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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 19:49:04
I ruminate a lot (for want of a better thing to call it). Lots of mental pics / feelings. Most especially when I am getting off to sleep or in the small hours of the morning.
Maybe this is wrong... But it feels like it is something that I just have to do. Like dreaming. If you don't get enough dream sleep then after a bit you start to dream when you are awake. If I don't get enough ruminating in then I start to ruminate at inappropriate times during the day.
It used to be worse (I think). I remember keeping a record of how much time I used to spend doing it... Used to be an average of 6 hours a day :-( Just sit there and smoke cigarettes for hours at a time...
I don't think it is quite so bad as that now. Not during the day at any rate. But when my mood goes down then it becomes intrusive again.
My t suggested I keep a journal. Write down the ruminations on the left page. Write down comments (when I am in a good space) on the right page.
She said she uses it for peoples thoughts. Sounds a little too much like cog. restructuring to me... But then I guess it is more bearable doing it for yourself than having a t beating you over the head with it. And it is more about feelings / mental pics than about verbal thoughts at any rate.
I shall give it a go...
Posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:20:06
In reply to Rumination journal, posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 19:49:04
As I have been saying in the recent past quite a few times, meditation/chanting helps a LOT for rumination.
For me, meditation is a little tough to do, so instead I just chant a prayer repeatedly. IT is simple and as effective as meditation.
If you wish, you can babblemail me, and I will tell you what I do in more detail.
Posted by Racer on August 15, 2005, at 18:46:17
In reply to Rumination journal, posted by alexandra_k on August 14, 2005, at 19:49:04
Take the negative ruminations a little farther.
I tried all sorts of "let's look at this more realistically" exercises, with no luck at all. I could do all the rational thinking in the world -- and still *feel* just as negative and frightened as when I began. It didn't stop that at all, so I'd keep on with the negative ruminations.
Then, one day, I did to myself what I do to my mother when she's stuck in AnxiousRuminationVille: I took it a little farther, and a little farther, and just a bit farther still... If I take the negative ruminations far enough, I'll eventually end up with something so ridiculous that I have to laugh at it -- which reduces the fears.
Right now, my big rumination has to do with the complaints I've filed against The Agency In Search Of A Clue. For instance, I just found out last week that I'll have to go in and be interviewed by the head of the County department that regulates them. That's scary, for a number of reasons, including the fact that I've gained so much weight I can't stand to be seen -- and CERTAINLY don't look anorexic. (I'll be taking pictures, which means that they'll see snapshots of me in my undies. Scary, you know?) This isn't necessarily a negative rumination, per se, but it's still taking me to AnxiousVille, as you can imagine.
This sort of ruminating, though, I think has its place: I get to "practice" for when I go in and speak to them. I go over in my mind what might be said, what might be the most frightening thing about it, what I can do to increase my confidence and poise, etc. Because of those factors, I don't consider it a Bad Thing, necessarily. As long as it is still increasing my confidence in my ability to get through it. As soon as I start to feel MORE anxious, or out of control, or hopeless, I start making it more ridiculous. Maybe I'll take it to SillyVille: me showing up in my jammies, with my old teddy bear or something like that. Perfectly dressed -- but my shoes don't match. Getting lost and being late. Whatever. Or finding out taht I used to date the guy I have to show the pictures to. But whatever it might be, I find the whole process of catastrophizing useful, because all of the worst case scenarios end up with me surviving.
Hope that helps, Alexandra. I know, it might not have any relevance, but it's well meant irrelevance...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2005, at 16:08:23
In reply to Re: Rumination journal » alexandra_k, posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:20:06
Hello. I am trying to get used to all the name changes that have been happening over the past week or so...
:-)
I have learned how to do meditation and I know that it really does help me when I do it... Doing it is another matter, however. I really really should get back into it...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2005, at 16:13:34
In reply to You know what sometimes works for me? » alexandra_k, posted by Racer on August 15, 2005, at 18:46:17
Hey... I'm not sure if its relevant... It reminded me of extending but I don't think it is... It has a name but I can't remember what its called...
I haven't been able to do the journal thing.
I get the odd mental picture. But mostly its just feelings. Shame, terror & co. Phrases like 'I hate myself' but more just a feeling of self-loathing. I don't want to talk about the mental pictures :-(
They are just feelings.
I think... Its meant to help to put things into words. Before they are verbal they aren't defined and thus there aren't any limits to it, there is no way to get outside or beyond it. Once it is in words you gain that. But still... I don't know. I don't like this very much :-(
Posted by orchid on August 16, 2005, at 16:24:23
In reply to Re: Rumination journal » orchid, posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2005, at 16:08:23
Thanks..
If you are little bored to do meditation, there is an easier alternative to it - chanting. It just works as well, without the necessity to concentrate and focus etc.
I just say repeatedly a hindu mantra and it works equally well.
If you are willing to try, I can tell you what exactly I do.
Posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:51:03
In reply to Re: You know what sometimes works for me? » Racer, posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2005, at 16:13:34
Doesn't sound very nice at all :-(
(((((Alex)))))
Wish I had something even remotely helpful to offer you apart from thoughts and hopes and wishes. If there's anything, you know where to find me.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 17, 2005, at 21:44:44
In reply to Re: You know what sometimes works for me? » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on August 16, 2005, at 17:51:03
Really.
Too hard.
:-(
Crap. I hate that. Therapy is either not intense enough, or too intense. Still, I'd rather it was too intense than not intense enough. It shows me that I do have stuff to work on.But I really don't think I can do this.
Talk about memories...
About feelings...Maybe...
I should write. Like Babble posts. And give her something like that. Something manageable. Start small. I have to give her something.
Sometimes things seem just too hard.
Hard adjusting back... Deadline in my face already. I've started avoiding the office. People come and want to chat... Want to ask me to do things... Want to know how this and that is coming along. LEAVE ME ALONE. I can work to deadline. That involved working TO deadline. I will get there. It will get done. It always does. And no, I'm not going to tell you I haven't started yet. IT WILL GET DONE LEAVE ME ALONE.
Tuts tomorrow... 4 principles of decision making in health care. Shudder.
Though not really.
It will be FINE
it will be FUN
I am LOOKING FOWARD TO ITBut at least while all this goes on...
I just want to write my thesis.I've been finding parts of that...
Many many parts.
Have this nasty habit of starting over.
10,000 here
16,000 there
4,000 over there
About 16 parts everywhere...
Just merge it all
Edit the repetition
And I do believe I've got myself a thesis :-)
I'm actually looking foward to it :-)But in the meantime.
I'm babbling...
So just LEAVE ME ALONE.Sigh.
Next week just has to get better.
This is the end of the thread.
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