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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 21:16:07
In some ways, I'm healthier, stronger, wiser, and more put together than my therapist. He'll tell me outright I'm better than he is in a crisis, for example. I know I'm more introspective and more likely to be insightful.
That doesn't mean he can't help me, does it? He helps me all the time. He's my slightly removed, objective, therapist. The person who keeps me grounded and helps me avoid spinning off into space or skidding out of control.
And I may be healthier and more put together than he is sometimes, but that's because I have him. He doesn't have him in his life.
Some people just need that in their lives or their thoughts just twist and turn on themselves into a tight useless knot. I wouldn't be anywhere near as put together as he is if I didn't have him in my life.
Sigh.
Posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 21:21:07
In reply to Oh heck, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 21:16:07
Other times I'm a blithering idiot and a total wreck. A shivering puddle in the corner of his couch. Not even a toddler, but a preverbal infant. An angry whiny brat. A scared child. A demanding little princess. A totally unreasonable arms-folded foot-stomping monster.
Posted by Geegee on November 9, 2008, at 21:44:44
In reply to And of course, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 21:21:07
Been there. Do that. Wanna throw tantrums together? ;)
And yes, he can still help you. We each bring what we are to the room, some of it useful, some of it tricky. I believe we learn from the tricky, too.
gg
Posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 22:02:10
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by Geegee on November 9, 2008, at 21:44:44
Any time, gg. :)
I remembered that episode where Monk went to Dr. Kroger's home, and how his son screamed that he wasn't his father and the paternity tests could be wrong. :) I remembered that lots of therapists are screwed up in some ways as a person, but still could be effective as therapists.
It's hard sometimes to balance the bitter and the better.
And I worry that I'm going to end up paying the price. Why do clients always pay the price?
Posted by Phillipa on November 9, 2008, at 23:19:29
In reply to Re: And of course » Geegee, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 22:02:10
Joke: We have the insurance. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 8:06:40
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on November 9, 2008, at 23:19:29
:)
I wish I had emotional insurance.
Too many eggs in one fragile basket.
Posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 10:30:53
In reply to Re: And of course » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 8:06:40
you think that basket is that fragile?
You guys been thru ALOT.
basket still holding.
seems to me all of life is fragile.
which does make it challenging
Posted by lucie lu on November 11, 2008, at 10:45:49
In reply to Re: And of course, posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 10:30:53
Posted by lucie lu on November 11, 2008, at 10:50:03
In reply to And of course, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 21:21:07
Good for you, Dinah. I wish I could bring my "totally unreasonable arms-folded foot-stomping monster" into the room more than I do. It is great that you can accept all of these disparate parts of yourself and bring them into the room.Lucie
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:28:38
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by lucie lu on November 11, 2008, at 10:50:03
> Good for you, Dinah. I wish I could bring my "totally unreasonable arms-folded foot-stomping monster" into the room more than I do. It is great that you can accept all of these disparate parts of yourself and bring them into the room.
Well, he does, so it makes it easier for me to do it too.
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:32:56
In reply to Re: And of course, posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 10:30:53
Yes, the basket of our relationship is very strong, and I feel comfortable putting all my eggs in it.
But it relies on the larger support of his life and my life and stability in that. Because I know as well as anyone that instability in his life can end our therapy. I'm way more confident of the stability of my life than I am of his.
Of course, what this all means is that I was reading some distress or upset in him last week. I didn't feel that in him so much in him today, so I feel safer. Yet that bothers me. I don't want my feelings of safety to be based on the stability of his life. :)
No point in saying it doesn't. He's as transparent as that lake in Florida is it? The one where you can see down forever?
Posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 22:09:55
In reply to Re: And of course » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:32:56
Dinah, I can't rememebr what happened B4 when your therapy was interrupted due to the hurricane and all.
Was there a time you didn't have access to T?
Sorry, I don't have time to search archives.
Its an interesting thing how you seem to base your own ability to 'survive' on the availability of your T.
I was thinking, its sort of like me, when I think of losing a child. The thot is unbearable and I really can't think of it. Its beyond bearing.
But I heard of someone who lost 2 kids. They went to counselling and as far as I know have continued on with their lives....
How, I do not know.
Apparently, there lies within us strength that do do not know we have.
Until we need it. Then we find it. It's there.
Like my T used to say to me. That I had fears, and they tended to build at times, and part of the fear was fear of the FEAR?!?! A horrible messy mass of confused fear :-(
Maybe we need to have more trust in ourselves that we WILL survive....SOMEhow we WILL. Then maybe we can not hang so tight onto all that fear....
Maybe we can relax a wee bit.
Let go a bit.
Cuz all that clinging just makes us tired.
And proves nothing.
Dunno.
My thots.
I hope you are OK.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 22:24:06
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 22:09:55
I don't think I'm afraid I won't survive without him. I think I'm afraid I *will*.
Because one does, you know? No matter how bad it is, one does survive. That's the really scary part of life.
Posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 22:44:09
In reply to Re: And of course » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 22:24:06
> I don't think I'm afraid I won't survive without him. I think I'm afraid I *will*.
>
> Because one does, you know? No matter how bad it is, one does survive. That's the really scary part of life.*aaaannnnddd......?
Survival is bad?
What is bad about surviving w/o him? Best to live your life as best you can as a legacy of his helping you....It might be hard, but you can still give, you can still stop and feel the warm sun, you can help anothers life be better.....
If I had given up years ago, I wouldn't have brought my two wonderful kids into this world. People I have helped wouldn't have received the help from me. The joys I HAVE had and shared wouldn't have been.
I am some kind of weird and twisted eternal optimist.
Someone could dump a bucket of cowsh*t over my head and I'd find the good in it.
Yet part of me wants to die, it can't stand the pain.
Its all very strange indeed.LOL! As ever, I am a tad confused!
I waffled btwn muffled and confused as posting names! Sometimes I think I should have picked the other!
:-)
M
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 9:30:33
In reply to Re: And of course, posted by muffled on November 11, 2008, at 22:44:09
You're braver than I am.
Life scares the bejeebers out of me. I try not to let it affect my day to day life. But I'm afraid of everything.
Posted by muffled on November 13, 2008, at 9:41:57
In reply to Re: And of course » muffled, posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 9:30:33
I send you some braveness>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
braveness comming your way>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
those are braveness rays!
>>>>brave>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
got em?'Cept, I'll tell ya a secret.....we allus TERRIFIED. Just we keep that part away.
So it LOOK like mebbe we brave, but we not really.
Mostly we just don't feel much attal regarding this body.
No fear.
Nothing.
Fears THERE, just it BURIED.
Mebbe we not doing it right, but leastaways we get basic functioning eh?
Ha!
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 11:50:13
In reply to ((((((Dinah))))), posted by muffled on November 13, 2008, at 9:41:57
Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2008, at 13:35:59
In reply to Re: And of course » Geegee, posted by Dinah on November 9, 2008, at 22:02:10
I guess it's because we go for us. We put ourselves out there. Sure, T's put something of themselves there, too, but it's OUR therapy.
I guess. (hmmmm, not sure why I had to add that.)
gg
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 14:06:04
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2008, at 13:35:59
True enough.
I remember after Katrina, I was whining about the inequality of caring or something. How I really cared whether I continued to see him, and how it didn't seem to matter as much to him.
He told me that it did matter to him on one level. That he enjoyed seeing me, and would hate to lose me as a client. But that it would never have the same intensity because he was a part of my support system and I wasn't part of his support system.
Dang it. He knows how to disarm me. Because of course he was right. It couldn't be therapy if he was reaching out to me to lean on in an emergency. I guess he showed his caring by making an effort to be there at all when he was in trouble himself.
And... to be fair, I suppose they do pay a price too. By definition almost. So it's more fair to say why do we have to pay a price too? And again, I guess there's no way to get around that.
They haven't figured out a way to license only people who will never be affected by their own lives.
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2008, at 14:34:27
In reply to Re: And of course » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2008, at 13:35:59
Perhaps you felt led to add that because of how I am with him? I'm so pushy. I'm sure none of his other clients demand so much from him. I'm so darn in tune with what's going on with him that I probably push way way more than I should to get him to be open with me. Not in the sense of asking him to tell me what's going on in his life. But in not allowing him anything in his psyche to prevent him from being present in the moment. But maybe it amounts to the same thing. I trample his boundaries mercilessly in session. He says he's ok with that. He says that's part of what fighting to relationship is. He says he doesn't *think* he minds that I read him like an open book.
Hmmm... I initially wrote "what's going on with me". Perhaps I *should* be better about respecting his boundaries.
This is the end of the thread.
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