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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 19:59:37
I have a lot of life problems now and i always feel better after therapy. My T is very supportive.Trouble is afterward I feel so sad, I miss her.I am lonely for the comfort no matter how many times I see her.. We have talked about this alot.It is all tied up in old issues too but I am so stuck and the night after therapy all i can do is think about her. Maybe if I hear other babblers feel this way it will help.
Posted by daisym on April 15, 2005, at 20:15:53
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 19:59:37
I think many of us feel this way. Where else do you get someone's undivided attention and concern? And almost virtual acceptance. No matter what you tell them, they aren't shocked, they allow you talk about it and you don't have to make them feel better about your feelings. (I say we don't have to, though many of us suffer from care taking compulsions.)
I wrote a post a while back that discussed the fact that therapy makes you lonely. You want what you have in the consulting room in your real life. For me, it is about that intimate connection and not having to prove that I deserve to be cared about. (I still struggle with this, though I'm starting to believe it.) And the stuff we tell our therapists is gut stuff -- not the everyday, ordinary lunch conversation stuff. So it is hard to leave with your guts still hanging out and not have that person to talk to about it. Therapy hang-overs -- they are almost as bad as the real kind.
I've often written that most of us need therapy for therapy. I think that is why Babble is so valuable.
btw, I lament this need I have to make sure my therapist is still out there, that I miss him and find some days impossibly hard when we don't touch base. I call this working on "therapist-permanance" and therapy separation anxiety, two of the hardest toddler developmental phases. He assures me that this will change, I won't need him and miss him as much as therapy progresses. I sure hope he is right!
Distraction is best, or for me journaling. What have you found that works?
Posted by annierose on April 15, 2005, at 20:53:17
In reply to Re: the longing » namaste, posted by daisym on April 15, 2005, at 20:15:53
Interesting thread. My T and I were talking about something Daisy mentioned
"Where else do you get someone's undivided attention and concern?"
It's funny because I do look forward to my next session (and I go 3x a week) and I do think about her between sessions too. But when I'm in that room, I hate that undivided attention and concern. It's almost too much. It makes me uncomfortable, a longing I craved as a child but find painful as an adult.
But Namaste, I do think what you are experiencing is "normal". I find that babble helps and talking to an understading friend (that has experienced therapy) can help with those feelings too.
Posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 21:45:46
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by annierose on April 15, 2005, at 20:53:17
WOW I can't tell you how helpful your posts were. Thank you!!!It all made alot of sense to me and feels better Wow again that is just what I feel. I'm normal this is wild. Faith in change is a good thing. I have been struggling with this for so long and it is so painful. I will refer to these posts often "craved as a child and find painful as an adult" yes! and i do like to read, llisten to mussic and journal alot. May you have peace and happiness in your hearts. Breathe fully.Namaste
Posted by happyflower on April 15, 2005, at 22:29:39
In reply to Re: the longing, posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 21:45:46
I didn't have therapy this week :( Thank goodness I see him this Monday. I usually see him everyweek so this week I am so happy for everyones's babble support! :)
Posted by 10derHeart on April 15, 2005, at 23:00:36
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 19:59:37
Hi Namaste,
I'm been seeing my T. now for about 4.5 months. We do well together, and he's a good one. But I don't quite go through what you are describing. Maybe one day I will, or not. Who can tell? Takes awhile, maybe, to connect on such a level, But...
I felt exactly this way (and probably worse!) for months with my former T., who I was close to in a way I've never been close to another person. We worked together for 8 months, but I knew him for 18 months before that (meds only then, he's a pdoc) and also went to group therapy led by him. So - lots of intense contact. We had a soul-deep connection that didn't need words at times. I thought of him almost constantly between sessions. It was so hard. I longed and cried and longed some more. I HAD to write about it all the time to remain functional. (so ironic)
I experienced feelings like what Daisy described -re-living the toddler stage of rapprochement - where you are willing and eager to explore and go further away from "mom," being what my T. liked to sum up as "awesome and confident," yet needing DESPARATELY to keep touching base, running back, looking back, "touching" mom to be sure she would always be there. Over and over and over again. This was the metaphor we adopted to deal with describing my needs (and some mortifying behavior), both during therapy and also after temination (he moved away - we've kept in touch). It helped a lot to make sense of such young, intense wants/needs driving a supposedly mature, adult woman!
You are so very normal. I think it's better to feel it than suppress it - that might be shaming and that's the worst. You are far ahead of some by talking with her about it - so glad to hear that. I froze up the last 2 months as I feared him leaving me and couldn't bear to tell him the depth of my overpowering emotions. That made it worse for me. But I was uncommonly blessed with a T. who listened and responded to a letter and email, and helped me gently transition to the T. I currently have. He still permits contact, and current T. is ok with that, too. The key has been both of them COMPLETELY accepting the range and intensity of feelings, and supporting me while they have run their course. It is not easy.
I still love that T. very much. I can't put it any other way. I always will have a tender place for him in my heart. One day, I can say from living it right up to the present, the longing/love evolves, changes, mellows - does all sorts of wonderful things, that are often very painful as they're happening. Lots of relapses and confusion. But talking about it with them is KEY. ALL the feelings, no matter what.
I think the feelings *are what they are* (old T. loved to say that) at the time you need to work through stuff by just *being* that way. It just sucks it has to feel like you are going to DIE if you can't hear their voice, see their eyes. I could hardly drive out of the parking lot after my sessions - I wanted to go back in and curl up under his desk...
You'll get through it all. Babble, as Daisy said, is fantastic for this stuff. Please post often. I really do think we understand very much what you wrote. Sounds like your T. is great, too, and that's wonderful. Take care - 10der
Posted by Shortelise on April 18, 2005, at 12:36:54
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 19:59:37
Yes, I have had a similar feeling so often!! I would get so sad, think of him, want to curl up with those thoughts, want to ... I don't know how to put this in a non-sexual way, because it wasn't a sexual feelings ... wanted to be curled up inside of him.
I'm not absolutely certain, but I think it's turning into a nice feeling. I'm at the end of therapy (aieeeee) and I go back and forth a bit still, but I am finding lots of times where that feeling of attachment to him is not sad anymore. Not sad. Namaste, I didn't realize that until just now, writing this to you. It's not so sad anymore! Thanks!
(((namaste)))
ShortE
Posted by LittleGirlLost on April 21, 2005, at 12:45:08
In reply to the longing, posted by namaste on April 15, 2005, at 19:59:37
<sigh> I feel the exact same way. I almost dread seeing her when I am actually feeling okay, only to leave and have all those feelings stirred up again. :(
Also... while I think this board is awesome, and so helpful to see that others experience similar things, does anyone find that it really triggers them? I don't post much, but I can't keep myself from reading, and it just seems to constantly trigger all the thoughts and feelings for my T; making me feel even more lonely and obsessed. (afraid to even say that word! am i obsessed?)
Anyone else?
This is the end of the thread.
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