Posted by kara lynne on March 9, 2003, at 19:53:50
In reply to Trapped, posted by daizy on March 9, 2003, at 14:01:58
Hi daizy,
I know in cases like mine it is futile and even self-destructive to try and talk to my parents. It leads only to more self-hatred because they're locked in their denial with a death grip. Fortunately I don't have to live with them, but whenever I'm with them I try to protect myself as much as possible, whatever that means at the time. Still I always have a hangover of despair, rage or self loathing after being with them. You sound smart and aware of all of this with your own parents. In the meantime, cultivate all the safety you can make for yourself with friends, here, in your room, anywhere you can get it. Maybe you can start to focus on ways you can eventually help yourself to get out of your current situation, so at least you have something to work on and look forward to. It is so rough to be constantly restimulated by the people around us who helped create the depression to begin with. I'm a big one to talk, but daizy, don't hate yourself for them or anyone. It's just all that angst turned against yourself where it does not belong. Give it back to them and hold onto yourself for dear life. Have them throw you enough money to get an apartment somewhere, or move in with roommates. You're going to get out of there and find a place to shine, it's only a matter of time. I have spent my lifetime trying to recover from self hatred. Once someone told me to treat myself like I would my own daughter, or a friend I really loved. That sort of gave me a beginning of something to work with. Keep posting, my prayers are with you.
poster:kara lynne
thread:207440
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/207568.html