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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
And I mad at her. And I hate her. And I want to tell her to f*ck right off completely.
I have appt in Jan 9, but I want to cancel it and never go back. And I don't know if I just being stupid or not. But I wanto get high. I wanto get dangerous. I got some weed maybe it will calm me but I dunno. I feel very bothered. My T got me allm mixed up and now she walk away. Piss me off it does.
Mebbe I am just being stupid I dunno.
But WTF I tell her stuff I shopuld never say and mebbe I will pay, but she just walk away. She don't hurt. Piss me off it does.
Damn. I stupid bout this right?
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2006, at 13:52:16
In reply to Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
Not stupid.
Hate... Well, you generally don't hate people you don't care about. So is it possible that you care about her very much and she hurt you a lot, even if it wasn't intentional? It's ok to be very angry with her till she comes back, but don't direct that anger at yourself, please? My therapist would ask me what I'd want my son to do if he were feeling like harming himself, and then to realize that I deserve the same answer.
They shouldn't be allowed to walk away. Not for weeks at a time. And there should be a special rule about upsetting the client before a break.
I'm reminding my therapist of that rule this week.
Posted by cassie17 on December 20, 2006, at 13:56:40
In reply to Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
Yep, of course I wouldn't say you are stupid about this, but sounds like there are some major transference issues going on.
You'll only hurt yourself by skipping your therapy appointment.
Posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 14:10:37
In reply to Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
I agree with Dinah 100%. Not stupid at all.
It's hard to leave a session when a lot has been stirred up no matter how long it is before your next session, but its especially hard when there's a long break. Sometimes I think Ts forget how hard breaks can be for some people... they can be lifelines and it's hard to have that pulled away.
I dont think you're abnormal or stupid in any way. I know I'd be hurting too if I were you.
I dont think this is worth quitting over though. You have written here about many good experiences with this T. She has helped and comforted you many times, right? Mistakes and issues are unavoidable. I dont say that to minimize it.. I know it hurts like heck. Been there too. But I dont think it means shes worthless as a T. Maybe this is worth talking about at your next appt.
Posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 14:56:18
In reply to Re: Now I hate my T :( » muffled, posted by wishingstar on December 20, 2006, at 14:10:37
Thank you.
I trying to make sense of it.
I am just so mixed up and mad, mad, mad.
And the worst of it is I dunno what i said for sure cuz i don't remmeber stuff very good.
So its like she knows stuff bout me mebbe, that I don't know she knows. Or I not sure.
And if she does well then thats sh*t man, cuz she say 'OK we dip toe in the water and pull it back out, I not push you' but I not sure what happened but I think mebbe I said stuff and i dunn o why or if i did, and I kinda said some stuff in a fax, but then I THINK mebbe she got me to say more, but I dunno for sure.
But then I do remember being in defense mode and calm later.
And then SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo tired and mixed up.
Grrrrrrr,
Mebbe stead of bottling it up and exploding I should leave her a message that says I SO pissed at her, Merry Christmas.
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on December 20, 2006, at 15:00:41
In reply to Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
I think leaving a message might be good. It might get it out of your system, and then you can feel better over the holiday. Is there any possibility she might call you back? Please don't quit, though. I think it sounds like your T is trustworthy, and she'll be able to handle whatever you tell her. And whatever it was you told her, you already knew it, so you can handle it too. So if both of you can handle it, then you just have to work on accepting that she can handle it. She's not leaving you forever. Can you call her and let her know how you feel? Please don't get dangerous if you can help it. I think you're doing such a good job that sometimes it gets scary, is all. Deep breaths, try to calm down.
sunnydays
Posted by happykat on December 20, 2006, at 22:09:18
In reply to Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 13:46:11
Hey Muffled,
I would definitely leave her a message. It's better to get it off your chest than keep it bottled up.
I think therapists do forget how hard it is for us, especially over long breaks. Take care. Stay safe.
happykat
Posted by LadyBug on December 21, 2006, at 1:43:29
In reply to Re: Now I hate my T :(, posted by muffled on December 20, 2006, at 14:56:18
First I'm sorry you're hurting. And to wait till January 9th with these feelings just isn't right! Do you want to talk about why you're pissed at her? I think we all hate our T's at some time or another. I know I have and many times I've threatened to quit because it hurts so much. I would call her if I were you and say what you said, "your pissed, Merry Christmas". I would hope she would call you back and try to help understand why you're pissed at her. Quitting is a way for us to avoid the hurt, or at least it sounds like it would work at the time. I know it wouldn't help me in the long run. I've been at the quitting point so many times. A few things make me hang on, one of them is; if I quit, how will I ever work out what I'm pissed off about, and the other thing is my T will tell me if she's made a mistake, that has hurt me, that she'd never intentionally hurt me and if she did she's sorry and the most important thing here is to remember and give her credit for all the good things she's done over the years.
Is this helpful for you to think about? I hope so cuz you've said some positive things about your T and I think you benefit from your work with her.
Let us know what happens next and I'm wishing you the best here.
LadyBug
Posted by muffled on December 21, 2006, at 11:07:30
In reply to Re: Now I hate my T :( » muffled, posted by LadyBug on December 21, 2006, at 1:43:29
Now I just all over the map. Now I scared to EVER look at her again. I get sad, and I get scared, and mad, and all things. I was in my sphere pretty bad, but now I sorta out and realize how deep in it I was. I didn't realize.
And I trying hard to not go back, cuz sphere is bad. Minimal functioning.
So thank you guys. Your posts are like a lifeline for me to keep me from spinning into space.
Thank you.
Muffled
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