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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 16:35:04
hey
im new here not sure if i did the trigger thing right.i need to vent. i have been having difficulties with my T recently because i am starting to become obsessed with her and shes cery professional and i know nothing about her except what i have read on the internet.. i mean i literally knew NOTHING.
so shes very professional but also very good. shes very observant and wise and i feel like she knows me. but then she does something stupid or won't catch something i am trying to say but can't and it ticks me off.
i have been going 3 times a week but now with insurance i only get 60 sessions a year so i need to cut back because i can't afford to have to pay for it. so she suggests she only sees me once next week and it doesn't mean she can't ever see me twice but her schedule it booked up next week and she doesn't think we should do three times a week unless i need to. ok??? So now i am cutting abck from three to one, already a HUGE deal when she tells me she can't see me at my normal time which meant she gave it AWAY when it was MY time. and then she says she doesn't know when but nexy friday sometime and she will have to call but to let her write it down cause otherwise she will forget>..and then says if for some reason she forgets to call to call her
WTF???????? She has totally shot me down, kicked my pieces and thrown them away because she has totally let me know she doesn't think about me, i am not important or messed up enough for her to leave her professional and her personal completely seperate....
i am sure this has some "mother" thing going on here, but i am freaking out... should i call her and ask her if i can come earlier to keep me in mind if someone cancels???
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 21:44:40
In reply to freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 16:35:04
> hey
> im new here not sure if i did the trigger thing right.**** Looks good to me! All you have to do is put the word in if you think what you write may be hard for other people to read. Sometimes if it's a specific type of trigger like sexual trigger or self-injury (SI) trigger or abuse trigger, people will put what kind it is, but that's not completely necessary.
>
> i need to vent. i have been having difficulties with my T recently because i am starting to become obsessed with her and shes cery professional and i know nothing about her except what i have read on the internet.. i mean i literally knew NOTHING.**** Wow. Well, you know what kind of a person she is based on her interactions with you. You know what kinds of clothes she wears to work, how she chooses to decorate her office, how she wears her hair, how she talks, how she arranges her body. Those kinds of things can tell you a lot more about a person than knowing if she has kids or where her house is or where she went on her last vacation. Until my T and I had been seeing each other for a few months I didn't know anything about him either. He's pretty loose with telling me little things, like that he has kids or telling me a story about his kids or his life if he thinks it's relevant to my therapy, but he doesn't do it often, and I don't find it necessary. And yes, I'm still obsessed with him. I sometimes think I live for those little hints he drops in sessions. But that's perfectly normal, as is Googling a T, I think, as long as you don't call her house or things like that. I'm thinking a "What About Bob?" moment, if you've seen that movie. Being curious is perfectly normal, although it certainly doesn't mean she has to tell you more if she has strict boundaries. And that can be good too if someone's never had strict boundaries before, to see them modeled. It helps me sometimes (he goes through times when he says very little about himself, and it does help because he does it when I really need it).
>
> so shes very professional but also very good. shes very observant and wise and i feel like she knows me. but then she does something stupid or won't catch something i am trying to say but can't and it ticks me off.**** Yeah, it's very unfortunate T's aren't mindreaders. It sounds like yours is mostly good though. Try to bring up the things that bother you - it always helps so much with my T because he tries to fix it. It's really really hard to do, but it can help so much. Most of the time he thought nothing of what he did and didn't see how much it bothered or affected me, or he doesn't realize he isn't picking up on something. If they knew to do something better they would! Unfortunately, we sometimes have to help them. But I know how deeply hard it can be to bring it up.
>
> i have been going 3 times a week but now with insurance i only get 60 sessions a year so i need to cut back because i can't afford to have to pay for it. so she suggests she only sees me once next week and it doesn't mean she can't ever see me twice but her schedule it booked up next week and she doesn't think we should do three times a week unless i need to. ok??? So now i am cutting abck from three to one, already a HUGE deal when she tells me she can't see me at my normal time which meant she gave it AWAY when it was MY time. and then she says she doesn't know when but nexy friday sometime and she will have to call but to let her write it down cause otherwise she will forget>..and then says if for some reason she forgets to call to call her**** It happens some time. It might not mean she gave away your spot, she might be taking the day or that time off and not want to tell you. My T tends to forget things like calling me very easily too. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. Their scheduling can be very tricky. But it is hard and I hope she remembers. And going from three to one will be hard, but she seems to think you are strong enough to do it. Who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be an experience that brings something up you never expected. Those can be good therapy moments, but they can also be hard.
>
> WTF???????? She has totally shot me down, kicked my pieces and thrown them away because she has totally let me know she doesn't think about me, i am not important or messed up enough for her to leave her professional and her personal completely seperate....
>**** Well, my T has forgotten me, and it didn't mean he didn't care, it just meant he can be a little disorganized and truly forgot. Try not to take it personally, although I know it's hard.
> i am sure this has some "mother" thing going on here, but i am freaking out... should i call her and ask her if i can come earlier to keep me in mind if someone cancels???
>**** I think that would be a good thing to do if you're freaking out. At least it will remind her of you, and let her know the change may have been too abrupt. Good luck.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2007, at 10:18:48
In reply to freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 16:35:04
I know it's hard not to take those things seriously. But my therapist, like Sunnydays', is just disorganized and tends to forget. Which doesn't mean I'm not as mad as Hades when he forgets *me*. But he tells me that if he forgets me, just call him and remind him, and don't sit and stew over how little he cares about me etc. etc.
Which is actually kind of annoying when you think about it, because while it is my responsibility to ask for what I want, it's his responsibility to remember his professional obligations.
But still... Sometimes you just have to be pragmatic.
Maybe she gave away your time because she wasn't sure which once a week you wanted to keep. My therapist gave away my Tuesday 10am time because he thought I was coming a different day. He said it's not permanently given away, just next week.
Posted by Poet on January 6, 2007, at 11:08:32
In reply to freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 16:35:04
Hi youngaddict,
I think it's okay to call your T and tell her you need to see her earlier if you can. It's going to be hard going from three times a week to once a week and having a regular time is important. My insurance ran out and I lost my job so my T didn't charge me for November and December. She also fit me in wherever she could, which I understand, I'm a charity case, but now that the insurance coverage is back it looks like I have a regular time again. Which I need.
I say call her, let us know what she says.
Poet
Posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:10:15
In reply to Re: freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger » youngaddict, posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 21:44:40
> **** Wow. Well, you know what kind of a person she is based on her interactions with you. You know what kinds of clothes she wears to work, how she chooses to decorate her office, how she wears her hair, how she talks, how she arranges her body. Those kinds of things can tell you a lot more about a person than knowing if she has kids or where her house is or where she went on her last vacation.
****TRUE I KNOW. I JUST WISH THAT SHE WOULD UTTER SOMETHING OTHER THAN , "AND HOW IS **** DOING TODAY" HAHA.Until my T and I had been seeing each other for a few months I didn't know anything about him either. He's pretty loose with telling me little things, like that he has kids or telling me a story about his kids or his life if he thinks it's relevant to my therapy, but he doesn't do it often, and I don't find it necessary. And yes, I'm still obsessed with him. I sometimes think I live for those little hints he drops in sessions. But that's perfectly normal, as is Googling a T, I think, as long as you don't call her house or things like that. I'm thinking a "What About Bob?" moment, if you've seen that movie.
**** I HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE. HAHA. I FORGOT ABOUT IT, I SHOULD RENT IT AGAIN. I HAVE DRIVEN BY HER HOUSE SEVERAL TIMES. I HAVE TRIED TO CALL HER HOUSE BUT SHE DOESNS'T TAKE BLOCKED NUMBERS, WHICH IS GOOD.
Being curious is perfectly normal, although it certainly doesn't mean she has to tell you more if she has strict boundaries. And that can be good too if someone's never had strict boundaries before, to see them modeled. It helps me sometimes (he goes through times when he says very little about himself, and it does help because he does it when I really need it).
> **** Yeah, it's very unfortunate T's aren't mindreaders. It sounds like yours is mostly good though. Try to bring up the things that bother you - it always helps so much with my T because he tries to fix it. It's really really hard to do, but it can help so much. Most of the time he thought nothing of what he did and didn't see how much it bothered or affected me, or he doesn't realize he isn't picking up on something. If they knew to do something better they would! Unfortunately, we sometimes have to help them. But I know how deeply hard it can be to bring it up.*****YEAH ITS SO HARD TO BRING STUFF UP.. OR IF I MENTION SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO DWELL ON THAT, WHEN I RALLY MENIONTED IT IN BUILDING MYSELF UP TO TRYING TO GET AT THINGS THAT ARE REALLY TOUGH. SOMETIMES ITS NOT UNTIL FIVE MINUTS BEFORE THE SESSIONS OVER THAT I AM READY TO REALY TALK AND THEN I DON'T HAVE TIME. I SIT IN QUIETNESS A LOT, BECAUSE I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO TALK.
> >
> **** It happens some time. It might not mean she gave away your spot, she might be taking the day or that time off and not want to tell you. My T tends to forget things like calling me very easily too. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. Their scheduling can be very tricky. But it is hard and I hope she remembers. And going from three to one will be hard, but she seems to think you are strong enough to do it. Who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be an experience that brings something up you never expected. Those can be good therapy moments, but they can also be hard.***I FEEL ABANDONED. I CALLED HER YESTERDAY AND ASKED FOR AN EARLIER IN THE WEEK AND TO LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE CANCELED, I WAS DEVASTATED WHEN SHE DIDN'T CALLME BACK RIGHT AWAY. SHE STILL HASN'T CALLED ME BACK. BUT I DEFINITLY FEEL ABANDONED, LIKE I AM HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG.
> **** Well, my T has forgotten me, and it didn't mean he didn't care, it just meant he can be a little disorganized and truly forgot. Try not to take it personally, although I know it's hard.***I KNOW I KNOW! I AM REALLY ATTACHED TO HER BECAUSE I FEEL SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES AND WHEN I HAVE SAID TO HER BEFORE THAT I AM LONELY AND HAVE NO ONE SHE SAID I HAD HER AND THAT OF THE TWO OF US INTHE ROOM SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED WHAT HAPPENED TO ME (THIS WAS BASED ON SOMETHING WE WERE TALKING ABOUT, I WAS BEING SELF-DESTRUCTIVE)
>
THANKS SUNNYDAYS, I NEEDED SOME REASSURANCE AND SOME ADVICE AND I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO BUT THIS MESSAGE BOARD.
Posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:16:18
In reply to Re: freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger » youngaddict, posted by Poet on January 6, 2007, at 11:08:32
THANKS POET!!
i did call my T and i told her i would rather come in earlier but didn't tell her why. i am waiting for a phone call from her still.
somtimes i feel as if she is so cold and removed, but then other times i feel like she really cares about me.
Posted by muffled on January 7, 2007, at 22:00:35
In reply to freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 5, 2007, at 16:35:04
Well,Y.A. it sounds like you may have got your lines crossed w/your T. I have had that happen.
My T is also AWFUL at returning calls etc. She is doing a little better, perhaps cuz I bug her bout it now and again.
I have found the best way to sort out confusion times w/my T is to tell her bout what I felt bout what hasppened, and she can tell me her side of the story, and then it helps clear things up. Not alweays to my satisfaction or happiness, but at least its mostly sorted.
Now it may sound like i talk lots to my T. I DON'T! Mostly I write to her LOTS. And then we read thru the parts she thinks might be good to talk about. Mostly she teaches me stuff, but sometimes I actually do a bit of work myself, cuz I think she getting tired of doing all the talking and getting tired as a reszult.
Anbyhow, hope ypou guys can sort this out...
Muffled
Posted by youngaddict on January 9, 2007, at 21:13:57
In reply to Re: freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger » youngaddict, posted by muffled on January 7, 2007, at 22:00:35
hey
so it took her until just now to call me back and then she sounded so concerned like, "how are you" in a soft voice. i said "ok" but i really wanted to scream "everything is wrong and i hate myself and i wish that i wasn't me that i was someone else and i wish i had the courage to kill myself"
i don't even like being with friends anymore.
i wish my t knew all this.
Posted by muffled on January 9, 2007, at 22:04:56
In reply to Re: freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 9, 2007, at 21:13:57
> hey
>
> so it took her until just now to call me back and then she sounded so concerned like, "how are you" in a soft voice. i said "ok" but i really wanted to scream "everything is wrong and i hate myself and i wish that i wasn't me that i was someone else and i wish i had the courage to kill myself"
>
> i don't even like being with friends anymore.
>
> i wish my t knew all this.**:( Sorry its hard. God I hate the waiting for the phone call thing. It SO sucks.
I liked your last line on the post, 'I wish my T knew all this'.
I went thru that too. There was SO much i wanted to express but couldn't. Partly cuz I was so confused, but partly cuz I was scared, partly cuz I just didn't even know how to begin......
I still bad at it, but what we have evolved into doing, is I write her faxes and send them, and then she reads them in the session and we talk about them. This has worked very well for me.
At first my faxes were long and we didn't cover much, and my T just plain MISSED alot of stuff cuz she still didn't have a handle on me cuz I would say so little.
But now it is going SO much better.
So if you can e-mail or fax, or just hand her a piece of paper with your thots, well mebbe that could start something for you.
It all takes time it would seem.
But talking about all the seemingly inane type stuff like how T pisses you off and stuff helps ALOT, in alot of ways.
Sorry this is so long, I just trying to explain and I not so good at it.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2007, at 7:01:10
In reply to Re: freaking out.. therapist story--long..trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 9, 2007, at 21:13:57
I find it hard sometimes to put aside societal conventions and answer honestly when my therapist asks me how I am. But if I don't tell him, he won't know, and he won't be able to help me.
It's ok to tell her what you just said. It's even ok to scream it.
This is the end of the thread.
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