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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 45. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 9:12:12
Not a member of the club. Don't want to be. Thankful to be excluded.
If this wasn't a rebuff, then it truly don't understand the world. It hurts, and it feels invalidating. I have a great relationship with my therapist. She helps me a lot; I learn from her. This past year we went through a badly broken leg that necessitated her to move temporarily to a location where she didn't have to climb steps. Neither of us liked the space.
A close therapist friend of hers began and has almost ended an awful fight with stage 4 uterine cancer. My T has had to reschedule some appointments so she could take her friend to treatment.
She recently lost her father and had to travel across the country several times to arrange hospice care.
I guess I am trying to say that I expect a give and take relationship with my therapist. That she has the same life crises that I face; and that it is unrealistic and would be selfish of me to expect her to be at my beck and call.
That is what I really don't understand. We don't own these professionals and their services. Are they our slaves? Is this an indentured service?
I am puzzled and not a bit worried by those who feel there is a sense of what is owed to them because of a long term relationship. It's treatment.
See ya elsewhere.
PC
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2014, at 13:02:58
In reply to And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 9:12:12
Thank you. It is interesting to see how you would respond were you in my situation. I'm sure my therapist would wish that I were as big hearted and understanding as you are.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 14:43:17
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2014, at 13:02:58
Different people can be different.... Life would be pretty freaking boring if we were all exactly the same in each and every respect. I think it is interesting... Valuable... To learn about how others respond and react. Different perspectives. Different options.
Individual. Personal. I think that is the thing. Once upon a time I would have (I remember I did) think Dinah's T was perhaps a little unprofessional in the... Closeness? That's not quite it... Of the relationship. Over time I've come to see that that's... The way it unfolded or something... There have been battles with that I remember... And... Individuality... Or something like that won.
Anyway...
To have survived Katrina...
Posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 14:49:30
In reply to And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 9:12:12
> Not a member of the club. Don't want to be. Thankful to be excluded.
> If this wasn't a rebuff, then it truly don't understand the world. It hurts, and it feels invalidating.
Sometimes I really have no idea what you are talking about. This is one of those times.
> it is unrealistic and would be selfish of me to expect her to be at my beck and call.Does that mean that if you feel... disappointment or let down then that is quickly followed by hatred of yourself for feeling something you have judged to be selfishh?
> I am puzzled and not a bit worried by those who feel there is a sense of what is owed to them because of a long term relationship. It's treatment.
Or not? In which case we seek reimbursement?
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:16:20
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 14:49:30
> > Not a member of the club. Don't want to be. Thankful to be excluded.
>
> > If this wasn't a rebuff, then it truly don't understand the world. It hurts, and it feels invalidating.
>
> Sometimes I really have no idea what you are talking about. This is one of those times.I will have to let that stand. Sorry.
>
> > it is unrealistic and would be selfish of me to expect her to be at my beck and call.
>
> Does that mean that if you feel... disappointment or let down then that is quickly followed by hatred of yourself for feeling something you have judged to be selfishh?I feel nothing of the sort. I feel compassion that my therapist's life has been impacted by the same crises that the rest of face in our lives. I appreciate her letting her clients know that her schedule has been impacted, and I accept that it's necessary to accommodate it.
>
> > I am puzzled and not a bit worried by those who feel there is a sense of what is owed to them because of a long term relationship. It's treatment.
>
> Or not? In which case we seek reimbursement?
>
>My therapist has offered phone sessions in lieu of a regularly scheduled appointment. She has given sessions for free when she has felt that she wasn't working at her best. I've never felt I needed to ask for reimbursement, because she is conscious of the cost impact of our sessions in my life.
I hope - apart from your first question - that clears things up.
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:21:46
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2014, at 13:02:58
> Thank you. It is interesting to see how you would respond were you in my situation. I'm sure my therapist would wish that I were as big hearted and understanding as you are.
I am neither. I am human and expect others to be the same. When I was in rehab, the attending doctor swore at me when he paid more attention to his cellphone than to me. I asked that he give the patient in front of him his undivided attention. He blew his top, and opened the door of the office to invite me to leave. I stayed and demanded the attention my psych issues had created. He was very surprised. He later apologised and gave me a hug. UGH. Just one reason I left the facility early.
I have high expectations from health care practioners, Dinah. I also think they are realistic.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2014, at 15:36:16
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:21:46
My feelings of entitlement make me an undesirable therapy client.
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:52:16
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2014, at 15:36:16
> My feelings of entitlement make me an undesirable therapy client.
I am sorry about that, or that you feel that way. I have misunderstood your therapeutic relationship, and I apologise.
PC
Posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 19:57:29
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:52:16
if i didn't feel entitled to certain things... i might well become psychotic.
i complained... packed a tantrum about their getting cranky about my not wanting to be weighed and measured...
it is my right. i feel... entitled. entitled to ... have my decision not to participate... be respected.
stuff like that.
people do... get huffy with me sometimes... that i have a sense of entitlement.
i... uh... things like... rights to privacy and stuff like that... if i didn't believe in these as entitlements (for all) then... uh... i'd just want to curl up and die, really.
Posted by Phillipa on June 28, 2014, at 9:45:51
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 19:57:29
I'm glad to see that I feel you two understand one another. Good feelings to all. I don't trust any docs anymore. I shouldn't have trusted a lot in the past. If I hadn't I would not be taking meds I do not want. I was was stupid and dumb. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2014, at 13:56:33
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 15:52:16
I appreciate your apology. However, to be fair, I have no reason to be sure that you misunderstood or that you were wrong.
My expectations of my therapist may well have been unrealistic. I may not be being all that kind or understanding. I have always been a difficult client.
It just doesn't matter overmuch to the outcome. I've reached my limit. It doesn't overmuch matter if the limit is rightly or wrongly placed.
Posted by baseball55 on June 28, 2014, at 20:43:37
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Dinah on June 28, 2014, at 13:56:33
Once I had an appointment with my p-doc and he wasn't in his office. I waited and saw him walking toward the door. When he arrived, he looked angry and said - I'm not here to see you. But we had an appointment, I said. He replied, I lost my appointment book and have had a crazy week. I'm here to meet someone who's painting the office. I'll call you later. then he went into the office and left me standing in the lobby.
I was upset, angry, etc. He called a few hours later and apologized and rescheduled. I was still angry. But I had to accept that he is just a human being who can lose his calendar and lose his temper and have a sh*tty week. He tries to protect me from this, but, in nine years, it's inevitably going to spill over.
I try to be understanding and compassionate. I also try, like Dinah, to maintain a level of distance, knowing that he is not my friend or family and may, at any time, abandon me for personal/health reasons.
Keeping that distance has been hard. It's gotten easier in the last couple of years. But it's still hard. Therapists aren't like hairdressers, where you have a bad cut and just move on. We get attached and needy. But they are not ours to keep. I guess nobody is ours to keep though, realistically.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 28, 2014, at 20:58:18
In reply to And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 9:12:12
> Not a member of the club. Don't want to be. Thankful to be excluded.
>
> I am puzzled and not a bit worried by those who feel there is a sense of what is owed to them because of a long term relationship. It's treatment.
>
> See ya elsewhere.Of course where you post is your decision. But I wouldn't want people to feel unwanted just because they have a different point of view. Reasonable people can disagree, and coexist. Choosing to exclude themselves because being with others who share their point of view would be more validating is different.
Bob
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 28, 2014, at 21:31:22
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Dr. Bob on June 28, 2014, at 20:58:18
I don't feel validated or wanted on this board.
I recognize that I am in a depressive state, but it's been my observation that, in the past, some types of posts about therapy are responded to with enthusiasm and so are encouraged.
Others, which I would call mine, are more garden variety. I am in long term therapy, but I don't share my experiences here. They don't appear to be relevant.It has a lot to do with my present state of mind; my poor experience at the recovery center, and how, in this state, I can't find the right words to express how I feel.
I really feel I don't fit in with the culture of this board. I would rather censor myself than insult anyone else or cause a misunderstanding.
Thanks,
Partlycloudy, mostly thunderous at the moment
Posted by baseball55 on June 29, 2014, at 21:23:10
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dr. Bob, posted by Partlycloudy on June 28, 2014, at 21:31:22
I take your posts very seriously. All our experiences and reactions are different and, I agree, that sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting people - but that's life, right?
There's a lot about therapy and therapists on this board and all our experiences are different. I'm actually very interested in the different ways people experience and cope with therapy.
I'm always happy for your posts. So three cheers from me anyway.
> I don't feel validated or wanted on this board.
> I recognize that I am in a depressive state, but it's been my observation that, in the past, some types of posts about therapy are responded to with enthusiasm and so are encouraged.
> Others, which I would call mine, are more garden variety. I am in long term therapy, but I don't share my experiences here. They don't appear to be relevant.
>
> It has a lot to do with my present state of mind; my poor experience at the recovery center, and how, in this state, I can't find the right words to express how I feel.
>
> I really feel I don't fit in with the culture of this board. I would rather censor myself than insult anyone else or cause a misunderstanding.
>
> Thanks,
> Partlycloudy, mostly thunderous at the moment
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 29, 2014, at 23:23:24
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dr. Bob, posted by Partlycloudy on June 28, 2014, at 21:31:22
> I don't feel validated or wanted on this board.
> I am in long term therapy, but I don't share my experiences here. They don't appear to be relevant.
>
> It has a lot to do with my present state of mind; my poor experience at the recovery center, and how, in this state, I can't find the right words to express how I feel.
>
> I really feel I don't fit in with the culture of this board. I would rather censor myself than insult anyone else or cause a misunderstanding.I wonder if your experiences might be more relevant than you realize. For example, others here might not feel validated or wanted, either. Or, others here may also be censoring themselves.
Some self-censorship can help keep things civil, but all work and no play makes Psychology a dull board. One of the nice things about Babble is if someone does feel insulted, or misunderstand, you can rephrase what you posted.
I also wonder, is it really the culture of this board you don't feel you fit in with, in which case I might feel insulted or misunderstand, or is it a subgroup here, in which case they might?
Bob
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 6:15:31
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Dr. Bob on June 29, 2014, at 23:23:24
That's the question. I suspect it's the latter I am taking into account.
PC
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 6:16:49
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by baseball55 on June 29, 2014, at 21:23:10
Thanks, baseball. I will try to post here about my therapy experiences more often. I appreciate your response!
PC
Posted by Poet on June 30, 2014, at 15:42:45
In reply to And this is why I don't post on this board., posted by Partlycloudy on June 27, 2014, at 9:12:12
Hi PC,
I've seen the same therapist for close to 12 years. It took me years to really trust her, I always appreciated her doing energy work and other alternatives to just talking. I have also learned alot and the only thing my therapist owes to me is an explanation if she ever terminates me. Good or bad I would want to know.
Poet
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on June 30, 2014, at 15:42:45
> Hi PC,
>
> I've seen the same therapist for close to 12 years. It took me years to really trust her, I always appreciated her doing energy work and other alternatives to just talking. I have also learned alot and the only thing my therapist owes to me is an explanation if she ever terminates me. Good or bad I would want to know.
>
> PoetMost definitely. And, from I understand, that question was answered. I would be upset but respectful. What about you?
Posted by Poet on July 1, 2014, at 8:19:30
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet, posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58
Hi PC,
I think I'd be upset, but respectful, too. Dinah's question was answered, my issue with it is that I feel her therapist didn't handle it in a professional manner. I understand he had some sort of personal crisis, but if I were in Dinah's situation I would have wanted a more personal explanation sooner.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:04:35
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet, posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58
What makes you think I wasn't respectful in my conversations with him? I expressed myself *here*, for some strange reason. Not a mistake I'll make again, to be sure. Several people were helpful when he first disappeared. I should have left it at that and not updated the board with my experience.
But I am clearly a horrible, selfish, self centered person. A reasonable person would continue to see him and not have felt pain at his disappearance. A reasonable person would not have discussed the pain and hurt on an internet bulletin board.
Perhaps I could offer him a stipend without actually having to put myself in risk of similar pain again (however "unreasonable" the pain might be)?
Posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 9:24:01
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:04:35
No comment.
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:26:27
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on July 1, 2014, at 8:19:30
I don't know if it was unprofessional or not. However I do know it wasn't commensurate with the caring he had convinced me he felt. I'm not sure if people understand that he had made a point of convincing me he cared about me as more than "just" a client. Not based on anything personal but based on the length of time we'd seen each other and all we'd gone through together. The latter part of my therapy had been predicate on the feeling of safety that came with that understanding. Safety that something like this couldn't happen. Safety that he wouldn't treat me as "just" a client, or abandon me with a form letter. Not to say he might not die, or might not move, or might not become ill. But that if he died, someone would contact me, if he moved, we'd skype. That he would make arrangements, should he be forced to abandon me, to minimize my pain. Perhaps I misunderstood. Perhaps he just was unable to follow through despite his best intentions. I tend to believe the latter - or perhaps I just wish to.
Honestly, his "caring" since he returned seemed to be limited to assuring me that I was the only client he contacted while he was away, six weeks after he disappeared. And that he had treated me in a special way. The way he did it seemed more like perfunctory appeasement than actual caring or concern. I didn't want appeasement. And it rather made me wonder if I had been being appeased before.
The extent I believed in his caring was obviously, given what happened, unreasonable. Perhaps I misunderstood him, perhaps not. Perhaps he did care, perhaps not. Certainly he didn't care as much as I thought he did, and was not much of a priority for him that he didn't contact me for six weeks, long after the first crisis had passed. My relationship on him was based on a misunderstanding, and now that that misunderstanding has been cleared up, I do not see any way that he can provide more help for me than he will cause anxiety for me, if I see him on a regular basis. Which I was already thinking, before he disappeared, was not necessary.
I don't much care if I am a selfish unreasonable person. Won't be the first or last time that I've behaved in a selfish unreasonable way. If I burn, I burn.
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:29:55
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 9:24:01
I regret I don't meet your standards.
It happens....
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