![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
Hello all,
I have been seeing someone for about 5 years now. I have never been to a therapist before and would appreciate your opinion on this.
About 6 months ago I was flip flopping on if I should continue to see her or anyone. Well I was only coming once a week and due to work only evening appointments. I guess I have a need for attention and/or a fear of being abandoned. I don't know really she never would come out and tell me what is wrong.
So I was flip flopping back and forth and cancealed an appointment. I had told her that once a week wasn't doing any good for me.
She said I needed to see her twice a week but she did not have any openings at that time and she would call. That has been a long 6 months ago.
Since then I have struggled greatly with all of the issues of my past with out anyone to bounce stuff off of.
I have called her in times of need and she has said she has no openings. I have also asked for a day appointmnet risking my job but this is an obsession - I think - and I am sure some know how that can be. Also wanting to call her bluff so to speak. She did not have any openings in the day.
Is she just blowing me off and I am to stupid to see it?
Is she not able to tell me she doesn't want me back?
She has suggested back 6 months ago that I should see someone else.
I have found her home and have driven by a couple of times. I am going between panic and pills to much.
This is to close to getting out of control for me and don't know what to do.
Can anyone help?
Posted by peacefeline on November 26, 2004, at 23:11:21
In reply to Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
Dear Lefthangin,
There really seem to be at least two problems here.
One is whether your T is dumping you or not.
The other is that (whether or not it's true) she says she has no openings right now, and at the same time you need someone's help right now.What would you think of calling your T and asking for her recommendation of a different T? That way you'd have the help you need right now, and if you still wanted your other T back again, you at least wouldn't be as desperate while waiting for her to have an opening. Also, you might be able to get some input from the new T as to what might be going on with T #1.
I do get that your T is really special to you. But the reality is that she isn't able to be any help to you right now, and someone else could be, if you can find them.
Good luck. I'm so sorry for the difficulties & pain you've had.
Susan
Posted by left_hangin on November 27, 2004, at 17:47:42
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me?, posted by peacefeline on November 26, 2004, at 23:11:21
> Dear Lefthangin,
>
> There really seem to be at least two problems here.
> One is whether your T is dumping you or not.
> The other is that (whether or not it's true) she says she has no openings right now, and at the same time you need someone's help right now.
>
> What would you think of calling your T and asking for her recommendation of a different T? That way you'd have the help you need right now, and if you still wanted your other T back again, you at least wouldn't be as desperate while waiting for her to have an opening. Also, you might be able to get some input from the new T as to what might be going on with T #1.
>
> I do get that your T is really special to you. But the reality is that she isn't able to be any help to you right now, and someone else could be, if you can find them.
>
> Good luck. I'm so sorry for the difficulties & pain you've had.
> Susan
Thanks Susan,
I think you are right about looking to someone else. It was hard to allow an attachment and not wanting to start again with another...
I wish I were not like this...but I am and will go with your advice...thanks again...
Posted by Fallen4MyT on November 27, 2004, at 20:43:40
In reply to Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
I am sorry I can be kinda duh but are you currently seeing her for that once a week? If so I would ask her to look at her appointment book in 2005 and set you up ahead for the two a week she suggested and see what she says..If you aren't seeing her at all I would say find someone else a T that busy is too busy but if seeing you once a week she may be as booked as she wants to be for her own sake like to avoid burn out and maybe enjoy her family. Let us know ok?
> Hello all,
> I have been seeing someone for about 5 years now. I have never been to a therapist before and would appreciate your opinion on this.
> About 6 months ago I was flip flopping on if I should continue to see her or anyone. Well I was only coming once a week and due to work only evening appointments. I guess I have a need for attention and/or a fear of being abandoned. I don't know really she never would come out and tell me what is wrong.
> So I was flip flopping back and forth and cancealed an appointment. I had told her that once a week wasn't doing any good for me.
> She said I needed to see her twice a week but she did not have any openings at that time and she would call. That has been a long 6 months ago.
> Since then I have struggled greatly with all of the issues of my past with out anyone to bounce stuff off of.
> I have called her in times of need and she has said she has no openings. I have also asked for a day appointmnet risking my job but this is an obsession - I think - and I am sure some know how that can be. Also wanting to call her bluff so to speak. She did not have any openings in the day.
> Is she just blowing me off and I am to stupid to see it?
> Is she not able to tell me she doesn't want me back?
> She has suggested back 6 months ago that I should see someone else.
> I have found her home and have driven by a couple of times. I am going between panic and pills to much.
> This is to close to getting out of control for me and don't know what to do.
> Can anyone help?
Posted by peacefeline on November 27, 2004, at 21:05:02
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 27, 2004, at 17:47:42
lefthangin, I feel a lot better now about your situation, since you posted your reply. Please let us know how it goes, OK? This might turn out to be a wonderful turning point for you!
Susan
Posted by smokeymadison on November 28, 2004, at 0:22:41
In reply to Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
first, i am sorry you have to go through this.
second, you need to find a different therapist. this therapist you were seeing is not helping you and, in my humble opinion, is being completely unprofessional. i understand your attachment to your therapist, i have had very deep attachments to my therapists too. i am now seeing a new therapist, my fourth in 5 years. i was forced to quit seeing two of them b/c of moving, but i had to quit seeing one of them b/c they were not helping me. it is a tough thing to do, but is necessary for your well being.this therapist may or may not have openings, it is hard to tell, but my guess is that she is being unprofessional, knows she can't do much for you, and doesn't want to admit to it beyond telling you to see someone else. it is a good idea to ask her for a recommendation. actually, the best thing you could do is to contact several area therapists and "interview" them to find the right match. it is something that is tough, but that can really find you a good client-therapist match, which, a lot of research has shown, is the most important factor in determining how much the therapy is going to help you. i would think up a list of questions important to you to ask each one, and depending on their responses, go from there. good luck!
Posted by left_hangin on November 28, 2004, at 11:30:23
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me? » left_hangin, posted by smokeymadison on November 28, 2004, at 0:22:41
Thank you all for your advice.
I will follow your leads and interview a few and see what turns up. First of course I have to figure out what to ask.
Any suggestions?You all have given me the push I needed to move on.
Thank you so much.
Posted by rockymtnhi on November 28, 2004, at 13:59:37
In reply to Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
LH,
I could be way off base here, but I am wondering if your T believes that you are doing "okay" going just once a week. My T would not give me a second appt. if I asked for it and I suspect it is because he does not want to build up dependency and wants me to use the coping skills that I have (however buried they might be).
If she truly is too busy, you might explain to her how this feels to you. And what does "too busy" mean anyway? Does it mean that she does not schedule well or takes on too many clients? Or does she truly not want to see you twice a week? You have been with her long enough that she needs to answer this question for you so you can take care of yourself. It feels to me like you are sitting on the fence.
Let us know how it goes.
Posted by smokeymadison on November 28, 2004, at 14:34:35
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 28, 2004, at 11:30:23
the questions you might want to ask might include how much he/she focuses on the past events in your life or whether he/she tends to focus on what is going on with you presently (or both). If you have a lot in your past that is not "resolved" you may want a therapist who will be willing to work through those memories with you. basically, is his/her focus on the past or the present? ask right away how often they would be willing to see you and if night appointments are possible.
i have found, that for myself, i require a therapist who has a more direct approach, someone who will call me on my bullshit and tell me when they think i am messing up. some therapists won't do that, they will let you do most of the talking and just be supportive and encouraging without really saying much about what you need to think about changing in your life. that approach doesn't work well for me b/c i tend to wallow in self pity when the therapist is "so sorry" for me.
think about what you need in a therapist. do you need someone to just listen or someone who interacts more with you? you should be able to get a pretty good feel as to how well the therapist "reads" you in one trial session. a good therapist will have a lot of respect for you for asking for an interview/trial session. it means that you are strong enough and wise enough to find someone that can really help you. i know that seeing several therapists and sharing a bit about yourself to each one in order to find the right one is very difficult, but i promise that it is worth it. good luck and let us know how it goes!
Posted by peacefeline on November 28, 2004, at 14:53:51
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me?, posted by smokeymadison on November 28, 2004, at 14:34:35
Another thing that is very important, I think even the most important, is that you "click" with them.
If you get on well with a T, you will be able to build up trust and a close relationship. Without that, their credentials/specialties/other approaches don't really matter much at all.
To determine if you "click", I would think it would be apparent within a short time of beginning to talk with them. For sure if you DON'T like them, that would be obvious quickly.
The one my H goes to, I knew on the phone immmediately, that she was very special. And she is. That quality of empathy came across just fine on the phone. I guess you could say I prescreened a number of them right there on the telephone.
Good luck to you!
Posted by left_hangin on November 28, 2004, at 16:41:14
In reply to Re: Is my T dumping me?, posted by peacefeline on November 28, 2004, at 14:53:51
Wow, thanks for all of the great insight. I feel so much better today than in the recent past.
I am a very direct person and the past T..has been a great help but all she did was listen. That does have its time and place but I do need to move on with my life and find out what is happening and how to get past it.
Thank you all so much.
Posted by Elisha on December 1, 2004, at 20:12:14
In reply to Is my T dumping me?, posted by left_hangin on November 26, 2004, at 21:39:03
This is an obssesion get over it and hook up with someone who has time for you. Don't sell yourself short you deserve better.
lots of luck
Elisha
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.