![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:23:39
I would like to send you a babblemail but I see you aren't set up for it.
With great respect to all posters here, I do not find you in the least hurtful. Really really not.
I have been in therapy for several years (ok, seven) and have a friend who has been on this journey with me. At times, she has said things that shocked me, and I can't express how much that helped. More than once, she has said things to me that I'm sure my T would have liked to say, but being constrained by the therapeutic relationship, wasn't in a position to do so at that point in the process. (Now the little sh*t feels free to say anything :-) My friendship with this woman began with this, it was not something that developed over years. I have known her for seven years, the same amount of time I've been in therapy.
So, Lipgloss, wherever you are, whoever you are, please don't be too p*ssed off. You obviously don't talk much, but I'd sure like it if you were around to talk with me sometimes.
I hope this note doesn't offend anyone. I have to write it.
ShortE
Posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
In reply to Lipgloss, posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:23:39
Hi Shortelise,
I'm new here and don't even know how to set up babblemail.
I would like to say that I responded to Happyflower the way I did because the situation hit close to home. I will also say that I do not feel comfortable posting my own story here nor do I see it as benificial.
I truely care about her well being and in no way do I diregard the intense feeling she is suffering (yes, suffering) toward her T.
I am saddened that so many of you that say you care about Happyflower and want to support her are egging her on to act out on these ideas she is entertaining. It's easy to be flip about things like this sitting in front of your computers. Heck, it's not your life after all.
Just entertainment for you I guess.
I don't think Babble is the kind of place for me.
LipGloss
Posted by muffled on November 29, 2005, at 22:21:18
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
>
> I'm new here and don't even know how to set up babblemail.
***If you want, we can tell you
>
> I would like to say that I responded to Happyflower the way I did because the situation hit close to home. I will also say that I do not feel comfortable posting my own story here nor do I see it as benificial.
***I'm sorry it was hard for you. Post or not post. Its ok.
>
> I truely care about her well being and in no way do I diregard the intense feeling she is suffering (yes, suffering) toward her T.
***I just GOTTA comment here. I am pretty darn sure that most of those guys care a great deal bout happyflower, she is a TON of fun. I care about her too.
>
> I am saddened that so many of you that say you care about Happyflower and want to support her are egging her on to act out on these ideas she is entertaining. It's easy to be flip about things like this sitting in front of your computers. Heck, it's not your life after all.
***Aw hell, we've checked with her b4 if you look back in earlier threads, not like we've been trying to egg her onto pain, the pitfalls HAVE been discussed. Its just sometimes when things are really painful humour helps. Lots of people who's jobs involve painful stuff engage in '?' humour(theres a word but can't remember). The kind of jokes a cop might make would be offensive to some, but sometimes you just got to depressurize somehow. Happyflower is so great that way, and she helps all of us when she gets one of her crazy threads going. She has helped a ton of people to chill out and be happy.
>
> Just entertainment for you I guess.
***God no, never. We are real people with real pain and we share. I think its pretty cool. Its helps me tons.
>
> I don't think Babble is the kind of place for me.
***Well, alls I can say is give it a try? If its too much thats ok. Just please don't go away thinking we don't care cuz we DO.
>
> LipGloss
***Hey, maybe see ya around. If not, peace to ya.
Muffled
Posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2005, at 22:25:37
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
please don't judge all of us because of how a few people post / respond to other peoples posts.
i came to babble and hung around for a while...
and then i left for a while.
and i have to say that i left because...
my impression really wan't all that grand.
mostly... because of stuff on the psychology board, i'll admit to that.but i came back and after a while i noticed something...
i started to get more of a grip on different posting names being different PEOPLE
and i started to see that there are some people here who are really very wonderful and supportive and give some terrific advice
and yeah... there is a mixed bag at times (everybody has their ups and downs and that is why we are here i suppose)
but after giving it a chance...
giving the people a chance...
i really came to love it here :-)
and i'll admit...
that there are a few people who i've learned to fairly much avoid because we seem to grate on each other rather...
but i've also learned to respect them in seeing some of the wonderful posts they write sometimes
and in seeing how they connect to others in a way that we don't seem to be able to manage.i really admire your courage in jumping on in like that and speaking your mind.
pbc's...
you know i really don't think it was WHAT you said that got you the pbc...
it was more about the WAY in which you said it.
civility can be a tricky notion but i really do think that i'm learning to be a kinder and gentler person in trying to express myself within civility guidelines.anyways...
hope you stick around...
Posted by orchid on November 29, 2005, at 22:30:55
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
Hi LipGloss,
As you may have observed, babble is one place which is exceptionally warm. There is not usually that much criticism of others here, and it isn't encouraged as well.The reasons behind this kind of exceptional warmth and understanding comes from the fact that most of us here struggle a lot with different forms of emotional problems. Most of us here have suffered a wide variety of abuses and issues from childhood, and have very poor self-esteem and deep emotional issues to begin with. So, saying things very logically outright with brutal honesty doesn't work well here. I am not sure it works even with other people, but most especially not here.
But that doesn't mean you have to say yes to everything and support blindly every action and every wrong things people are doing here. I certainly haven't kept my mouth shut and said yes when I see someone is harming themselves or others or going in a way which I know is wrong. But the key is how you put your words across. And the basic thing people look for from each other here is empathy to their issues and feelings. As you know, with feelings, there really isn't a right or wrong. And even many actions don't really fall strictly under a right or wrong categories.
So when you say your opinion, if you say it softly and with empathy and understanding, and with consideration to the fact that feelings are a totally different ball game than rationality, I am sure your points will be taken well.
I did like your honesty, and I support your view point w.r.t to HappyFlower, but you have to understand the fact that she is in the middle of extremely emotional situation. If you have gone through transference with your T perhaps you might be able to understand that.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2005, at 22:53:06
In reply to Re: Lipgloss » LipGloss, posted by orchid on November 29, 2005, at 22:30:55
i get into a bit of trouble sometimes for my style...
because sometimes i'm in a fuzzy mood...
but other times i am not...and i like to challenge people.
because i appreciate being challenged myself.
i appreciate it when people call me on my sh*t
but i also appreciate it when people do this gently,
because i am sensitive and i do hurt
but i'd rather be called on it than cajolled along...
reallybut different people feel differently about this
some people are able to take more bluntness than others
some people just want support while others appreciate a little bit of bluntness
it can take a bit of time of getting to know posters before one gets a sense of what they prefer...i have called people on stuff...
(at least thats the way i see it)
and they thought i was judging / attacking / hurting
whatever
the point is they felt hurt
and i pushed them too hard...
i didand so one does need to be sensitive to peoples hurts.
i'd also like to say that (in my experience) the psychology board is the board where people seem (in general) to be the most sensitive
and thats okay...
but i call people on stuff a hell of a lot more bluntly on other boards...
(and get into trouble with that sometimes it is true)
but in general...
i find that this board...
is the one people need to be most sensitive on...
Posted by sleepygirl on November 30, 2005, at 0:03:16
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
>
> I am saddened that so many of you that say you care about Happyflower and want to support her are egging her on to act out on these ideas she is entertaining. It's easy to be flip about things like this sitting in front of your computers. Heck, it's not your life after all.
>
> Just entertainment for you I guess.I'm not sure I agree with that.....and I'm not sure that was really a fair statement. I don't know that there are a lot of people here on PB who are "flip". I shared what I felt about the situation as happyflower described it. I believe that you can communicate your point of view though without hitting someone over the head with it. I really don't think that was fair, and you can't necessarily "save" people from their decisions even with the best intentions.
Well anyway....I wish you the best.
Posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 9:28:30
In reply to Lipgloss, posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 20:23:39
Posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2005, at 11:55:30
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
I feel hurt by your message.
Entertainment? Just sitting in front of my computer?
Lipgloss, I wrote what I did to you because I was concerned for you. You, some woman (I assume), out there who wrote the truth as she saw it and was castigated for it. I wrote human to human.
Babble and the people here have been a lifeline for me. For "entertainment", I rip the wings off flies.
ShortE
Posted by sleepygirl on November 30, 2005, at 12:03:38
In reply to Re: Lipgloss » LipGloss, posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2005, at 11:55:30
> Babble and the people here have been a lifeline for me. For "entertainment", I rip the wings off flies.
Those poor flies. ;-)
Posted by muffled on November 30, 2005, at 13:45:09
In reply to Re: Lipgloss » LipGloss, posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2005, at 11:55:30
> I feel hurt by your message.
**I was too.
>
> Entertainment? Just sitting in front of my computer?> Lipgloss, I wrote what I did to you because I was concerned for you. You, some woman (I assume), out there who wrote the truth as she saw it and was castigated for it. I wrote human to human.
**I thot it very nice of you
>
> Babble and the people here have been a lifeline for me. For "entertainment", I rip the wings off flies.**ShortE, tell me its not true?! My kid loves bugs!
Things been a little volatile lately haven't they? I'm learning lots! People are so nice here.
Hope you're chilling out ok.
Muffled
>
Posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 18:21:15
In reply to Re: Lipgloss » LipGloss, posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2005, at 11:55:30
Posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 18:52:07
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
Hi Lipgloss,
> I would like to say that I responded to Happyflower the way I did because the situation hit close to home. I will also say that I do not feel comfortable posting my own story here nor do I see it as benificial.
I’m familiar with the close-to-home feeling! In my case, I think that’s why I connect with Happyflower’s humorous approach so well… because that’s how I like to deal with the frustration of wanting someone so much… But I suspect you have a different story from mine…
> I truely care about her well being and in no way do I diregard the intense feeling she is suffering (yes, suffering) toward her T.I believe you really do care. And I’m glad of it, because I care about her too.
> I am saddened that so many of you that say you care about Happyflower and want to support her are egging her on to act out on these ideas she is entertaining. It's easy to be flip about things like this sitting in front of your computers. Heck, it's not your life after all.
One thing I would say is that I believe clients need to have the absolute prerogative to behave however they want to behave in therapy (short of actual violence). It is up to the therapist to handle any situation ethically. If Happyflower decides to offer her therapist her underwear, she is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
> Just entertainment for you I guess.
Sometimes we do entertain each other with fantasies of what we’d like to do with our therapists. This is probably because most of us have good therapists who aren’t breaking the ethical codes. I know that it is not funny for people who have been hurt by getting sexually involved with their therapists.
> I don't think Babble is the kind of place for me.
I think perhaps you’d be surprised. There’s usually someone here who can relate to almost anything you might say.
I got the impression that you’ve been reading for a little while and that Happyflower’s situation was the catalyst for breaking your silence. If that’s the case, I can understand it, because we just don’t know how things are going to work out for her.
But I want very much to trust Happyflower’s therapist not to hurt her. And I also believe Happyflower is able to negotiate the relationship with her therapist. In fact, she has already been negotiating it for several months. I don’t know how long you’ve been reading, but I think I can understand why you might think we’re irresponsible. On the other hand, I also believe that Happyflower is a responsible adult and capable of making her own decisions. I guess that’s why I’m inclined to join her in her humour.
I’d be happy to talk about this further, although perhaps shifting the focus away from Happyflower might be a good thing!
Best wishes,
Tamar
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 30, 2005, at 23:57:30
In reply to Re: Lipgloss, posted by LipGloss on November 29, 2005, at 22:06:55
> so many of you ... are egging her on to act out on these ideas she is entertaining. It's easy to be flip about things like this
>
> Just entertainment for you I guess.Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. I've asked you to be civil before, so now I'm going to block you from posting for a week.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Shortelise on December 1, 2005, at 1:35:43
In reply to Re: blocked for week » LipGloss, posted by Dr. Bob on November 30, 2005, at 23:57:30
I hate to be the instigator of someone getting blocked.
I just couldn't keep my mouth shut!
:-(
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2005, at 1:40:54
In reply to yikes » Dr. Bob, posted by Shortelise on December 1, 2005, at 1:35:43
You weren't responsible for anything. I foresaw this outcome. I just wasn't sure of the applicability of the escalating clause.
I tried to write a warning with a link to the civility FAQ's, but Dr. Bob had already linked those, and Psychology Board posters appeared to be doing a great job on their own of expressing distress. And I've been in so much distress the last two days that I wasn't sure I could do a better job.
Of course, I'm guessing this goes on Admin, but I didn't want you to feel guilty.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2005, at 1:56:26
In reply to yikes » Dr. Bob, posted by Shortelise on December 1, 2005, at 1:35:43
((((ShortE)))
Hey. I don't really feel like I know you that well... But I have been following some of your posts lately. Thanks for what you said to me over on admin. I didn't respond because... I really didn't know what to say... But what you said really did mean a great deal to me.
> I hate to be the instigator of someone getting blocked.
I know it is hard...
I always feel a little guilty when someone gets blocked in babbling to me.
Well... Almost always
(Only once have I not because I was so jolly upset with what they said...)
But people really do...
Have to be responsible for their own posts.
And you tried to reach out to her...And I understand your comment was...
A joke?
Perhaps thats not the right word...
I know you are not a monster.
> I just couldn't keep my mouth shut!
> :-(lol!
I'm glad you speak your mind.
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2005, at 1:57:16
In reply to Re: yikes » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2005, at 1:40:54
> And I've been in so much distress the last two days...
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Shortelise on December 1, 2005, at 2:09:41
In reply to Re: Lipgloss » LipGloss, posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2005, at 11:55:30
I have never, ever pulled the wings off a fly. Never. I have, however, swatted a few in my time. Now I have cats to keep my house fly-free. It's very funny to wwatch them catch one, which often entails an upward leap of several feet, then watch them sit there with the fly in their mouths. I imagine it's buzzing a little and it tickles. They look so ... perplexed each and every time.
I am well, by the way. Just a little sorry. I am glad to see that babble psychology is back on its feet again.
ShortE
This is the end of the thread.
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