![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 12:46:11
One of the ways that I've been able to function is that I rarely think about my therapist and therapy, and certainly not issues raised in therapy, between sessions. In fact I have a tendency to forget what was talked about from one session to the next. The main downsides are that this habit probably contributes to the disconnection I often feel with my therapist and the therapeutic process, and that it's harder for me to apply the insights I gain in therapy to my life. The principal upside is that while depressive feelings may (and very frequently do) hamper my ability to function well at work, therapy does not, except perhaps during the morning of a day when I'm going to have a session which I'm dreading.
I think this is changing. I've been in a down phase for awhile and definitely distracted at work. What's more striking to me is that I find myself thinking about my therapy sessions and my therapist a lot - to the point of distraction. I think part of this is that I've been feeling my T's support in a palpable way and while I'm grateful for it, I also am feeling pretty emotionally vulnerable. I don't know if this is a function of feeling a little depressed and isolated, or craving the support I've been getting from her. I think she's just getting through to me more than has been the case in the past, but it's making me feel exposed, not necessarily safer.
Does this make sense to anyone?
Mair
Posted by messadivoce on January 5, 2005, at 14:20:15
In reply to Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 12:46:11
Makes perfect sense to me. When I started therapy last year at first I didn't think much about it. But as it grew more intense I found that it took over my life! My relationship with my T was very close and as I relied on him more, he was in my thoughts constantly. I believe that's part of good therapy. A skilled T will be able to help you navigate your way through and hold you emotionally when you feel vulnerable.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 5, 2005, at 15:10:55
In reply to Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 12:46:11
All last year, my first year in therapy, I thought about therapy, our sessions, and my T all the time. I would (and still do) have imaginary conversations with my T. I have read that this type of thing is beneficial to the therapy client instead of NOT thinking about what has gone on from week to week.
I still think about therapy and my T, but as I have gone from once a week to twice a month now, I find that it has lessened.
Posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 15:37:25
In reply to Re: Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 5, 2005, at 15:10:55
I've done the imaginary conversations bit, although they're very one sided conversations. I almost never imagine what my therapist would say in response to what I say. I think the point of the conversations are to explain things to myself in a way which I will find palatable for explaining to her. I sort of have to go through a filtering and distilling process before I can talk about things, although I really think I do less filtering now than I used to.
What's been bugging me is more of a constant level of feeling anxious and emotionally exposed which I frankly attribute to therapy.
Mair
Posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 17:09:23
In reply to Re: Therapy Intruding on Life » Miss Honeychurch, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 15:37:25
Oh, yeah.
I know this.
The first year I didn't give it a lot of thought, and certainly didn't feel any emotional attachment to my shrink.
Then, almost all of a sudden, there is was. I longed for him, not in a romantic way, but in a way for which I didn't seem to have a vocabulary with which to express it.
The filtering thing is so strong for me, but part of it has become that I am aware of what I am filtering out, and why. I haven't talked with him about this, and I don't think I need to. It's another one of the changes, the move toward consciousness that I have been able to make.
There were times I felt so exposed, times I distrusted my T, and it took a lot of caca to get through it. I'm still not finished. There are still lots of times when I see something and part of seeing it is thinking of telling my T about it, of how I would tell him.
I find it so so helpful to keep a journal. I write in it as soon as I can after leaving his office, and can refer back to it. I write down the things I think about, things I see, things I feel between sessions. I have - on very rare occasion - made a note during a session. I never kept a journal before therapy, probably will stop when I'm done.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2005, at 19:38:17
In reply to Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 12:46:11
I think it's a step along in the process. For me it lasted a good while, but it's mainly past now. If I think about therapy between sessions it's about an issue, not about therapy itself.
Therapy can open some wounds that are hard to close. I told my therapist something really difficult today, he didn't help at all, and came home a wreck and useless for most of the rest of the day. It wasn't the therapy though, it was the topic.
Posted by daisym on January 6, 2005, at 0:02:09
In reply to Re: Therapy Intruding on Life » mair, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2005, at 19:38:17
I feel this way in the largest sense. It confuses me, who is so practical and level headed. I've described therapy often as the place that has opened and exposed wounds, and then I have to go back in the real world without being healed or even covered up. I worry that I want to hide from my "real" life by focusing on therapy. I want/need my therapist's support and it terrifies me. I know that most of it is old, prior experience tells me that trusting someone this much is very dangerous. But some of it is the universal message that I'm not supposed to get sucked in -- I'm not supposed to allow these intense feelings for my therapist, it is so...I don't know...weak is the word that comes to mind.
However, given all that, I do think it is a necessary part of the process. How can you reveal such intense feelings and problems to someone and not feel close to them? If therapy embodies the hope of feeling better, how can you not think about it, a lot? I think it is unrealistic to expect otherwise of yourself.
The secret is to find balance. I can't help you there. But I bet your therapist can. Keep talking about it. Keep it out in the open. And post freely about it here. It helps me a lot to write about it.
Posted by judy1 on January 6, 2005, at 13:50:14
In reply to Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 12:46:11
I definitely feel it's a phase too. I've gone from where my therp/pdoc consumed me (the frequent calls/e-mails between sessions) to the other extreme (where I am now) where I simply don't go to therapy or even think about it. There must be a healthy middle ground, where you go for help for a problem, receive it and it's over. Perhaps your depression is making you especially vulnerable now?
I am certain I'm one of those people who do best in denial, I am functioning quite well presently- but when I have to confront issues in therapy, then I get more obsessed and depressed. Since I don't want to feel like that I simply don't go unless there comes a point when I absolutely have to- like a manic episode where I'm hospitalized or forced to go by my spouse, etc. Maybe that isn't the best way to get healthy, but it's one of those "I am what I feel" type of things.
Now I hope THAT made sense :-)
take care, judy
Posted by mair on January 7, 2005, at 6:41:45
In reply to Re: Therapy Intruding on Life » mair, posted by judy1 on January 6, 2005, at 13:50:14
Sure it made sense - I've often thought that some of my most nagging problems arise from therapy and I've wondered if they'd just go away if I wasn't in therapy. I'm not a person who enjoys analyzing myself or who finds myself the least bit interesting. I think there's a real downside about being self-absorbed, and it's hard not to be with therapy. On the other hand I have so much time and money invested in the therapeutic process now that I'm loathe to walk away.
Mair
Posted by mair on January 7, 2005, at 6:46:06
In reply to Re: Therapy Intruding on Life, posted by daisym on January 6, 2005, at 0:02:09
thanks daisy. I'm not a journaller, but I think posting here accomplishes some of the same things, although my T sometimes thinks that the process I go through thinking and writing about things outside of therapy, tends to only serve the purpose of removing most of the emotional content before they're discussed in therapy. She's prefer I not distill things quite so much before I raise them as therapy issues.
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.