending as far as I'm concerned, and I spent so much time and what little energy I had doing the counseling and meds to feel at least human again. But now that the *huge* depressive crisis is over, I have no clue how to cope with ups and downs or return of depression. Or the ability to even consider whether I've got SAD. It's difficult for me to discern exactly what's going on in my head right now.....
I know I *do* get bummed every year this time, but I figured it was because it's so family oriented, and my family is a bit of a mess. But I also know that since I got an office with a window, I feel better in the winters, too. So it's definitely worth looking into.
Thanks!
Posted by shar on December 2, 2003, at 15:48:37
In reply to Thanks, Guys, posted by Susan J on December 1, 2003, at 8:09:46
I'm very sorry to hear about your dog's tumor.
God testing us? Wow, are YOU in the right place. I bet everyone here can relate to that! I figure it's god or satan or the powers that be or someone--then sometimes I believe it's nobody.
I will hold in my heart the good health of your dog.
Shar
Posted by noa on December 3, 2003, at 18:46:47
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » sb417, posted by Susan J on December 2, 2003, at 8:55:53
Light therapy helps me too. I've been neglectful about using my light this season, but just today, I brought in my smaller light box to work and positioned on my desk so it was not intrusive and kept it on most of the day. Hopefully, I'll be better about using it. I do notice my mood slipping and feeling sluggish, so I think it is reasonable to see it as a function of not having been using my light as I should.
Posted by sb417 on December 3, 2003, at 20:29:57
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again, posted by noa on December 3, 2003, at 18:46:47
Hi Noa, Can you tell me more about this smaller light box? I have a fairly large one that is not portable. Is yours small enough to take on vacations with you? Does it emit the same number of lux? Have you ever tried the kind that is like a visor on a hat? Thanks.
Posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:22:15
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » noa, posted by sb417 on December 3, 2003, at 20:29:57
It's smaller, but not real compact. It is actually part of a desk lamp I got from Apollo lights. It can be used as a desk lamp, turned upward to face you for light therapy, or detached from the base and used as a light box.
It provides 10,000 lux but only at a distance of 15 inches, and that isn't real comfortable on the eyes, let alone conducive to doing much of anything! I am now using it at a distance of about 30 or more inches, but since it's now on my desk at work, I just leave it on for a while. I haven't yet calculated an estimate of how many lux I've been getting and for how long, because I just needed to get started and use it, so anything is better than what I was getting before--ie, nothing.
When I had a routine down last year, I used my larger box, which provides 10,000 at 27". I'd sit at it at around arms length away for about 45 minutes a day. That worked.
Check out the Apollo site. They have newer lamps than mine that have flexible necks, etc. I bet they also might have a small travel size version. For more websites that sell boxes, go to PB tips page at yahoogroups (the link is in the intro to the babble pages here). A poster made a folder there with links about SAD and therapy lights.
Posted by sb417 on December 4, 2003, at 22:31:42
In reply to Re: Getting Depressed Again » sb417, posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:22:15
Hi Noa, Thank you so much for your help. For a while I thought that the lights weren't helping me, but then I had to go out of town for a week and I didn't have access to a sunbox and, WOW, I could really see the difference in my mood then! That's when it occurred to me that it would be great to have one small enough to take on trips. I wonder what airport security screeners will think of the lights!
Take care, and thanks again!
Posted by sarita0001 on December 6, 2003, at 22:28:58
In reply to Getting Depressed Again, posted by Susan J on November 26, 2003, at 8:47:06
Hi,
I just want to say I hope you are doing better.
Sara
This is the end of the thread.
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