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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
Every day I do something stupid. something I regret. Something that causes guilt to haunt my mind. Some things may seem small to others but they are huge to me. I constantly feel as though I can't show my face outside my home. Sometimes I feel I can't show my face inside my home. I'm always terrified of what others must think of me.
I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?
Posted by Dinah on December 13, 2001, at 9:35:45
In reply to Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
I can't explain it but I sure do understand it.
Posted by dreamer on December 13, 2001, at 11:30:09
In reply to Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
> Every day I do something stupid. something I regret. Something that causes guilt to haunt my mind. Some things may seem small to others but they are huge to me. I constantly feel as though I can't show my face outside my home. Sometimes I feel I can't show my face inside my home. I'm always terrified of what others must think of me.
> I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.
>
> Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?Hi T,
I have been there -kindof . The problem I found out later in life was a over critical negetive mother always bullying and putting me down often aggressive , she used to do it in front of others outside as well as inside.
Maybe you can connect these feelings back to early events then realise it's not you at fault.take care.
Posted by JohnDoenut on December 13, 2001, at 11:35:54
In reply to Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
> I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.
> Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?I feel I live in HELL everyday. I feel like Im a prisoner in my own body, in this world. That my little office cube is my cell.
But not always. Sometimes I feel something gives me a reprieve and I am in heaven for a short period of time and then its back to reality.
I also feel though however that in the end what I cant change about the world, I need to work to change within me and figure out what to do about it and how to take action to execute the plan. I dont know if it will work or not but I must do something.
JohnD
Posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 11:41:48
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by JohnDoenut on December 13, 2001, at 11:35:54
IOW, "I must be the change I want to see in the world"?
(Ghandi)
that just seems an insurmountable task.....> > I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.
> > Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?
>
> I feel I live in HELL everyday. I feel like Im a prisoner in my own body, in this world. That my little office cube is my cell.
>
> But not always. Sometimes I feel something gives me a reprieve and I am in heaven for a short period of time and then its back to reality.
>
> I also feel though however that in the end what I cant change about the world, I need to work to change within me and figure out what to do about it and how to take action to execute the plan. I dont know if it will work or not but I must do something.
>
> JohnD
Posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 11:46:44
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by dreamer on December 13, 2001, at 11:30:09
found out later in life was a over critical negetive mother always bullying and putting me down often aggressive , she used to do it in front of others outside as well as inside.
> Maybe you can connect these feelings back to early events then realise it's not you at fault.
>Dreamer
I had a very critical mother. she was anxiety ridden and made every little thing a big deal. She was always saying "people are staring at you" and was always making me feel not good enough. Criticism is her way of life.
I know this and still, I can't "get over it" I can't let go of the constant feeling that I'm not good enough. That I'm doing or saying the wrong things, at all times.
Posted by paula on December 13, 2001, at 12:01:58
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude » dreamer, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 11:46:44
It may sound silly, but I'm a little jealous of all y'all's critical mothers. At least you have someone to blame! I struggle mightily with feeling utterly inept, but must ALSO deal with the fact that that feeling is totally a construct of my own mind. (Part of my recovery from depression is figuring out how/why this--still--isn't "my fault.") I've been blessed by an incredibly supportive family, great friends and advisors, and yet I still beat up on myself!
Anyhow, I know what you mean. There's something my Mom used to say to me: "Don't ask 'What are they thinking about me?' ask 'What are they thinking?'" She used to say this to me growing up as a way of encouraging me to see that people *weren't* looking at/accusing/dissing/whatever me. I've come to realize in the last year that I sort of beat myself up because I knew she was right and still couldn't stop worrying about what people thought of me. Funny, I can turn support into a negative.
Well, just my thoughts. Really, I do feel grateful for my supportive surroundings. God knows where I'd be if they *hadn't* been supportive! Sheesh!
--p
> found out later in life was a over critical negetive mother always bullying and putting me down often aggressive , she used to do it in front of others outside as well as inside.
> > Maybe you can connect these feelings back to early events then realise it's not you at fault.
> >
>
> Dreamer
> I had a very critical mother. she was anxiety ridden and made every little thing a big deal. She was always saying "people are staring at you" and was always making me feel not good enough. Criticism is her way of life.
> I know this and still, I can't "get over it" I can't let go of the constant feeling that I'm not good enough. That I'm doing or saying the wrong things, at all times.
Posted by dreamer on December 13, 2001, at 20:15:29
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by paula on December 13, 2001, at 12:01:58
I feel useless . Wish I could give good advice.
Posted by nightlight on December 14, 2001, at 0:32:28
In reply to Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
> Every day I do something stupid. something I regret. Something that causes guilt to haunt my mind. Some things may seem small to others but they are huge to me. I constantly feel as though I can't show my face outside my home. Sometimes I feel I can't show my face inside my home. I'm always terrified of what others must think of me.
> I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.
>
> Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?Dear Tina~
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have been wracked w/feelings of guilt & inadequacy for decades. Hiding, stressing out, over-reacting, thinking th worst of myself.I was /am an underachiever, who was expected to have a brilliant scholastic future.
HA! I had undiagnosed ADD, and IQ can't fill in for life/school management skills (which Itotally lacked) that began to haunt me from around 15 onward. But that was the early '70's in the deep south, it took dropping out of college (flunking out) rotten job & bad marriage ending in divorce for me to seek prof'l help.
Now, at 45, I am finaally on some meds and therapy that HELP me (so far-only 2mos.)
I gotta run.
U take care
I'll keep in touch.Sorry u're blue. I STILL do the stupid stuff, but try not to blow it out of proportion. Do u have a therapist at this time, and what are u're meds?
Night for now.nightlight
Posted by tina on December 14, 2001, at 8:42:25
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude » tina, posted by nightlight on December 14, 2001, at 0:32:28
nightlight
No therapist, no meds. I take klonopin as needed but that's all I have. My last psych was horrible and she believed that no med could help me.....in a sarcastic way. She said I was resistant to treatment. ME. I beg for help. Everywhere I go I beg for help. Resistant my ass!
thanks
Posted by JohnDoenut on December 14, 2001, at 11:09:19
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude » nightlight, posted by tina on December 14, 2001, at 8:42:25
Dont give up! Keep trying!!!!!
> nightlight
> No therapist, no meds. I take klonopin as needed but that's all I have. My last psych was horrible and she believed that no med could help me.....in a sarcastic way. She said I was resistant to treatment. ME. I beg for help. Everywhere I go I beg for help. Resistant my ass!
> thanks
Posted by cmcdougall on December 14, 2001, at 11:23:58
In reply to Re: Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by JohnDoenut on December 14, 2001, at 11:09:19
When you wrote "psych" did you mean psychiatrist or psychologist? Most psychologists are anti-medication. They think you can eventually talk your problems away. Wrong! Why do you take klonopin? I thought that drug was meant to be taken consistently, not as needed. Shows what I know...
Try a different doctor. That could make all the difference.
Good luck.
Posted by IsoM on December 14, 2001, at 16:12:18
In reply to Defeated/Haunted by my own ineptitude, posted by tina on December 13, 2001, at 8:34:46
Tina, I've read so many times that it's important to think of the child in you. Before I read these things, I came to my own conclusion to treat my child lovingly - I never realised it had been recommended.
I talk to myself out loud when no one's around. I was even allowed a quiet room to myself to do my exams at university in the Disabilities Room. It was so I could talk out loud while writing the exams. If anyone was listening they'd think me nuts. I'd say "no, no, silly Judy! You forgot to include the negative sign." ..."Whoops, yes I did!"
I like the little girl inside & when I make mistakes (often) I don't get crabby with her (myself) but just tell myself to try & remember not to do it again. I'll still make mistakes & often the same ones over, but you wouldn't beat or berate your own child for failing to be perfect would you? I just say to myself I'm a silly little girl sometimes, smile & take it in perspective.
Be kind to the little child in you. She'll love you all the more for that & cooperate better. I really believe that.
**********************************************************************************************> Every day I do something stupid. something I regret. Something that causes guilt to haunt my mind. Some things may seem small to others but they are huge to me. I constantly feel as though I can't show my face outside my home. Sometimes I feel I can't show my face inside my home. I'm always terrified of what others must think of me.
> I just want to hide. I'm fine for a minute and then, I just want to run away, change my name and start my life all over again.
>
> Is there a pill for this?? Am I alone in this feeling? What is it?
This is the end of the thread.
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