![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
well, i have held off starting this thread. I have needed help for a while and thought maybe I could work it out just in therapy but my mind is too messed up for that. Too many of my parts are working against me so I have talked it over and over with my t and his words mean alot but I need more to help get over my inner dialogue that is holding me back.
My t thinks and says it over and over again that I need to do more with my brain. He and I have discussed several different scenarios but all involve going to school. I have put up so many road blocks and yesterday I admitted I was scared. Frankly scared out of my mind. I am afraid too by putting myself in that school setting I will dissociate like I am still doing at work. (He says that once I realize I am just as smart or smarter than the others there I will be ok and not dissociate so much) I don't want to dissociate because I am so tired of it but can't stop it at all. We try to get to the bottom of it. I even got a book, Dissociative Identity Disorder to help me as I know I need more help since things are getting worse. I disappeared for part of my session. He wants me to tell him but I think that is part of him trying to help me be more aware. (at least this a suggestion in the book). I do believe he notices when I switch but we don't openly talk about it yet. He says it is because I need to trust him completely. And I am getting closer but not quite there.
Maybe if I list my fears about school you guys can help me overcome it. I need to hear it over and over again.
I know I can do the work if I put my heart in soul into it. There is another thing I really want to do but I am in fear of that. Ok so FEAR is my big thing. But I do want to be significant like the author of the book I am reading talks about. But I am fearful I wont be.Now for the reasons I think I can't go back to school.
1. Too old
2. will dissociate too much
3. money it will cost
4. being self conscious in a class with so many younger
5. being smart enough although T thinks I am very bright (still cant wrap my arms around that.
6. still having a hard time with my dx and the fact that the dx means trauma of a large magnitude happened. Regardless how much I remember, which is still small.
7. don't feel I deserve it.ok that about wraps it up. see I am already crying just writing out these things. The smallest part of me, the one that just crys is so afraid.
I guess my rough edges are showing inside my head because I still can keep this from my family.
I don't really feel like they support me to go to school/mom's life is over you know.
I am sorry this is so long. I have been reading lately but feel too tired to post. I posted the most I have in a while yesterday. I haven't started a thread in ages. I thought I could do this alone. But I can't. Too many voices in my head.
I am not going to proof this or I won't send it. So bare with my grammatical errors or ramblings.
rsk, the head case
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:32:33
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
I dissociated in session yesterday. T thinks it is because it happened right after he brought up doing something more meaningful with my life.
I also shared some partial memory that I think is important, something bad happened, that I can't remember. I was 6 or 7 in this partial memory.
Anyway, I tried to add this but hit the submit button too early.
rsk
Posted by seldomseen on April 7, 2009, at 12:16:01
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
AS a teacher, both at a university and a community college I can say without equivocation that most of your fears are not specific to you or your diagnosis. They are something that most students experience when starting their education. Like any other subject, fear can be wrangled and mastered by actively engaging and challenging that fear.
As far as your list:
1. Too old
The older students in my classes always add so much to the class. They typically bring in a wealth of experience. The older student typically *wants* to be there rather than *has* to be there. It makes a world of difference.2. will dissociate too much
I don't mean to sound glib, but if you could stand in the front of the classroom, you would see a fair (understatement) amount of dissociation, even from those without the disorder. I consider myself to be a pretty engaging instructor but sometimes blank stares, yawning, glazing, sleeping, doodling, twirling hair - oh its all par for the course. Any instructor worth his/her salt can deal with this and help the students make up what they zoned out on. Repetition of the material is the key. If you missed it the first time, don't worry, it will be coming around again.
3. money it will cost
Yes, it costs money, so I would do a careful cost-benefit analysis of the potential gain versus the potential expenditure. Learning and expanding can certainly occur outside of classroom.4. being self conscious in a class with so many younger
Again, this can be an issue - or it can not. I can promise you this- the students do not care who is in the class with them, not at all. AS the semester progesses, the class itself comes together as an entity.5. being smart enough although T thinks I am very bright (still cant wrap my arms around that.)
Being smart has absolutely nothing to do with being in school. Intelligence is a poor predictor, IMO, of "success" - which by the way is up to you to define. Instead, tt has everything to do with preparation and skills acquisition. Instead of jumping right into Advanced Differential Equations, you might want to start with a more basic mathematics course and build your confidence and your skills as you go.
6. still having a hard time with my dx and the fact that the dx means trauma of a large magnitude happened. Regardless how much I remember, which is still small.
I think your diagnosis may *describe* a set of symptoms you are experiencing, but it in no way *defines* who you are or what you are capable of. If you are having a hard time with your diagnosis, then as radical as this may sound, I think you should *discard it*. It's just words on a form when it comes down to it.7. don't feel I deserve it.
So you don't feel as though you deserve to learn and grow? I don't know you from Adam's housecat, but I can tell you without reserve that it is a *basic human right* to improve ourselves, pursue happiness and knowledge as and when we see fit. This tape that is playing in your head telling you otherwise needs to be ejected as forcefully as you can manage.Hope this helps, just my two cents. Of course, the decision to pursue or not is ultimately yours.
Peace
Seldom.
Posted by B2chica on April 7, 2009, at 13:42:25
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
1. i once had an undergrad class with a 58 yr old in it. i actually think i got more from that than She did.
she brought a kind of wisdom to the class that you don't normally have with a bunch of 20 yr olds :)2. and you might at first. but i must agree with your T. once you focus on learning and not about being socially accepted you will just slide Right into place. THAT i can assure you.
3.it might be expensive all together, but take it semester by semester. you can get loans and may even be elegible for some grants out there.
4.again read #1. you may feel uncomfortable, but you know what...so are THEY! and probably about the Exact same things you are...see you have something in common already ;^)
5.well, maybe you can't wrap around that. how bout you just Accept what your T says for now. i mean he wouldn't set you falsley up for failure. if he thinks you got the brains for it (and btw, i know you do too) then trust that.
6.well, yes. this one is a toughy. but all i can say is regardless of the trauma, you NEED to continue moving forward. and i think school may also HELP balancing issues in your life.
7.and ok. deserving it. you know what. i don't care Who you are or what country you are from...EVERYONE DESERVES to have a great education...EVERYONE.
and start small. if you're not ready to jump into calculus 480 at a major university with 100 other students, then start at a small community college where the class size is small, and maybe even to warm up take a class for fun. start with a literacy class talking about classic books, or an art or pottery class. just something to get your feet into the water of going back to school in general. also it will get your family used to your different "hours" at home. and if worse comes to worse...really who cares if you drop "beekeeping 101" right?? no biggy!
man girl i wish you the Best with this. just remember. take some time. let it sink in, and i say give it a dance.
i personally think you will excel way beyond what you think possible.!!
ly
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on April 7, 2009, at 13:43:20
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by seldomseen on April 7, 2009, at 12:16:01
Posted by onceupon on April 7, 2009, at 14:01:58
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
Hi rsk,
Here are some thoughts I had while reading your post: take them or discard them as you like.
Do *you* think you need to "do more with your brain?" And if so, and all of those scenarios involve school, I'm with ss on the observation that feeling fearful about this decision is totally normal. I've taught classes at the university level too, and I can say with certainty that returning adult students always impressed me with their motivation and passion. Not to put undue pressure on you - I just think that returning adults are in a very different space (obviously) from the typical 18-year-old freshman. I think you can use your experiences to your advantage.
I hear that you're tired of dissociating, and that's as good a reason as any to want to decrease it. I'm curious though, if you have ideas about what specifically worries you about dissociating in school. Is it that you'll miss out on what's going on in class? Is it that you'll be embarrassed if others notice (though it sounds like you're pretty good at hiding it)? Is it that you'll feel triggered because you're dissociating (rather than the other way around)?
I can see two equally valid courses of action with regard to school. You can go back to school, even with your fears of dissociating, and address any dissociating that might come up in therapy, perhaps with the thought that working toward what might feel like a stronger sense of purpose might help to alleviate some of the critical voices, and by extension, the dissociating. (Wow, that was a long sentence.) Or, you can try to reduce the dissociation before going back to school so that perhaps you feel more prepared to deal with school-related stressors.
Do you have a sense about why things are getting worse now? It sounds like you do have an awareness of when you're dissociating, but perhaps not why? What does your inner dialog say about telling your therapist that you're disappearing?
And as for "being significant" - who gets to decide that? I would argue that you're significant now, but that it sounds like you're wanting to be significant in a different way.
About the money - yes it will be costly - but I heard recently that, if school is a part of your "life plan," the current economy is actually a great time to go back.
Do you remember what it was like for the smallest part of you to go to school? In other words, when you were her age, what were your experiences? If it wasn't good, can you let her know that the adult parts of you (and other supports outside of you) can help her to have a different experience?
"I thought I could do this alone. But I can't."
Please don't do it alone. Alone is a lousy way to do most everything. We wouldn't want to miss out on the journey!
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 7, 2009, at 15:07:29
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
Hey, sweetie: I went back to school last year at age SIXTY-TWO; I am older than those kids' parents!
i really never thought I was smart in high school (living with abuse), and was a "C" student.
I have taken two classes...sociology and psychology; I passed both of them, after working all day and going to class from 5:30 to 9 p.m.
Usually you can get financial aid or a grant, etc.....there are so many resources out there!
I hope you will consider trying.
It doesn't matter what ANY ONE else thinks. What do YOU want to do?
YOU DO deserve to do what you want to. Life is short....live now, gurlfriend!
Will you look back years from now, and WISH you had gone to school?
Yes, fear prevents us from doing this. There is a book (read it years ago):
"Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway"
What have you go to lose?
I say ignore all of the negatives and at least, GIVE IT A TRY.
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Hugs n Love, Sassy
(Freshman)
P.S. i won a women's scholarship (Linda Lael); all I had to do was write about my life; I was 1 of 10 out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada; so my ugly life worked for me!
Posted by garnet71 on April 7, 2009, at 15:10:29
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
RE: financial fears and college
I just wanted to tell you Community Colleges are GREAT. If you are low income, you shouldn't have to pay a dime; in fact, you might get a refund each semester-money you can use to buy books and defer transportation costs, etc. In some cases, you can still take tax deductions beyond that. I think the educational tax credits/deductions may have changed for the better since Obama's election, but can't recall exactly.
I did one full-time year at CC, and wish I had done 2, but I still utilized the CCs by taking classes in the summer in between my other insitution's fall and spring semesters. It's soo much cheaper!!!
It's my son's 2nd semester at a CC. He gets refunds of $500 each semester, which he gets to use anyway he wants so he earns money going to school. He will get a few thousand though next year, because we missed the state grant filing deadline last term, so the $500 was a refund for what was left over for the regular Pell grant.
When I first started at college, I'd scan the internet for scholarships (ex. fastweb.com) and write essays and apply; I got a couple thousand in private scholarhsips sponsored by various organizations my first year by doing so. It's very time consuming, so I bet I could have gotten a lot more money if I continued that. If you have the time, check into it. The money often goes directly in your pocket rather than directly to the school.
I didn't go to traditional college until I was, I think, 28, though I went to a business school instead of finishing h.s. (don't ever do that-they are a waste of money). It's great being older in college, because you can contextualize everything you hear in classes to real world experiences, and also, depending upon your life or work experiences, discern whether professors are basing their classes on opinions/idealism more than real life.
I'm a big fan of community colleges. I've had some of the best teachers and classes there, even ivy-league graduates for teachers. In fact, I was so impressed by one class/professor i took during the summer, that I in part had made my decision to transfer to the institution he taught at for many years.
The availability of classes w/scheduling is so much easier than other insitutitions. Don't understand why some people (no one here but I've seen it many times) are condescending towards CCs. I've influenced a few people to go back to college later in life due to my positive experiences at a CC.
And after 2 years, if you maintain a GPA of at least 3.5 at a CC, most institutions will give you a merit scholarship towards your tuition. Helps too if you screwed up in hs like I did; no one looks at your hs transcripts if you are a older transfer student from a cc.
Just make sure you fill out the FASFA in time; the Dept. of Education's online financial application, or you could miss out on some aid. So, if you are thinking about enrolling in school, do the FAFSA now-you could always cancel it if you decide not to go. Just google "FAFSA". I think one of the deadlines for federal grants--Pell-is in *May*, though states vary.
Also-congress just passed a law that will provide more college aid, something like the Investment in America act, i forget. For the expansion of Ameri Corps, they offer something \like a $12,000 yearly stipend towards school. Ihaven't checked into it, but just google Ameri Corps, or look at the White House's website, and see if that will help you with your particular situation.
There are also many state programs for people who are considered displaced homemakers, etc. Oh, and some scholarships directed to those with mental health issues, minorities, single Mom's etc, daugther of a steel worker, everything you can imagine. Never did any of that stuff, but I know it's out there.
Hope that eases your pain a bit in terms of financial resources. I probably forgot a few more things, but will post if they cross my mind. There really are tons of resources out there...
Good luck!!!
Posted by Kenya on April 7, 2009, at 15:35:19
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
Hi RSK,
When I was in college I ended up making friends with 3 of the older students in 3 different classes. They were my favorite people to study with and present projects with. They were insightful and worked harder than the younger kids because they really wanted to be there, and it would show in everything they did. My professors clearly respected and admired them, and usually directed questions and interacted with them on a more personal level. I think it sounds like you would do great if you went back to school.
I am debating going back myself, and I completely understand your financial concerns. There are always loans. I am still paying off loans from my B.A. years, but I don't stress about that much. I try to tell myself that eventually they will get paid off. Money is not as important as quality of life. Clearly, that is just my opinion, but it helps me put things into perspective sometimes.
Good luck with your decision. It's not like you have to commit to anything RIGHT NOW. Take your time and figure out what will really make you happy. I'm proud of you for even considering it. A lot of people never even let it cross their minds.
~ Kenya
Posted by fayeroe on April 7, 2009, at 16:14:08
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
I am older than dirt, RS.....and I am trying to find a way to go back to school. Age is just a number..I believe that you would be welcomed in the classes...you have gifts to offer and I think the students know that.
If you T tells you are smart, you are!!!
I don't know if this helps..I hope so. Pat
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:15:28
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by seldomseen on April 7, 2009, at 12:16:01
> AS a teacher, both at a university and a community college I can say without equivocation that most of your fears are not specific to you or your diagnosis. They are something that most students experience when starting their education. Like any other subject, fear can be wrangled and mastered by actively engaging and challenging that fear.
You are right. I am going to follow through. I have already been accepted to a satellite school IUPUI in the area I plan to major in.
>
> As far as your list:
>
>
> 1. Too old
> The older students in my classes always add so much to the class. They typically bring in a wealth of experience. The older student typically *wants* to be there rather than *has* to be there. It makes a world of difference.Yes when I got my first BS I was older even then at 24-25. It took me four years to finish. And I maintained a 4.00 in my major all through school and graduated magna cum laude from Vanderbilt.
>
> 2. will dissociate too much
> I don't mean to sound glib, but if you could stand in the front of the classroom, you would see a fair (understatement) amount of dissociation, even from those without the disorder. I consider myself to be a pretty engaging instructor but sometimes blank stares, yawning, glazing, sleeping, doodling, twirling hair - oh its all par for the course. Any instructor worth his/her salt can deal with this and help the students make up what they zoned out on. Repetition of the material is the key. If you missed it the first time, don't worry, it will be coming around again.LOL, I hadn't thought of that. I know alot of students don't want to be there.
>
> 3. money it will cost
> Yes, it costs money, so I would do a careful cost-benefit analysis of the potential gain versus the potential expenditure. Learning and expanding can certainly occur outside of classroom.
>
> 4. being self conscious in a class with so many younger
> Again, this can be an issue - or it can not. I can promise you this- the students do not care who is in the class with them, not at all. AS the semester progesses, the class itself comes together as an entity.Yes this is something I gotta get over. I need to reengage with the human race. I have isolated myself over the last 9 years.
>
> 5. being smart enough although T thinks I am very bright (still cant wrap my arms around that.)
> Being smart has absolutely nothing to do with being in school. Intelligence is a poor predictor, IMO, of "success" - which by the way is up to you to define. Instead, tt has everything to do with preparation and skills acquisition. Instead of jumping right into Advanced Differential Equations, you might want to start with a more basic mathematics course and build your confidence and your skills as you go.Yeah I will admit math is the subject I am most afraid of even though I made A's in high school in Alegbra I and II. Science classes I love so I am not so afraid of them.
>
> 6. still having a hard time with my dx and the fact that the dx means trauma of a large magnitude happened. Regardless how much I remember, which is still small.
> I think your diagnosis may *describe* a set of symptoms you are experiencing, but it in no way *defines* who you are or what you are capable of. If you are having a hard time with your diagnosis, then as radical as this may sound, I think you should *discard it*. It's just words on a form when it comes down to it.
>
Yeah you sound like my T when I told him this, he shrugged his shoulders and said I really hate DX's. So I try to avoid them as much as possible. He focuses on helping with the symptoms like you said.
> 7. don't feel I deserve it.
> So you don't feel as though you deserve to learn and grow? I don't know you from Adam's housecat, but I can tell you without reserve that it is a *basic human right* to improve ourselves, pursue happiness and knowledge as and when we see fit. This tape that is playing in your head telling you otherwise needs to be ejected as forcefully as you can manage.This made me cry. I know I am human but I need to think of myself more kindly in that light. Thanks so much
>
> Hope this helps, just my two cents. Of course, the decision to pursue or not is ultimately yours.
>
> Peace
> Seldom.Your 2 cents: priceless
Peace back at you. And thanks for the support and thoughtful answer.
rsk
>
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:25:54
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by B2chica on April 7, 2009, at 13:42:25
> 1. i once had an undergrad class with a 58 yr old in it. i actually think i got more from that than She did.
> she brought a kind of wisdom to the class that you don't normally have with a bunch of 20 yr olds :)That is nice. I am a little younger than that so I feel more optimistic.
>
> 2. and you might at first. but i must agree with your T. once you focus on learning and not about being socially accepted you will just slide Right into place. THAT i can assure you.You should like my t now.:)
>
> 3.it might be expensive all together, but take it semester by semester. you can get loans and may even be elegible for some grants out there.I am going to look into it. I already applied for aid. I do have one child already in school. So....
>
> 4.again read #1. you may feel uncomfortable, but you know what...so are THEY! and probably about the Exact same things you are...see you have something in common already ;^)Maybe, yeah you are right :)
>
> 5.well, maybe you can't wrap around that. how bout you just Accept what your T says for now. i mean he wouldn't set you falsley up for failure. if he thinks you got the brains for it (and btw, i know you do too) then trust that.Yeah, I just never thought of myself as anything really. Not even a person sometimes. But enough of that.
>
> 6.well, yes. this one is a toughy. but all i can say is regardless of the trauma, you NEED to continue moving forward. and i think school may also HELP balancing issues in your life.I think you are on to something. It might balance it. I need to re-read this daily. And I do need to move forward
>
> 7.and ok. deserving it. you know what. i don't care Who you are or what country you are from...EVERYONE DESERVES to have a great education...EVERYONE.I do already have a first degree but it is useless. I mean the credits will transfer so I have only about 1 year including summers and I will have a second degree. And then maybe grad school.
>
> and start small. if you're not ready to jump into calculus 480 at a major university with 100 other students, then start at a small community college where the class size is small, and maybe even to warm up take a class for fun. start with a literacy class talking about classic books, or an art or pottery class. just something to get your feet into the water of going back to school in general. also it will get your family used to your different "hours" at home. and if worse comes to worse...really who cares if you drop "beekeeping 101" right?? no biggy!I am starting out with about 5 classes stretched over the whole summer. To see how I do. I will also have to take a math placement test. Wonder how i can study for it?
>
> man girl i wish you the Best with this. just remember. take some time. let it sink in, and i say give it a dance.
> i personally think you will excel way beyond what you think possible.!!Now you should like my T. LOL Thanks so much it means so much to me to be supported like this.
ly
rsk>
>
>
>
>
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:26:24
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:25:54
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:40:20
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri, posted by onceupon on April 7, 2009, at 14:01:58
> Hi rsk,
>
> Here are some thoughts I had while reading your post: take them or discard them as you like.
>
> Do *you* think you need to "do more with your brain?" And if so, and all of those scenarios involve school, I'm with ss on the observation that feeling fearful about this decision is totally normal. I've taught classes at the university level too, and I can say with certainty that returning adult students always impressed me with their motivation and passion. Not to put undue pressure on you - I just think that returning adults are in a very different space (obviously) from the typical 18-year-old freshman. I think you can use your experiences to your advantage.Well maybe I would not put it as doing more with my brain, but I would like to feel significant. And I need more schooling to do what I want to do. What I think I am good at doing. So yes I do think I need more. And your are right I can use my experiences. My advisor I spoke to , I enrolled and got accepted in one of my stronger moments, was very positive.
>
> I hear that you're tired of dissociating, and that's as good a reason as any to want to decrease it. I'm curious though, if you have ideas about what specifically worries you about dissociating in school. Is it that you'll miss out on what's going on in class? Is it that you'll be embarrassed if others notice (though it sounds like you're pretty good at hiding it)? Is it that you'll feel triggered because you're dissociating (rather than the other way around)?
>Heck if i know. It is a way of life for me. I started a new job in Jan and I dissociate like heck there. Every day, sometimes multiple times in one day.
> I can see two equally valid courses of action with regard to school. You can go back to school, even with your fears of dissociating, and address any dissociating that might come up in therapy, perhaps with the thought that working toward what might feel like a stronger sense of purpose might help to alleviate some of the critical voices, and by extension, the dissociating. (Wow, that was a long sentence.) Or, you can try to reduce the dissociation before going back to school so that perhaps you feel more prepared to deal with school-related stressors.
I am not sure what can reduce it. My t and I discuss it all the time. When he spoke about school etc I dissociated for while. When I came too I got quiet and told him it happened. that is our key words. And he said he thought it was because of him telling me about how smart I am and doing more etc. etc.
I guess I never realized how fearful I am. I also want to write stories which I am good at but constantly put off. I have a book outlined and still put it off.
>
> Do you have a sense about why things are getting worse now? It sounds like you do have an awareness of when you're dissociating, but perhaps not why? What does your inner dialog say about telling your therapist that you're disappearing?Well he knows how much I dissociate. I don't know why and that is all I can tell him. My childhood was scary. And I guess times that see benign aren't to the childlike parts inside of me. I have a co-consciousness sometimes with certain parts yet remain unable to change my behavior.
>
> And as for "being significant" - who gets to decide that? I would argue that you're significant now, but that it sounds like you're wanting to be significant in a different way.Thanks. I think being significant is doing something I am proud of that is mine only. I want to contribute to society or I want something more. I can't really explain it.
>
> About the money - yes it will be costly - but I heard recently that, if school is a part of your "life plan," the current economy is actually a great time to go back.
>
> Do you remember what it was like for the smallest part of you to go to school? In other words, when you were her age, what were your experiences? If it wasn't good, can you let her know that the adult parts of you (and other supports outside of you) can help her to have a different experience?No school was my refuge. I never missed even sick. I loved school yet dissociated from it too. I missed weeks even sometimes. Or I would go to school only to wake up back at my car and it would be 3:30 instead of 8:00. I did that so many times but I did not think about how strange it was. I just went on about my business. Not to mention having people I thought I did not know come up to me and say hi and I couldn't tell you their names. That has happened way too much. And more but I don't think I should get into that.
>
> "I thought I could do this alone. But I can't."
>
> Please don't do it alone. Alone is a lousy way to do most everything. We wouldn't want to miss out on the journey!ok thanks I won't do it alone. Not now with all this wonderful support. It just makes me feel so much better for your support and very thoughtful response.
thanks so much
rsk
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:47:37
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 7, 2009, at 15:07:29
Sassy,
I really needed to hear what you said. I was living with abuse and I got mostly a's. In fact, I had one friend so mad I wasn't doing better and she said you are so smart and school is so easy. I wished I could swap brains with you. It made her mad I did not apply myself more but she had no idea what was going on at home and I never told a soul.
I will look into grants etc. I also can defer my daughters student loans which they make parents start paying on immediately so that will help.
I want to do: and this is a first for me to put anything in writing. I finally told my therapist what I really wanted to do. He was proud of me for trusting him more.I want to finish the book I started and to stop thinking negative thoughts. I want to get my degree in psychology to go into research. I want to get my master's. My therapist, who is a psychiatrist, thinks I should consider med school. But that is so long. Maybe a research psychologist is a short thing to do. I don't know.
But I am finally admitting it to the world and I hope no one tells me I am too stupid to do it because that is what I am always waiting for, the other shoe to drop.
YES i will look back and wish i had gone to school.
Nothing really to lose except my fear. Maybe I am comfortable in that but that is sad if so.I will GIVE IT A TRY.
rsk
thank you so much!!!!!!
Posted by garnet71 on April 7, 2009, at 20:50:14
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:25:54
I posted the wrong message to the wrong person (or maybe the right message to the wrong person)..You are not a beginner :))
Well, hopefully someone else can utilize the financial information I posted.
Good luck!
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:50:53
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by garnet71 on April 7, 2009, at 15:10:29
Garnet,
I am printing off your response so I can look into scholarships etc. I think my h makes too much to get grants but with 2 of us in college maybe that will help. I did say I was interested in a work study program so we will see.
I have applied, in my better moments, to the local satellite school here. I filled out the FAFSA when I did my daughter's for her senior year. So I got that in already.
I just need a gentle push and more reinforcements about why my life isn't over unless I let it be.
Thanks so much
rsk
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:52:23
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri, posted by garnet71 on April 7, 2009, at 20:50:14
Hey I think it is always helpful. I printed it off to use as a guide to look into whatever I can get to help.
I would consider teaching but I already have that degree and just not sure I want to add a master's to it.
Maybe i will and then I can go into the teacher forgiveness program.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:56:49
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by Kenya on April 7, 2009, at 15:35:19
> Hi RSK,
>
> When I was in college I ended up making friends with 3 of the older students in 3 different classes. They were my favorite people to study with and present projects with. They were insightful and worked harder than the younger kids because they really wanted to be there, and it would show in everything they did. My professors clearly respected and admired them, and usually directed questions and interacted with them on a more personal level. I think it sounds like you would do great if you went back to school.Aww shucks. I think I can do the work. It is the fear of people, new situations, well you get it. I am though afraid of math but I know I am not bad just rusty. I am looking into taking a refresher class or the placement test. My advisor said you will do better than you think. And he had just met me.
>
> I am debating going back myself, and I completely understand your financial concerns. There are always loans. I am still paying off loans from my B.A. years, but I don't stress about that much. I try to tell myself that eventually they will get paid off. Money is not as important as quality of life. Clearly, that is just my opinion, but it helps me put things into perspective sometimes.You are right. I am applying for a deferment of my daughters loans, and I will apply for my own. I hope to be able to pay it all off myself. I want to be independent.
>
> Good luck with your decision. It's not like you have to commit to anything RIGHT NOW. Take your time and figure out what will really make you happy. I'm proud of you for even considering it. A lot of people never even let it cross their minds.I actually went a step further and I went ahead and enrolled in classes. I sent an email to my advisor with what I signed up for and I will see what he says.
Hey if you go back and I go back we can help each out. One of the classes I signed up for is a web class. I thought that was cool.
thanks so much for your time and support. You guys are awesome.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:57:40
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:56:49
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 21:00:39
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible trigger » rskontos, posted by fayeroe on April 7, 2009, at 16:14:08
> I am older than dirt, RS.....and I am trying to find a way to go back to school. Age is just a number..I believe that you would be welcomed in the classes...you have gifts to offer and I think the students know that.
Now Pat, I have it on good authority that dirt is older not you. And you are wiser too. LOl
Thanks for your encouragement. It means so much.
And my family will just have to get used it. It probably is weird to have a senior at one university and be a student at another but oh well I am weird and that is ok.
>
> If you T tells you are smart, you are!!!You are sweet. I should listen to him. He is a professor emeritus at IU. He trained at Menniger's and he teaches all the time. So he should know if someone has potential. Now I am not sure I should reach as far as he says I should.
> I don't know if this helps..I hope so. Pat
Oh sweetie yes it helps tremendously.
I cried happy crys over all the support.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 21:01:32
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri » fayeroe, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 21:00:39
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 8, 2009, at 7:56:53
In reply to Re: I need some help and support......possible tri » sassyfrancesca, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 20:47:37
> Sassy,
>
> I really needed to hear what you said. I was living with abuse and I got mostly a's.That is AMAZING!
In fact, I had one friend so mad I wasn't doing better and she said you are so smart and school is so easy. I wished I could swap brains with you.
See?
It made her mad I did not apply myself more but she had no idea what was going on at home and I never told a soul.
Most abused women don't tell.
>
> I will look into grants etc. I also can defer my daughters student loans which they make parents start paying on immediately so that will help.See? Where there is a will, there is a way.
>
>
> I want to do: and this is a first for me to put anything in writing. I finally told my therapist what I really wanted to do. He was proud of me for trusting him more.
>
> I want to finish the book I started and to stop thinking negative thoughts.you can do it. It is a choice.
I want to get my degree in psychology to go into research. I want to get my master's. My therapist, who is a psychiatrist, thinks I should consider med school. But that is so long. Maybe a research psychologist is a short thing to do. I don't know.
>
Speak with an adivsor; they can help you decide.
> But I am finally admitting it to the world and I hope no one tells me I am too stupid to do it because that is what I am always waiting for, the other shoe to drop.It doesn't matter what ANYbody tells you. Remember, "you are" messages are usually lies someone else is telling about US. How dare anyone think they know us?
>
> YES i will look back and wish i had gone to school.
> Nothing really to lose except my fear. Maybe I am comfortable in that but that is sad if so.
>
> I will GIVE IT A TRY.congratulations! You have nothing to lose! I think that thinking about stuff causes us to feel even more fear. Once we actually DO it, it isn't as bad as we made it out to be.
>
> rsk
>
> thank you so much!!!!!!
You are SO welcome, (((rsk)): I wanted to get my degree in psychology (after all, I counsel abused women), but may hve to stick to sociology, because I just know I cannot pass a math/statistics course (argghhh, and I work in the Department of Mathematics and Statistics at a University).I am a born dancer, singer, writer and poetess....so anything math, computer related....I have a terrible struggle.
Go for it, gurlfriend!
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by antigua3 on April 8, 2009, at 15:07:17
In reply to I need some help and support......possible trigger, posted by rskontos on April 7, 2009, at 11:30:21
Posted by rskontos on April 8, 2009, at 17:36:56
In reply to You have my support!! (nm) » rskontos, posted by antigua3 on April 8, 2009, at 15:07:17
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