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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 16, 2005, at 12:16:15
I am so depressed at home I loathe my days off. I've stopped cooking, cleaning, and caring whether I do anything around here or not. It was going in that direction when I hurt my back last July. Then when the doctors told me I couldn't do things like run the sweeper, make the beds or lift more than 5 lbs., it just gave me an excuse to give it all up. I have recovered to about 85%, but can't get motivated to do anything. I look around and I'm overwhelmed, so I do nothing. I need to go get groceries, but don't care and haven't gone.
I'm fine at work. I love my job and sometimes hate to see 5:00 come because I'll have to go home.
How can I change this? I hate feeling this way.
Sometimes I wonder if it's really depression or I'm just pissed and this is my way of punishing my husband for being gone all the time. I hate his job and the way we live.
Feel like I'm drowning, but in what, I'm not sure.
t
Posted by happyflower on July 16, 2005, at 12:41:51
In reply to Help me figure this out!, posted by crazy teresa on July 16, 2005, at 12:16:15
Sometimes I get like this too. It all seems so overwhelming that I don't want to do any of it because I can't get it all done. Why not try baby steps, like just get grocercies today and then try to cook dinner.
Have you ever heard of flylady.net? It is a way to think about cleaning on how doing just a simple thing each day will help with the over all picture. I don't do everything she says, but it does help you get over the perfection that everything has to be done, and if you can't have perfection, then you don't do anything at all.
But it could be a sign of depression. I hope others will have some more ideas to help!
Posted by muffled on July 16, 2005, at 14:11:09
In reply to Help me figure this out!, posted by crazy teresa on July 16, 2005, at 12:16:15
> I am so depressed at home I loathe my days off. I've stopped cooking, cleaning, and caring whether I do anything around here or not. It was going in that direction when I hurt my back last July. Then when the doctors told me I couldn't do things like run the sweeper, make the beds or lift more than 5 lbs., it just gave me an excuse to give it all up. I have recovered to about 85%, but can't get motivated to do anything. I look around and I'm overwhelmed, so I do nothing. I need to go get groceries, but don't care and haven't gone.
>
> I'm fine at work. I love my job and sometimes hate to see 5:00 come because I'll have to go home.
>
> How can I change this? I hate feeling this way.
>
> Sometimes I wonder if it's really depression or I'm just pissed and this is my way of punishing my husband for being gone all the time. I hate his job and the way we live.
>
> Feel like I'm drowning, but in what, I'm not sure.
>
> tYo, t, I know what your proly drowning in. FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm swimming like h*ll in it too. And when your swimming so hard just to survive its hard to change things. I'm up and down. I expect it will get better . I know it CAN. Just goto keep trying a bit at a time. Its all I can do at the moment. Like at A.A.-one day at a time. Or one hour at a time if it comes to that! Take care.
Posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 16:03:35
In reply to Help me figure this out!, posted by crazy teresa on July 16, 2005, at 12:16:15
For me, this cleaning mess is a sign of depression. Not that things are a mess, but that I can't do anything about it.
As you and your husband are both working, could you afford to have someone come in and help you clean? There are agencies that will send a couple of people for a few hours, it costs of course, but it works. They may not be able to put your stuff away for you, but they will clean everything including the toilets and the kitchen!
You could do that for you and your relationship. It helps me. My husband and I used to fight about the mess all the time, so to save grief, we hired a cleaning lady who comes in every two weeks. This keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by the mess, and allows us a little more free time. I can't tell you what a big difference it hs made for us.
Getting an agency to send a crew for a one time thing is also super. Really.
Take care and do what you need to do to feel better. It might be easier to deal with it than to suffer.
ShortE
Posted by Jazzed on July 16, 2005, at 21:45:22
In reply to Help me figure this out!, posted by crazy teresa on July 16, 2005, at 12:16:15
I feel like this a lot T, and I'm not sure exactly what it is. I think the "I just can't deal with this any more", and the drowning feeling are probably depression for me. If my husband were gone all the time it would be anger at him, I"m sure. I get overwhelmed and feeling trapped too, like I just can't stand to be at home, even though we have a brand new house. That's when I HAVE to get out and exercise, or I turn into a very evil person! LOL
Have you talked to your p-doc or T about it? What does your gut tell you is going on?
BTW, what kind of job do you have that you love so much? I'd like to find something like that!
Jazzy
Posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:03:28
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out! » crazy teresa, posted by Jazzed on July 16, 2005, at 21:45:22
I ended T about a year ago after 3 years; there didn't seem to be much left to talk about. Plus, it was getting a little wierd. I'm in a small town and I would see my T at restaurants, my kids' softball games, school, etc. She would try to pretend she didn't know me, she's not a good actress at all; actually it all seemed to freak her out more than it did me. I don't care if anyone knows I see her.
I have just been having my md give me meds--same thing pdoc gave me. Have been wondering if I need to go back to her (T).
Anyway, she always strongly encouraged my husband to find another job; he won't even look. Says it would be too hard to find something else making the same $$$. I'd prefer to downsize and have at least a semi-normal life where he has set hours and weekends off. Before we got married, I told him all I really wanted was a normal life. Since I feel like I don't, I'm trapped in hell. I'm really angry that I'm raising kids by myself. Sometimes I think if we were divorced, at least I'd get every other weekend off! :~{ BTW: The divorce rate for railroaders is 80%. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks this life sucks!
I've been lax about exercise since I hurt my back. I need to be more faithful to it; it does help the way I feel. Want to come over and kick my butt out of bed every am?
I work as an interior decorator at a small family business. It's my passion in life--make the world a more beautiful place, one room at a time! LOL!!!
crazy t
Posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:08:10
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out!, posted by happyflower on July 16, 2005, at 12:41:51
You're right about the perfection thing. I get very hung up on things being all bad if they're not perfect.
Off the subject, I love your name! Every time I see it it makes me feel better! Maybe my attitude would be better if I change my name to incredibly beautiful, skinny, fabulously upbeat teresa! LOL!!!
Posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:10:41
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out!, posted by muffled on July 16, 2005, at 14:11:09
Oh honey, you hit the nail on the head! I am frustrated in SO many ways....
Posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:20:42
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out! » crazy teresa, posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 16:03:35
My oldest daughter was coming to clean for a while, but she pooped out on me. I haven't replaced her because child care takes most of my check in the summer. If I start looking now, maybe I could find someone to begin when school starts.
I feel so guilty about not having the desire to do it myself. I did much better before I started working again, but I was also much more personally dissatisfied. The happy medium is a very difficult place to find!
Thanks, t
Posted by happyflower on July 17, 2005, at 7:07:13
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out! » happyflower, posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:08:10
> You're right about the perfection thing. I get very hung up on things being all bad if they're not perfect.
Remember to check out flylady.net. It might help! lol Of course I am not "doing " my own advice! lol
> Off the subject, I love your name! Every time I see it it makes me feel better! Maybe my attitude would be better if I change my name to incredibly beautiful, skinny, fabulously upbeat teresa! LOL!!!Thanks INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL, SKINNY, FABULOUSLY UPBEAT TEREASA! LOL actually this flower has a little crazy in it too!
Posted by Jazzed on July 17, 2005, at 7:45:26
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out! » Jazzed, posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:03:28
Yeah, maybe going back and having someone to hash the issues out with would help. I can really understand all the frustration, esp. since you're raising the kids by yourself, what's the point of even being married if he's never there? How many kids do you have? We have 4, and if my husband wasn't here to help, I'd either run away, turn to drugs or alcohol, divorce him, or be a total bitch 100% of the time. I'd be stashing away some dough, that's for sure! How long have you been married?Sorry about your back. I know that really makes it hard. Been there, couldn't do it for a long time, it sucks! But even just to be able to get out of the house and get some time to yourself might help, just to get some fresh air.
Glad you have the job to go to. That makes things just a little bit better. Wish I had a great job like that, maybe one day!
Jazzy
Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2005, at 9:06:39
In reply to Re: Help me figure this out! » Shortelise, posted by crazy teresa on July 17, 2005, at 0:20:42
You've got a husband who is never around, and you hold down a job, and you are beating yourself up for not doing the housework? I'd be congratulating myself on being a mom and employee. Not even to mention health issues. Your back may be feeling better but I bet the memory lingers, and you might be afraid of hurting it again.
And you're angry at the husband who's never around, which is not a great motivator to keep his house nice.
I think you need to reframe this for yourself to see how well you're doing. Going back to therapy might be a good idea. It would also give you a place to talk about your frustration and anger with not having a husband with a job that lets him be around more.
Can you tell your therapist that it's ok for her to say hi to you and act casually if you see each other outside therapy? It might be hard to avoid in a small town. Maybe you could show her Happyflower's thread and how her therapist handled being seen in a gym. :)
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