Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:26:27
In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on July 1, 2014, at 8:19:30
I don't know if it was unprofessional or not. However I do know it wasn't commensurate with the caring he had convinced me he felt. I'm not sure if people understand that he had made a point of convincing me he cared about me as more than "just" a client. Not based on anything personal but based on the length of time we'd seen each other and all we'd gone through together. The latter part of my therapy had been predicate on the feeling of safety that came with that understanding. Safety that something like this couldn't happen. Safety that he wouldn't treat me as "just" a client, or abandon me with a form letter. Not to say he might not die, or might not move, or might not become ill. But that if he died, someone would contact me, if he moved, we'd skype. That he would make arrangements, should he be forced to abandon me, to minimize my pain. Perhaps I misunderstood. Perhaps he just was unable to follow through despite his best intentions. I tend to believe the latter - or perhaps I just wish to.
Honestly, his "caring" since he returned seemed to be limited to assuring me that I was the only client he contacted while he was away, six weeks after he disappeared. And that he had treated me in a special way. The way he did it seemed more like perfunctory appeasement than actual caring or concern. I didn't want appeasement. And it rather made me wonder if I had been being appeased before.
The extent I believed in his caring was obviously, given what happened, unreasonable. Perhaps I misunderstood him, perhaps not. Perhaps he did care, perhaps not. Certainly he didn't care as much as I thought he did, and was not much of a priority for him that he didn't contact me for six weeks, long after the first crisis had passed. My relationship on him was based on a misunderstanding, and now that that misunderstanding has been cleared up, I do not see any way that he can provide more help for me than he will cause anxiety for me, if I see him on a regular basis. Which I was already thinking, before he disappeared, was not necessary.
I don't much care if I am a selfish unreasonable person. Won't be the first or last time that I've behaved in a selfish unreasonable way. If I burn, I burn.
poster:Dinah
thread:1067471
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1067700.html