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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
"Prostrate with grief"--I know what that means now. I don't think I really thought it was so literal, but it is. The up close and way too personal view of my kitchen floor today proves it. You start out just by starting to cry, and then you find yourself leaning against something, in my case the fridge. Soon, even that support isn't enough, and you slide down to a squat. And then as your body continues to heave, the hands come down, followed by the knees, and then finally you're all out down on the floor. Crying. Sobbing. Keening. Wailing. Gasping. Crying. Begging. Praying. Crying. Over and over and over again.
When the dog came over to investigate, I thought maybe she was "worried" about me. Turns out she just wanted to eat the kleenex that was so woefully inadequate.
I feel like my heart is breaking and that I'm dying inside because my husband has decided he does not want children. This now that I've finally realized I do. More than anything. And there's nothing for it. No acceptable resolution.
And I don't know what to do...
gg
Posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:16:08
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
Yes GG - it is time to call your therapist. Either one - yours or your couple's therapist.
I'm really sorry. I can only imagine how shattered you feel and the ramifications of his decision the looms so large in front of you. And because of the issue, the one person you'd normally go to - your husband - isn't the one you can go to. You must feel very alone.
I'm there in spirit but I suspect that is not enough right now. Call your sister and tomorrow, call your therapist and go see him.
(((GardenGirl)))
Posted by 10derHeart on January 20, 2008, at 22:40:03
In reply to Re: I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably » gardenergirl, posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:16:08
Yes, I agree with Daisy. Please call your T., more sooner than later. You shouldn't be so alone with this and you need a safe place.
I'm so sorry you discovered what this level of grief is like. This isn't about me, but I'll just mention I have been there - literally on the floor, too - so I do recall how truly awful it is. I want to say something to comfort you, yet everything sounds trite and ridiculous right now.
I care about you and if you ever want to talk, you know how to reach me....
((((gg))))
Posted by MidnightBlue on January 20, 2008, at 23:23:43
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
GG,
This is HUGE and you have every reason to fall to the floor sobbing. HUGS
MidnightBlue
Posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 23:34:33
In reply to Re: I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably » gardenergirl, posted by MidnightBlue on January 20, 2008, at 23:23:43
GG I'm so sorry. Yes call your therapist. Love Phillipa
Posted by Fallsfall on January 21, 2008, at 7:57:33
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
(((((((((GardenerGirl))))))))))
(((((((GG)))))))
I wish I could be there in person.
Yes. Absolutely. Call your therapist.
And I'll sit with you until you can see him.
(((((GG)))))
Love,
Falls
Posted by JoniS on January 21, 2008, at 7:59:09
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
GG
I'm so sorry for you. I hope that you can connect with your T and whoever else that provides support to you.
(((((((((((Garden Girl))))))))))))))))
Joni
Posted by ClearSkies on January 21, 2008, at 8:14:30
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
I'm with the others here, GG. Yes, it's time to make a call. And if it helps you to talk it out with us here, we're here to listen. What's the way forward for you; what do you do in the present - it's all very important.
(((((((GG))))))))
ClearSkies
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 8:22:44
In reply to Re: I think it's time to call my T--triggers? prob » gardenergirl, posted by ClearSkies on January 21, 2008, at 8:14:30
Gg,
It sounds so incredibly painful. You sound like you feel very alone with your pain and grief. T is there to help you, to sit with you and help support you in your dark hours, not just the bright times.You are very strong, strong enough to ask for help.
In the meanwhile, please share more with us if it helps.
(((((((((((gg))))))))))))
hugs,
-Ll
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2008, at 8:24:37
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
((((gardenergirl))))
Posted by sunnydays on January 21, 2008, at 10:17:38
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
I'm so sorry. What a thing to have to deal with. I hope your T is helpful. Meanwhile Babble, do whatever else it is you find soothing until you can see him.
((((gg))))
sunnydays
Posted by seldomseen on January 21, 2008, at 10:38:01
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
I am sorry for your grief. I hope your T can help and that you can find some peace.
I'm sending good thoughts your way.
Seldom.
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 10:50:39
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
It needs to be talked about I reckon.
FWIW, my hubby wanted kids and I didn't.
But now I am the primary caregiver and love them, and my DH has very little to do w/them really.
Go figger.
Kids is a HUGE deal. Lifelong. HARD in so many ways. Yet I would not change it, not really. But damn its hard to love someone so much. Lotsa angst. Crazy freaking world.
Hope you guys can come to some sort of peace bout it one way or another....
((( GG )))
M
Posted by All Done on January 21, 2008, at 11:54:05
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
((((((gg)))))),
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling.
I hope you can lean on your family and friends for some much needed support. This isn't something you need to be alone with. And I know it's probably hard calling your T post-termination, but I really hope you consider doing so. He knows you, and he can help you get through this.
Take very gentle care.
Lots of hugs,
Laurie
Posted by annierose on January 21, 2008, at 16:26:14
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
Grief. It sucks. His decision is huge and affects you and the future you thought you would share together. At least he told you the truth. I imagine that was difficult for him. Harder even to hear. This is the perfect time to call your (former?) marriage therapist or your past therapist. They can help you through these waters.
Thinking of you,
Annierose
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 21, 2008, at 20:18:39
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
I agree that you should call your T.
And I'm really sorry. I wish there was some way to make this better for you.
((((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))
Posted by rskontos on January 21, 2008, at 21:34:16
In reply to Re: I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably » gardenergirl, posted by TherapyGirl on January 21, 2008, at 20:18:39
I am truly sorry that your husband decided that his wishes would not be in sync with yours and has broken your heart. I too like some others and with you, have had the up close personal view of the floor and it sucks. I wish I could erase this pain, it is heartwrecking and please call your T. (((((((((((((GG))))))))))))
I only wish I could smack him on his head............I guess I should not say that but I still do, if cause he broke your heart....
rsk
Posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2008, at 23:06:17
In reply to Re: I think it's time togardenergirl, posted by rskontos on January 21, 2008, at 21:34:16
All of your messages have really helped. He and talked some more tonight, and I'm really wiped out now. My T's office was either closed for the holiday or just really busy on the phones, so I'll be calling him tomorrow.
Strange how one can feel so utterly drained and yet not be able to get to sleep without medication. Sigh.
More later.
I love you all.
gg
Posted by Raindancer on January 22, 2008, at 17:29:34
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
So sorry I missed your post gg. I hope you manage to get through to your T soon. All love and thoughts. (((((gardener girl)))))
Posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2008, at 8:05:21
In reply to I think it's time to call my T--triggers? probably, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2008, at 21:54:17
I'm just heart broken for you. That's all I can say. Let your T help. There is a way out of this, and you are a strong woman, even though the pain must be overwheliming.
antigua
Posted by zenhussy on January 24, 2008, at 11:52:34
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2008, at 23:06:17
Posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2008, at 23:10:09
In reply to hope you were able to get appt. w/ T....good luck (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by zenhussy on January 24, 2008, at 11:52:34
Thanks rain, antigua, and zen. And thanks to all who have sent messages. I appreciate all of them, and I'll start getting back to y'all soon. But right now, I still seem to be pretty stuck in hideout mode, and I'm not really talking much. (Shocking, I know.) :)
Anywhoo, I saw my pdoc Friday. He didn't make any med changes. He was very supportive and offered some interpretations that ring true and likely will be helpful even if they do feel a bit yucky, too. He's psychodynamically oriented, which I think is great. My T called me back middle of the week, and I see him on Tuesday. He didn't ask any questions, just told me when he was available. Thank God he's available!
It seems everyone's in agreement that going back is a good idea. We'll see how it goes and feels Tuesday, though hopefully I'll feel more like communicating before then.
Thanks again, everyone, (places hand over heart and gives a wan smile.)
gg
Posted by Fallsfall on January 27, 2008, at 8:18:15
In reply to Re: hope you were able to get appt. w/ T....good l, posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2008, at 23:10:09
Good. I'm glad you saw your pdoc (and that he didn't change your meds). Tuesday will be here before you know it. I think that seeing your therapist will help. Keep breathing until then, OK?
(((((GG)))))
Love,
Falls
This is the end of the thread.
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