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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
Tomorrow is my appointment, and I feel my stomach already turning. How do you go back after a month of waiting. I thought I was looking forward to it, but now I just want to hide . I am thinking about not exercising tomorrow because I don't want to run into him there before my appointment.
I feel like I will dissapoint him for not doing well lately. How do I tell him how badly I am doing? I just want to run and hide in a hole and stay there until it is safe to come out. I don't want to cry, but that is how I feel, weepy, sad and just want to die.
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:20:49
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
I don't really want to die, I shouldn't of said that, I am not that bad.
Posted by Gee on November 30, 2005, at 11:20:10
In reply to **** sorry trigger above****, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:20:49
I know the feeling. It'll all end up okay.
Don't worry about letting him down. He's suppose to be there for you no matter what
Good luck tomorrow
Posted by B2chica on November 30, 2005, at 11:30:43
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
sorry you're so upset. believe me i understand. but remember, he's a great guy, you trust him. he won't judge you. you pay him to listen to you.
and hopefully he give good feedback...breathe...you're ok.
good luck, you'll do fine.
(((((hugs)))))
b2c.
Posted by sleepygirl on November 30, 2005, at 11:38:37
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
You just take a deep breath and tell him. Tell him as much as you can. He is there for your support. It's not good or bad, it just is. Cry if you have to - it's not a horrible thing. You deserve the relief. :-)
-all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 17:51:13
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
(((happyflower)))
yeah, first meetings after a long break can be really hard.
i hope you manage to distract yourself from worrying toooooo much about it...
and that the session goes well for you.
Posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 19:48:16
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
> Tomorrow is my appointment, and I feel my stomach already turning. How do you go back after a month of waiting. I thought I was looking forward to it, but now I just want to hide . I am thinking about not exercising tomorrow because I don't want to run into him there before my appointment.
That’s very understandable.
> I feel like I will dissapoint him for not doing well lately. How do I tell him how badly I am doing?
I don’t think you will disappoint him. Sometimes therapy is not a smooth progression from pain to happiness. Sometimes there are setbacks. He will understand.
> I just want to run and hide in a hole and stay there until it is safe to come out. I don't want to cry, but that is how I feel, weepy, sad and just want to die.
I know you said you are not that bad, but it looks to me as if you are feeling really unhappy.
I wonder if part of the problem is that you’re facing a decision about the future of your marriage, and perhaps that is very unsettling for you. I know that it can involve feelings of being unloved and unwanted.
So I want you to know that we love you very much and we want you around. I know it’s not the same as your partner… but it’s genuine.
What are you wearing to therapy tomorrow? I’m thinking the long black boots might give you some confidence…
And just a little push… do you think you can ask to see him in two weeks instead of four? Would that help?
(((((Happyflower)))))
I’ll be thinking of you.
Tamar
Posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 19:49:45
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
You start with "I'm nervous because I have a lot of stuff going on and I'm afraid we won't get through it." TRY hard to skip the urge to catch up him up on the day to day events and focus on your feelings -- that you've been upset and depressed and confused about how you feel about him...Do I sound bossy enough? I just know what I've spent 15 or 20 minutes talking about a work project or something that wasn't really what I wanted to talk about, I get mad at myself for not having enough time for the hard stuff.
And if you tell him you are nervous, he is likely to help you get started again.
Good luck. I'm sure it will be fine. Let us know.
Daisy
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:04:24
In reply to Re: Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow » happyflower, posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 19:48:16
Okay, you started to make me cry and then I read about the boots and now I am laughing so hard, my stomach really hurts. LOL
If I felt better and confident which I don't, I would maybe wear them, but I think I am going to dress down in comfey clothes instead, maybe even sneakers! (what a site I will be) Normally I try to look nice, but I don't care this time. Too much work, I say. After all he has seen me many times without makeup and bed hair at the gym. It didn't seem to scare him too bad.Athough, when he first saw me there, he wasn't sure it was me because I looked different he said. See we are already past stage 3 in a relationship, he has seen me what I look like the night after! LOL Just kidding, in case anyone is questioning. LOL
Thanks for the saying that I am loved, I don't hear that enough now days. It makes me feel at least somebody cares. Thank you again. I sure wish my T would at least hold me and let me cry. But he hasn't even shook my hand.
Posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 20:10:14
In reply to You are just too much! LOL » Tamar, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:04:24
When I'm feeling really low and weepy I often wear long skirt so that I can take off my shoes and curl up in the corner of the couch. Then I'm sort of ready for the intense discussion I need to have.
I know what you mean about wishing to be held. But sometimes psychological holding feels pretty good so don't keep the tears out of the room.
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:14:24
In reply to Re: Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow » happyflower, posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 19:49:45
> You start with "I'm nervous because I have a lot of stuff going on and I'm afraid we won't get through it." TRY hard to skip the urge to catch up him up on the day to day events and focus on your feelings -- that you've been upset and depressed and confused about how you feel about him...
Do I sound bossy enough?Hey bossy! just kidding,
I was with you until the last thing you want me to say. GULP!> And if you tell him you are nervous, he is likely to help you get started again.
He can usually tell how I am in the first 2 minutes. When I am nervous, I figet a lot.
> Good luck. I'm sure it will be fine. Let us know.Do you want the good, bad and ugly? LOL
> Daisy
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:24:21
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL » happyflower, posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 20:10:14
> When I'm feeling really low and weepy I often wear long skirt so that I can take off my shoes and curl up in the corner of the couch. Then I'm sort of ready for the intense discussion I need to have.
I wish my T had a couch, but he has 2 wing back chairs, they are comfortable, but not like a couch. I never take off my shoes, is that common?
> I know what you mean about wishing to be held. But sometimes psychological holding feels pretty good so don't keep the tears out of the room.He has held me this way, and it is nice.
I have never cried in therapy, maybe I eyes got a little watery in my 2nd session, when he called my mom a monster. But a month ago, he called her one scary b*tch, and I laughed. I think I would want to bolt out of the room if I am going to cry.
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:25:15
In reply to Re: **** sorry trigger above****, posted by Gee on November 30, 2005, at 11:20:10
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:26:19
In reply to Re: Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by B2chica on November 30, 2005, at 11:30:43
> sorry you're so upset. believe me i understand. but remember, he's a great guy, you trust him. he won't judge you. you pay him to listen to you.
> and hopefully he give good feedback...
>
> breathe...you're ok.
>
> good luck, you'll do fine.
> (((((hugs)))))
> b2c.
Thanks for the luck and hugs, it means more than you will ever know. :)
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:26:52
In reply to Re: Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow » happyflower, posted by sleepygirl on November 30, 2005, at 11:38:37
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:27:28
In reply to Re: Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow » happyflower, posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2005, at 17:51:13
Posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 20:28:15
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL » daisym, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:24:21
I thought I would want that too. I think I put the pillow over my head the first time I really cried. And I apologized. He said, "isn't it OK to cry here? The rules are different here -- crying is totally allowed. I want to see your tears, you've needed to let them out for a long time."
Now I cry all the time. I still apologize and he still tells me it is OK to cry. Last week I told him he was getting kleenax for Christmas. :)
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:46:40
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL » happyflower, posted by daisym on November 30, 2005, at 20:28:15
> I thought I would want that too. I think I put the pillow over my head the first time I really cried. And I apologized. He said, "isn't it OK to cry here? The rules are different here -- crying is totally allowed. I want to see your tears, you've needed to let them out for a long time."
I remember when I asked him what he would do if I cried. He said what do you think, I will throw you out of the room? LOL (he probably would like to sometimes but not because I cry.) My Dh used to be my support system where I could get all out, but now I cry alone and it isn't the same. I do trust my T completely and know he won't hit me or anything if I cry, but is is so scary to be so vunerable. Plus knowing he won't hug me, makes me what to avoid it at all costs. You know if he only knew that actuallly hugging me would let down my defenses, it would be a good thing probably. But he doesn't and won't.
> Now I cry all the time. I still apologize and he still tells me it is OK to cry. Last week I told him he was getting kleenax for Christmas. :)
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:47:25
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:46:40
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:58:24
In reply to post above for Daisy ****** (nm), posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:47:25
Posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 21:15:20
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:46:40
> I remember when I asked him what he would do if I cried. He said what do you think, I will throw you out of the room? LOL (he probably would like to sometimes but not because I cry.) My Dh used to be my support system where I could get all out, but now I cry alone and it isn't the same.
No, it really isn’t the same. You need to find comfort somehow.
> I do trust my T completely and know he won't hit me or anything if I cry, but is is so scary to be so vunerable. Plus knowing he won't hug me, makes me what to avoid it at all costs. You know if he only knew that actuallly hugging me would let down my defenses, it would be a good thing probably. But he doesn't and won't.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? Physical touch could make it possible to say all the things we’re holding back… if only those therapists would just allow it. I reckon if there’s a symbolism in touch, we should be able to use that symbolism to our advantage. We should be able to use it to make therapy easier.
I really liked Daisy’s suggestion about talking to him tomorrow. I imagine you don’t want to jinx it, but on the other hand, if he really is a soulmate, you can’t jinx it. Soulmates tend to understand any circumstances…
Tamar
Posted by muffled on December 1, 2005, at 2:46:38
In reply to Yikes! 14 hours! I think I am going to croak (nm), posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 20:58:24
Posted by orchid on December 1, 2005, at 3:41:21
In reply to Feeling nervous and scared about tomorrow, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 10:14:06
I hope it goes well. Are you planning to tell him about your attraction?
Posted by allisonross on December 1, 2005, at 9:19:13
In reply to Re: You are just too much! LOL » happyflower, posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 21:15:20
...."I think tears.....are beautiful"
HE is beautiful.
But then, I love him...that's as much as I wanna say right now.
Other lovely quotes:
"Who do you want to be, and how do you want to get there?"
The most important words he ever conveyed to me: "Restorative Justice"---This is what you did...this is how it made me feel....so incredibly empowering to one (me) abused for 31 years.
"Most people do what they need to, to stay out of pain."
"Most people construct their own versions of reality."
There are many more....these are only a few.
Smiles, Ally
(Any good quotes from your t's)?
This is the end of the thread.
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