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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
I'm a fool, I guess. That's the only thing that make sense.
A fool to think my (ex) T really cared in any meaningful way, like she made it seem.
A fool to believe that I was important to her in any personal way, like she said.
A fool to care, a fool to be hurt.
I took it all too literally, too personally. Stupid, to think I could really mean anything to anyone.
What happens, though, when the one person who is supposed to not hurt you, who is supposed to be a model for how relationships are supposed to go, what happens when that person hurts you more than anyone ever has? What happens then?
Ugh, this hurts too much.
I know, I know, get over it, sv.
:-( I don't think I ever will, though.
Posted by pinkeye on July 18, 2005, at 14:45:35
In reply to conclusion: i'm a fool, posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
I know what you feel.. I have been there..
But nowadays, it doesn't matter that much to me. Everytime I tend to think about my ex T - I just kill the thought myself and it helps.. And I have come to accept he is a stranger now to me.. and he won't know what is up with me, and I wouldn't know what is going on with him. And I have come to think, perhaps it is better this way. And I say to myself, I cannot go and talk to a person and wish that someone would talk to me, when they said themselves they don't want to hear anymore from me.. I mean, if a person says that to you, what good is there in further trying to correspond or think about keeping in touch? IT is better to let it go and move on. And I gave up analyzing - what led to it etc and I gave up trying to figure out my mistakes or his mistakes or trying for a better termination. Really, the turning point for me was that angry email that I sent.. Maybe you should do something like that.. You have to realize that the mistake is hers partly at least. That would be the first step.
Posted by pinkeye on July 18, 2005, at 15:01:52
In reply to conclusion: i'm a fool, posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
And you are not a fool, and neither is she a fool or a villain or anything..
It is just that therapeutic framework is designed poorly from what I see. IT needs to be rewritten with more knowledge and careful insight.. Many times, things quickly get out of hand for both the therapists and the patients, and there is apparently, no thought that has been put into these situations by those who write the rules or those who establish the framework.
Posted by Poet on July 18, 2005, at 17:08:46
In reply to conclusion: i'm a fool, posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
Hi SV,
I don't think you're a fool. I think we all have things we beat ourselves up for that others don't see us being. I know for me it's being a failure. I could add a few more negative things, but I've bored everyone with them.
(((((((((((((((((((((SV))))))))))))))))))))))
Keep posting. Keep venting.
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on July 19, 2005, at 3:43:10
In reply to conclusion: i'm a fool, posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
Hello. I don't think you are a fool, but I get that it can be really really really hard to try and make sense of terminations. To struggle with those questions.
I've been terminated a lot. I really couldn't count the number of times. To start with it really hurt a lot. Actually, who am I kidding, it still really hurts a lot. But I used to get really mad about it. I'd think they must be so stupid they had no comprehension of how much they hurt me. Or maybe they knew exactly what they were doing but figured that I deserved the pain. Or maybe they saw me and really despised me (as anyone would) and so it was my fault for being such a horrible person. And round and round I'd go... Was it their fault or was it mine?
I try real hard not to do that anymore. I think they do care. But probably nowhere near as much as we come to care about them. I think they do know it will hurt - but probably no idea just how much. I think they think it is for the best overall.
Its hard. Its hard to come to some sort of understanding that can leave one with a sense of peace. I think I can find that now... But it takes a bit of time. And those feelings still resurface at times.
Posted by B2chica on July 19, 2005, at 9:26:16
In reply to conclusion: i'm a fool, posted by shrinking violet on July 18, 2005, at 13:08:38
you are definately NOT a fool. you shared very intimate things with this person, how could you NOT come to care about her (and quite frankly how can we not expect this person
you are supposed to take it personally, we are dealing with REALLY personal issues!
(((((((((shrinkingviolet))))))))))))))i'm sorry you feel so badly. i wish i could take it all away.
when people are really hurt they don't "just get over it", but they do after a while are able to move on.take your time and be good to yourself.
take care.
b2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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