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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 15:03:01
It means that sometimes when the brain is wildly out of balance that things get said that others interpret in the wrong way.
I live with mental illness and I am very much not well so anyone who wishes not to hear my words anymore you are so blessed.
~A.
Posted by dreamerz on January 5, 2003, at 15:16:55
In reply to What it is like being mentally ill, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 15:03:01
> It means that sometimes when the brain is wildly out of balance that things get said that others interpret in the wrong way.
>
> I live with mental illness and I am very much not well so anyone who wishes not to hear my words anymore you are so blessed.Hey darling...I like hearing your words---I ain't just being falsely nice--
A couple ?? of days ago I got freaked here all conspiratoral-like which later discovered was all in my mental head : )..so we get these times.
The pendalum swings to extremes and other unknown ways..
You be good to yourself--And I did appriciate the kind words bout my art stuff
lovables
Posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 16:56:44
In reply to What it is like being mentally ill, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 15:03:01
all my life mental illness has been a voice on my shoulder, whispering, "you're no good", "you're not one of them", "you're inhuman", "you will live this way forever"...my thought patterns change over the years, in some ways im a lot stronger now... but i still feel alienated, cant/dont call back people who call, two messages today, and i put it off...
when im out and arround people im fine, no agoraphobic (is that the right word), but at home, i have some sort of natural dread of the phone ringing, unless its one of the few people who i can talk to...
being possesed is a bitch, where is a honest catholic priest when you need him.
all my love.
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:50:05
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 16:56:44
>
> all my life mental illness has been a voice on my shoulder, whispering, "you're no good", "you're not one of them", "you're inhuman", "you will live this way forever"...
>
> my thought patterns change over the years, in some ways im a lot stronger now... but i still feel alienated, cant/dont call back people who call, two messages today, and i put it off...
>
> when im out and arround people im fine, no agoraphobic (is that the right word), but at home, i have some sort of natural dread of the phone ringing, unless its one of the few people who i can talk to...
>
> being possesed is a bitch, where is a honest catholic priest when you need him.
>
> all my love.Alii,
Is there an honest catholic priest? Just kidding, my husband is catholic so I can get away with it! It's great to hear your stronger now over the years. But what is it that makes you feel "you are not one of them"? We are all individuals just as you are. Maybe it's as simple as "when I'm home" it's my time don't bother me. I want my space, there certainly isn't anything wrong with that.
Posted by wendy b. on January 5, 2003, at 19:03:00
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:50:05
Posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 19:21:18
In reply to Re: Kam, above^^^ was fr. KidA not Alii (nm) » Kam, posted by wendy b. on January 5, 2003, at 19:03:00
Sorry, that is the second time I've done that, again the SSRI's I've been on have eaten away at my concentration and short term memory, so again for the second time in two days I apologize !
Posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 23:06:43
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 16:56:44
kid_A,
I have printouts to take to the pdoc tomorrow morning to show how deluded my thinking has become. I will be honest with both the pdoc and the therapist (later on that same day) about not having eaten since Friday and whatever all that is about.
My machine needed to be recycled. Picked for parts. Working ones. Let those who could use and be happy with my organs have em. What use is my body when the ruler (brain/mind) is so broken that nothing else matters?!
Darkness descended faster than I expected. Am scared. Tell posse that partner is home so I'm no longer solo. Not that it makes much difference.
Tearily,
Alii
> all my life mental illness has been a voice on my shoulder, whispering, "you're no good", "you're not one of them", "you're inhuman", "you will live this way forever"...
>
> my thought patterns change over the years, in some ways im a lot stronger now... but i still feel alienated, cant/dont call back people who call, two messages today, and i put it off...
>
> when im out and arround people im fine, no agoraphobic (is that the right word), but at home, i have some sort of natural dread of the phone ringing, unless its one of the few people who i can talk to...
>
> being possesed is a bitch,
> all my love.
Posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 9:00:38
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine » kid a, posted by Alii on January 5, 2003, at 23:06:43
> I have printouts to take to the pdoc tomorrow morning to show how deluded my thinking has become. I will be honest with both the pdoc and the therapist (later on that same day) about not having eaten since Friday and whatever all that is about.
this is a good thing, otherwise how can they help you? i need to learn to be so forthright about my particular problems...
> My machine needed to be recycled. Picked for parts. Working ones. Let those who could use and be happy with my organs have em. What use is my body when the ruler (brain/mind) is so broken that nothing else matters?!
that part is especially tricky... its not like the lungs or even the heart... we go to specialists to have it fixed... your right, it's difficult for everything else to work when the brain is malfunctioning, but when it's not, everything else seems so much better... thats what we are going to do... fix that broken part...
> Darkness descended faster than I expected. Am scared. Tell posse that partner is home so I'm no longer solo. Not that it makes much difference.
understood there... i'm with you in these emotions, my thoughts are of you...
> Tearily,
tearily,
michael.
Posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 10:28:04
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine » Alii, posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 9:00:38
Posted by Alii on January 6, 2003, at 10:34:51
In reply to Hey Alii... Lisa needs braces.... Dental Plan.... (nm), posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 10:28:04
Posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 11:18:07
In reply to Way to cite precedence Lise! cheeky devil u!! (nm) » kid a, posted by Alii on January 6, 2003, at 10:34:51
I'm in my lab all day, toiling and toiling. I mean, I'm on the cutting edge here folks, what I am doing will revolutionize the way the fashion industry thinks about kneck-bolts...But Oh no, I all the other scientists laugh at me, well we'll see who's laughing when I unleash my latest project. Keep in mind if one of the scientists happens to be watching the movie Airplane when my feat is done, I can't really help that... it's a damn funny movie.
And for all of you posuers out there who read this thread looking for text on what it feels like to be a monster, I'M FRANKENSTEIN, numbknuckles... You're looking for Frankenstein's monster... sheeh.
Posted by Tabitha on January 6, 2003, at 13:28:11
In reply to What it's like to be Frankenstein..., posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 11:18:07
> And for all of you posuers out there who read this thread looking for text on what it feels like to be a monster, I'M FRANKENSTEIN, numbknuckles... You're looking for Frankenstein's monster... sheeh.
Funny, my knuckles have been feeling kind of numb lately. How did you guess?
Posted by kid a on January 6, 2003, at 15:59:37
In reply to Re: What it's like to be Frankenstein..., posted by Tabitha on January 6, 2003, at 13:28:11
>
> Funny, my knuckles have been feeling kind of numb lately. How did you guess?
>why because I'm Frankenstein... a scientist knows these things..
Posted by snowden on January 7, 2003, at 20:18:53
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine, posted by kid a on January 5, 2003, at 16:56:44
>all my life mental illness has been a voice on my shoulder, whispering, "you're no good", "you're not one of them", "you're inhuman", "you will live this way forever"...
>my thought patterns change over the years, in some ways im a lot stronger now... but i still feel alienated, cant/dont call back people who call, two messages today, and i put it off...
>when im out and arround people im fine, no agoraphobic (is that the right word), but at home, i have some sort of natural dread of the phone ringing, unless its one of the few people who i can talk to...
OMG, I thought I was the only one...it's almost refreshing to hear that someone else out there knows what it's like, although I wish it weren't so for either of us...
Snow
Posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 22:43:44
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine » kid a, posted by snowden on January 7, 2003, at 20:18:53
>>all my life mental illness has been a voice on my shoulder, whispering, "you're no good", "you're not one of them", "you're inhuman", "you will live this way forever"...
>>my thought patterns change over the years, in some ways im a lot stronger now... but i still feel alienated, cant/dont call back people who call, two messages today, and i put it off...
>>when im out and arround people im fine, no agoraphobic (is that the right word), but at home, i have some sort of natural dread of the phone ringing, unless its one of the few people who i can talk to...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>>>OMG, I thought I was the only one...it's almost refreshing to hear that someone else out there knows what it's like, although I wish it weren't so for either of us...
>>>> SnowSnow,
kid_A sure does have a way with the dark words and feelings. That's why I'm always amazed at his ability to bring into words the horrendous feelings I go through as a person with major depression.
I'm sorry that you too are a walker in this darkness.
Namaste.
~Alii
Posted by kid a on January 8, 2003, at 12:47:29
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine, posted by Kam on January 5, 2003, at 18:50:05
> Is there an honest catholic priest? Just kidding, my husband is catholic so I can get away with it! It's great to hear your stronger now over the years. But what is it that makes you feel "you are not one of them"? We are all individuals just as you are. Maybe it's as simple as "when I'm home" it's my time don't bother me. I want my space, there certainly isn't anything wrong with that.
when i was younger, we had a very cool priest, he had a camero i think... he was young... its the older ones you have to look out for... with their frail fingers, spreading death... every touch leaving a cicatrix on the unfortunate...
sometimes im happy to be home, sometimes it scares me to be there alone, sometimes i don't know where i want to be at all, or if at all, a thought ive chastised others for, or alternately lapped in the morose and we laughed it off as if it were our destiny... 9 months, and i still can't shake that feeling, it never leaves you.
maybe we're all just "anonymous bodies, in an empty room".
sorry for the late reply, i think i was confused by the misdirection....
Posted by Kam on January 11, 2003, at 1:40:33
In reply to Re: what its like being a bad machine » Kam, posted by kid a on January 8, 2003, at 12:47:29
> > Is there an honest catholic priest? Just kidding, my husband is catholic so I can get away with it! It's great to hear your stronger now over the years. But what is it that makes you feel "you are not one of them"? We are all individuals just as you are. Maybe it's as simple as "when I'm home" it's my time don't bother me. I want my space, there certainly isn't anything wrong with that.
>
> when i was younger, we had a very cool priest, he had a camero i think... he was young... its the older ones you have to look out for... with their frail fingers, spreading death... every touch leaving a cicatrix on the unfortunate...
>
> sometimes im happy to be home, sometimes it scares me to be there alone, sometimes i don't know where i want to be at all, or if at all, a thought ive chastised others for, or alternately lapped in the morose and we laughed it off as if it were our destiny... 9 months, and i still can't shake that feeling, it never leaves you.
>
> maybe we're all just "anonymous bodies, in an empty room".
>
> sorry for the late reply, i think i was confused by the misdirection....kid a,
Agreed, as my disguted catholic husband would say! It's the older ones that you have to look out for. Spreading DEATH, yes to the unfortunate, that look up to them. It's a SAD world when the "person" you look up to for guidence is leading you the other way!! What happened to the "Leave It To Beaver" days!! Thats what I grew up on!! PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED TO BE ALONE" As I posted on a prior thread, we are born alone and we die alone. What we do in between is up to us!!! And may I add to your response, "in my opinion" we are not anonymous bodies, in an empty room. We are a person, an individual, put here on earth for a reason. It may be a small reason, but nontheless, a reason. I was just thinking today, because we went to Disney World last summer, what would the world be like without Mickey Mouse??? So we don't have quite the effect as Walt, but we ARE each an individual, with something to give to this crazy world, and I hope to find it someday !!
As much as I hope I find it !!!Kam
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