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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
I cant take it anymore. I told T that I'm not coming back. I Will never put myself in this situation again therefore, dont want another T.
2 months of therapy and i am in worse state than when i started. I lost sight of the real issues that brought me into therapy and was seeing my T just because of the attraction. The fanatasies are no longer harmless and no longer fun.
He refused to answer my question (are you married?) because he said it wasnt beneficial for me to know.
Well f*ck him and f*ck therapy I'm done.
Just wish i knew about this transference crap before i started therapy.
Posted by Tamar on September 4, 2005, at 13:25:31
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
Hi Flying Kangaroo,
You sound quite frustrated with therapy, and it’s very understandable if you are!
I think it’s fairly common for therapists to refuse to answer questions about their personal lives – even questions about whether they’re married.
The transference thing is really hard work and very painful. So I can imagine that you don’t want to do therapy any more.
However, I think most people who work through the transference find that ultimately it’s helpful to them despite the pain. Of course, that depends on having a sympathetic and skilled therapist… Do you feel he has been at all helpful to you in exploring your transference?
I’m not sure what you mean when you say the fantasies are no longer harmless and no longer fun. I know that I had some fantasies about my therapist that seemed really strange (and quite disturbing) until I realised how they were connected to the problems we were working on together. And thinking about that helped me to realise what the transference was all about.
If he’s not encouraging you to talk about it, then I can see that giving up therapy might be something you’d want to do. But if he *is* encouraging you to talk about it, then it might be an idea to keep going if you can possibly handle it.
He can’t make the transference go away – and neither can you. But it *will* get better if you continue to talk about it. It takes a while, and I can imagine you might feel it’s a distraction from the ‘real issues’ you wanted to talk about when you began therapy. However, I found that transference helped me to process the real issues, even though at times I wished it hurt less.
From what you’ve said (and reading between the lines), it seems to me as you have some serious things to work on, and I wonder whether quitting therapy at this point will be the best thing for you. I know it’s hard at the moment. Sometimes the first couple of months of therapy can be particularly painful because you’re having to confront things you’ve been avoiding for a long time. It does get better. And if you have a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, you can make a lot of progress. Also, I think once you start working through the transference some more you might find that some of the fun parts return.
Of course, it’s entirely your choice and I’m not trying to make you change your mind. I guess I’m just putting the other side of the situation.
Do you feel comfortable talking here about the details of discussions you’ve had with your therapist about transference? It might help… But only if you want to, of course. Anyway, I’m sure some of us will have had similar conversations!
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2005, at 16:53:59
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
Is it that he is unwilling to help you process it? I remember that you were having trouble with that...
> He refused to answer my question (are you married?) because he said it wasnt beneficial for me to know.
Yeah, that is a fairly standard response (to refuse to answer). But sometimes... Why is it important to you to know? What difference would it make to you?
I think that transference issues can be one of the hardest things for therapists (and clients) to deal with. Sounds like he isn't doing so well there...
You could ask about that before starting up with someone new, though. Tell them that transference issues came up after a couple months of therapy and that you left your last therapist because he wouldn't help you process that. Say that you are concerned about a repeat of that. See what they have to say.
And I know that I find it a lot different seeing a female t (though some people don't find such a difference).
I hope this doesn't put you off therapy forever :-(
Figuring out what is going on with transference can be a lot helpful.
Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 22:30:39
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
What about a female T? Have you tried that to see if maybe you wouldn't have the same feelings?
fw
Posted by terrics on September 5, 2005, at 11:19:24
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
> I cant take it anymore. I told T that I'm not coming back. I Will never put myself in this situation again therefore, dont want another T.
> 2 months of therapy and i am in worse state than when i started. I lost sight of the real issues that brought me into therapy and was seeing my T just because of the attraction. The fanatasies are no longer harmless and no longer fun.
> He refused to answer my question (are you married?) because he said it wasnt beneficial for me to know.
> Well f*ck him and f*ck therapy I'm done.
> Just wish i knew about this transference crap before i started therapy.
I would wait it out. Did you explain to him how much it is hurting you and your therapeutic relationship with him? If he cannot work on it with you, you have a tough call to make. Wish you luck and a good decision. terrics
Posted by alexandra_k on September 7, 2005, at 4:30:17
In reply to Transference won, posted by FlyingKangaroo on September 4, 2005, at 0:50:58
been missing your posts...
how you doing?
This is the end of the thread.
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