![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Asya on January 12, 2004, at 20:28:09
Hi guys,
I am SO HAPPY I found this board because I need some help dealing with what I have been feeling. I started therapy a few weeks ago for the first time, and I think my therapist is warm and wonderful--although I am plagued that she might not be sincere -- I guess I feel weird paying someone to listen to my problems -- it just feels odd and like emotional prostitution on the therapist's part. How to deal with this feeling?Also, I am kind of obsessed with her even though I would never tell her -- I have intellectualized why: I w ant her to be my mom, I want her to hug me, etc--I have a firm grasp on boundaries though.
I googled her and discovered thru old newspaper articles that her daughter died about 5 years ago, and I am having a tough time telling her my problems because I feel so bad about what happened to her.
I am terrified to run into her around town. How do I act? Do I say hi?
I feel like I talk too much in sessions.
How am I supposed to act in sessions? Is it ok if I am all over the place? I went in with one prob, but now have a very situational prob that needs attention.
Is it ok to just shift gears and focus on that?Thanks guys
Posted by EmmyS on January 12, 2004, at 20:49:40
In reply to New to therapy (and this board) need advice, posted by Asya on January 12, 2004, at 20:28:09
Well, as far as the feelings you have, and the googling...you won't like this, but I support a full confession. It will clear the air, and relieve tension. That seems important for progress to occur. It's never a fun session, but just about every therapy patient has faced it. The talk.
Being in therapy is like no other relationship. We pour our guts out to a stranger, who is completely supportive, kind, nuturing. Some of us have never actually had that before. But these people are not our friends, they aren't family, who the heck are they? And to complicate matters, we know nothing about them, and we give them money. How screwy is that? It's just so odd compared to all other relationships we've ever had. If it's confusing...you are doing everything just right!
As far as changing direction, etc., it's basically your dollar. However, that's also something to discuss with your T. She may advise you to work through certain issues before bringing up more recent events. Most likely she'll just tell you to talk about whatever you feel you need to on a given day. Things like # of approved insurance visits, and the big issues you want to cover will also dictate a "team" decision.
Good luck. This is a great place to ask questions. There are many expert patients here!
Emmy
Posted by DaisyM on January 12, 2004, at 23:14:51
In reply to Re: New to therapy (and this board) need advice, posted by EmmyS on January 12, 2004, at 20:49:40
I told my Therapist today I needed the instruction manual...he told me there are thousands, how would I pick? I told him to pick and he said he could narrow it to about 20...why didn't just make up my own rules? I replied because I wasn't confident that those were HIS rules. He has none, he said, except truth and a respect for the necessary boundaries. I told him this wasn't helpful...he laughed.
I think all the questions you listed are typical fears and concerns. Try to talk about the ones that really have you worried with your Therapist if you can. I'm sure she has heard it before. And ask here. I've found it to be a great source of information and support.
How long have you been going?
Posted by lookdownfish on January 13, 2004, at 4:13:01
In reply to New to therapy (and this board) need advice, posted by Asya on January 12, 2004, at 20:28:09
I agree, I think you might have to confess to finding out about her daughter. otherwise it is going to get in the way of your train of thought.
I would also recommend you tell you are obsessed with her. I told my therapist quite early on in therapy and she was totally cool about it. You already have a good idea why you feel this way, but you can maybe learn something more by exploring this in therapy.
As for switching focus, i personally think its best to deal with the immediate issue requiring attention, if that's what's important at the moment.>I feel like I talk too much in sessions.
No way - you must be every therapist's dream if you talk a lot in sessions, let it flow :)
Posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2004, at 19:39:25
In reply to Re: New to therapy (and this board) need advice » Asya , posted by lookdownfish on January 13, 2004, at 4:13:01
Asya,
Your questions and concerns about therapy are perfectly natural. Sometimes the beginning of a therapy relationship involves talking a lot about what's so different about this relationship compared to others, and what that means.As for talking about a lot of different stuff, trust your therapist on this. Mine actually encourages me to say whatever's on my mind, even if it feels to me like I am aimlessly rambling. He actually seems to pull out a meaningful thread to all my seemingly aimless rambling. But your T may work quite differently. Expressing your concern about what is expected and how it feels to you is perfectly valid. She will appreciate it hearing it and clarifying with you.
This is a very good place to get support about your concerns with therapy. But keep in mind, that everyone's experience is different. What's most important is that you are able to feel comfortable with your T.
Also keep in mind, not every therapy/client relationship is meant to be. If you feel like you just aren't clicking with your T even after discussing your discomfort, it may mean that you should try another. Sometimes you have to try out more than one before it feels right. And there's nothing wrong with that. You deserve to have the right match for your needs.
Good luck and keep posting. I am fairly new here, too, and have found this board to be a tremendous resource for support.
g
Posted by wendy b on January 14, 2004, at 13:04:44
In reply to New to therapy (and this board) need advice, posted by Asya on January 12, 2004, at 20:28:09
>> I guess I feel weird paying someone to listen to my problems -- it just feels odd and like emotional prostitution on the therapist's part. How to deal with this feeling?
I think this is something everybody feels at the beginning of therapy... Like - what? I shouldn't have to PAY somebody to listen to me pour out my feelings? Like: there should be somebody already here in my life who could do this, etc.? And of course, this in itself is a question many of us wonder about, too: where are all my friends or relatives who could listen and feel empathetic? Truthfully, there might not be any, and that in itself is a hard one to get over! A lot of us are truly lonely people, and we get very isolated in our illnesses. Ask anybody here...
Anyway, I think "emotional prostitution" is a bit of an exaggeration, and I don't really get what you mean - on the therapist's part? You mean you yourself are pouring out your feelings (giving sex) for money, but in fact it's you who are buying the "favor" of someone listening to you. Or is it that since he's the one getting paid, he's the prostitute and you're the customer? I guess I don't quite get it, but that's ok. I would think, if you told your therapist what you've said here, he might have some insights into how you're thinking, so he might be able to reassure you on these points. I guess if you thought he was ripping you off, by being too expensive or whatever, you might be harboring some resentment, and might not do as well in therapy, as when you could just accept the fact that the therapist gets paid for "advising" or helping you, just as an accountant, a lawyer, or another professional might get paid. He's got to make a living, too. He's doing a job and getting remunerated for it, just like you do for your work. It's fair, if you think about it.
I think it's a question a lot of people have early on in therapy, because they still have certain prejudices about the therapeutic relationship, and the goals of therapy. Once you decide you can put these aside, and it may take some time, I know, you will probably be in for a great experience. But also remember: if you don't like this guy, there are many others. Be open to shopping around... Taking charge of our own emotional well-being is itself a very great step forward, and I wish you well...
Wendy
Posted by helenag on January 14, 2004, at 13:36:55
In reply to New to therapy (and this board) need advice, posted by Asya on January 12, 2004, at 20:28:09
One other thing I'd like to add to the above is that I found it took a while to develop trust in my therapist as well and for him to get to know me well enough to for therapy to begin to make a difference in my life.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.