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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 8:55:26
Well folks, it's been rocky lately.
Saturday the meds just weren't cutting it. I was suffering from a bought of depression. I had the symptoms of agitation, overwhelming sadness, wanting to crawl into bed and die, and moody. My boyfriend, ever suspicious, asked me if I had had a slip with my addiction. I tried to explain to him that it was the depression he was witnessing. He kept suspecting. I don't know what else I can do about it.
I'm better today. The meds seem to be working again. I have heard from others around here that sometimes the meds stop working for a bit and pick back up. I also understand that last week was very depressing (New York, job stuff, etc.). So more than likely it would have been much worse without my meds. I keep trying to explain to him why I'm on my meds and I used Saturday as an example. I told him that he got only a brief glimpse of what I am like without the meds and depressed. The brevity of the episode, I believe, was due to the meds.
And, on Sunday I did have a slip. He was not very supportive at all. ;-( He is very co-dependant and suddenly, my slip which does not have anything to do with him, becomes about him in his head. I'm tired this morning. I had a hard time sleeping. I love him so much yet I don't know how to get through this. I am using all of my 12-step support and I plan on using my therapist to get through this.
Well, not sure you all will understand what I'm trying to say. I know he doesn't.
Thanks for listening anyway.
Posted by sar on September 17, 2001, at 9:39:15
In reply to Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-(, posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 8:55:26
have either of you openly addressed his co-dependency, his habit of personalizing all of your feelings?
sar
Posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 10:02:06
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-( » Simcha, posted by sar on September 17, 2001, at 9:39:15
Sar,
Yes, on a certain level we have. He is working with a hypnotherapist and he believes that he has dealt with his co-dependency.
I have about 6 years in Al-Anon myself. I have definitely dealt with much of my co-dependency issues. I know exacltly where he is coming from. I also know that as I confront him about it I am not going to receive a "thank you" for it. When I was in the midst of active co-dependency I did not like it when someone burst my bubble of denial. (Usually I struck back.)
Also, he is a recovering alcoholic who does not attend AA. He relies on hypnotherapy to keep him sober. Being an old hand at 12-step work I can see some truths about our philosophy. My boyfriend may not be drinking but he is not exactly sober. I experience him as a "dry drunk."
Dry drunk is someone who has stopped drinking but who has not dealt with any of the issues around what made them drink. True 12-step sobriety acknowledges that one has to stop using. Ceasing to use is not the end. One must deal with the underlying issues of the disease of addiction in order to be truly sober and have it last.
I am going through this process continually. I am far from perfect at this. When I tell him about my experiences as a recovering addict/codependant he is less than impressed. In fact he gets hostile even though I do not tell him what he needs to do to recover. (That would be a codependant slip for me. I can't afford to go there.)
So I'm not sure what is going to happen today with our relationship. I can tell you this. As a recovering addict and codependant I have learned that my first priority is to take care of myself. I will not accept any of the shame or anger that he wishes to use as attacks against me. At the same time I will allow him to have his feelings and validate them. This is a tough line to walk. I'm not sure that he has the kind of emotional maturity to handle this. I may lose him. Even if I do I know I'll be OK.
Thanks.
Posted by Roo on September 17, 2001, at 12:29:14
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-( » sar, posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 10:02:06
Simcha--
Just out of curiosity--how long have y'all been
going out? I wonder why he feels threatened by
your depression?
Posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 12:58:10
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-(, posted by Roo on September 17, 2001, at 12:29:14
We have been going out for four whole months...
:-)Not very long, eh? He seems to have wrapped his emotions around my illnesses in such a quick time. I think it is a hallmark of co-dependancy. Sometimes I think he likes worrying about me so that he can avoid dealing with his own issues.
> Simcha--
>
> Just out of curiosity--how long have y'all been
> going out? I wonder why he feels threatened by
> your depression?
Posted by Roo on September 17, 2001, at 13:21:15
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-( » Roo, posted by Simcha on September 17, 2001, at 12:58:10
It all sounds very analytical...like you're analyzing
him a lot, and he you...
I think that happens a lot when there hasn't yet been
time to develop trust...or you're trying to figure out
"can I trust this person?"
Do y'all have fun together? What's good about the
relationship? Can he be there for you when you're
feeling down at all, in a supportive way?
Posted by Roo on September 21, 2001, at 15:45:04
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships :-(, posted by Roo on September 17, 2001, at 13:21:15
Simcha--
I hope I didn't come off as judgemental....I'm the
most analytical person on earth myself! Drives me
nuts...
Hope things are better for you lately...
Posted by Simcha on September 24, 2001, at 15:06:50
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships-Simcha, posted by Roo on September 21, 2001, at 15:45:04
Roo,
Thanks for your support. Things are way better. We have been talking. What a novel concept! ;-)
We are closer than ever.. :-)
> Simcha--
>
> I hope I didn't come off as judgemental....I'm the
> most analytical person on earth myself! Drives me
> nuts...
> Hope things are better for you lately...
Posted by Roo on September 25, 2001, at 9:01:44
In reply to Re: Depression/Addiction and Relationships-Simcha » Roo, posted by Simcha on September 24, 2001, at 15:06:50
Wonderful!!
This is the end of the thread.
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