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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on June 24, 2008, at 21:48:46
I can't find the post where you asked me stuff so i don't remember all of it but Rsk asked if i just dissociate when i am with T. No, I do it alot but in front of him it is worse and takes a long time to get over. It is like he is the object of my fear and I do trust him but my Ikids don't i guess..
We are not talking about integration at all. I told him i don't know if I want to integrate at all. I did ask him if he had thought about consulting with someone who works with DID and he said he doesn't know anyone who does DID work and EMDR. I told him I don't know if I will ever do EMDR again and I left it at that.
You have come along way muffled in a short period of time. You you are doing well too RSk in understanding waht is going on. It is so hard. one minute I am okay and the next minute I am not. Depressed most of the time but waht else is new, huh? I guess it does get better but it takes so long for me to do anything. Progress with T is unbearably slow. I don't know hfow I will ever get past all of this. At this rate it could take a long time.
Are you still seeing the same t RSK?? I know you were having some problems there. I can look more into seeing a DID T muffled but don't know how much my insurance will pay. This costs a fortune, you know??
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 24, 2008, at 22:41:24
In reply to answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos, posted by star008 on June 24, 2008, at 21:48:46
hi star,
I agree with you that these two have made SUCH progress! It's really exciting to watch others, even if it's hard to see the fruits of our own labor...I think I've made progress too. my T said I used to be spaced out and absent, but lately I only feel like that a little bit of the time, maybe once or twice a session. I think it's possible to get the dissociating under control with more trust in oneself. I think a lot of the work that I've been doing concerns the level of fear that I feel in situations that I perceive as "out of my control". Working on ways to escape stressful confrontations in a healthy and adaptive way has raised my feelings of self-control and efficacy. I've gotten more confidence in myself as my T has convinced me that I'm not a total waste of carbon. Self-esteem is definitely part of the equation.
I have been able to recognize my triggers to dissociate, and that's part of the battle. next comes trying to understand the feelings that are triggered. Once the feelings are under control (well, kinda!), then the reactions and symptoms make more sense and are more malleable.
I've never done EMDR or any specific treatment for diss. disorder. I believe, in my case, that the symptoms are the extreme part of a spectrum of anxiety and learned helplessness. Eventually I believe that I will get to the point where my hurts and shames no longer have such power over me. I'm confident.
okay, didn't mean to make this post all about me (oopsie) I just wanted to offer you my perspective on dissociative symptoms. Do take care, you'll move past this phase, even though it feels endless...
-ll
Posted by rskontos on June 25, 2008, at 8:37:49
In reply to answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos, posted by star008 on June 24, 2008, at 21:48:46
Star, I am still seeing the same t.
I asked because I dissociate only a little with mine. I tend to dissociate more IRL. A lot lately. I am not sure i recognize the reasons yet. I have yet to really know all that caused my dissociative states in the first place. I have my suspects but I still have no memories, no real ones.
Now, for more help in this area, I have been reading the book Daisym recommended, The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog by Dr Bruce Perry and at first I read it because she recommended because of the trauma neglect causes in children and how they can still heal. He understands the brain, think neuroscientist. One of the things he says children do is dissociate or become highly sensitized and rage. His section on dissociation is one of the best I have read to describe how the brain handles the trauma and how it leads to dissociation and how the anxiety fits in. In fact, I will read this section over again. Now this book is a hard read due to the cases but if you can get through it I have found the book very hopeful. Because this Dr. used what he learned to help even the most severely neglected, to rebuild their lives.
I would love it if this Doc. had a book on adults still dissociating and maybe he speaks more about it later, I am not done with the book. I will let you know.
All I know to do to help myself is to educate myself. This is what I can do well.
He, Bruce Perry, does not believe the trauma must be remembered or revisited to necessarily get well. That is up to each individual. All i know is I have found this man's words helpful.
I don't talk about integration with my t either. Right now I am at a stand still. I still have a hard time telling him all the secrets. You know what I mean. He thinks they will come with time.
He is patient. I am though trying to move forward in my live. I am afraid that one day, my past will rear its ugly head. I will be triggered by something.
I still have my doubts about my t but then I doubt everyone. But one thing is certain, at least he is one of my cheerleaders and right now that is a good thing.
I understand only a small degree about what dissociation it is and isn't about Star but thanks for the compliment. I feel too numb sometimes still. that worries me. I am beginning to get that is something from my childhood. I worry I was too distant as a mom. I only hope I was there enough for my children.
The nice thing about this book Daisym recommended is that is did give me some hope. Hope that not all is lost for me. And that is something I had thought. I had thought that because of my history, the little I do remember and know from my sisters, I was a lost soul. Now with this book's information and my T's encouragement, I don't feel so lost so much.
I hope you get better too. Muffled is doing well. LL is doing so much better too.
I haven't posted much since I feel like mostly I need to study stuff. But I am still reading here most days.
Take care, Star
email, or babblemail if you ever need to.
rsk
Posted by star008 on June 25, 2008, at 23:41:50
In reply to Re: answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos » star008, posted by rskontos on June 25, 2008, at 8:37:49
Thanks for your words of encouragement.. It just seems to take sooooo long to get anyway., T wants me to be able to feel compassion towards the inners before we can even begin to work on things and I feel nothing. I didn't dissociate in front of him for a long, long, time. I think the inners need a basis of trust to expose themselves that way.
Sometime i don't want to lose my dissociation..Doesn't make sense but that is fhow i feel.. I want to hang on to it.
I will look for the book later.. Right now, i don't think I could reaqde it without descending into the depth of hell..
I hope u don't feel too badly about switching in front of peoplke.. i usually say I had pms or was tired or something!!
Posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 12:56:07
In reply to Re: answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos, posted by star008 on June 25, 2008, at 23:41:50
Star,
Well, since we are in our forties, you are right, we took a long time to stew in this dissociative stew it will probably take a while to get it under control. At least that is my take.
I have voiced the same thing to my p-doc/therapist. That I like the dissociation in the first place. He understands, but he says it is still for the most part, an overraction in time and place at the present. and that is true. To dissociate now, is not usually a lifethreatening experience just usually an uncomfortable one. And sometimes not even that. I have been dissociating in situations that are ok to me, but I guess not to my inners. I sometimes have no clue as to why I go away and come back later to find things different. I guess sometimes the other ones want out maybe. Heck if I know. Because the situation itself doesn't seem to warrant protection.
I have almost finished the book, and I like this man. He makes alot of sense. I did not find the book triggering. More I found it enlightening. Now the cases of neglect where hard to read but for the most part the abuse was done out of ignorance not malice. Still hard but not as hard as those well you know what i mean.
Anyway, maybe sometime you can try to read it. But then maybe alot of people I accept don't like to study like I do. I am somewhat of a bookworm. I do get that. I always have been.
I don't really think about switching much. Other people don't notice much except this last time. Oh well what the heck can you say. I guess next time I will just say I had a brain f*rt. I don't know. It is hard though isn't it. Sorry I did not have more wisdom for you.
rsk
Posted by star008 on June 27, 2008, at 2:39:21
In reply to Re: answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos » star008, posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 12:56:07
You have more wisdom than you know rsk. it just seems thyat way to ytou. But to me, you do have wisdom..Wisdom that was learned through tough lessons. If the book doesn't have alot of bad abuse in it, i can probably read it. I would like some hope here.. But on one hand there is resisitance.. Like these ikids never want to get better?? maybe they think they will dissapear into some giant void?? I don't know..
Posted by muffled on June 27, 2008, at 11:01:50
In reply to Re: answers to questions rsk muffled. ddnos, posted by star008 on June 27, 2008, at 2:39:21
Star, it does get better.
Its SO confusing at first.
But then once you start to understanding stuff, and being able to know what the 'others' are thinking and stuff, then its SO much easier.
I know being stuck in depression makes everything so hard.
But I wonder if being more aware of what your 'others' are feeling, needing etc might help too with depression.
It was just SO HUGE to me to be able to know more what was going on internally.
So much started to make more sense. Where all was confusion, now I could start to make some sense of things.
The 'others' are not all good, or all bad, they just are who they are. They want to to be heard.
Its hard to get better, for lotsa reasons, but sometimes other parts fear being left behind, or they fear change. Sometimes protection will try and stop things etc. It IS complex, but like I say, it gets better some. And in fact there are GOOD aspects to having 'others'.
Thats one of the hallmarks of DD is CONFLICT btwn parts. But that can be worked on too. It is MUCH better for me than it was.
Journalling can be good way to start to figger wassup internally. Just go with the flow, and then when you re-read, maybe things will over time start to fall into place some. Like doing a puzzle. Try and start to sort out who is who. You can revise and edit as you get more clarity.
Oftimes you can find a part that might be quite helpful given a chance.
And oftimes parts get 'stuck' in the past, so its good to let them know they are safe now.
As you get to know others better, you can learn to recognize triggers and when you switching. You can work on negotiating with your 'others' in a kind way.
It sounds like alot of work, but it is rewarding really, to be able to help the 'others'.
Hope you doing OK.
Do you read net articles much? Mebbe I need to re-find some that are good.
I am not babbling these days, I not feel so safe here.
You can bmail/email/and I on that other site I said bout now and again.
Best cares sent your way,
M
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