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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
I'll preface this by saying that she asked me to keep her apprised of how I was doing; that she was concerned that she had her break scheduled and there I was in the middle of a crisis. I called twice. The first time to give her an update - newsy kind of call, "there's no need to call me back." Ha. Then 2 days later I called again and said that I'd like to take advantage of her offer to call me back for a quick chat.
Eventually she called while I was out of town with a friend (which was a very restorative and healing break for me, much needed). At the time, though, I was still characterizing the trip as Running Away From Home. So right out of the chute we had some fodder to mull over on the call. This wasn't running away, it was doing something nurturing for myself - and boy, was that tough to hear her call it that, and even harder for me to believe.
I was only gone for 5 days. There were times when I was able to totally focus on the Here and Now and fully engage in my surroundings, and truly enjoyed myself. There were other times when I'd speak with my husband and off I'd go on a trigger. A few times my friend not so gently suggested that I turn off my phone - but I didn't do it. I was able to say, at one point, that the subject my husband was bringing up was upsetting me and that we would talk about it when I got home. (By the time I did get home, he had straightened out the upsetting issue - and he probably would have done so without telling me about it in the first place - but that's part of our dynamic; his boundaries with me are very poor, and I feel guilty every time I say, "please don't cross this line in the sand with me right now.")
Anyways... I was totally impressed (and rather teary at first) that my T called me back; that she was able to do good "phone" with me, which hasn't always been the case; and I'm glad that I asked her to call me. It feels like a kind of important step in trust that I took - perhaps out of desperation, but that's appropriate too.
It's good to be home. I see my T for our session this afternoon.
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2008, at 9:11:30
In reply to I took the leap and called my T on vacation, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
It's very positive that you felt enough trust in the relationship to take her at her word and call her. It's a great feeling isn't it? To take those leaps of trust and have them rewarded.
Posted by no_rose_garden on August 13, 2008, at 10:18:59
In reply to I took the leap and called my T on vacation, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
Sounds like you had a great get-away. I'm glad you did that for yourself!
Posted by llurpsienoodle on August 13, 2008, at 17:47:57
In reply to I took the leap and called my T on vacation, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
Partly,
It's good to have you home too!
I'm glad you got some good phone-time. I've had a few phone sessions and they were always helpful. My current T is an unknown quantity with regard to his phone-prowess, but I'll be giving him a call next week. Lucky him!How was your session today?
-Ll
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 19:53:47
In reply to I took the leap and called my T on vacation, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 9:06:23
It felt as if I'd been away for a month, instead of just 2 weeks. I noted that I've been able to make almost instantaneous connections now between a stressful situation, and the physical pain that my body reacts with. The headaches, the back pain - it really wasn't crystal clear to me until I was away from the source of all that stress - and I felt absolutely fine. (My husband, though, experienced some transitory bad sinus pain - it would seem that he assumed the role of carrying the actual pain while I was away, though I don't know that he'd make the same connection that I do.)
So, onwards. A while ago my therapist had suggested a book for me to read - "Forgiving the Unforgivable" and I balked. Not only at the title, but at the concept. Am I really ready to do some forgiving? And once I started to think about it, there are many areas in my life that could do with just such a release, if I'm able to make my way through this book. So far I've only read the introduction, and it didn't scare me off. So I will take it slowly, rationing myself to a few pages a day. We'll see.
What I didn't expect was the tenderness and outward affection that I received from my spouse after my short time away. I think that he too, though not actively participating in the therapeutic process of his own, is in some way benefiting by me becoming more healthy and conscious in how I behave with him. We felt much more of a partnership after my absence, which I appreciate and accept with some grace.
Part of what made my departure timely was that it allowed my husband to speak with frankness and openness with his daughter, who is living with us (she's 26). Usually when I'm at home I'm the person who is feeling the discomfort and awkwardness of our domestic situation. With me out of the picture, he was able to find his own voice - and be the father he is to his daughter. It's still very uncomfortable. She doesn't want to be with us, and neither do we want her living off of us. I'm glad, though, that I was out of the conversation for these days, so that they could get their own dirty laundry aired out without my comment or presence.
pc
Posted by antigua3 on August 13, 2008, at 20:25:12
In reply to And today's session, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 19:53:47
I'm glad you found the strength to make that call, to trust. It seems like it should be such an easy thing to do, just pick up the telephone!! but it's anguishing for me and there are so many times when I should have done it and didn't, and I could have saved myself a lot of that anguish by just calling her to release some of what I am feeling.
You seem to be doing great T work! And listening to our bodies is so important, especially as we get older (wah!!).
take care,
antigue
Posted by llurpsienoodle on August 13, 2008, at 21:09:04
In reply to Re: And today's session » Partlycloudy, posted by antigua3 on August 13, 2008, at 20:25:12
Partly,
It's so wonderful that you are starting to realize the things that I've seen in you for a long time-- allowing yourself to accept your own wisdom.Nice to hear about things improving on the domestic front
((((((((partly))))))))
-Ll
Posted by Daisym on August 13, 2008, at 23:25:21
In reply to And today's session, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 19:53:47
So much growth. I'm sorry things have been so hard but I hear so much more hope in this post. Perhaps it is the trust you are showing with your therapist but I think it is also you standing up for you. Way to go!
fwiw - I think it is perfectly OK to run away from home, just as it is perfectly OK to nurture yourself. Sometimes taking action is the important part, no matter how we characterize it.
Posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2008, at 13:05:34
In reply to Re: And today's session, posted by Daisym on August 13, 2008, at 23:25:21
Something I've always wanted to do also run away from home. Glad you accomplished so much. Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 14, 2008, at 13:12:38
In reply to Re: And today's session, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2008, at 13:05:34
I'm thinking of making it a more regular occurrence. It really seemed to have changed the atmosphere in our home, and my outlook too.
Posted by Lemonaide on August 14, 2008, at 16:41:51
In reply to And today's session, posted by Partlycloudy on August 13, 2008, at 19:53:47
Partlycloudy,
It sounds wonderful that you have a place to go to when you need to. I think it is good for marriages to be apart for awhile too. Stepfamilies are hard, especially on the stepmom, they don't want you to be their mom, but they expect you to be their slave and do what their mom doesn't do and it doesn't matter how old they are either. ick.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 14, 2008, at 18:22:23
In reply to Re: And today's session, posted by Lemonaide on August 14, 2008, at 16:41:51
Yeah. Even though I came into this marriage after the children were grown, I can now see, by having this 26 year old woman living with us, but who is emotionally about 14; that hearing anything remotely like "advice" or "suggestions" from me just comes across as the horrible step mother being judgmental. The fact is, she keeps screwing things up, and I act as a type of mirror to her. She's uncomfortable with what I reflect back to her, and then she retreats, and isolates herself. When I came back from my out of town trip, she pointedly ignored me completely, not even noticing that I was in the room. That really hurt, but I kept telling myself, "14 years old. She acts like she's 14 old. She's not acting like a mature, 26 year old woman."
This morning there was a handwritten apology from her to us both. Still an awkward situation, but she is trying really hard at the moment. I even cooked us a family dinner this evening. I haven't even remotely felt like doing such a thing for a long time.
(It's so nice to be able to talk with you again, Lemonaide.)
This is the end of the thread.
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