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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 27. Go back in thread:
Posted by Shortelise on February 25, 2005, at 17:40:24
In reply to And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:08:01
I pale at the very idea of such a converstaion with my therapist. It would be like having it with my mother, which would be unthinkable.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:04:51
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by annierose on February 25, 2005, at 16:48:59
I have to admit that that is one area where it would help to have a woman therapist. Mostly because I figure he's sitting there thinking "Poor husband, why does he put up with her?" Actually, he has expressed disbelief that my husband married me because of the sex thing, so that's not an unlikely assumption.
Generally I dislike him being unhappy with me, but my aversion to sex is too great to either avoid the topic or to become a sex kitten to make my therapist happy (ummm.... with my husband of course!).
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:04:51
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on February 25, 2005, at 17:40:24
> I pale at the very idea of such a converstaion with my therapist. It would be like having it with my mother, which would be unthinkable.
Yes, oh yes, I hear you there. I have asked Dr Bob to try to find us a relationships / sex expert before. I think he said 'ok' so hopefully he hasn't forgotten about that...
But yeah. I would never discuss that with a t in person.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:06:21
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on February 25, 2005, at 17:40:24
Nawww, I've done both.
Doing it with a therapist is waaaaay less unpleasant. Mothers don't have sex - or they aren't supposed to anyway. I'm scarred for life from hearing of my mother's sexual experiences.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:08:50
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Shortelise, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:04:51
I'm surprised. You seem so direct that I wouldn't have guessed it.
I wonder if my asexuality makes it an easier topic to discuss than it would if I actually felt some attraction towards him.
I also discussed it with that male friend. And, except for my feelings about sex, I can be very open with my husband as well.
It just isn't that loaded a topic for me, except for the aversion.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:11:09
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:08:50
It was harder, on both our parts I think, to discuss it now than it was years ago when we barely knew each other. He used to prescribe orgasms for anxiety attack without a flinch. Now he's definitely more discreet.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:15:11
In reply to And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:08:01
Wow Dinah. I am impressed that you can talk about it with your t. That is really great! And great to have a male perspective too.
I am not suprised that you don't much like it if it hurts. Really. It would probably be stranger if you did like it, given that. But there are alternatives to penetration. I thought your t's suggestion there was pretty good.
>He said actual orgasm is soothing in itself to men. It was sort of amusing. Some of what he says is so very blunt, and I wonder if all guys feel that way or if he's more... ummmm... *goal oriented* than most.
I don't know anything really... But I always thought guys were.
> I remember I once told him that foreplay was even worse than intercourse, and I'd just rather get it over with. And he told me that most guys would find nothing wrong with that sentiment. And he sounded like he meant it.
I think thats right... Not that they don't like it, just that they don't need so very much of it as most women.
>I sort of quietly goggled at him, because my husband is just the opposite. We've never managed a quickie yet.
Wow. Bugger for you though ;-)
> But we had to stop whenever my friend got a steady girlfriend. For some odd reason, they minded. I guess they didn't understand nonsexual persons like myself.??? They minded??? How come?? Cause they didn't like him talking about sex with another female? Maybe afraid you guys might be comparing notes..
How do you mean nonsexual? I mean, I have to say I wouldn't be too fond of intercourse if it was painful. But what about all the other stuff you can do?? Has the pain of intercourse ruined that for you as well, or have you never had those kinds of desires? Sorry with all the questions. You don't have to answer if you don't want or if it is awkward or whatever, but I am interested.
> It's kind of nice to have a therapist I can have those talks with.Yeah. :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:18:57
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:08:50
I am fairly direct when it comes to things I am not emotionally involved in. Comes with arguing philosophy much of my day. But when it comes to personal stuff, that is different. I am direct on the boards. But... Well... Hope nobody thinks any the less of me, but I can be incredably shy about a lot of personal stuff in person...
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:26:54
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:15:11
My sexuality is not directed towards other persons. Part of what got me the schizotypal label. I'm more solosexual.
Posted by anastasia56 on February 25, 2005, at 18:33:51
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:26:54
do you think you are more solosexual because of the satisfaction level? for those of us who have a hard time letting go that can become the issue.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:42:04
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by anastasia56 on February 25, 2005, at 18:33:51
No, I doubt it. I think if there is any reason for it, it may have more to do with a general discomfort with people. It goes all the way to desire, not just performance. I can find men (and the occasional woman) attractive on TV or in movies or in a book, but I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of face to face or even 3-D human beings I've been attracted to. My husband was actually one of them. One professor. And one fellow student. Three. And none since college. Not a coincidence I suppose. I was what I call "Happy Dinah" a couple of years in high school and the first part of college, and my sexuality as "Happy Dinah" was turned outward far more than at any other time in my life.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:58:45
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » anastasia56, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:42:04
In terms of you wanting to touch them
Or you wanting them to touch you
Or both???
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:59:58
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 18:58:45
Which part of my post? I didn't quite understand. Sorry.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:05:41
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:59:58
About finding people 'attractive'.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:06:36
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:05:41
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 20:27:41
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2005, at 19:05:41
I wasn't not answering. :) I went out for a while. Husband is interested in getting a exercise bike or something.
I guess I mean in any way. I just don't notice real people sexually at all.
Posted by Speaker on February 25, 2005, at 20:36:38
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 20:27:41
Dinah,
I think you should hurry and buy the exercise bike it may tire him out and he will forget about sex :). Don't mean to make light of the situation but I know when my husband is exercising he is worn out since he is out of shape. It may be worth the investment!
Marie
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 20:42:06
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Speaker on February 25, 2005, at 20:36:38
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 20:46:09
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Speaker on February 25, 2005, at 20:36:38
Actually, in that case I should push for the elliptical trainer. Not only does it require more exertion, but it left us both feeling like we'd been on a spacewalk.
Posted by Speaker on February 25, 2005, at 20:53:38
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Speaker, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 20:46:09
Posted by daisym on February 26, 2005, at 0:06:41
In reply to And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:08:01
****It's kind of nice to have a therapist I can have those talks with.
I think so too. I can talk to mine about sex, which can be difficult given the csa issues, but he is very calm and practical about things. He has admitted that this is an area where he feels very protective of me because the flash backs can be intensely destabalizing. I think I have wifely "duties" and he says it just isn't good for me right now.
Awhile ago, when I first brought up the subject, he sort of "interviewed" me about my sexual history (laughable -- good catholic girl)and my, umm, preferences and proclivities. He very seriously gave a little speech about how he had heard it all and he didn't use the word "normal" because he didn't think there was "normal". I think I laughed myself silly as I'm so "normal" -- conservative just doesn't even cover it. So we talked about that instead. The fact that we can use humor and be sarcastic with each other really helps get beyond embarrassment --though i've made him blush. And then teased him about it.
Now that was fun!
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2005, at 0:15:21
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by daisym on February 26, 2005, at 0:06:41
I have to confess I have no idea about blushing. My eyes were, as usual, closed. :)
Posted by annierose on February 26, 2005, at 7:26:42
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by daisym on February 26, 2005, at 0:06:41
When I broached the subject with my T for the first time, she was slowly asking gentle questions to help me. I had my eyes closed and kept my expressions hidden (just answered her questions straight out). Well, I cracked up when she asked, "Is it about technique, is he too rough? (pause ... looking at me for a reaction) or not rough enough?" I guess one never knows but rough would not do it for me, but it was funny that she thought to ask.
Posted by Shortelise on February 26, 2005, at 11:54:57
In reply to Re: And on a different note... Sex (graphic) » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 18:06:21
Posted by caraher on February 28, 2005, at 16:37:29
In reply to And on a different note... Sex (graphic), posted by Dinah on February 25, 2005, at 16:08:01
> My therapist was really open with other ways of achieving that goal without actual intercourse. And suggested that I do my best to ensure that proceedings ended prior to intercourse. He said actual orgasm is soothing in itself to men. It was sort of amusing. Some of what he says is so very blunt, and I wonder if all guys feel that way or if he's more... ummmm... *goal oriented* than most.
I didn't see a lot of guy input on this and I think what your therapist says is generally true. The "happy ending" is generally a pretty darn big chunk of what I would hope for, at least, and I think most guys would feel the same.
This is the end of the thread.
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