Posted by Alara on January 9, 2003, at 4:24:31
In reply to Thanks Alara » Alara, posted by bluedog on January 6, 2003, at 8:52:13
Hi Bluedog,
I wanted to reply to your post sooner but I have been working long days and haven't found enough spare energy to say anything constructive after hours this week. lol. Believe me, this is a good sign...If only I could find time/energy for the opera practice!
The Cipramil is really starting to kick in and I've been joking around with my co-workers like an (almost) normal person. You are right: It saved my a*** after New Year's Eve's drinking/pot smoking binge.
Up until yesterday I was paranoid about not doing a good enough job. There are so many new things to learn and it's a couple of years since I've taken on the challenge of being a permanent employee. I was convinced that I was stuffing everything up. Finally I told my manager that I needed to talk. In the privacy of a meeting room, I told her about my concerns and joked that I was highly neurotic and that I wanted to know that if I was doing anything wrong. It was a risk, but she's a really genuine, kind person and I'm glad that I spoke to her. Of course, I didn't mention a word about depression, mental illness or medication, but I wouldn't be surprised if she got the general idea.
She acted totally surprised about my concerns, looked me straight in the eye and said: "You are doing an excellent job!" She also related about her first couple of weeks working in the company, saying that she had been found in the toilets, crying for an hour because she thought that the job was beyond her capabilities! To think that I was so proud of myself for finally being able to broach a personal subject in a new job - without crying....I've finally mastered that task at age 32. :-)
I am feeling rather stressed as I only got through a third of my workload today and need to start at 7am tomorrow to try and get through it all. But this is a good thing. You see, when I was drinking a litre of wine (+) a night, I would have struggled to arrive at 8.30. Since I've cut down to beer I've been more responsible and self-aware. So antidepressants take me away from a certain spiritual aspect of myself....So what? I need to survive in this world.
Bluedog, persist with your job and the exercise and I guarantee that you will be feeling on top of things in no time at all. It's obvious that you have the self-awareness that is needed to triumph. We all need to believe in ourselves. Our animals believe in us, after all. Doesn't that tell us something??
Will address a post to you re meds and alcohol on the weekend. (It's hard keeping these topics separate sometimes, isn't it? I'm sure that Dr Bob understands. :-) )
Keep perservering! Talk to you soon.
Alara
poster:Alara
thread:34014
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030104/msgs/34886.html