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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Greg on November 27, 2000, at 15:46:34
OK,
How was your first day? And spare no details...
Greg
Posted by Racer on November 27, 2000, at 23:07:27
In reply to Racer?, posted by Greg on November 27, 2000, at 15:46:34
I don't feel so good...
Let's see, I was nervous, but OK. The place is great, and the people are what make it so great. They are also warped, and the funniest thing happened today: the president was comparing notes with some young employees about movies they'd seen. He mentioned that he still hadn't seen "Titanic". Neither have I. We both said, at the same time, "Well, I've seen 'A Night To Remember'..." The kids said, "What's that?" Then we said, again at the same time, "It's in black and white..."
This is still training time, so it's not so vital for me to be brilliant. I did make some comment at the end of the day that my brain was full, I was much smarter than when I came in, and I was sure I'd know everything by Wednesday afternoon. One of the project managers said, "Now that's confidence!" I said, "No, I think that's hubris..." It's OK, though, since he said they wouldn't expect me to know everything until Thursday.
My nerves are shot to hell, though. Literally. I have a nerve running through my groin from my hip that is just electrically painful. It's awful. And my head hurts, my throat is sore, and I'm feeling on the edge of a screaming breakdown.
On the other hand, I do feel smart enough, or technically competent enough, or educable enough, or something enough, to get the job done. Provided, of course, the people side works for me. That's what scares me. I know that I can do the technical stuff. It's the people part that gets to be scary.
I did, however, come up with another job for me:
Picture a consultancy group for non-profits trying to pull together fundraising events. First, the group has a marketing person, who sells the ideas to the non-profits. Then, they have a designer, of some sort, who figures out what the events will need. Then, I get on the telephone, and start begging. I call the cruise lines, the balloon animal makers, the acrobats, etc; and talk them into donating their time and expertise to the event. That way, you get a great fund raising event, bring in lots of money, and don't have to try to do it without spending a dime! Instead, the places that usually charge a gazillion bux, get free publicity, lots of good will, prominent mention in all the media attention the events get, etc!
At least it's an idea. The sad part is, my ex-boyfriend would be the perfect project manager for this! He can't quite get it together, either, in his life. He's gone from billing about $500 per day, to getting about $12 per hour. Quite a letdown.
That's it, I'm going to curl up in front of the TV now...
Posted by Noa on November 28, 2000, at 8:31:46
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by Racer on November 27, 2000, at 23:07:27
Congrats on your first day on the job!
Remember, you have been through a transition and a half recently---if I understand correctly, you moved to start a new job and then the job turned out to be crap, right? I think anyone in your position would be unsettled for a while.
So, congrats on finding another job.
Your ideal consulting business sounds fantastic and workable.
Be patient with yourself. Take care.
Posted by Janice1 on November 28, 2000, at 17:52:34
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by Racer on November 27, 2000, at 23:07:27
I did make some comment at the end of the day that my brain was full, I was much smarter than when I came in, and I was sure I'd know everything by Wednesday afternoon. One of the project managers said, "Now that's confidence!" I said, "No, I think that's hubris..."
you're very funny racer.
I'm a little confused. In the job you've thought up, you'd basically be begging for money from strangers, and you're worried about getting along with people! Well you're funny and charming in your postings, but I will believe you.
I wish you the best of luck, and yes I relate. And hey, I don't think you ever have to be brillant. peace. Janice
Posted by quilter on November 30, 2000, at 0:20:50
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by Janice1 on November 28, 2000, at 17:52:34
Good for you, racer. It sounds like you will fit right in. Your body will take a while to adjust, too. Congratulations!
Quilter
Posted by Noa on November 30, 2000, at 15:11:35
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by quilter on November 30, 2000, at 0:20:50
How is it going, Racer?
Posted by Racer on November 30, 2000, at 22:03:46
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by Noa on November 30, 2000, at 15:11:35
S'allright. Yesterday I finally got my hands dirty, and looked like a star. Today, though, they handed me something scary as all get out. My consolation is that none of the other developers can do it, and I know I CAN, it's just going to take me a longer time than it should. Of course, I made the SHOULD, so that's a buncha crap, but it's still scary for me.
Mind you, I fixed something yesterday that even the senior developer working on it couldn't fix. He didn't have a clue where to start, and while I didn't have a clue how to fix it, at least I could figure out the first thing to do to diagnose the problem. That led to a solution. I try to look at that sort of thing: I may not be able to hit the ground running at full speed, but I don't just lie there on the ground stunned for any real length of time, either.
Oh, you just wanted to know if I was OK, right? Yeah, I'm OK.
I am having some physical symptoms of my anxiety, though. The worst, in some ways, is a rash on my palm. The most painful is a nerve thing, kinda feels like the start of an outbreak of shingles. The scariest seems to be monoclonic jerks. I'm not sure, I only know that I have been experiencing episodes of full body jerking. (Please, no jokes... Unless they're good and I haven't already thought of them, that is!) I'm putting the last two down to drugs, and trying to ignore them.
And I've got a ton of plans for things to do... Gotta get some money for some of htem, but others will be fun once I collect the things I need!
Posted by Noa on December 1, 2000, at 14:28:42
In reply to Re: Racer? » Noa, posted by Racer on November 30, 2000, at 22:03:46
So you've established yourself as resident genius, eh? Not a bad start, if you ask me!
As for the "shoulds"---considering the source of the should is a good idea, as you suggest.
Myoclonic jerks--I get this from effexor (I also got it from Paxil). It would be both the full body jerk, like feeling you are falling all of a sudden, and also numerous random muscle flexes---muscles that I could not ever possibly flex intentionally---just suddenly jerk or twitch. For me, serzone counteracts this. I assume your myoclonus happens when you are lying down or about to fall asleep? Have you asked your pdoc about this?
The anxiety is par for the course, isn't it, when you start a new job? Plus, you have had some low moods, and I know that when I am just coming out of low moods, my anxiety is always high, because I am vigilantly on guard lest the depression return. All the moreso if you just started a job, I would guess.
I like that you are trying to tell yourself it is ok not to be super speedy at everything. Look, I think you have impressed the hell out of everyone already, I don't think speed is going to be that big of an issue, because your value to this group is very obvious.
Posted by ksvt on December 2, 2000, at 14:39:56
In reply to Re: Racer?, posted by Noa on December 1, 2000, at 14:28:42
> Racer - everytime we've ever hired someone, we've always understood that it takes a while to evaluate the speed at which someone works. It's just not an immediate issue. Good luck ksvt
So you've established yourself as resident genius, eh? Not a bad start, if you ask me!
>
> As for the "shoulds"---considering the source of the should is a good idea, as you suggest.
>
> Myoclonic jerks--I get this from effexor (I also got it from Paxil). It would be both the full body jerk, like feeling you are falling all of a sudden, and also numerous random muscle flexes---muscles that I could not ever possibly flex intentionally---just suddenly jerk or twitch. For me, serzone counteracts this. I assume your myoclonus happens when you are lying down or about to fall asleep? Have you asked your pdoc about this?
>
> The anxiety is par for the course, isn't it, when you start a new job? Plus, you have had some low moods, and I know that when I am just coming out of low moods, my anxiety is always high, because I am vigilantly on guard lest the depression return. All the moreso if you just started a job, I would guess.
>
> I like that you are trying to tell yourself it is ok not to be super speedy at everything. Look, I think you have impressed the hell out of everyone already, I don't think speed is going to be that big of an issue, because your value to this group is very obvious.
This is the end of the thread.
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