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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
for close to a year now, since the day I met this girl and made a fool of myself in front of her, I've been thinking of her always being with me whe I do something, and me impressing her with some witty comment or something. Well anyway, I just wanted to mention this because I think it's odd that I think of someone so routinely I've only talked to while intoxicated or to say in a passing greeting to.
Posted by bluedog on December 26, 2002, at 0:10:19
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
It's emotionally draining isn't it???
regards
bluedogDisclaimer - if you don't suffer from social anxiety please ignore all of the above :) :)
Posted by Tabitha on December 26, 2002, at 4:46:13
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
Wow, you've got it bad. A year, huh? Is there any chance of actually dating her?
All I can offer is to know you're not alone in your fantasizing. I had a huge crush on a coworker and for most of 2 years I was running a constant fantasy in my head of being with this guy, or going on our first date. At the end of the date, he always gave me the most fulfilling hug/kiss in the history of mankind.
Incidentally, for much of my childhood, I ran a mental fantasy of talking to an imaginary psychiatrist. He was sooo understanding. That was some kind of foreshadowing, wasn't it? You could say now I'm finally living out my childhood dreams. :-)
Posted by daizy on December 26, 2002, at 10:17:32
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
> for close to a year now, since the day I met this girl and made a fool of myself in front of her, I've been thinking of her always being with me whe I do something, and me impressing her with some witty comment or something. Well anyway, I just wanted to mention this because I think it's odd that I think of someone so routinely I've only talked to while intoxicated or to say in a passing greeting to.
Your thinking of her probably because you like her. You should try talking to her for longer next time you see her. Girls like a man with a sense of humour!
Posted by bluedog on December 26, 2002, at 21:07:29
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
I know what you are going through utopizen.
For a year I have had an enormous crush on this girl in my yoga class yet in the entire year I might have only said a few words to her and when I do talk to her I immediately become a complete idiot (has anyone seen that movie "The Gods must be Crazy" where the main male character becomes a complete clutz around females... well that's me down to a tee)
I am one of only three males in my yoga class and the other two men are married and come to class with their wives. I have no problem talking and joking with all the other women in my class and I know all about their lives and daily work etc etc. Yet I don't know the first thing about this one girl...for instance I don't even know if she already has a partner.
I consider all the women in my class as beautiful in there own special ways...HOWEVER with this one girl because I have this crush on her my social anxiety kicks in and I become a complete idiot around her. I am even too frightened to make eye contact with her in case she realizes that I'm attracted to her and that she will then become uncomfortable around me.
By the way I'm not the type of guy that is on the lookout for the "Elle Macpherson" supermodel type and I can become attracted to a girl for many reasons. It may be her eyes or the way she moves etc etc. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not superficial when it comes to what I find attractive in a girl.
It's just that when I DO become attracted to a girl my social anxiety is so powerful that I become completely incapacitated and will then usually sink into a deep depression because of my inability to do anything.
I then withdraw into the fantasy world that Tabitha described in her post.
I know my post maybe doesn't provide you with much help but at least you can see that you are not alone with this problem.
warm regards
bluedog
Posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:13:35
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
This is not that weird. I'll have little crushes for years. I still 'get hormones' around a hot woman at the bookstore; I can't even ask her for help finding a book because of the adrenaline. I always have to ask some dorky guy.
Sometimes I do meet them, and things go well. Other times, the crush fades after one long conversation.
Posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:15:42
In reply to Re: So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by bluedog on December 26, 2002, at 21:07:29
What's stopping you? She might think you're cute too! How 'bout a little 'hey, wanna go get some coffee/chai/overpriced hippie mineral water after this?' or 'do you know a good place to buy hemp socks?' Egad. A yoga class is _brimming_ with opportunities.
p.s. it must be driving you crazy to see some of those positions she ends up in. ;D
Posted by bluedog on December 28, 2002, at 11:43:16
In reply to Bluedog, ask her out! » bluedog, posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:15:42
> p.s. it must be driving you crazy to see some of those positions she ends up in. ;D
Hi Bookgurl99
I had resolved to take a holiday from posting for a while but this comment of yours literally had me rolling on the floor holding my sides with mirth. I couldn't help myself from posting in response. I've almost tried asking a couple of times but the sudden adrenaline rush I experienced (as you described) was so intense that it was way too much to handle.Your comment was so unbelievably perceptive that it could only have come from someone who has experienced a similar situation:))). The absolute worst is when she is in font of me in class and we do the upward and downward facing cat poses and I feel like I'm being a completely dirty pervert spending most of my time in the upward facing cat position so I can look forwards towards her cute ass (now doesn't THIS sound superficial? Do girls do similar things???) AAAARRRGGGG the frustration. She seems to be be such a sweet and gentle girl and actually comes across as a little shy herself. She has such an angelic face and lovely brunette hair (proof that not all guys prefer blondes)
Life would be so much simpler if we humans weren't so driven by these romantic urges:)).
I will try and develop some courage in the new year when classes start again and at the very least endeavour to try to talk to her some more and find out some more about her and her life. In FACT I will make this my new years resolution. I mean what's the worst thing that can happen other than me making a complete idiot of myself? The only thing is I may need to take triple my usual valium dose to supress the adreneline surges that turn me into a some kind of dumb/mute imbecile.
At this stage she obviously does not feel uncomfortable around me because she usually has her mat right next to me in class. But I'm terrified that laying my feelings on the line will change this.
Thanks for your words of encouragement
Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by utopizen on December 28, 2002, at 21:57:33
In reply to So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 25, 2002, at 23:31:29
Well bluedog, you're in a better position (hehe) than I am... she's in a different part of the country. But she's sweet. She's a little shy herself, but makes up for this when I made a fool of myself in front of her (to hide the fact she was initially nervous around me because she also likes me, as she told my friend she liked me).
I took Neurontin at a high dose the next month I Saw her, smoothly talked to her, it was cool, but then the next day couldn't even respond to a hello from her because I had my meds left in someone's car. Akk, can't everything come in patches or something? Well I'll see her after a year of not seeing her in a month, just hope I get her phone number this time so I can "vent" my obsession to her in a healthier way.
Posted by utopizen on December 29, 2002, at 8:28:34
In reply to Re: So, um, I've been thinking of this girl..., posted by utopizen on December 28, 2002, at 21:57:33
Just saw it- wow- what a perfect movie for me to see- so glad to know my obsession isn't freaky like that of the kid from the movie Rushmore. It's basically Rushmore II, but I guess they don't do that naming with kid movies these days.
So sad to see our favorite character from Rushmore turn into the bad guy, but it's entertaining to remember there's someone worse than me.
Posted by Alara on January 2, 2003, at 2:00:14
In reply to Bluedog, ask her out! » bluedog, posted by bookgurl99 on December 28, 2002, at 0:15:42
Yeah, Bluedog, ask her out!
If you have watched her for a whole year and have enjoyed a couple of conversations with her, chances are that you already have some rapport, however negligible you may consider that to be. (We socially anxious people tend to be self-effacing - so it is possible that you are underestimating the degree of rapport that you already have with her.)
If you ask her out, she won't bite you. I can guarantee that because sensitive people like you are drawn to other sensitive people.
Why not devise a fall back plan? If you ask her out and she accepts, it could be the beginning of something wonderful or something that's just OK. (All dating experiences put us on valuable learning curves, by the way.) If she declines, have a reward ready for yourself to congratulate yourself on going outside of your comfort zone and doing something about building relationships in your life. (eg; Get a massage!)
Remember that this girl is human just like you.Please, please let us know how it goes. Good luck! :-)
Alara
Posted by bluedog on January 2, 2003, at 10:41:07
In reply to Re: Bluedog, ask her out!, posted by Alara on January 2, 2003, at 2:00:14
I've added a little message to thank you both down below in a thread started by Tabitha.
BY the way Alara how is work going? Are you settling in? I read on the med board that Cipromil is helping you a bit.
It's not easy is it? Often by the end of the day I am in a pretty run down state since recently returning to work myself after four months off with a severe depression (I got the flu on my fourth day back). Today I was really depressed by the end of the day so I got home and needed a "little" lie down. Any way two hours later I woke up to make some dinner for myself. (by the way feeding yourself is also really hard when your depressed isn't it?) but I've perked up a little again. It's now midnight here so I'm going to bed now and it's only one more day to the weekend (YAY!!!)
I'm still adapting to the new routine (and I'm only on a four day week at the moment) but my mind and body have decided to fight me every inch of the way. I've taken the liberty of doubling my Lovan dose to 40mg (generic prozac) to see if this will help me get through this period. My valium is also assisting me at the moment but the doseages of both the valium and Lovan, that seemed to work like miracle drugs when I spent all my time at home with my beautiful doggies, have really lost their effectiveness since ny return to the "real world". I'm seeing my psychiatrist again next week to get his opinion on what's happening to me and to get some more words of wisdom from him (I hope).
I've also noticed that since returning to work that even one beer at night will make the next day a misery so I'm swearing off the alcohol again until I adapt to my new routine (I used to self medicate with alcohol pretty heavily and really only started making progress with my depression when I quit all alcohol for a six month period) I've recently started drinking at "safe" levels again but have discovered that even though my drinking is under control now it still affects my mood in a pretty negative way.
Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by Alara on January 3, 2003, at 20:14:38
In reply to Re: Bluedog, ask her out! BookGurl and » Alara, posted by bluedog on January 2, 2003, at 10:41:07
> I've added a little message to thank you both down below in a thread started by Tabitha.
>
> BY the way Alara how is work going? Are you settling in? I read on the med board that Cipromil is helping you a bit.
>
> It's not easy is it? Often by the end of the day I am in a pretty run down state since recently returning to work myself after four months off with a severe depression (I got the flu on my fourth day back). Today I was really depressed by the end of the day so I got home and needed a "little" lie down. Any way two hours later I woke up to make some dinner for myself. (by the way feeding yourself is also really hard when your depressed isn't it?) but I've perked up a little again. It's now midnight here so I'm going to bed now and it's only one more day to the weekend (YAY!!!)
>
> I'm still adapting to the new routine (and I'm only on a four day week at the moment) but my mind and body have decided to fight me every inch of the way. I've taken the liberty of doubling my Lovan dose to 40mg (generic prozac) to see if this will help me get through this period. My valium is also assisting me at the moment but the doseages of both the valium and Lovan, that seemed to work like miracle drugs when I spent all my time at home with my beautiful doggies, have really lost their effectiveness since ny return to the "real world". I'm seeing my psychiatrist again next week to get his opinion on what's happening to me and to get some more words of wisdom from him (I hope).
>
> I've also noticed that since returning to work that even one beer at night will make the next day a misery so I'm swearing off the alcohol again until I adapt to my new routine (I used to self medicate with alcohol pretty heavily and really only started making progress with my depression when I quit all alcohol for a six month period) I've recently started drinking at "safe" levels again but have discovered that even though my drinking is under control now it still affects my mood in a pretty negative way.
>
> Warm regards
> bluedog
>
>
Bluedog, I am still doing better than I was before starting the Cipramil before Christmas, but I did something really stupid on New Year's Eve and am still paying for it: I spent the night with my ex and wound up smoking pot and drinking until 4am. Since then I have noticed a real dive in my mood and confidence, and the efficacy of the Cipramil has waned considerably. Of course, I know that the solution is to steer clear of pot (which I cannot seem to tolerate) and heavy drinking bouts...Call it New Year's Eve stupidity. I told myself that `everyone was doing it' and so that there was nothing wrong with it. It will probably take another week or so to get back to where I was before my binge. I noticed the difference at work on Thursday and Friday, feeling all depressed, anxious and paranoid. However, work was still less painful than it was before going on the meds. :-)Bluedog, have you tried Efexor? When you see your psychiatrist, you might want to ask about switching from Lovan. Efexor once pulled me out of a deep depression within a matter of 3-10 days...Almost all of my social anxiety disappeared while on it and, as a result, I was able to keep my job! The downside to this drug is that it is very difficult to withdraw from - but I hear that most meds are problematic in this regard anyway.
Your comments about the effects of low amounts of alcohol on your mood are interesting. There was a thread on PB about this last week. I was thinking that one beer at night actually has a positive effect on my mood the next day. But to be honest, I wonder if I've just been telling myself that because I am having so much trouble `letting go' of my old friend, alcohol. (I drank a lot of wine for four years and have only cut down to safe drinking levels over the last couple of months.)
Hey, Bluedog, I know how scary it is to be overwhelmed with feelings of fear and depression when you return to full-time work. If it's any consolation, I have a strong hunch that you just have a highly sensitive nervous system that takes a while to adapt to high pressure (and possibly noisy) surroundings. You will habituate given time, although a change in meds might help you for the time being. (You are talking to someone who totally understands. :-) You will also benefit from just talking to your doc and letting him know what's going on for you. (I always get tremendous relief from talking to my doctor as it's so hard bottling it all up at work every day.)
Keep writing and let me know how you get on!
Alara
Posted by bluedog on January 6, 2003, at 8:52:13
In reply to Re: Bluedog, ask her out! BookGurl and » bluedog, posted by Alara on January 3, 2003, at 20:14:38
Hi AlaraThanks for your continuing support. I know this is PSB so I don't know how long DR B will tolerate this discussion here but I just got off Effexor not so long ago and it and the withdrawal was hell. Effexor probably saved my job at the time as well but I was starting to get some horrible side effects from it including terrible night sweats and very violent dreams.
Also Effexor did not mix very well with my alcohol consumption at the time and I believe it made my drinking worse. The effexor seemed to magnify the effects of one drink into 3 and I lost the ability to say no to a second drink and a third etc. I lost count of the number of times I would wake up at 5.00am with the stereo blaring and all the lights in the house still on with a nearly empty bottle of scotch on the sink.
At least with the Lovan I can say no to excessive amounts of alcohol but I do appear to have an affinity for alcohol that could lead me straight to skid row if I'm not careful. Maybe I'll try social drinking again when I've settled into my job but I think the whole combination of going back to work, the flu and the alcohol over christamas and new year (in moderate amounts) was just too much for my sensitive nervous system to bear (your hunch is correct and I really am WAY too sensitive for this cruel world we live in).
I booked an emergency visit with my Pdoc on Friday as I was sinking rapidly. He approved of me doubling my Lovan dose but he thinks that my depression relapse has been exacerbated by me getting the flu on my fourth day back. He has given me another week off work and I believe that this and not drinking is starting to pay dividends. Today was the first time I was able to motivate myself to do a little exercise again (just 20 minutes on the exercise bike to warm up and then some light yoga stretching) and this has had an almost instant anti-depressant effect on me. (I was actually inspired to do this by the stretching thread on the med board and I my personal opinion is that stretching does work. I hadn't actually done any stretching since my return to work because it was the holiday period of my yoga classes)
I am glad to know that you are starting to feel more comfortable in your job and I am especially pleased that you took the step of starting on the cipramil. Believe me that without the Cipramil your little slip on New Years Eve would have hit you with a lot more force.
I am now at the stage where I am questioning whether I actually need alcohol at all. One of my heroes is the comedian Billy Connolly and I saw an interview with him not so long ago where he talked about his own past drinking problems. He was a chronic alcoholic in the past but has not intentionally had a drink for over 18 years.
I really had to laugh when he said that when he did have one alcoholic drink by mistake that every single cell in his body cried out "YESSS, it's party time boys!!!!". Alcohol has the same effect on me and I may also need to make that decision never to drink again especially considering the horrific depressant effect it has on me.I have a "hunch" about you too. I think you will also do better without your old friend alcohol. You know it was right in the middle of one of my hangovers from hell that I saw that Billy Connolly interview and that was exactly the boost and inspiration I needed at the time to stop drinking completely for 6 months. I completely stopped cold turkey from the alcohol. I have been dabbling with alcohol again recently but my resulting low moods have convinced me to stop completely again.
I'll keep you posted at my progress
My warmest wishes to you and sorry about this long post
bluedog
Posted by Alara on January 9, 2003, at 4:24:31
In reply to Thanks Alara » Alara, posted by bluedog on January 6, 2003, at 8:52:13
Hi Bluedog,
I wanted to reply to your post sooner but I have been working long days and haven't found enough spare energy to say anything constructive after hours this week. lol. Believe me, this is a good sign...If only I could find time/energy for the opera practice!
The Cipramil is really starting to kick in and I've been joking around with my co-workers like an (almost) normal person. You are right: It saved my a*** after New Year's Eve's drinking/pot smoking binge.
Up until yesterday I was paranoid about not doing a good enough job. There are so many new things to learn and it's a couple of years since I've taken on the challenge of being a permanent employee. I was convinced that I was stuffing everything up. Finally I told my manager that I needed to talk. In the privacy of a meeting room, I told her about my concerns and joked that I was highly neurotic and that I wanted to know that if I was doing anything wrong. It was a risk, but she's a really genuine, kind person and I'm glad that I spoke to her. Of course, I didn't mention a word about depression, mental illness or medication, but I wouldn't be surprised if she got the general idea.
She acted totally surprised about my concerns, looked me straight in the eye and said: "You are doing an excellent job!" She also related about her first couple of weeks working in the company, saying that she had been found in the toilets, crying for an hour because she thought that the job was beyond her capabilities! To think that I was so proud of myself for finally being able to broach a personal subject in a new job - without crying....I've finally mastered that task at age 32. :-)
I am feeling rather stressed as I only got through a third of my workload today and need to start at 7am tomorrow to try and get through it all. But this is a good thing. You see, when I was drinking a litre of wine (+) a night, I would have struggled to arrive at 8.30. Since I've cut down to beer I've been more responsible and self-aware. So antidepressants take me away from a certain spiritual aspect of myself....So what? I need to survive in this world.
Bluedog, persist with your job and the exercise and I guarantee that you will be feeling on top of things in no time at all. It's obvious that you have the self-awareness that is needed to triumph. We all need to believe in ourselves. Our animals believe in us, after all. Doesn't that tell us something??
Will address a post to you re meds and alcohol on the weekend. (It's hard keeping these topics separate sometimes, isn't it? I'm sure that Dr Bob understands. :-) )
Keep perservering! Talk to you soon.
Alara
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