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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 20:16:43
My therapist asked today how I felt about having a female therapist. Well, first of all, I've seen her once. And second, I don't think of her as my therapist. She might be my EMDR therapist if she takes me on, but she's not my therapist. Plus, as I told him, I expect I'll think of her as not really being either sex, like I think of him, but as a therapist. But he didn't want me to not think of her as a woman, because he thinks there is value in having her input as a woman.
My real therapist told me there are things that he doesn't really feel like he can help me with, because he doesn't know what it is like to be a woman. And now I feel sort of bad, like I shouldn't talk to him about those things. Like he expects me to talk about those things with her. But she's just a limited purpose therapist! I'm not going to talk about stuff that has nothing to do with EMDR! I don't think she expects me to, either.
I feel kind of funny about the whole thing. I talked to him about it of course, and he says he doesn't feel uncomfortable about talking about those things and is willing to talk about them. But I just feel like he's trying to foist me off onto someone else. Or at least part of me. :(
How did he go from being so adamant that an adjunct therapist be just that, and that they not interfere with my regular therapeutic relationship, to seeming to want me to establish a therapeutic relationship (beyond stricly EMDR) with this person? I don't understand.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 16, 2004, at 20:41:22
In reply to I feel a wee bit uncomfortable, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 20:16:43
d,,
i know i am not going to be much help..
but i can relate better to a male t because i dont view myself in the "normal female frame of mind"..
i dont think that sex treated me very well in my life and i dont trust them ..
i dont play games and want to be around others that can respect that aswell..
i have a harder time reading what woman want..
you can "feel" anything ...and it is always right d...only you can be you..
be confident , even though the world is trying to surpress us..we know.
j
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:03:55
In reply to Re: I feel a wee bit uncomfortable » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on January 16, 2004, at 20:41:22
I think I agree with you, JYL. I think I'm more comfortable with men as well. Perhaps that's one reason I don't want to think of her too intimately.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:07:46
In reply to Re: I feel a wee bit uncomfortable » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:03:55
He said that my therapist doesn't mind me seeing other therapists for what he doesn't offer, and he doesn't offer being a female.
It does make sense, I guess...
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 16, 2004, at 21:57:42
In reply to Re: My husband might have explained the mystery, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:07:46
we dont ever need to feel so different from a man that we feel"smaller"
the feats that we have done are just as important in history..yet not remembered as such..
my husband is the biggest bitch i have ever known..but he is a vp because he is "assertive"
do i get points for the double "s"?
hear us roar
j
Posted by judy1 on January 17, 2004, at 10:42:32
In reply to I feel a wee bit uncomfortable, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 20:16:43
do you think being uncomfortable is related more to the issue of dealing with a second therapist rather then her sex? I've posted before about having 2 therps- my male pdoc and female psych. he wanted me to have someone closer for emergencies (and of course I had to develop a relationship with her first). I really found that they complement each other- she brings her history to therapy (which is not far from mine), while my pdoc fills other needs. I always refer to it as being reparented. it takes a special shrink who is willing to share therapy, I tried having a local shrink (male) along with mine that lives 100 miles away and it was a clash of egos. I guess i really appreciate having a woman's view of my problems. I think if you just try to get comfortable with your EMDR therp, you may be presently surprised.
take care, judy
Posted by DaisyM on January 17, 2004, at 18:45:59
In reply to Re: I feel a wee bit uncomfortable » Dinah, posted by judy1 on January 17, 2004, at 10:42:32
I think you just have to be open minded about it. When I started this process I met with a couple of women, I thought I wanted a woman but -- one (who was very very nice) told me if I didn't stop doing all the stuff I was doing I was going to kill myself -- that I needed to be kind to my "inner goddess". Ahh, nope.
The other told me that I would be "much happier if I stopped being such a little actress all the time..." I had gone in with high hopes too because she was an administrator for the group and knew how hard it was to run a company. There were other issues as well.
Anyway, by the time I met the Therapist I have now, I was convienced that I didn't want a woman, I wanted someone who wasn't connected to my work life, who could be somewhat flexible with a schedule like mine and who would NOT talk to be about my inner goddess. The fact that he is he doesn't seem to matter; the fact that he gets me does.
I think it would be hard to work with two people but those are my trust issues. I do think it would be interesting, especially given the length of time you have been seeing you "real" therapist(interesting choice of words by the way. Another perspecive plus being able to revisit your own growth as you get to know this person, will be illuminating.
I would encourage you to not put such tight parameters on what you will and won't do with this
new person. Don't limit yourself before you have to, or her. Not that it isn't hard, but you've wanted something new for awhile. Go for it!
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2004, at 22:27:15
In reply to Re: I feel a wee bit uncomfortable, posted by DaisyM on January 17, 2004, at 18:45:59
I think I'd be out of the door before she could complete the phrase "inner goddess". :)
I'm always a bit wary of therapists who advertise that they work on men's issues, or women's issues. My therapist's bio at the old clinic mentioned men's issues. I asked him what they were, and he dodged the question. Impotence maybe? Or perhaps he led retreats where they beat on their chests and get in touch with their "inner warrior". I don't think I want to know.
I'm just a bit confused as to how my real therapist expects me to use this therapy. I daresay we'll clear it up Tuesday. I know I sure can't afford seeing her for long, unless I only see him once a week. Perhaps that's his evil plan. "I'll finally be rid of Dinah. Bwah-hah-haa." But I won't jump to any conclusions till I speak to him. I'm sure it's all perfectly innocent.
This is the end of the thread.
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