![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
Im trapped, I have no where to go and I have to get out of the situation Im in now.........Im living with my family who think that this Illness is my fault, they throw money at me and buy me things, thats their way of showing love, not talking about things, must keep everything inside.
Its because of them Im depressed, they argue and lie to each other, my first memories are of them fighting. Im caught up in their web, All I want to do is break free, but I have nowhere to go........
I went to Uni to try and escape, fearing I might be blamed for the lies, I took drugs, I starved myself, I shut myself away, I hate myself what more do they want from me..........
Posted by lostsailor on March 9, 2003, at 14:59:51
In reply to Trapped, posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
Daizy...I don't know you at all, but some of our situations are similar. I am sorry for what you are going thru but we have all been, or are, there too. We are here when you need us!!!(((daizy)))--~tony
Posted by paxvox on March 9, 2003, at 18:48:44
In reply to Trapped, posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
Daisy, some more information if you please: How old are you? Do you HAVE to live with your parents? What is your particular "problem"? Have YOU ever said to them "Hey, let's sit down and talk about the way I feel, and how I feel you guys are treating me."? Are you seeing any counselor? If so, do any of your family members go with you? Have they asked about it? Have you asked them to go? Has your counselor asked you/them to come to one of your sessions? I can't come up with all 20 questions, but if you answer these, I believe some of us can help you deal with some of your issues.
PAX
Posted by kara lynne on March 9, 2003, at 19:53:50
In reply to Trapped, posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
Hi daizy,
I know in cases like mine it is futile and even self-destructive to try and talk to my parents. It leads only to more self-hatred because they're locked in their denial with a death grip. Fortunately I don't have to live with them, but whenever I'm with them I try to protect myself as much as possible, whatever that means at the time. Still I always have a hangover of despair, rage or self loathing after being with them. You sound smart and aware of all of this with your own parents. In the meantime, cultivate all the safety you can make for yourself with friends, here, in your room, anywhere you can get it. Maybe you can start to focus on ways you can eventually help yourself to get out of your current situation, so at least you have something to work on and look forward to. It is so rough to be constantly restimulated by the people around us who helped create the depression to begin with. I'm a big one to talk, but daizy, don't hate yourself for them or anyone. It's just all that angst turned against yourself where it does not belong. Give it back to them and hold onto yourself for dear life. Have them throw you enough money to get an apartment somewhere, or move in with roommates. You're going to get out of there and find a place to shine, it's only a matter of time. I have spent my lifetime trying to recover from self hatred. Once someone told me to treat myself like I would my own daughter, or a friend I really loved. That sort of gave me a beginning of something to work with. Keep posting, my prayers are with you.
Posted by kazoo on March 11, 2003, at 5:26:26
In reply to Trapped, posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
>
> Im trapped, I have no where to go and I have to get out of the situation Im in now.........
^^^^^^^^^^^
I do, too. Want to get hitched?> Im living with my family who think that this Illness is my fault, they throw money at me and buy me things, thats their way of showing love, not talking about things, must keep everything inside.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Be thankful your parents are alive. You'll miss them when they're gone. I miss mine. Re. blaming you for your illness, have you ever confronted them with this? If they admit to this, then are you giving them reason for believing this? I don't know your parents (hence, cannot be more certain) but unless you get it from the horse's mouth, consider this projection on your part.Take the money they "throw" at you and put it in a high-yielding bank account, preferably a "Certificate of Deposit" (CD). When you get enough of it, then you can make the decision to leave.
>
> Its because of them Im depressed, they argue and lie to each other, my first memories are of them fighting. Im caught up in their web, All I want to do is break free, but I have nowhere to go........
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What does their rotten life have to do with you? Are they making you the object of their fighting and misery? In other words, are you the reason they are fighting? If so, I suggest a pair of ear plugs found in any drug store. If not, then you should learn from them and not make the same mistakes later in life.>
> I went to Uni to try and escape, fearing I might be blamed for the lies, I took drugs, I starved myself, I shut myself away, I hate myself what more do they want from me..........
^^^^^^^^^^^
Get a grip. Jump into Academia with a vengence and zeal as to transcend the miserable ignorance of your parents ... but at all times, be respectful of them because without them, you would be null and void; i.e., not exist.Now aren't you lucky to be alive at this point in time?
kazoo
Posted by Dinah on March 11, 2003, at 8:10:54
In reply to Get a grip » daizy, posted by kazoo on March 11, 2003, at 5:26:26
Some of us spend our lives trying desperately to get a grip. To gain the perspective that we *know* we should have. And being doubly angry with ourselves when we can't. Get a grip, get over it, you can think yourself better. All those things just increase my self hatred. It's easy enough to know what we *should* think, or feel. A lot harder to have it seep in to a different level of ourselves. The level where the emotional responses occur.
That's the part I've never figured out about CBT, how to translate an intellectual understanding into an emotional understanding. If intellectual understanding in itself were enough, I'd be the most emotionally healthy person around. In fact on one level of my existence, I walk around as the "should" girl. Feeling as I should, saying and doing what I should. All rational and reasonable. And it angers the hell out of the other level of myself, the level that wants to rip the "should" part of me to shreds and feel what I feel.
Posted by daizy on March 11, 2003, at 9:07:36
In reply to Re: Get a grip » kazoo, posted by Dinah on March 11, 2003, at 8:10:54
> Some of us spend our lives trying desperately to get a grip. To gain the perspective that we *know* we should have. And being doubly angry with ourselves when we can't. Get a grip, get over it, you can think yourself better. All those things just increase my self hatred. It's easy enough to know what we *should* think, or feel. A lot harder to have it seep in to a different level of ourselves. The level where the emotional responses occur.
>
> That's the part I've never figured out about CBT, how to translate an intellectual understanding into an emotional understanding. If intellectual understanding in itself were enough, I'd be the most emotionally healthy person around. In fact on one level of my existence, I walk around as the "should" girl. Feeling as I should, saying and doing what I should. All rational and reasonable. And it angers the hell out of the other level of myself, the level that wants to rip the "should" part of me to shreds and feel what I feel.Thank you Dinah, you put into words exactly how I feel! Kazoo, I know what it is I have to do, Its doing it that is a different matter completely. I am grateful for what I have, but this depression clouds it and makes it hard to see sometimes........I wish I could just get a grip, but saying it doesnt just make it happen.... I see where your coming from though.....
Posted by Gabbix2 on March 11, 2003, at 11:16:29
In reply to Re: Get a grip, posted by daizy on March 11, 2003, at 9:07:36
Posted by kara lynne on March 11, 2003, at 12:59:14
In reply to Re: Get a grip.. Amen Dinah!! (nm), posted by Gabbix2 on March 11, 2003, at 11:16:29
I would be hesitant to post here if someone's going to tell me to get a grip. Fortunately there are the rest of you who have a grip on that! How're you doing gabbix2? You've escaped our island so soon? I will be going away for a few days and will miss following this board! See you when I return.
Posted by kara lynne on March 11, 2003, at 13:09:56
In reply to Hi Gabbix (and I 3rd the get a grip quip blip), posted by kara lynne on March 11, 2003, at 12:59:14
There are parents who are horribly abusive; I think it's dangerous to tell people to be grateful for them until we know the circumstances. Some children end up self-destructive over their guilt and conflict at recognizing that, and even kill themselves in their 'gratitude'. Until you separate and see the situation for what it is, gratitude can be premature and dangerous. This is different than not taking responsibility for your life; it is taking the utmost responsibility for your sanity.
Posted by jay on March 11, 2003, at 14:34:15
In reply to Re: Get a grip » kazoo, posted by Dinah on March 11, 2003, at 8:10:54
It is when people say "it's ok to **not** have a grip..etc.." that has made me 'progress' in life. I've read that often denial is a bit of a protection for families from the throes of complete annihilation. Of course it also works for us as individuals sometimes too. That's what I think telling someone to "get a grip" is, asking someone to turn a bit of a blind eye to their pain. The problem is, this denial exists so widely and so deep.
I would very much argue that yes, families and people *must* let and admit it is o.k. for people and loved-ones to sometimes (maybe even more than often) sit with their pain, but be non-judgemental and supportive about it. That is a deeply valuable lesson depression has taught me. It's not being passive, and just letting people fall to pieces, because you offer that un-conditional support. I see it as a jewel, one that has kept me going in the worst of times.
Jay
Posted by Gabbix2 on March 11, 2003, at 15:53:03
In reply to Re: Get a grip..yes I agree with Dinah » Dinah, posted by jay on March 11, 2003, at 14:34:15
Posted by kazoo on March 12, 2003, at 3:02:16
In reply to Re: Get a grip, posted by daizy on March 11, 2003, at 9:07:36
>> I see where your coming from though.....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^And where might that be, my dear? Neptune?
Sorry for coming across like a football coach.
In lieu of "Get a grip" how about "Grabbing the Bull by the horns" and twisting until it whispers "Uncle."The point of this is that you're stronger than you think; ergo, only you can make things happen through your strength.
I've faced (and still facing) some God-awful, mighty challenges and it's only through my strength in spirit and zest for life that I'm able to survive crisis after crisis. But I, too, am human and can't do it all. Even the strongest of us break down sometimes, but faith in yourself will renew your spirt. So, have faith ... in yourself ... in others. And, by all means, give a little of yourself to others. You would be surprised how much is returned.
I remain, faithfully yours, kazoo
Posted by daizy on March 12, 2003, at 9:23:47
In reply to Get a Grip ... da capo » daizy, posted by kazoo on March 12, 2003, at 3:02:16
> >> I see where your coming from though.....
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> And where might that be, my dear? Neptune?
>
> Sorry for coming across like a football coach.
> In lieu of "Get a grip" how about "Grabbing the Bull by the horns" and twisting until it whispers "Uncle."
>
> The point of this is that you're stronger than you think; ergo, only you can make things happen through your strength.
>
> I've faced (and still facing) some God-awful, mighty challenges and it's only through my strength in spirit and zest for life that I'm able to survive crisis after crisis. But I, too, am human and can't do it all. Even the strongest of us break down sometimes, but faith in yourself will renew your spirt. So, have faith ... in yourself ... in others. And, by all means, give a little of yourself to others. You would be surprised how much is returned.
>
> I remain, faithfully yours, kazoo
>
>
>All of what you said is true, sometimes its hard to have a zest for life though, especially when you feel it kicks you in the teeth, but your right things will only happen if I want them too....... And yes you did sound like a football coach, ones that I used to bunk off in their lessons!
Posted by bozeman on March 13, 2003, at 23:35:44
In reply to Re: Get a grip..yes I agree with Dinah » Dinah, posted by jay on March 11, 2003, at 14:34:15
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.