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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:10:20
as if everything was given to me
and also taken away
grief to the center of me
pulls from me, tears at me
but I've nothing left to give
Posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:26:27
In reply to bereft, posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:10:20
I am facing the eventual death of someone who has been a major figure in my story.
and I have found that I am not so prideful these days
in the face of these things how can I be?
so, I am taking things as they are and as he is, the good with the bad and everything in between,
with a deep pain for everything that wasn't and an appreciation of the limited time left (though there is room for some optimism there). I after all, exist in part because of him...and we share some things...somehow, despite it all.Sometimes, I can't feel a thing, a merciful numbness, that spacey vacantness, but only a natural kind.
and I am asking myself, can I stay sober? do I want to? it'd be so easy not to be. Part of me thinks I'd be better off without the burden of dulled senses and functioning with an added weight...which it probably is.
I can't say this otherwise, but there it is, for whatever it's worth.
Posted by sigismund on February 8, 2011, at 2:52:05
In reply to plainly stated, posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:26:27
I rush to the keyboard to say there are more important things than sobriety (I gather you are not talking about Effexor and Lamictal).
Can you have some nice times with him in the time you have left?
And if you can't, can you accept (if it is true) that whether or not you are able to have some nice times may not be up to you?
I was able to have nice times with some older people who were dying and though I handled it well, it was not up to me that I did.
It was easy enough for me. When you can do it well, it normally is.
Posted by BayLeaf on February 8, 2011, at 5:53:04
In reply to plainly stated, posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:26:27
grief is painful. using/drinking will numb that temporarily, but you'll need to process this pain eventually anyhow. i'd say try to stay sober and walk through the grief, not around it. i've done it both ways. neither is easy, but sober is by far much safer emotionally.
Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2011, at 11:48:08
In reply to bereft, posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:10:20
Posted by obsidian on February 8, 2011, at 21:33:26
In reply to Re: plainly stated, posted by sigismund on February 8, 2011, at 2:52:05
> I rush to the keyboard to say there are more important things than sobriety (I gather you are not talking about Effexor and Lamictal).
are you anti meds sig?
> Can you have some nice times with him in the time you have left?
I can maintain some contact, distance is a factor.
>
> And if you can't, can you accept (if it is true) that whether or not you are able to have some nice times may not be up to you?I don't know.
>
> I was able to have nice times with some older people who were dying and though I handled it well, it was not up to me that I did.
> It was easy enough for me. When you can do it well, it normally is.how do you do it well?
Posted by obsidian on February 8, 2011, at 21:37:19
In reply to Re: plainly stated, posted by BayLeaf on February 8, 2011, at 5:53:04
thank you for sharing that. I'm feeling quite lame about myself and my tendency to self-medicate. I do it so automatically these days. I imagine most people look down on me for it. I used to be more....determined??
sid
Posted by obsidian on February 8, 2011, at 21:38:03
In reply to ((( Sid ))) (nm), posted by Dinah on February 8, 2011, at 11:48:08
thanks dinah, I needed that :-)
Posted by sigismund on February 8, 2011, at 23:53:41
In reply to Re: plainly stated » sigismund, posted by obsidian on February 8, 2011, at 21:33:26
>are you anti meds sig?
No, I take them myself. I am neutral and sceptical.
How I did it well was that the people who were dying wanted me (time, involvement etc) and it was so easy to give them what they wanted. More than that, it was a pleasure. Which meant a lot to them perhaps.
But I had siblings who were not so favoured by circumstances and there was nothing they could do. It was just the way the cookie crumbled.
Posted by obsidian on February 15, 2011, at 22:03:49
In reply to bereft, posted by obsidian on February 7, 2011, at 22:10:20
Desert Places
by Robert FrostSnow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.The woods around it have it--it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.And lonely as it is that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less--
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.
This is the end of the thread.
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