![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 11:28:51
I have always had acute anxiety about being alone. I don't mean to be alone in the house scares me. This fear gets kicked up by marital and romantic breakups. It is so intense that it's lead me to terrible relationships. I have been in a marriage with another person suffering from an affective disorder, who also seems someone antisocial for 17 years. If I'm honest with myself it is all about avoiding being alone.
We have finally separated, temporarily though, because I can't say to the person leave for good because of the fear of being alone.
I experience it as a severe anxiety (it feels like GAD) coupled with a lot of obsessing about being alone in old age. Etc.
Does anyone else have this problem. It doesn't match my diagnosis BPII and seems more BPD. I have also other symptoms of BPD (doing anything not to be rejected) My doctor is sure I am BPII and diagnosis is correct.
I have searched through archives here and not found discussions on this topic. Does anyone experience this. How does one cope with it. I'm at the point of trying verbal therapy, because my med combo has been fooled around so much I don't think more meds will do it. (Eg SSRI would probably alleviate these symptoms but at higher level of SSRI I have mixed state symptoms on a cyclical basis.)
Posted by Rosa on August 9, 2001, at 14:42:33
In reply to Acute Anxiety about being Alone! Help please!!, posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 11:28:51
Hello,
This may or may not apply to your situation. Your message is about relationships and possibly fear of abandonment.
"If you are emotionally honest with yourself, you will allow your feelings to surface. You won't react out of hurt or anger or desperation because reaction in the feelings domain usually means we have lost control of ourselves in an unhealthy way. Those feelings will remain there on the surface and you will give yourself time to think about them." ** (110)
Perfectionism; Rigid Rules, Lifestyle And/or Belief Systems; Inability to Identify or Express Feelings; The Secrets; these are a few of the characteristics of someone from an alcoholic or dysfunctional home.
Some of the major feelings that we struggle with are loneliness, hurt, sadness, fear, anger, shame and guilt.
There is a support group for Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Our parent organization is ACA < www.adultchildren.org >.
ACA-ACOA E-mail Group
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/aca-acoa
Thank you for allowing me to post this message here.
You are not alone,
Rosa
e-mail: day_lily2001@yahoo.com** From Adult Children, The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families, Page Number 110, (c) 1947-, 1988 by John Friel, Ph.D., and Linda Friel, M.A.
_________________________> I have always had acute anxiety about being alone. I don't mean to be alone in the house scares me. This fear gets kicked up by marital and romantic breakups. It is so intense that it's lead me to terrible relationships. I have been in a marriage with another person suffering from an affective disorder, who also seems someone antisocial for 17 years. If I'm honest with myself it is all about avoiding being alone.
>
> We have finally separated, temporarily though, because I can't say to the person leave for good because of the fear of being alone.
>
> I experience it as a severe anxiety (it feels like GAD) coupled with a lot of obsessing about being alone in old age. Etc.
>
> Does anyone else have this problem. It doesn't match my diagnosis BPII and seems more BPD. I have also other symptoms of BPD (doing anything not to be rejected) My doctor is sure I am BPII and diagnosis is correct.
>
> I have searched through archives here and not found discussions on this topic. Does anyone experience this. How does one cope with it. I'm at the point of trying verbal therapy, because my med combo has been fooled around so much I don't think more meds will do it. (Eg SSRI would probably alleviate these symptoms but at higher level of SSRI I have mixed state symptoms on a cyclical basis.)
Posted by mgrueni on August 9, 2001, at 15:48:37
In reply to Acute Anxiety about being Alone! Help please!!, posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 11:28:51
< I have always had acute anxiety about being alone....It is so intense that it's lead me to terrible relationships. I experience it as a severe anxiety (it feels like GAD) coupled with a lot of obsessing about being alone in old age. Etc. How does one cope with it. >
Hi there.
First let me apologize in advance... I am a *foreigner*, so my english might sound funny to your ears. :o)However, you have a problem. Let`s see, if we can bring a little light into the darkness.
You are scared of being alone. You rather stay with someone who`s not good for you, than being alone. Hmmmm....exactly what I did 8 years ago, for the same reasons. After 5 years of a dreadful relationship, I ended up being nearly shot by that guy. Yes, with a gun.
Not a nice experience, but guess what happened? I split up with him, but was not alone for long. What followed was about half a dozen *short and painful* other relationships. It seemed, I just did not want to learn of my experiences. I got used to being *dependent* on someone, because that seemed better than being alone. It took me many years to finally understand, what my problem was. I am *mentally* ill, I am very emotional and romantic (but show that only occasionally to others). So, my illness makes me weak sometimes and I need a shoulder to cry on. My being emotional and romantic is part of me. A part, which needs to be satisfied, just as the need to eat, if you feel hungry. I was on that quest for many years (and sometimes still am) , knowing I missed something in my life, but had no idea *what* is was. And that is, in my opinion, your problem, too. You think, it`s the fear of being alone, which makes you feel dissatisfied and anxious. But, what if this anxiety is making you blind for your real needs?
Do you know, in this moment, what you feel? Are you aware of what`s going on around you? Do you feel that your neck and eyes are aching? (hey, get up from your chair and make yourself a coffee, this post is going to be very long, I am afraid) ;o)I bet, you don`t *feel* yourself. And that`s probably the point. Thinking about a possible horrible future occupies all your time. And now tell me, how can you ever satisfy your needs, if you donīt know *what* you need?
The first step, for me, was to notice my emotions. It`s not easy and takes sort of *meditation*. I use to imagine myself as an author, who`s writing a story. "She woke up from a terrible nightmare and tried to remember what happened in it. Ah yes, she thought, there was this monster which haunted me. Now, realizing that it was just a dream, she felt a little better and decided a cup of coffee would do her good......" And so on. I *watch* myself, doing things, thinking about something. Normally, we are not aware of these almost automatically actions (like making a coffee) or the thoughts, which going round in our head. We are used to think *unconsciously*. This might work for *healthy* people (but I doubt that, to be honest) but, if you are suffering from depression...
A friend of mine once put it like this:
"Welcome on board passengers, our speed is 1000 thoughts per minute, enjoy the flight as long as you can, because we are going to make a crash landing"
But, thoughts have a bad habit. They tend to affect your emotions, even if you don`t notice them. So, first step:
slow down the speed, just stop and *watch*.
Second step:
Accept what you see, when watching yourself.If you suddenly realize that you feel desperately lonely, then stop for a moment, and just accept it.
"I feel desperatly lonely".
Ok, now you *articulated* your emotions. Stop again, and watch the next thought as it`s popping into your mind. Maybe this next thought is: "I wish I was with someone. Someone to hold me".
So, now you are aware that there is a *desire* inside your heart, which causes you a feeling of unease. Given, right in this moment, there is no-one to hold you. Damn it, what now? The desire is still there, and it wants you to satisfy it. Ok, we need to think of a solution for this problem. (It`s nothing more than that, just a temporary problem which you have right in this moment as it makes you feel bad). Ok now, search your mind. Which options do you have? (I don`t know them, now itīs your turn) :o)I am sure, you can think of several possible things to do. Next step:
Select the 3 best of them, and then try them out. Again watch your emotions, while you`re doing that.This *suggestions* are definetly not the patent solution for your problems. It`s just meant to be an interesting new experience. A little adventure, which possibly makes you learn more about yourself and how to deal with your emotions and needs. The *trick* is, you`ll learn to live in the moment, instead of worrying yourself silly about a future that you don`t know. Every thought, every emotion, every problem is just temporary. Once you managed to get rid of a problem (even if itīs just for the moment, and might come back to annoy you later again), be proud of you, enjoy that feeling. Maybe you`ll learn that you are not always dependent on others, as well. Maybe you`ll learn that you *can* deal with being alone if you have no other choice. Maybe this certainty of your inner strength (and you have it, I am sure) makes your greatest fear fade away by time.
Worth a Try? :o)PS: if you decide to try it, and it doesn`t work at the first time... donīt be too disappointed. It`s a *game* to play, if you have nothing better to do in that moment. If it doesnīt help you instantly... at least it could be fun to act completely differently from your normal way to deal with things.
Saw "dead poet`s society"? Great! There`s so much truth in it :o)All the best,
< and sorry for that very long post...;o) >Micha
Posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 23:41:12
In reply to Re: Acute Anxiety about being Alone! Help please!! ŧ AMenz, posted by mgrueni on August 9, 2001, at 15:48:37
Thankx for your feedback. I have been working on this issue for at least 35 years. I intend to continue to work on it. I don't think I'm an adult child. I think this is more of a biochemical issue. I don't have memories of an abusive alcoholic father. My father was more abusive by default. Insensitive incosiderate, not there when he was supposed to pick me up for visitation, etc. But he didn't live with us.
However, I'll give your suggestion some thought.
> < I have always had acute anxiety about being alone....It is so intense that it's lead me to terrible relationships. I experience it as a severe anxiety (it feels like GAD) coupled with a lot of obsessing about being alone in old age. Etc. How does one cope with it. >
>
> Hi there.
> First let me apologize in advance... I am a *foreigner*, so my english might sound funny to your ears. :o)
>
> However, you have a problem. Let`s see, if we can bring a little light into the darkness.
> You are scared of being alone. You rather stay with someone who`s not good for you, than being alone. Hmmmm....exactly what I did 8 years ago, for the same reasons. After 5 years of a dreadful relationship, I ended up being nearly shot by that guy. Yes, with a gun.
> Not a nice experience, but guess what happened? I split up with him, but was not alone for long. What followed was about half a dozen *short and painful* other relationships. It seemed, I just did not want to learn of my experiences. I got used to being *dependent* on someone, because that seemed better than being alone. It took me many years to finally understand, what my problem was. I am *mentally* ill, I am very emotional and romantic (but show that only occasionally to others). So, my illness makes me weak sometimes and I need a shoulder to cry on. My being emotional and romantic is part of me. A part, which needs to be satisfied, just as the need to eat, if you feel hungry. I was on that quest for many years (and sometimes still am) , knowing I missed something in my life, but had no idea *what* is was. And that is, in my opinion, your problem, too. You think, it`s the fear of being alone, which makes you feel dissatisfied and anxious. But, what if this anxiety is making you blind for your real needs?
> Do you know, in this moment, what you feel? Are you aware of what`s going on around you? Do you feel that your neck and eyes are aching? (hey, get up from your chair and make yourself a coffee, this post is going to be very long, I am afraid) ;o)
>
> I bet, you don`t *feel* yourself. And that`s probably the point. Thinking about a possible horrible future occupies all your time. And now tell me, how can you ever satisfy your needs, if you donīt know *what* you need?
> The first step, for me, was to notice my emotions. It`s not easy and takes sort of *meditation*. I use to imagine myself as an author, who`s writing a story. "She woke up from a terrible nightmare and tried to remember what happened in it. Ah yes, she thought, there was this monster which haunted me. Now, realizing that it was just a dream, she felt a little better and decided a cup of coffee would do her good......" And so on. I *watch* myself, doing things, thinking about something. Normally, we are not aware of these almost automatically actions (like making a coffee) or the thoughts, which going round in our head. We are used to think *unconsciously*. This might work for *healthy* people (but I doubt that, to be honest) but, if you are suffering from depression...
> A friend of mine once put it like this:
> "Welcome on board passengers, our speed is 1000 thoughts per minute, enjoy the flight as long as you can, because we are going to make a crash landing"
> But, thoughts have a bad habit. They tend to affect your emotions, even if you don`t notice them. So, first step:
> slow down the speed, just stop and *watch*.
> Second step:
> Accept what you see, when watching yourself.
>
> If you suddenly realize that you feel desperately lonely, then stop for a moment, and just accept it.
> "I feel desperatly lonely".
> Ok, now you *articulated* your emotions. Stop again, and watch the next thought as it`s popping into your mind. Maybe this next thought is: "I wish I was with someone. Someone to hold me".
> So, now you are aware that there is a *desire* inside your heart, which causes you a feeling of unease. Given, right in this moment, there is no-one to hold you. Damn it, what now? The desire is still there, and it wants you to satisfy it. Ok, we need to think of a solution for this problem. (It`s nothing more than that, just a temporary problem which you have right in this moment as it makes you feel bad). Ok now, search your mind. Which options do you have? (I don`t know them, now itīs your turn) :o)
>
> I am sure, you can think of several possible things to do. Next step:
> Select the 3 best of them, and then try them out. Again watch your emotions, while you`re doing that.
>
> This *suggestions* are definetly not the patent solution for your problems. It`s just meant to be an interesting new experience. A little adventure, which possibly makes you learn more about yourself and how to deal with your emotions and needs. The *trick* is, you`ll learn to live in the moment, instead of worrying yourself silly about a future that you don`t know. Every thought, every emotion, every problem is just temporary. Once you managed to get rid of a problem (even if itīs just for the moment, and might come back to annoy you later again), be proud of you, enjoy that feeling. Maybe you`ll learn that you are not always dependent on others, as well. Maybe you`ll learn that you *can* deal with being alone if you have no other choice. Maybe this certainty of your inner strength (and you have it, I am sure) makes your greatest fear fade away by time.
> Worth a Try? :o)
>
> PS: if you decide to try it, and it doesn`t work at the first time... donīt be too disappointed. It`s a *game* to play, if you have nothing better to do in that moment. If it doesnīt help you instantly... at least it could be fun to act completely differently from your normal way to deal with things.
> Saw "dead poet`s society"? Great! There`s so much truth in it :o)
>
> All the best,
> < and sorry for that very long post...;o) >
>
> Micha
>
Posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 23:48:43
In reply to Re: Acute Anxiety about being Alone! Help please!! ŧ AMenz, posted by mgrueni on August 9, 2001, at 15:48:37
Thanx for your post. Since you have that same symptom, it is almost a phobic reaction to being alone, I would be interested to know if you have a diagnosis. I keep thinking this is incompatible with bipolar II. I don't think this is completely pschological in origin. But I think you are on to something when you mention being so afraid of a feeling that you block its source. In other words the anxiety is almost a screen for what you fear itself which is even worse in your mind than the anxiety.
Obviously the feeling is one of interpreting being alone as being in some danger, hence the anxiety. It is as if you were unable to survive alone. That sounds to me like a toddler (small child) emotion.
It also sounds like the emotions of people used to living in groups. I know a number of Italians and Latin Americans who cannot stand to be alone. But not necessarily does this mean they get into real destructive relationships.
I think part of the problem is for years I had serious social anxiety and this has resulted in my not having a good support network, so the spouse, husband becomes the sole source of emotional support.
I think though this is fixable, Your suggestions are very concrete and in line with my thinking. To live more in the present where things are never as bad as in the imagined catastrophic future. And to untangle the source of the fear so as to change the self talk.
Thanxs for your post.
> < I have always had acute anxiety about being alone....It is so intense that it's lead me to terrible relationships. I experience it as a severe anxiety (it feels like GAD) coupled with a lot of obsessing about being alone in old age. Etc. How does one cope with it. >
>
> Hi there.
> First let me apologize in advance... I am a *foreigner*, so my english might sound funny to your ears. :o)
>
> However, you have a problem. Let`s see, if we can bring a little light into the darkness.
> You are scared of being alone. You rather stay with someone who`s not good for you, than being alone. Hmmmm....exactly what I did 8 years ago, for the same reasons. After 5 years of a dreadful relationship, I ended up being nearly shot by that guy. Yes, with a gun.
> Not a nice experience, but guess what happened? I split up with him, but was not alone for long. What followed was about half a dozen *short and painful* other relationships. It seemed, I just did not want to learn of my experiences. I got used to being *dependent* on someone, because that seemed better than being alone. It took me many years to finally understand, what my problem was. I am *mentally* ill, I am very emotional and romantic (but show that only occasionally to others). So, my illness makes me weak sometimes and I need a shoulder to cry on. My being emotional and romantic is part of me. A part, which needs to be satisfied, just as the need to eat, if you feel hungry. I was on that quest for many years (and sometimes still am) , knowing I missed something in my life, but had no idea *what* is was. And that is, in my opinion, your problem, too. You think, it`s the fear of being alone, which makes you feel dissatisfied and anxious. But, what if this anxiety is making you blind for your real needs?
> Do you know, in this moment, what you feel? Are you aware of what`s going on around you? Do you feel that your neck and eyes are aching? (hey, get up from your chair and make yourself a coffee, this post is going to be very long, I am afraid) ;o)
>
> I bet, you don`t *feel* yourself. And that`s probably the point. Thinking about a possible horrible future occupies all your time. And now tell me, how can you ever satisfy your needs, if you donīt know *what* you need?
> The first step, for me, was to notice my emotions. It`s not easy and takes sort of *meditation*. I use to imagine myself as an author, who`s writing a story. "She woke up from a terrible nightmare and tried to remember what happened in it. Ah yes, she thought, there was this monster which haunted me. Now, realizing that it was just a dream, she felt a little better and decided a cup of coffee would do her good......" And so on. I *watch* myself, doing things, thinking about something. Normally, we are not aware of these almost automatically actions (like making a coffee) or the thoughts, which going round in our head. We are used to think *unconsciously*. This might work for *healthy* people (but I doubt that, to be honest) but, if you are suffering from depression...
> A friend of mine once put it like this:
> "Welcome on board passengers, our speed is 1000 thoughts per minute, enjoy the flight as long as you can, because we are going to make a crash landing"
> But, thoughts have a bad habit. They tend to affect your emotions, even if you don`t notice them. So, first step:
> slow down the speed, just stop and *watch*.
> Second step:
> Accept what you see, when watching yourself.
>
> If you suddenly realize that you feel desperately lonely, then stop for a moment, and just accept it.
> "I feel desperatly lonely".
> Ok, now you *articulated* your emotions. Stop again, and watch the next thought as it`s popping into your mind. Maybe this next thought is: "I wish I was with someone. Someone to hold me".
> So, now you are aware that there is a *desire* inside your heart, which causes you a feeling of unease. Given, right in this moment, there is no-one to hold you. Damn it, what now? The desire is still there, and it wants you to satisfy it. Ok, we need to think of a solution for this problem. (It`s nothing more than that, just a temporary problem which you have right in this moment as it makes you feel bad). Ok now, search your mind. Which options do you have? (I don`t know them, now itīs your turn) :o)
>
> I am sure, you can think of several possible things to do. Next step:
> Select the 3 best of them, and then try them out. Again watch your emotions, while you`re doing that.
>
> This *suggestions* are definetly not the patent solution for your problems. It`s just meant to be an interesting new experience. A little adventure, which possibly makes you learn more about yourself and how to deal with your emotions and needs. The *trick* is, you`ll learn to live in the moment, instead of worrying yourself silly about a future that you don`t know. Every thought, every emotion, every problem is just temporary. Once you managed to get rid of a problem (even if itīs just for the moment, and might come back to annoy you later again), be proud of you, enjoy that feeling. Maybe you`ll learn that you are not always dependent on others, as well. Maybe you`ll learn that you *can* deal with being alone if you have no other choice. Maybe this certainty of your inner strength (and you have it, I am sure) makes your greatest fear fade away by time.
> Worth a Try? :o)
>
> PS: if you decide to try it, and it doesn`t work at the first time... donīt be too disappointed. It`s a *game* to play, if you have nothing better to do in that moment. If it doesnīt help you instantly... at least it could be fun to act completely differently from your normal way to deal with things.
> Saw "dead poet`s society"? Great! There`s so much truth in it :o)
>
> All the best,
> < and sorry for that very long post...;o) >
>
> Micha
>
Posted by Lorraine on August 10, 2001, at 11:01:51
In reply to Acute Anxiety about being Alone! Help please!!, posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 11:28:51
If it were me, if i were you, I would use cognitive therapy for this. It is short term and highly effective for certain types of things, like this. To find a local therapist in your area go the Academy of cognitive Therapy website and search for referrals. I have just elected this form of therapy for my son, who has issues controlling his temper.
http://www.academyofct.org/Links/CertifiedMembers.asp?SID=1&SessionID=29426
Posted by mgrueni on August 10, 2001, at 16:40:18
In reply to Re: Acute Anxiety about being Alone! mgrueni, posted by AMenz on August 9, 2001, at 23:48:43
Hi AMenz!
(what does that name mean?...I am asking just out of curiosity, as we have a german word, which sounds quite similar: "Demenz"
- means "forgetfulness because of old age");o)< Thanx for your post. Since you have that same symptom, it is almost a phobic reaction to being alone, I would be interested to know if you have a diagnosis. >
Hmmm, I am not really interested in *diagnosis`* at all. For me, it`s not important, what a name others would give my symptoms. And I do not *have* the same symptom anymore. Ok, at least not often.
< I keep thinking this is incompatible with bipolar II. >errm...did I mention that english is not my mother tongue? ;o) I guess, "bipolar disorder" is meant to be something like manic depression, but what is "bipolar II"???
< I don't think this is completely pschological in origin. >
I don`t think, it`s a good idea to try separating physical and psychological that strictly since the one always has to do with the other. I did not know, where to draw the line.
< Obviously the feeling is one of interpreting being alone as being in some danger, hence the anxiety. It is as if you were unable to survive alone. That sounds to me like a toddler (small child) emotion. >A toddler emotion? Is it? I think, it`s actually a *human* emotion. It`s true, you can`t survive alone, no-one can (at least not in the long run).
I would not worry about that too much. It only gets *dangerous*, if the fear of being alone takes control of your whole life, your thoughts, and affects your actions that much.
< I think part of the problem is for years I had serious social anxiety and this has resulted in my not having a good support network, so the spouse, husband becomes the sole source of emotional support. >And again, that sounds familiar to me. But maybe for not exactly the same reasons. I think, I unconsciously, sending some *signals* that I donīt want to get involved into serious relationships with others (in *real* life, I mean)I have no problems, getting along with people, i.e. at work, but as soon as it comes to a possibly *deep* friendship....
I don`t know, what happens then, but I guess, I am scared of getting hurt, disappointed, or whatever. Or, maybe I am just too much an *idealist*, so I can`t deal with *group dynamic* at all.
So, I don`t have too many friends. Actually there are only 2 persons in my life, who I would call *friend*. Pathetic? ;o)
No, it doesn`t feel so. I now prefer having only one friend, than hundreds of acquaintances. Well, that doesn`t mean, I do not sometimes fall into self-pity mode, blaming myself for being *different*, comparing myself to others and all. I do. But, I`ve learnt that I am, generally, pleased with my situation. I am *different*? I don`t have as many friends as others might have? Well, then it be so. I donīt really care... I am, who I am. And that it is.
< I think though this is fixable >Oh yes, it is! You will find your own way to fix it, I believe you will. And I think you are doing the right thing, asking here for others experiences and opinions . We all need to explore different viewpoints, getting some *input*. *Filter* out what suits you best and then create your very own *strategy*. :o)
Micha
Posted by AMenz on August 11, 2001, at 0:18:20
In reply to Re: Acute Anxiety about being Alone! mgrueni ŧ AMenz, posted by mgrueni on August 10, 2001, at 16:40:18
AMenz is a contraction of my first and last name.
Like you I have getting too close to people. Again, once upon a time there was a good reason why since I was not stabilized on medication during my teens, I didn't want people to get too close. So I would turn people away, subtly. I think I was right though since mania and irritability are hard on friendships.
I think there is some importance to diagnosis. Specially in the US, where doctors see you for brief periods and are overspecialized. It determines the medication you get to some degree.
I do believe that there is some difference in whether an illness is psychologically based or primarily biochemical, although once there is the onset of the illness, it is true that the psychological and the biochemical form a loop.Your English is pretty good. Where are you from?
> Hi AMenz!
> (what does that name mean?...I am asking just out of curiosity, as we have a german word, which sounds quite similar: "Demenz"
> - means "forgetfulness because of old age");o)
>
> < Thanx for your post. Since you have that same symptom, it is almost a phobic reaction to being alone, I would be interested to know if you have a diagnosis. >
>
> Hmmm, I am not really interested in *diagnosis`* at all. For me, it`s not important, what a name others would give my symptoms. And I do not *have* the same symptom anymore. Ok, at least not often.
>
>
> < I keep thinking this is incompatible with bipolar II. >
>
> errm...did I mention that english is not my mother tongue? ;o) I guess, "bipolar disorder" is meant to be something like manic depression, but what is "bipolar II"???
>
> < I don't think this is completely pschological in origin. >
>
> I don`t think, it`s a good idea to try separating physical and psychological that strictly since the one always has to do with the other. I did not know, where to draw the line.
>
>
> < Obviously the feeling is one of interpreting being alone as being in some danger, hence the anxiety. It is as if you were unable to survive alone. That sounds to me like a toddler (small child) emotion. >
>
> A toddler emotion? Is it? I think, it`s actually a *human* emotion. It`s true, you can`t survive alone, no-one can (at least not in the long run).
> I would not worry about that too much. It only gets *dangerous*, if the fear of being alone takes control of your whole life, your thoughts, and affects your actions that much.
>
>
> < I think part of the problem is for years I had serious social anxiety and this has resulted in my not having a good support network, so the spouse, husband becomes the sole source of emotional support. >
>
> And again, that sounds familiar to me. But maybe for not exactly the same reasons. I think, I unconsciously, sending some *signals* that I donīt want to get involved into serious relationships with others (in *real* life, I mean)I have no problems, getting along with people, i.e. at work, but as soon as it comes to a possibly *deep* friendship....
> I don`t know, what happens then, but I guess, I am scared of getting hurt, disappointed, or whatever. Or, maybe I am just too much an *idealist*, so I can`t deal with *group dynamic* at all.
> So, I don`t have too many friends. Actually there are only 2 persons in my life, who I would call *friend*. Pathetic? ;o)
> No, it doesn`t feel so. I now prefer having only one friend, than hundreds of acquaintances. Well, that doesn`t mean, I do not sometimes fall into self-pity mode, blaming myself for being *different*, comparing myself to others and all. I do. But, I`ve learnt that I am, generally, pleased with my situation. I am *different*? I don`t have as many friends as others might have? Well, then it be so. I donīt really care... I am, who I am. And that it is.
>
>
> < I think though this is fixable >
>
> Oh yes, it is! You will find your own way to fix it, I believe you will. And I think you are doing the right thing, asking here for others experiences and opinions . We all need to explore different viewpoints, getting some *input*. *Filter* out what suits you best and then create your very own *strategy*. :o)
>
>
>
> Micha
Posted by mgrueni on August 11, 2001, at 5:44:35
In reply to Re: Acute Anxiety about being Alone! mgrueni, posted by AMenz on August 11, 2001, at 0:18:20
< AMenz is a contraction of my first and last name. >
same with me :o)
< I think there is some importance to diagnosis. Specially in the US, where doctors see you for brief periods and are overspecialized. It determines the medication you get to some degree. >Oh, I see.
I am not on any medication (have never been*),so I don`t have to worry about diagnosis. But I understand why you wish to find out exactly what your problem is called to get the best possible treatment for it.* partly because it scares me a little (paradox, I am *sort of* pharmacist and scared of pills, hehe), but mostly because knowing that I *can* manage
without *drugs* is, for me, a significant source of energy and strength. But, of course, that doesn`t mean just because it`s not the right way for me, it`s not ok for others, either.
< Your English is pretty good. Where are you from? >Germany
Take care,Micha
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